God id love a day off.

[Wingsofadragonfly85]

My children are driving me mad. I’m at the point where I really really wish I hadn’t had them. I’ve got a 4 year old and an 11 year old with SEN.
Dh is at work four days a week and now playing golf the remaining day and on a Saturday.
I am shattered. I have started to resent the dc. Ds has adhd as part of the Sen as he does not stop. He doesn’t sleep particularly well and then he’s on the go all day. Dd is easier but even she is driving me crazy. Clearly I’ve got no childcare so I’ve got no option and I know a lot of people are in similar situations but just a few hours to myself sounds like heaven.

Sorry to he blunt but, Fuck him!!
Your DH is a selfish prick. Leave before the kids wake up tomorrow, take the car and pack up for the day or take one DC and have some quality time somewhere. A picnic and a book?

I'd offer to look after them. Mums need to stick together!

Stop suggesting you have time off and tell him! Tell him if he wants family time he can sacrifice one of his days for it.
Maybe after few sundays of doing it alone, he will realise that your days are not "your own time".

He sounds very controlling OP. Have you ever considered leaving?

Op your DH is controlling everything about how you live and you are letting him.
Who says he decides all this?? I am shocked you would not just say NO that is not what l want to do, l am going to x.

Let him rant, put headphones on or just get up and go for a walk.

Why can you not go out for the day on Sunday, if he wants family time he can stay home on Saturdays..

You are a pushover!

Me too OP. I haven't had a single day without either my children or other people's since February. I'd hoped for a break with just my children at Easter or may half term but I was at work every day.

You can understand why people would split up in this situation, at least they might get the weekends off if a contact agreement was made. I would have considered it if it had continued

I rarely comment on this kind of thread, but you need to address your husband's behaviour or consider leaving him. Do you want this to be the rest of your life? If you had a supportive partner your children would be manageable and you'd enjoy them again. You sound so sad

I can barely read this thread I'm so angry at your husband. How dare he.

I'm not one to jump in and say LTB but for this one I'll make an exception.. I'm staggered at the selfishness.

OP, I was in your situation until last year.

I have 3 dc with additional needs, and exH was a selfish arse. He said all the same things your H says - family time, I apparently had so much time to myself while he was working etc etc. I tried, for far too long, to make it work.

I now have every other weekend off from caring, because I divorced him. As a previous poster mentioned - an extreme way to get some time to myself, but it’s not like I didn’t try. Surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to get much done during the time the dc are with him, because his time is not his own (yet he still claims I have all kinds of time to myself when they are with me)

Do go for that walk by yourself. Or take a day to d what you want. Your H won’t like it, but you know that already. It may prompt some uncomfortable talks, but those issues are already present in your marriage, and ignoring them or pushing them down won’t remedy anything.

Given DH's attitude would I be right to assume you do everything at home? If that's the case when you go to work will you continue to do everything and work?

I understand that dynamic but in my case there are reasons for it as we live abroad and have moved several times. As much as I would like to work I know that the reality is I would still need to do everything at home and for my own sanity that isn't happening. As much as I do life & my DH does work he would never spend 2 days on a hobby outside the home.

If you split up he's going to either step up or not and at least if he doesn't you know it's all on you so you are no worse off now and life could still be easier for you without the added DH weight.

Like many have said you have a DH problem. Your parents have masked the extent of the problem and you are all facilitating DH being a total arse.

So why does he get to insist but you don't? I am honestly getting angry on your behalf, why does he get to treat you this way? All it would take, initially, is for you to have time for a walk on an evening or a couple of hours to yourself on a weekend, how on earth does he not see that as reasonable?! He would have a hell of a lot more time he had to spend with the DC if you left him and his selfish ways. And as for spending all Saturday morning in bed, that's not exactly family time is it.

Me too I've got a 6 year old who's on the go all the time ,a 15 year old with severe sen and my partner works 6 nights a week.
He's amazing when he's here and wouldn't dream of disappearing to do a hoppy during a time like this . He appreciates how hard it is for me and pulls his weight when he can . I think you need to have a word with your other half or jump in the car and leave him with the kids for awhile until he starts appreciating how much you do .

He’d go mad if I just left and went out. Absolutely insanely cross.
I’ve had them all day today, we’ve been to a national trust and only just got back. Dh was back about 4pm apparently but is lying on sofa watching tv. As soon as we get in the house they are on me for dinner / help with their iPad / wanting to go outside / wanting me to make craft or paint.
I feel like argh.

He's done some number on you hasn't he?

So let him get cross 🤷🏽‍♀️

Let him get cross.
You deserve a break...you need a break.
It doesn't sound like he does any actual parenting at all.

Why on earth are you putting up this OP?
Seriously?
You have a dreadful DH and you are allowing him to treat you with no respect.

I reckon you have two choices,
I started just telling him. OK I am popping to the shops. Taking a bit longer. Seeing a friend, having a walk, Not asking but telling. Ignoring any sulking.

Or explaining to him that you need him to parent sometimes while you have time to yourself and if he won't do it married to you then he can do it EOW once divorced.
What are you actually getting from this relationship?

@TheSmallAssassin

Plus you don't need his permission to go off and do something, don't ask, just get up and go, tomorrow. Send him a text message when you've gone, so he knows not to worry.

He obviously doesn't need your agreement to go and play golf, so why do you need his to do what you want? His opinion about something isn't by default the correct one, you don't need to argue the toss. He needs to persuade you not to go out, not give you permission to go!

This.

OP I certainly agree your dh should help out and it's very unfair but it sounds like he won't and maybe long term you should consider ltb. At the moment though have you a helpful single friend who would form a bubble with you? Even if they couldn't babysit having some friendly adult company would make it so much more bearable caring for the dc.

You have a husband problem OP, he sounds just horrible.

@Wingsofadragonfly85 send your a PM hun 💕

Its so shit that a mother can't even come on MUMSNET to release and have a moan/rant about her life without being told TLTB!
How about.

-I am so sorry about that
-I hope you feel better soon
-times are hard but it is not forever

Everyone is so focused on her husband your over looking the fact she just needs someone to talk to!

Not everyone can just LTB!

He does sound very selfish. Your energy levels are probably so low that even the thought of kicking up a stink and standing up for yourself seems too exhausting.

If your 11 year old has SEN could he not go to school? All schools have to offer a place for;

• children of critical workers
• children with an EHCP
• Children with a social worker
• children considered 'vulnerable' by the school

It is absolutely worth giving school a call. He may be able to go on for a few days a week which would be good for both you and him.
Giving you time with the younger one or even a bit of breathing space.

You need to tell your husband that if he gets one day to himself, you get one for you (without the children) and then you have Sunday family day.

You have a husband problem, not a kid problem.

Your husband is a selfish arse and you resent your children?!

For god's sake woman, open your eyes. Stop putting up with this shit.