Year 11 have just been dumped. Schools don’t seem to want to deal with them and CAMHs are nowhere to be seen.

[Tw1gWhistle]

Just that really.

What exactly are you supposed to do with a 16 year old who is finding lockdown increasingly difficult.

My 16 year old never goes anywhere, never got to sit any exams, is anxious about results, is sleeping later and later to make the day go away, has no idea when or if A levels will start, has nothing to work towards,motivation sliding, hates life.....

Was under CAMHs but had almost zero from them, they don’t get back to you. What exactly is the point of them and where are we supposed to go for support?School don’t want to know. I get schools now have bigger problems but surely somebody is supposed to be supporting these kids.

I’m going back to work full time from Monday and I’m supposed to leave my depressed teenager alone all day with zero support.

I'm sorry OP. I feel for you and for him- it's so difficult for this age group.

My only suggestion would be to really start throwing your weight around a bit. Complain. Contact MP if you have to. It is not acceptable for you to be left with no support with this.

How about advocacy organisations - can they help?

Are you listening, Boris? This is precisely the mental health problems which your government is going to have to deal with, after your damaging lockdown which has gone on far too long already.

The government will soon have on their hands a whole angry generation of youngsters who have little or no respect for government, not helped by your recent hypocrisy.

(Addressed to Boris, not the OP)

One more thing op,

I’m mum to a healthy year 10 boy.
He goes to bed at around 4am (I think) and he gets up on a ‘good day’ at about 3pm. However, on occasions he has been know to finally rise and get showered between 4pm and 5pm.

He isn’t depressed and I remember doing similar as a teen myself. In fact, on days off, I remember sleeping in until 10pm the one day! On a Saturday, I was never up before 2pm.

If you look at teens across the world, you’ll probably see more of the same.

Sorry if I missed you already saying this, but what time do you expect him to go to bed/get up in the morning? Are your expectations reasonable?

Just to add, obviously on a normal school day my son does not sleep until late. He’s up at 7am. We haven’t had a normal school day for a while though.

@DBML what does he do until 4am? Whilst many teens sleep late and stay up late it's not a good routine to get used to is it? His eating habits must be screwed!
Each to their own but I'd be concerned if my year 10 dd was doing this.

how are you doing today, op?

i think - lets not get waylaid about concerns over sleeping patterns- this is only one of the many things that is giving op cause for concern.

@barbites

He’s generally at Skype gatherings with his friends. He’ll watch movies or play Xbox live with friends from school.

At first I was resistant, but then I noticed that when I made him wake at 8am to start his school work, he’d do it and all day he wouldn’t speak to a soul. At about 7pm the phone would start to go off and I’d usually be interrupting a Skype call when I came in to tell him it’s bed time around 11.30pm.
He was sad and felt he was missing out.

Husband finally said to me ‘what’s the point? He won’t be going back to school until September. Why not let him live the life he wants to right now, so he can see more of his friends’. (We’re keeping him off school as I don’t want to risk him catching Covid. There’s a chance our vacation will go ahead and I don’t want to risk cancellation due to isolation. He’s quite happy about that).

Thinking about it, I looked back at how I was as a teen! Just as bad. If I was at home my parents got me up at 7am, but when I slept at my boyfriends (now hubby) we’d sleep in until very late in the afternoon frequently. I ended up at his house more than mine because I enjoyed it there.

Late nights/mornings didn’t affect me. I got up for school. I got a degree and PGCE. I got a good job and I have a nice life.

DS is happy right now with the late nights. He gets up late. Showers. Does 3 hours of school work via Teams. (That bits monitored to ensure assignments are done - I downloaded Teams onto my phone to check his work) and by the time he’s done, his phone and pc are starting to come to life.

So whilst eventually this will have to come to an end and I’ll gradually make bedtime earlier and wake him earlier, whilst we’ve been unable to do anything, I really don’t think it’s hurting. In fact it’s proved far better for my sons MH.

Not great.Still heard nothing from school or CAMHs. At a loss as to what you’re supposed to do.

OP there are lots of suggestions on this thread. I think you need to slightly push your anger towards the school and CAMHs to one side and focus on what you can do to help. They clearly arent in a position to do much at this particular time so you need to now take over and fo what you can.

What about ring PALS? Every CAMHS has to have a patient liaison service and I urge you to contact them ASAP to explain your son’s situation. Also, you can call 111 and option 3 if you’re worried about him out of hours. You’re both in my thoughts, it’s a hellish situation.

Tw1g I have a friend that works at A and E and she told me that if I ever felt Ds was a risk to himself to take him there and that he would get seem by someone from the mental health team.

Thankfully we have not had to go down that route. Ds has made lots of comments in the past about not wanting to be here any longer and although he remains low we are managing at the moment without intervention (not that there is any help for him anyway!)

Squidgy I have tried everything, I really have. I was asked how I was and I replied. Am I supposed to lie?Not sure re schools not being in a position to do anything. My dd’s school has been fab. Other year groups are being supported. CAMHS are supposed to support struggling children. He is struggling and on their books.Not sure why they’re not in a position to do anything. They have phones and actually 121 sessions are far less risky than most school environments atm. I just feel that as a year group year 11 have been dumped and somebody somewhere not necessarily within schools should be recognising that as a year group they are slipping between the cracks. Schools are focusing on every other year group, CAMHs seem to have disappeared as a service.

Do childline still do the 1-2-1 chats online?. That might help him

Which online counselling service is best? Young Minds, Childline or Kooths? How does it work?

I keep asking - just say yes or no - would you be able to stretch to pay for private counselling? If so, don't delay. Just google for your area, there will be adolescent, teen specialists and unlike Cahms it will be consistent! and he might feel more inclined to engage.
Sorry, I know I keep going on.

I think it sounds like he needs outside help.

When DS was ill, lots of well-meaning people kept saying, oh its normal, its fine, etc, but he knew and I knew it wasn't normal and it wasn't fine...I know its a fecking heart-breaking position to be in as a parent.

Otherwise, yes, definitely pursue some of the options suggested here.

Oh also, in 'teens' topic, under parenting - I think some of the parents there were going through similar and might have other advice/sympathy/stories.

How do you find a really good one. Can’t anybody set up as one?Just worried we’ll spend a fortune on somebody not that great. Think he needs some kind of assessment, do they assess? Would the gp have access to good recommendations?

you can tell- ds one had loads of relevant qualifications and 20 yrs professional experience- yada- yada- i know what you mean - there are lot of school mum types counselling who are lovely but you need someone who know teens. have a google and i bet the right ones will stand out. then youll speak on the phone and again if you dont feel it, thats fine...

of course its not magic but its better than waiting for cahms who will have lost the paperwork, changed venue, gone off sick etc etc

I know nothing. Not sure I will be able to tell. Anything I should be looking for?

anyone who specialises in teens and has plenty of teen experience.
some people feel strongly man or woman- some dont.
i spoke to some and i just thought youre not v intelligent so discarded them (bit ruthless but i know my boy) ...

i just think...its good to try, they can get very stuck- but he wont want to be feeling like this, he must hate it, he just needs some help to see a way forward.

The Yr 11’s I know have started their A-Level courses already, so are being kept busy.

Ds was referred for counselling by his school through 'Early help' which is the local authority (it was subsidised but we did have to pay for some of it). I'm pretty sure parents can self refer though.

my year 11 who has a history of mn has found setting himself a challenge in something hes interested in has really helped him. Hes done some online courses which didn't cost much but gave him a focus and goal for the day. Could your ds do something similar? Doesn't have to be related to what he wants to study next year. I know from my own experience if I set myself mini goals for a day the sense of completing them really boosts my mood.