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Original poster

God id love a day off.

135 replies

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 13/06/2020 10:44

My children are driving me mad. I’m at the point where I really really wish I hadn’t had them. I’ve got a 4 year old and an 11 year old with SEN.
Dh is at work four days a week and now playing golf the remaining day and on a Saturday.
I am shattered. I have started to resent the dc. Ds has adhd as part of the Sen as he does not stop. He doesn’t sleep particularly well and then he’s on the go all day. Dd is easier but even she is driving me crazy. Clearly I’ve got no childcare so I’ve got no option and I know a lot of people are in similar situations but just a few hours to myself sounds like heaven.

OP posts:

sakura06 · 13/06/2020 20:30

Your husband's behaviour is awful. Truly, truly selfish. I'm sorry for you. I hope you can discuss it and he starts to support you and your children better.

userabcname · 13/06/2020 20:38

Wtf? You're not allowed to go for a walk??? Just fucking go and tell him to do one. Do it every evening for as long as you need. And get up and go out on Sunday mornings - tell the kids to go and clamber in with daddy while he has his lie in (I mean, having the kids is easy right?) and get the hell out of there for a bit! There is no way you should be having to ask for permission, be dictated to and be told off. You have a massive DH problem and I'd be putting my foot down very firmly.

Mummyshark2018 · 13/06/2020 21:00

Your dh is a twat. If he feels that being at home ft with 2 kids is time off then surely if he has them on a weekend day he's having a day off too. You need to create some time for yourself and if your dh is not willing to co-parent then you probably need to reconsider your marriage. It just wouldn't happen in my house but then we both work ft so everything is split down the middle. He doesn't respect you as a sahm.

Kdubs1981 · 13/06/2020 21:25

Golf twice a week while you're stuck at home? NO.
Fuck. That.

Kdubs1981 · 13/06/2020 21:31

I'm so sorry this situation is so appalling for you. I'm sorry, but this is entirely your husband's fault. This is my first LTB. He won't want 50:50 childcare. Sounds like he's never done it if he doesn't understand it's not "time off".

Don't feel bad for feeling how you're feeling. I have temporarily stopped my career due to lockdown (quite high up in professional job). I can categorically say being a SAHM is a lot harder for me that my very demanding professional role.

Orangeblossom78 · 14/06/2020 09:01

It sounds like abuse actually. If you need support please do contact woman's aid. these things can worsen on lockdown

1AngelicFruitCake · 14/06/2020 09:29

So he can go out as much as he wants but his wife/partner has to be all meek and mild and not have the same?!
Think about what you’re teaching your children about relationships.

Original poster

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 14/06/2020 18:25

He says I can go and see a friend this evening but dd has to be asleep first. And she won’t go to sleep until 8.30, 8 if I’m really lucky.
And then, frankly, it’s getting late and chilly so there’s not much point going if I won’t be there until 9pm.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 14/06/2020 18:34

He is horrid, why can he not parent his own child????

Original poster

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 14/06/2020 18:42

It just makes it so fraught. I can’t arrange to meet my friend because I don’t know what time or even if I will make it.

OP posts:

Bridecilla · 14/06/2020 18:43

Are you frightened of him? If you are then there are support channels.

If not, really - just go. You're making excuses for him and it's frankly ridiculous

RandomMess · 14/06/2020 18:51

Just say "actually x needs to meet at 7.15pm so you'll have to put DD to bed" then leave the house!!!

unicornparty · 14/06/2020 18:54

Op you really need to stand up for yourself. Do not let him treat you like this!

Original poster

Wingsofadragonfly85 · 14/06/2020 18:55

He just presents in a way that there’s no room for argument.

