Fridays announcement

[Kitmerow]

What are you expecting from this weeks announcement?

Beaumont Leys is definitely open !!!

Why aren't you all disobeying the government? It's been exposed as an absolute load of nonsense. Do you know this and still obey? Or do you not know that it's nonsense and obey?

Go to work, don’t go to work, work from home, wash your hands probably.

@bingbong1970 what has?

@YerAWizardHarry really? That’s odd.

Just more lies. Maybe they'll make masks mandatory during sex lmao

@Kitmerow it's only technically hospitality that has closed but we also have a 5 mile travel limit and can't visit others indoor and outdoor

I'm expecting something along the lines of:

1. Some amazing discovery that means they have discovered that around 15k of the 45k deaths can be discounted taking us below Italy, and possibly France. If they can wangle it, it'll be below Spain too. There will be no mention of the fact there have been over 65k excess deaths and how that fits into the picture.

1. Patting themselves on the back about how well they've handled the A-level debacle. Expect comments such as "improved schools" "wonderful that more students..." and "exceptional."

1. More comments about how it's perfectly safe for all schools to open with no PPE and no real measures. Because you see anyone under 18 can't possible spread it or ever be ill with it. Add to it an attempt to look Churchillian with comments along the lines of "We will fight it on the school buses, we will fight it down the packed corridors, we will never surrender."

1. Faint ticking off for ages 19-25 who are going out and spreading it. No attempt will be to explain why an 18yo cannot possible spread it and a 19yo is being cavalier in super spreading it.

1. Slight easing off of some of the lockdown places, maybe Leicester, possibly some tightening up in some of the northern places.

1. An encouraging note that the government has ordered 3 million of something they should have ordered at the beginning of lockdown. Pause to let the listeners applaud this wonderful statement.

1. A crash of thunder just at a controversial part of their announcement. This will allow for BJ to make a joke and hide the announcement. The DM will later publish a photo of the BBC special effects department receiving a cheque for sorting the crash of thunder.

1. A giving of something back that doesn't matter. Like if you need to scratch your ear while waiting in the queue for the bus then you can do as long as you don't remove the mask.

If we get all 8 then shout "Lockdown Bingo" and first to email MNHQ claims your prize of a free holiday to Pontins provided by MNHQ (one of them booked it, now doesn't fancy going after the thread we had this week).

Boris is on holiday, someone said?
You know what with politics not functioning, being ill, recuperating, parental leave and hols, plus being told what to say and when - you can see where I'm going with this, right?

He's on holiday? What, even with today's absolutely hideous economic news? Lazy cunt.

@Witchend

That's the best laugh i've had in ages. I mean it's depressingly accurate but I laughed

@Witchend that is truly fabulous. Can I add to numbers 3 and 4 that they might explain the magical properties that exist on school premises that mean the 11-18 year olds who spread the virus in shops and on public transport suddenly don't when they step onto school grounds?

@Witchend I'm screaming at number 3!!!!

@TeddyIsaHe

God knows, we must all wear bobble hats and skip instead of walk? Locking everyone who’s ever had a cold forever?

The way this govt is going nothing would surprise me anymore.

This

[quote AnIckabog]@Witchend that is truly fabulous. Can I add to numbers 3 and 4 that they might explain the magical properties that exist on school premises that mean the 11-18 year olds who spread the virus in shops and on public transport suddenly don't when they step onto school grounds?[/quote]
I'm surprised they're not looking into these magical properties in more depth. No need for a vaccine, just build loads of schools for everyone to live and shop in and BAM the virus is gone.

cunnilingus from strangers is safe but only on Tuesdays
Bloody roll on Tuesday then please.

witchend do you work for the government?

@Witchend - so well written and so true

@Mulierlite Yes to the world beating lies. Why can't we just be told things without the undercurrent of 'we are better than everybody else'?
Can't they just get on with it?

Don't forget that when they count the 3 million pieces of PPE, they are counting each finger of each glove separately.

They have analysed the structure of the virus and discovered that it has a natural aversion to schools and nurseries and will automatically be repelled from the buildings in the same way that opposing magnetic poles repel each other.

@AnIckabog
Probably something along the lines that the Government say Covid is allergic to education so is unable to spread.
If it wasn't so serious you'd fall about laughing.

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