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Original poster

God id love a day off.

135 replies

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 13/06/2020 10:44

My children are driving me mad. I’m at the point where I really really wish I hadn’t had them. I’ve got a 4 year old and an 11 year old with SEN.
Dh is at work four days a week and now playing golf the remaining day and on a Saturday.
I am shattered. I have started to resent the dc. Ds has adhd as part of the Sen as he does not stop. He doesn’t sleep particularly well and then he’s on the go all day. Dd is easier but even she is driving me crazy. Clearly I’ve got no childcare so I’ve got no option and I know a lot of people are in similar situations but just a few hours to myself sounds like heaven.

OP posts:

TheSmallAssassin · 13/06/2020 11:33

Plus you don't need his permission to go off and do something, don't ask, just get up and go, tomorrow. Send him a text message when you've gone, so he knows not to worry.

He obviously doesn't need your agreement to go and play golf, so why do you need his to do what you want? His opinion about something isn't by default the correct one, you don't need to argue the toss. He needs to persuade you not to go out, not give you permission to go!

Dadnotamum72 · 13/06/2020 11:34

I work 4 days a week, the other 3 days and evenings I let my wife have first option at doing anything for herself and consult her diary before I plan anything for me and we have 4 kids.

Your husband sounds controlling and is the issue not the kids.

Original poster

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 13/06/2020 12:18

I’m just worn out. The children ask for something every five seconds. I try and take them out as much as I can but it’s stoll draining. Usually my parents help a lot with ds but they aren’t able to at the moment. He is just relentless. It’s not his fault but I’m finding myself disliking him a lot of the time.

OP posts:

mum2jakie · 13/06/2020 12:19

I'd be resentful of your selfish twat of a husband rather than your kids!!

ssd · 13/06/2020 12:20

You are resenting the wrong person here. But picking on kids is easier than facing an adult.

Gillian1980 · 13/06/2020 12:24

Wow, your husband is being selfish.

Looking after the kids is absolutely definitely NOT down time. Sometimes it can be fun and rewarding, often it’s draining and frustrating.

You must insist on time by yourself. Everyone needs alone time to just chill out and not listen to the nonstop “mmmuuuuuummmmmm”

Original poster

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 13/06/2020 12:26

I’m managing to keep a lid on it because I know it’s not ds’s fault. But then I’m exhausted by it by the time he goes to bed.
Getting him to do schoolwork is also like banging my head against a brick wall.

OP posts:

ssd · 13/06/2020 12:30

You are ignoring discussing your dh.

Orangeblossom78 · 13/06/2020 12:31

You don;t seem to be listening OP. It is your DH's fault if he is not supporting you. You are taking it out on the DCs which is not very fair. Not sure why you are not willing to take on any advice, or deal with the situation, what is the point in posting then

Original poster

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 13/06/2020 12:32

Sorry - it was just more of a vent than anything else.
I’m not under the illusion that dh will change.

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 13/06/2020 12:35

You need to be very very clear you will be having tomorrow off. He can tantrum as much as he likes. Under his logic being home with the kids is time off so no problem then

Lianarose · 13/06/2020 12:35

@Wingsofadragonfly85

Sorry - it was just more of a vent than anything else. I’m not under the illusion that dh will change.

Time to find your courage and face this. Your DH is behaving appallingly selfishly and you are directing your frustration at your DC who are innocent in this. You’ve said he won’t change, but you have options up to and including leaving him.

Smarshian · 13/06/2020 12:35

My DH also plays golf twice a week. But once a weekend he takes the kids out for 3-4 hours so I’ve got some peace. This was our agreement and it means I don’t resent him and enjoy time with the kids.
You need to come to a similar agreement with him. It’s not ok to take all the burden yourself.

Longtalljosie · 13/06/2020 12:35

What would happen if you insisted?

FrankieKnuckles · 13/06/2020 12:36

Not one to always say this but your husband is a prick. Kids with ADHD are hard work. (I have ADHD myself & suspect my 5yo does too)

EggysMom · 13/06/2020 12:37

Golf is four hours of a day. When he comes home, you then go out for the rest of that day. Fair's fair.

Useruseruserusee · 13/06/2020 12:38

I work 4 days a week outside the house now and DH is working from home with our 5 and 2 year old DCs. On the three days I am at home, I make sure that he gets a break from them as it would be too much otherwise.

NiknicK · 13/06/2020 12:40

Hi. Just wanted to say I get where you’re coming from. My youngest ds has autism and it is really challenging and exhausting at times, especially these last few months. He doesn’t sleep well so is up multiple times in the night, he doesn’t know fully when he’s hungry and constantly refuses food. I spend all my time trying to get him to eat as well as bath and brush his teeth as they cause a huge battle. My dh is working 12 hour shifts at the minute and I’m trying to wfh plus home school which just isn’t happening as my ds refuses to do the work. The last time me and dh had some time away from the house on our own was June last year for our wedding anniversary. It goes without saying i love my dc but at the moment it’s relentless and when I’m having a bad day I find I feel a bit resentful too, which I hate as I then feel so guilty. Can’t offer much advice if afraid but wanted to reassure you that you’re not alone.

homemadecommunistrussia · 13/06/2020 12:40

My lovely friend had one of these. They are now separated and both much happier. He even looks after the dc.

Original poster

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 13/06/2020 12:42

The golf course he plays at is about 45 minutes away and then he has a chat after so it’s usually more like 6 hours he’s out for.
He says Sunday is family time and when I asked last weekend about it he berated me for not wanting the family time and said again I can see my friends or socialise in the week - with the children 😬 I don’t even get an uninterrupted phone call at the moment.
I need to be out the house as well. It’s closing in on me. Even a walk in the evening would help but he doesn’t like they either, he insists on us all going or none of us.

OP posts:

Orangeblossom78 · 13/06/2020 12:42

I'm sorry too. Not easy.

SueEllenMishke · 13/06/2020 12:44

Life is too short to live in such abject misery.
Stop asking and tell him you are going out and just go....
But I'd also consider the relationship. Is this really the life you want?

Orangeblossom78 · 13/06/2020 12:46

OK so my DH can be a bit like this. For a while he did not get it that I needed sone headspace and got sulky if I did not join in family time, slightly similar but yours sounds a bit worse.

I started just telling him. OK I am popping to the shops. Taking a bit longer. Seeing a friend, having a walk, Not asking but telling. Ignoring any sulking. What would happen if you did that?

Orangeblossom78 · 13/06/2020 12:47

Also it could be possible that he is used to you dealing with the DC and as they have SN not be used to doing that alone. Giving him that time aline he can get some confidence with it (parenting alone)

SerendipitySunshine · 13/06/2020 12:49

Why are you putting up with this from your husband? Do something about it!

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