Year 11 have just been dumped. Schools don’t seem to want to deal with them and CAMHs are nowhere to be seen.

[Tw1gWhistle]

Just that really.

What exactly are you supposed to do with a 16 year old who is finding lockdown increasingly difficult.

My 16 year old never goes anywhere, never got to sit any exams, is anxious about results, is sleeping later and later to make the day go away, has no idea when or if A levels will start, has nothing to work towards,motivation sliding, hates life.....

Was under CAMHs but had almost zero from them, they don’t get back to you. What exactly is the point of them and where are we supposed to go for support?School don’t want to know. I get schools now have bigger problems but surely somebody is supposed to be supporting these kids.

I’m going back to work full time from Monday and I’m supposed to leave my depressed teenager alone all day with zero support.

Have you reached out to the school at all? Ours finished the syllabus and are still on hand for pastoral support, and they have also supplied transition packs for them to work through for the A level subjects they are hoping to do.

Yes a couple of weeks ago. Heard nothing.Think we’re on our own.

www.fegans.org.uk/
No idea where you are these guys are pretty good

Have you emailed any of his A level subject head of departments asking for bridging work? I am a teacher and we have set work for our year 11 kids who want to do our subject. Admittedly, HODs are up to their eyeballs with working out nightmare that is the GCSE results right now, but they may pass the request on to a less stressed teacher. Its worth a shot.

He has some bridging work. Has done all of one subject and is doing the other and none set for the third. Also studying for a few GCSEs just incase. Was really organised up until a couple of weeks ago, had a purpose but the endless lockdown, no job, no structure, no advise re school work, uncertainty re September and the future, loneliness etc has dragged him down with issues he’s already struggling with and frustratingly was doing well with. I’m trying to be patient but it’s hard. Everything I suggest he rejects. He is doing very short night time runs I insist on. Hates his hair( lockdown uncut mess) and very self conscience of it now so will only run at night( don’t get the impression he’s fit he really isn’t).Hasn’t been out of where we live due to the obvious rules since the day he was sent home from school at beginning of lock down. Was in bed all day yesterday but did the run. Getting a gp appointment is a nightmare. I rang yesterday after advice on here.I work in a primary school and I’m now in a bubble. I can’t muck school around, I just can’t. There is no way I can take time off. GP secretary getting me to ring Tuesday early to try and get a telephone appointment that evening but there is no guarantee.He is refusing to go or talk to GP himself.

I think if you need to you should tell school (your school) that you need to take parental/carers leave to safeguard your son's mental health. I have advised a colleague of mine to do the same.

Just picking up on the comment about his hair, my DS was exactly the same, hates his hair when it gets too long, decided to bite the bullet and shave the whole lot off (number 5 with clippers). It hinges looks fine and has grown out a bit now so not so severe looking, my youngest ended up doing the same and they both feel so much better for it especially in this heat.

I have no idea where that random hinges came from!

It's a hard situation in normal times so I'm sorry your family is going through this.

Have you seen if there are youth workers /groups (groups are not running but youth workers are working) as they can arrange 121 chats/work with young people to help them through difficult times. CAHMS seems to be hard to access the older a young person gets. If your child has signed up for college/6 th form already they maybe able to refer to CAHMS urgently or they may have pastoral staff that maybe able to help talk to.

It's so hard in this transition period especially when they don't have much to do. See if you can get them interested in a short course like British sign language. You can sign up to twinkle which is a resource for parents (free during lockdown) that has tons of worksheets and talking points on helping build up and get your child to talk more about there feelings.

OP you obviously care greatly about your son and I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be in this situation.

However, I've just read the thread mostly via your comments and nearly every single post is you ranting and moaning about the situation and reinforcing just how awful life is for him so I have to suggest that this attitude can't be helping the situation.

I get that you are frustrated, I get that you've tried everything but you sound utterly convinced that there is no solution and that yes everything is as shit as he thinks it is.

Have a rant, get it off your chest, shout and scream to people in RL this weekend.

And then drop it.

Accept what school / CAHMS are actually doing (or not doing) as what it is, stop expecting them to do more and just getting wound up when they don't. It won't help anyone least of all your own mental health and you need to find more positivity and hope to take with you into the relationship with your son.

They are shit. He's been let down. But move on.

You've had lots of very helpful advice here including links to other organisations that may be able to support and I really think they are the next steps for you both so please please try to come at this from a 'I just haven't found the right help yet' angle rather than 'there's no hope, everything is shit and he's going to kill himself'

Oh and fuck school off. This is more important. They will cope.

OP I agree CAMHS are hopeless and where I live their modus operandi is about assessing to prove yp don't meet their peroperipatetic thresholds. They give hope at a meeting and then send a disingenuous letter that undermines one's understanding. If you complain the parent blaming starts.

They do little enough without Covid and the issues are not all about Covid.

