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Original poster

Year 11 have just been dumped. Schools don’t seem to want to deal with them and CAMHs are nowhere to be seen.

128 replies

Tw1gWhistle · 27/05/2020 21:00

Just that really.

What exactly are you supposed to do with a 16 year old who is finding lockdown increasingly difficult.

My 16 year old never goes anywhere, never got to sit any exams, is anxious about results, is sleeping later and later to make the day go away, has no idea when or if A levels will start, has nothing to work towards,motivation sliding, hates life.....

Was under CAMHs but had almost zero from them, they don’t get back to you. What exactly is the point of them and where are we supposed to go for support?School don’t want to know. I get schools now have bigger problems but surely somebody is supposed to be supporting these kids.

I’m going back to work full time from Monday and I’m supposed to leave my depressed teenager alone all day with zero support.

OP posts:
cheninblanc · 27/05/2020 21:16

I give my year 11 a little job each day, Saturdays is take away if all jobs are done. Tmrw is baking, Friday ironing etc. I don't worry about bedtime it's not worth stressing over. I too work, have done continuously and she's been OK

Original poster
Tw1gWhistle · 27/05/2020 21:21

My dc is depressed. Daily jobs won’t sort it, is starting to sleep all day in bed. I don’t think he will be ok and it will get worse.

OP posts:
NotABeliever · 27/05/2020 21:27

Im so sorry to hear of your difficulties. It's incredibly hard for young people not going to school. I work with Mental Health services and I can only sympathise with you that many people are not getting any support at the moment. I don't know what to say, other than this lockdown can't go on forever. Hang in there

SqidgeBum · 27/05/2020 21:34

Unfortunately schools have to now treat year 11 like they graduated, and as such the schools no longer can support them. Schools are academic institutions. They cant really look after students once their studies have ended.

Has your son got a plan for next year? A levels? Apprenticeship? I imagine he is missing routine and purpose and its all too much without those things. Maybe you could get in touch with whoever he will be with academically next year and create some sort of project that would benefit him next year. If he does do A Levels maybe contacting the Head of Department of whatever subjects he has chosen would help. They should be able to give you some pre A level work he can look into (research reading etc). Make sure you explain how he is struggling now. This may give him something to focus on for the future.

Have you thought about getting in touch with other mental health support networks? Maybe the GP? The app 'heads up' is also used in schools to help kids who are struggling with emotions. Has he been speaking to friends? Maybe he can have a group zoom one friday evening to reconnect with them.

ouch321 · 27/05/2020 21:35

School not providing any classes or worksheets or similar?

If it was me I'd get him to cover the remainder of the syllabus that stopped mid March by himself.

If his awarded grades are poor he may wish to sit the autumn exams.

Otherwise he can make a start on the A Level syllabus for the subject she has chosen, usings all the docs on the exam board websites.

Besides that could learn languages online, virtual museum tours, learn for his theory test, lots of stuff to do online for free

Original poster
Tw1gWhistle · 27/05/2020 21:36

What hang in there until September. He says he hates his life and sleeps as long as he can all day to make it go away.

What exactly are CAMHS doing if they’re not supporting the people they are supposed to be supporting?

Yes I’ll just trot off to work Monday and hope for the best he doesn’t do anything stupid.

They’re in no mans land. School aren’t bothered, parents need to work, CAMHS seems to have disappeared....

OP posts:
TheWooisStrong · 27/05/2020 21:36

Could he get a job? One of our neighbours has a 16yo and he has been working part time in a local nursing home.

billycorn · 27/05/2020 21:38

Has he got friends. Can he start meeting up with them outside? What about physical activity, that might help or a job, paid or voluntary, If you can afford it look at private counselling. The current situation can’t/won’t go on forever but it will until September. Try and be as optimistic with him as possible. I’ve personally been through depression/addiction with my son so I understand how worrying it is. Try and get him talking as much as possible, I’d be concerned leaving him all day if he’s struggling.

Original poster
Tw1gWhistle · 27/05/2020 21:38

He has lost all motivation to do any work. Supposed to be doing Alevels.

He now hates life, not interested in friends. Sees little point in anything, thinks life is shit which it is for him.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/05/2020 21:38

He's finished school properly, genuinely not their job now.

Either get a GP appointment or book an online session with a counsellor (they're all working online now). Lots of help available at the Big white wall.

Good luck Thanks

Original poster
Tw1gWhistle · 27/05/2020 21:40

He had a job, can’t do it for the foreseeable future due to CV.Is rejecting my attempts to support him now. Just tells me to go away.

OP posts:
ScrapThatThen · 27/05/2020 21:41

School, school nurse, CAMHS, local online or telephone counseling, and yes routine, getting outside, having purpose, doing things for others. It is incredibly hard for them and they do need someone to impose structure compassionately. CAMHS can't do that.

