@Wingsofadragonfly85 your husband is being totally and utterly unfair and selfish.
At what point does he do any parenting? Hell most likely say he goes out to work and that's his contribution. Well you are at home, presumably agreed by the two of you, to look after the children and save paid child care. When he gets home from work your jobs should then be shared, or he takes on a parental/equal spouse role.
As he gets time away from responsibilities, by playing golf, so you should get time away from your responsibilities. When he says things like you can go out but after you put the children to bed? Do you say anything to him? Is he incapable of putting his own children to bed? What a twat. If he says anything along the lines of he doesn't know how/it's easier if you do it/children are better for you - I'd tell him he'd better learn fast enough and build a relationship with his own children.
My first husband was very controlling. If I went out, rarely, he would refer to looking after the kids as babysitting. No - it's called parenting. Often he would have me in tears before I went out, just to make sure I didn't enjoy my time away.
I explained things to him, gave him a couple of chances, dreaded the turn of the key in the lock when he got home. I divorced him, life is too short to be miserable. He soon learnt quickly how to successfully co-parent but separately.
Stand up for yourself. Don't ask permission to go out. Tell him when you are going. No negotiation. If he can't put the kids to bed then he needs to learn quickly. And learn it by himself.
I hope you managed to see your friend. You are just beginning to admit to yourself that his behaviour is not right - hence posting for advice. Don't lose momentum. Start making choices for you.