Feeling sad about time passing and there still being in a pandemic

[SadAboutCovid]

I was going through the photographs on my phone earlier and I realised it has been six months since my birthday. I remember going out for a meal and discussing with friends the situation in China and we were talking about how if it spread to the UK maybe they would have increased hand sanitiser and move the tables in the restaurant further apart. It was a completely hypothetical conversation, we never really believed it would spread to the UK or if it did it would be easily contained. Even if it did spread, we never anticipated that restaurants would be forced to close along with schools, workplaces, shops etc.

I know it is silly but somehow realising that half of this year of my life has been wasted has just really upset me. It feels like life has been paused and yet time has still carried on passing. Soon Autumn will be on its way and it will be a painful reminder of the amount of time we have been under lockdown.

I have tried to embrace lockdown and at some points I did enjoy it. However gone is the sense of collective "national effort" and the Thursday night clapping with all of your neighbours in the street. Gone is the feeling of support from the government with their regular news conference briefings. Now it just feels sad, endless and hopeless. I have been more cautious than most due to an underlying health condition so I had not ventured out to the shops until last week. However just knowing that outside of my home there was a sense of normalcy with shops and restaurants back open I felt comforted. It wasn't until I stepped foot into a shop myself that I realise that whilst they are open it is in no way normal. What would have been a leisurely day spent looking around shops with a coffee afterwards has now turned into a mission of going into the shop and being as direct and quick as possible. No longer can you share a smile with the cashier or other strangers (or at least a visible smile), instead there is fear and frustration when someone gets too close when walking past. Other people aren't just people anymore, they are also potential hosts of a deadly virus.

I don't know, I am just really struggling with it. Yet I feel guilty for being worried about myself. I feel like I will be shamed for these thoughts and told to get over it, it's "over".

Forgot to mention in my pity party that my DH has already been made redundant during all this, and unlikely to be able to get another job easily at his age, and for sure won’t be at his previous salary even if he gets a job. Also both my grown up DS’s have just this week been told they may be made redundant.
So a mixture of small things and big things but it is all shit!

Feeling this so much atm. There doesn’t seem to be any end in sight either.

It is tough. But. Hopefully you will lead a long life - 79+ years. Most people who live that long have some tough times, maybe these are yours? Horrible whilst they are happening but one day (relatively soon) they will pass. It seems endless now whilst it is happening, I agree but one day they will be a distant memory.

I've no idea if any of that ^^ helps at all but it's what I tell myself.

I feel the same. You are not alone.

My pregnancy was very new when all this began. I was so sure it would all be over before the baby was born. Now I doubt it will be over by the time my maternity leave ends in November (US so short mat leaves here).

It gives me a heavy, sad feeling to realize that we may not really fully emerge until this baby can walk.

Me too.
Can't bear to look at old photos sometimes. Look at movies incredulous now at the lack of social distancing.

It's my children my heart breaks for. 6, 9 and about to bring another into the world..
Had I known a pandemic was coming dc3 would not be a thing. Mat leave is already v strange as I prepare everything online, worry about Aberdeen.(not far) schools reopening etc.
I find my real life /often outdoors supports get me through, mums and friends in my NHS profession who equally get this and somehow seeing them grounds me ..

It's not a pissing competition and everyones emotions /reactions are valid .
With you totally.
Pinning all Hope's on next summer.

I feel the same - just joining in. I need to shift my mindset in order to cope with it. It’s really really NOT going to be over soon.

I agree. I have elderly parents who feel their life is over as all
they hold dear has gone. My kids activities - all gone.

(I really feel it’s time for the world to accept the virus is here and start to live with it)

Due to selfish people cramming into bars and irresponsible business owners everyone here is being restricted again

Sums it up really.

Going back to normal will cause increasing illness and ultimately death for some. Maybe one day, with a vaccine, we can. If rampant consumerism and return to environmental damage is what we really want. And I suspect it might be. But this is also a huge change to rebuild things better and rebuild them better.

Should shopping be a leisure activity?

(Yes I know lots of jobs depended on it, but the nature of employment isn't static and sectors flourish and fade, and another one rises)

I don't know, I am just really struggling with it. Yet I feel guilty for being worried about myself. I feel like I will be shamed for these thoughts and told to get over it, it's "over".

This really accurately describes how I feel too right now. It's all incredibly sad. I focus a lot of emotional energy on how angry I am that the UK government is making so little effort, it is some how easier than feeling sad for my kids.

I feel the same, OP. I became a mum at the beginning of March, to twins. Everything feels very surreal, I can't imagine what it's like to have a baby in "normal" times. I feel gutted that my family missed out on their early weeks. It's like I went into hospital with everything normal and came out to a very different world (was in for 10 days). It doesn't help that our GP has decided to pretty much shut down... I feel sick with worry that we will need help and there's nothing there. I dread to think how old my babies will be before we can forget about all this.