Original poster
Tw1gWhistle · 27/05/2020 21:43

I have tried to impose structure. He is now rejecting it and will be alone 24/7 from Monday so will have nobody to enforce it even if I could with a 16 year old. School really aren’t interested. CAmHs seem to have vanished.

OP posts:
Pikachubaby · 27/05/2020 21:43

That’s so tough on you both

Make an urgent GP appointment

Can you stuff in the evenings? Go out for a bike ride/walk/run every day? Get him a Fitbit or step counter and challenge yourselves to get 5k or 10k steps? My teens are motivated by step counters/fit its etc

Original poster
Tw1gWhistle · 27/05/2020 21:46

Is refusing to do anything.

OP posts:
Legoandloldolls · 27/05/2020 21:47

My sons school are checking in on my year 11.

If your worried he will be something stupid call the camhs emergency line.

Yes camhs is shite, they truly are but they are still open

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 27/05/2020 21:48

If it was me I'd get him to cover the remainder of the syllabus that stopped mid March by himself.

Problem with that is that the syllabus has stopped, they'd be doing exams now and revision.

It's so hard OP, I wish I had an answer. I do think the Yr11s have been left to flounder.

Legoandloldolls · 27/05/2020 21:48

Sorry Do something stupid I meant

Punxsutawney · 27/05/2020 21:50

I have year 11 Ds who is autistic, he has no friends at all. He is getting more anxious and is finding it difficult to be outside of the house for even 10mins now because of sensory issues. I'm not sure I will get him back to education at all.

Camhs refused to see him in January as he didn't meet their thresholds for support. There is nobody to ask for help so I can understand all your concerns Tw1g. I hope you can get some support for your Ds. 💐

Juanmorebeer · 27/05/2020 21:50

OP do you have a dog? If not would you consider getting him one?

SqidgeBum · 27/05/2020 21:50

I have been in your sons situation. I was a very broken and miserable 16 year old. Have you spoken to him about how worried you are? For some reason, seeing how much I was upsetting my mom and the way she just kept saying how much she loved me and how she wants to help me actually pushed me to get up out of bed and trudge on until things get better. She just sat on my bed and talked and I listened. She also got me some private counselling (she found money from somewhere). I would say be quite blunt about how worried you are about him. Speaking is the key to it all, even if he isnt the one talking.

HorsesDoovers · 27/05/2020 21:54

I completely agree that they've been forgotten about. 5 months is a bloody long time with no structure,routine, or goal to aim for. No social life just when they are beginning to gain their independence. Their whole school life was aiming for these all important GCSEs, then suddenly nothing. We have had zero contact from my DS school, luckily he is fairly well motivated but even so its not easy.
No advice but a handhold from me OPThanks

Idododoidadada · 27/05/2020 21:56

Contact pastoral care at school. They could do some urgent referrals/give or give some suggestions. They could also start to do weekly contact with him to check in.

CAMHS are appalling. My ASD DS is exactly the same. We have now had someone from Action for Children contact & try to speak to DS but he’s not really engaging.

You can contact these people directly and they can give you info and advice. No exams, no finishing school, no prom, uncertain future -it’s a lot for them to deal with.

youngminds.org.uk

There is a parent section & a section for him to have look at -if you can get him too Sad

Bol87 · 27/05/2020 21:58

OP - you are also sounding extremely defeated. Which is understandable but probably isn’t helping either of you. People are making very reasonable suggestions.

From a pro-active point of view - do you know any of his friends? Do you have any means to contact them (Facebook, WhatsApp)? Or any of his friends parents? Ask them to check up on him or invite him out for a socially distanced walk etc.

As his parent, can you be a little firmer on structure & routine? Can you plan a family day out this weekend in the lovely weather? Can you put together a nice lunch for you both in the garden or the park if you don’t have one. Try to encourage him to get chatting to you? Can you try find other jobs he could do if his is on hold at the moment?

As for his future, can you contact the college he’s going too for some support?

You seem very angry at CAMHS & perhaps rightly so but if you are seriously concerned about mental health, get in touch with your GP for acute care.

SmileEachDay · 27/05/2020 22:02

Hi OP.

I’m sorry he’s struggling.

I’m a teacher.

Is he hoping to start Alevels next year? If so, then lots of colleges are providing some transition work to prep for this.

We’re sending some weekly work to Y11, but that won’t continue for too much longer - I know you say school don’t care - I’m wondering if you’ve approached them directly?

If he was under CAMHS then it might be worth looking at other local young people’s support services - lots of them are running online and telephone services.

What does he intend doing next year?

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