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Original poster

Are people going inside elderly parent's houses now?

102 replies

ScammedOrWhat · 21/08/2020 22:48

Officially the rules say we can, but I still feel that it's risky to go inside my parent's house.

DH is exposed to people at work. I work from home and am completely isolated other than occasional shop visits. So I feel like we're being as safe as we possibly can be.

My parents have formed an extended household with my sister and her DCs, but the DCs also spend time at their Dad's house, who has formed an extended household with his own parents. So there are multiple links there already.

My DM wants us to go over for dinner. I just don't know if it's safe - for them, rather than us. They're elderly and vulnerable. I'd never forgive myself if we passed the virus to them. But on the other hand, we have to start trying to return to normality, and we're as safe now as we'll ever be.

What are other people doing?

OP posts:
AveEldon · 21/08/2020 22:51

How elderly? Why are they vulnerable?

Missanneshirley · 21/08/2020 22:53

I was, over the past 2-3 weeks. Now we are all back at school (me as teacher, 2 x dds as pupils) I'm not going to any moreSad

ohthegoats · 21/08/2020 22:54

Yes.

Our 100 year old granny has had enough. She's desperately lonely. We visited and hugged her lots. At her request/insistence.

boon · 21/08/2020 22:54

No definitely not. My mum is vulnerable and I could not live with myself if we put her at risk.

Jasharps · 21/08/2020 22:54

I've chosen to be led by parents. DH and I are.rarely out (wfh and online shops etc).

MiL is over 70 but no other health issues. My DM.is 60s but has lung weaknesses. We have been meeting indoors occasionally at their request

Kittywampus · 21/08/2020 22:56

We are visiting parents but sitting in the garden. Would that be an option?

Chuffingchuff · 21/08/2020 22:57

Yea we are with my grandparents now. Both late seventies, but after 12 weeks they said enough was enough. My nan really found it quite hard and made her very down and upset. They decided they wanted to be with the family again as being alone was harming them too. We still keep physical contact to a minimum, but we visit often now and they are much happier.

ItWasntMyFault · 21/08/2020 22:59

Yes at their request. We waited the 12 weeks but now go in.

We still try and keep a bit of distance though.

frustrationcentral · 21/08/2020 23:00

DH has visited his elderly parents (82) a couple of times indoors - he's always social distanced from them.

He's still WFH so no public transport yet so we feel he's fairly low risk - our area has had zero cases for a while too

Original poster
ScammedOrWhat · 21/08/2020 23:06

My parents are over 70, but my DM is disabled and has a heart condition. She had a terrible flu last Christmas and was really weak with it. I just think if they did catch COVID it would knock them both really hard.

We've been visiting in the garden, so it's not like we haven't seen them. But as the weather starts to turn, they're starting to ask if we want to go inside.

I too am being led by them. I'm very clear to them about the risks, and I've said that we ought to keep visiting outside for as long as we possibly can. But I wondered am I being over cautious?

OP posts:
latticechaos · 21/08/2020 23:08

I haven't mostly at their request. I don't know how I'd feel if they wanted to as I am at the cautious end of the spectrum.

I feel somehow ok with work interaction but that is very controlled and distant.

latticechaos · 21/08/2020 23:12

But I wondered am I being over cautious?

This is actually an excruciating question.

Do they feel worried about catching it? I guess you could agree ground rules if they really want to.

ineedaholidaynow · 21/08/2020 23:16

I haven't and am unlikely to do so when DC return to school, but once the weather gets colder it will be harder to meet outside.

Original poster
ScammedOrWhat · 21/08/2020 23:17

Yes they're very worried about catching it, and have been almost entirely isolated. They went to a shop for the first time in the entire lockdown last week.

I'm praying the weather will improve so they'll be happy to sit outside a bit longer. But in a couple of months or so we won't have that option.

OP posts:
excellentcustard · 21/08/2020 23:18

Yes. Mum would rather die of anything than spend another week locked inside her house so we're visiting. She is noticeably happier and less confused. Life is about quality not quantity as far as she is concerned.

Scarby9 · 21/08/2020 23:25

For the first time this week I went indoors to put food in the oven and get out plates and cutlery. Then later I sat in the living room just inside the open door to the garden for 30 mins or so. Rest of the time outside, and always 2m distance from them both.

Originally, I brought my own chair and everything (coffee, picnic just for me) to their garden, then last time I brought food for us all which my dad heated and served to my instructions.

Previously I had not been indoors and it still felt risky after dad shielding. But they have been to the hairdresser and garden centres, which I haven't, and we have to begin to find a way to cope into autumn and winter.

I just constantly have 'WHAT IF?' in my mind.

Ellsbells12 · 21/08/2020 23:29

My mum was going into depression so I had too also where I live 8 out of 80'000 has it !!! I am not scared anymore tbh

Original poster
ScammedOrWhat · 21/08/2020 23:32

@Scarby9

For the first time this week I went indoors to put food in the oven and get out plates and cutlery. Then later I sat in the living room just inside the open door to the garden for 30 mins or so. Rest of the time outside, and always 2m distance from them both.

Originally, I brought my own chair and everything (coffee, picnic just for me) to their garden, then last time I brought food for us all which my dad heated and served to my instructions.

Previously I had not been indoors and it still felt risky after dad shielding. But they have been to the hairdresser and garden centres, which I haven't, and we have to begin to find a way to cope into autumn and winter.

I just constantly have 'WHAT IF?' in my mind.

Yes this is pretty much exactly what I've been doing, apart from sitting in their living room.

We were ultra careful throughout. But they have been to the hairdressers too, (I haven't!) so I suppose it's about little steps towards risk.

The infection rate is very low where I am, but we do live in a tourist area so there's always a risk of people bringing it here.

I just keep saying there are levels of protection. The first being that we're careful not to catch it ourselves. Then when we're around them, we're careful with hand washing, careful with distance, not touching common items etc. So we can still do that, but the risk is hugely increased just from being indoors.

OP posts:
noraclavicle · 21/08/2020 23:34

We visited my elderly father in July and are again next week. We’d normally stay in the house but now we stay in a hotel. He wears a mask when we’re indoors together and so do we. He’s desperate to see family...

bakereld · 21/08/2020 23:36

For the past month I've been seeing my grandparents indoors. They are in their early seventies.

If they come to mine, I always have patio doors open (kitchen seating is next to it, and they sit there), glasses/cups washed rigorously and set aside for their use, bathroom completely sanitized etc. Really want to give them a hug, but just cannot take the risk.

premiumshoes · 21/08/2020 23:36

God yeah; I have been seeing my Nanna since it was allowed. She is late 80's and independent. She did her own shopping throughout the lockdown, not much point in me not visiting her.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/08/2020 23:37

I'm going into my grandad's house. He's a widower and lives alone, he desperately wants the company and if he's happy with it then so am I.

Immigrantsong · 21/08/2020 23:40

OP some people never followed the guidelines in the first place.

Let alone now that things are relaxed.

midnightstar66 · 21/08/2020 23:42

Dgp's are 92. We are visiting them. My dgrandad has been going on the bus and shopping throughout. At this age they want to spend time with their family while they can. We maintain a distance in their home but that's all. The contact is so important to them

trappedsincesundaymorn · 21/08/2020 23:42

I've been going to my dad's since the start of lock down. He's 84 next week and on his own. He's happy for me to visit so why wouldn't I?