OP posts:

Redruby25 · 14/06/2020 18:57

Oh my goodness, not that any of us should feel greatful, or be saying 'well at least' but I thought my DP was bad, then I read this and thought wow he's not that bad after all lol. Sorry laughing over, I know how hard it can be, and where this kind of situation is concerned especially, unless you have a partner where everything just falls in to place!
Granted money has to come in, but you also both planned a family one would assume, in order for him to be able to go out to work and play golf 🙄😳 he can only do that because of YOU!! Otherwise he would have to arrange things around the children, and arrange childcare for other occasions!
You might be at home, but you certainly don't have 'free time' all the time! And you don't have time to do what you want all of the rest of the time, as you have two kids attached to you! This isn't really an occasion for asking nicely or persuading your DH to cut back one golf day. You need to remind him of who does what, and that with school out etc you are doing a double shift! He does his job all week and you do yours! And therefore you both need time for your own friends/outings/hobbies etc.
Though I admit it has been tough, and being a mother certain traits we have seem to be the same for most mums, and as the full time carer I feel like well, I am there pretty much the whole time, I have been out plenty of times when DP has come back from work, and at weekends, or when he has had a quiet front where work is concerned. It's nice that your DH says was it, that Sunday's are for family time? And that is most definitely needed for all of you to spend time together, but that could be altered on occasions. It just sounds like he doesn't want to have to be left to deal with the children.

user1498647726 · 14/06/2020 18:58

They are his children too!
He is as responsible as you!
Both his work out of house AND YOUR WORK IN IT is important fir the family.
And overall all, the selfish arse needs a shirt, sharp dose of reality:and not budging that should really be giving you all the red flags you need.
You, and your children, deserve better.
From a SAHD who works part time, and whose wife works full time

Bridecilla · 14/06/2020 19:03

So you're not afraid of him? You don't need him to present room for argument. You've had good advice on here. Just go out. Stop being walked over.

OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife · 14/06/2020 19:21

Hi OP

I'm not one to shout LTB on every thread but I am now. Leave him. Do not feel trapped just because you are a stay at home mum. You can find work in time and have your own routine. He has shown his true colours during the pandemic. You and your children and not anywhere near the top of his priorities. Don't worry about 50/50 split because that most likely wouldn't be granted as he does fuck all for them. You need to get your self respect back pronto! He is an absolute prick and really has no respect for you or your children. Tell him that you going out tomorrow and then just go before he can stop you. Stay out for the whole day. If he is cross when you get home, find your inner anger and self respect and tell him to fuck off. Hopefully you'll soon see that your better off without him.

Sunshinegirl82 · 14/06/2020 19:29

If you want to have the argument I would say, “I can’t do DD bedtime and meet my friend so you’ll have to do it. Her favourite story at the moment is X. I’ll text you when I’m on my way back” and then just go.

Honestly though, is this the life you want to live? Having to forcefully negotiate with your DH for tiny morsels of time for yourself? This is supposed to be your team mate, the person who has your back, who wants you to be happy! He seems to just drag you down.

I went back to work after Mat leave this week. Last week DS2 went for a settling in session with the childminder and DS1 was at nursery so I was child free! I started doing some housework and DH (who is working from home) texted down to say to leave it and he’d do it later and to sit down with a cup of tea, watch something on Netflix and enjoy the time off! So I did! My DH is a really good man but that sort of thing should be normal. You should be trying to help each other live the best possible life you can.

Your DH seems to be living his best life whilst you facilitate it and he makes your life much worse. What’s the point?

RandomMess · 14/06/2020 19:35

I bet he gets his lunch hour and coffee breaks, do you?

What free time do you get on your each day versus him?

He is extremely controlling you deserve so much more!!!

HTT10 · 14/06/2020 19:44

Still go out even if you just go to McDonald's for a drive through coffee and an hours peace take a book! X

RandomMess · 14/06/2020 19:48

Who made him the boss rather than your equal?

midwestsummer · 14/06/2020 21:43

Why are you tolerating being treated like this?
You need to reply, "sorry DH, we've agreed to meet at 7:30, you will all be fine for an evening"
He is behaving like a controlling father and you are just accepting it.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 14/06/2020 22:28

It sounds like you're scared of him.
Please contact Women's Aid to get some support. They have a helpline and also an email facility that's pretty good.
womensaid.org.uk

orangejuice1 · 14/06/2020 22:40

He sounds like a fucking twat. From experience OP I can tell you that your children will grow up with no real relationship with their father and wonder why their mother ever stayed.

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