Dd feels like this, says she will never be 19yo again. I certainly feel like 2020 has been a wasted year.

I keep telling myself this will not last as long as WW2. They managed.

I feel the same! My heart breaks for my children. One starting 'big' school this year. It's all so strange. They miss all their activities & friends. Cancelled Disneyland this year. Feels like their childhoods have dramatically changed

I don't find the ww2 comparison helps me, for a few reasons - it was a collective endeavour, there were things you could practically do, and the government cared and encouraged.

Obviously I didn't live through it so it is just an impression but this government seem to be rather bored of the whole pandemic.

A coping mechanism I read about during a very very difficult period in my life 4-5 years ago was to think about people in worse life situations than me. I find it usually works for me if I hit a sudden low point, and during proper lockdown I was completely on my own and struggling. It helps me to think I could have it ALOT worse and be grateful for what I do have.

I kept thinking about Anne Frank (I’d only just visited Amsterdam and the annex a couple months previously). She spent 761 days in an annex with no natural light and scared to even walk around during the day.

It's a very dark time. I know exactly how you feel op. I just hope we can all look back on this time one day and say ' I'm glad that's over '

It's shit isn't it OP?! Absolutely fucking shit!!

I have a relative with terminal cancer who is now nearing the end. It's been absolutely horrible knowing that I have not been able to be there for them and spend the time with them that I could have done under normal circumstances. That is time I am never going to get back.

The thing I hate is that we will do something, like we went to the woods as a family the other day and that just felt 'normal'. It was lovely. Then I tried to go to the shops and it was a nightmare.

I really am depressed with it all. I know people say mental health doesn't matter in the face of covid, but I'm costing the NHS money by needing antidepressants I wouldn't need if we weren't in this shit show. How many other people are the same?

It really annoys me when people say there are others in worse situations. Of course! It just minimises and detracts from my own emotions which is damaging in itself. I matter and my feelings matter. Sick of hearing family trot that one out “could be worse”. Yes, it could but that is not a response to someone saying they feel awful. It’s like a way to shut people up. You can’t say a word about how you feel affected if you’ve not lost a job or a relative to Covid. We all need to support each other and say it’s okay to have bad days. I feel sad about the way the world is.

@mosquitofeast

and we are still right at the beginning of this. There is a long way to go

That's really helpful 🙄

@Ballerinashoes I think it was the final daily briefing at the end of June, if not then the briefing at the start of July. You have to develop the technique of tuning out when Boris speaks and then really focusing on what the scientists are saying.

Whitty and Vallance have repeatedly said that they are confident science will come up with an answer to this. We (as a globe) just have to be patient unfortunately. The science is behind the virus but is ever catching up. But we are looking at well into next year. They say it calmly and factually, and it is so much better than Boris wildly flip flopping around with positivity one minute and doom the next.

But both the men have a way of making me feel reassured that someone has this in hand. It will be overcome. Not instantly, it will take time. But we will develop something so that we can live again.

I found this ted talk very helpful to validate how I’ve been feeling - I am fine most days and then I get a really down day and feel guilty for feeling sad.

www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage/transcript?language=en

Acknowledging that things are hard is healthy - I like the way that the speaker compares positivity to a new form of moral correctness - it’s as if your emotions are policed.

I feel sad for my DC. Last summer was awful for them (and me!) as my Ddad was dying and we spent the summer visiting him in his last days. I hoped this year would be a new start and I felt so optimistic (very uncharacteristic of me) at the start of the year, and now thinking we could still be in the same position next year does not bear thinking about.

OP, you summed it up so well, I feel this too. Of course the little things matter to us, when put together they make the fabric of a happy and fulfilled life. I feel it even more intensely for my young children. Such a significant period of their little lives has been overshadowed by this and so much of normal childhood has been paused.

It's absolutely ok to feel and share your sadness about this situation, OP, it will make a lot of people feel less alone.

Yes, it’s a total bag of shite and I anticipate when we look back on this in years to come what we did won’t have been worth it. It’s been the worst of all worlds.

However I’ve read and seen quite a few things this week where quite knowledgeable peeps seem to be quite optimistic of a vaccine in the not too distant future which might not be a silver bullet but might be enough to get us back to some sense of normal. The measures in place just now are not sustainable in a society of human beings for any length of time.

And yes I have lost my job, kids missed out on education, and had family members have cancer treatment stalled. Just beck se we haven’t had or died of CV doesn’t mean we aren’t impacted in other ways and just by our precious time on this planet being wasted.