In my experience, if you follow up every interraction with a registered letter (they don't share email) noting what was agreed, what they ssid the timeframe was and ending with "if I do not hear from you within 10 working days I shall take that as confirmation you agree with the points above", then a service miraculously manifests itself. Especially if all correspondence is copied to the ceo and your MP.

Tw1g you can talk to the gp yourself if Ds is refusing to. I've had two appointments with a gp over the last year regarding my Ds's mental health and he wasn't involved in either of them.

Horses hair causing a problem here too! Ds has sensory issue though and I don't think he could manage having it all shaved off. Hopefully won't be too much longer until a proper haircut.

Punxsutawney the clippers did pull a bit to start with as we had a lot of hair to get through! I don't know if you could cut some of the bulk first with scissors, wouldn't matter what it looks like as it all comes off anyway!

can you WFH? Unpaid leave? Dependants leave? If you are that concerned about his MH, I would not leave him alone.

(I have a disabled child and I am therefore unable to work - it is shit esp financially but sometimes, life is such that work cannot come first).

Fusion rest assured my anger has not been shared with ds. I have saved it for here and RL friends.I have also tried my absolute best to be positive to the extent my positivity is annoying him as he thinks I don’t understand.

I have/ am trying everything that has been suggested. Got Kooths up yesterday. He refused to look at it. Rang the GP he is refusing to speak to them, obviously won’t be leaving it at that and pushing for a conversation myself regardless.

I just think the shitness needs to be acknowledged in order for it to be rectified.. Ignoring it and how these kids are being let down particularly his year group makes it worse for me. I really am shocked at the crapness. Would like to draw a line but it’s not that easy. I’m trying anything I can but still haven’t found a solution. What do you do when you’ve tried everything, go back over the same suggestions? Can’t help it if it seems hopeless and re the killing himself I’m not catastrophizing to that extent. I do however need to be aware of the worst case scenario and it does seem to be that you only get help when the worst has happened which is do very wrong.

It’s so frustrating as he was doing so incredibly well with everything.Lockdown is hard for everybody but for many teens and those struggling before it’s doubly so. Can’t believe this big wobble has happened days before I go back to work.

Today’s plan is more nagging re Kooths and the other site suggestions. Might try bigging up sixth form too but hard when there is no certainly it will happen in Sep.

Such a long time for them OP, 5 months of nothing and as you say no certainty of college at the end of it. We've had nothing from either school or college. I'm lucky my DS will play online with virtual friends and go out for exercise but as I said upthread he was just blossoming socially and hasn't got the confidence to contact any of that group of friends. They have been abandoned, I completely agree.

The issue with schools is with no gcses there is nothing we can do with them. There is no curriculum. There are no lessons. My department has given A level bridging work but you say DSs school has done the same. We dont have anything that we can give them unless they want to do an A level. I teach year 11 and I have nothin to offer them to keep them occupied, not to mention we have 5 other years who we are teaching online. At the end of the day, schools are academic institutions, not mental health ones. It's sad that they feel lost without school, but as a teacher I am not trained to give mental health treatment.

Hence my advice to try getting DS to speak to the GP, or even see if they will speak to you about options as DS is under 18, or ask the school for more work.

Or, as others have suggested, maybe a job like gardening, or a project to work on at home, or even an x box. It sounds like he is just so lost without a purpose every day rather than you are worried about suicide.

Refusing to get out of bed today.I can’t drag him out of it.

It’s not so much the academic although some support and checking in would be appreciated and helpful( going to be a loong period without any academic interaction) but the pastoral. There is nothing. They are still students at these schools or are they in no mans land even if going to same sixth form?It feels as if they’ve been forgotten. My dd’s school has been great but is that because she’s in year 10 or pastoral at her school is better? And as for CAMHs I’m stunned. Looked at the PALs site for my local CAMHs as suggested on here, soooo many complaints.😨

I have nothing to add here op... Young Minds are fantastic however.
I just wanted to say that you sound like a great mum. Your perseverance and sensible approach to your sons situation just stand out to me. He is lucky to have you and I am so sorry you are going through this with him. Look after yourself, please.

Could you afford a private paediatric psychiatrist? They can assess and prescribe for depression etc. It sounds as though he needs to see a psychiatrist rather than just some half hearted camhs worker (I know what they're like).

OP, to be fair, even if the school did call, there is probably now not much they could do in this case except to point you in the direction of where many posters have already done. If you ask them to support a CAMHS referral they can do so, though.

I echo Young Minds, Mind, and perhaps Barnardos as depending on where you are they work with CAMHS on a Tier 2 MH service called MyTime. There is also Stem4 in another area of the country.

I appreciate your dilemma, but other than giving A Level bridging work, advice on next steps and pointing you in the direction of external support, the school's hands are often tied. What does your daughter have in place pastorally that your son doesn't? Is it that the pastoral support is tied up in the academic support that she, as a Y10, is receiving?

Just to follow on from that, OP, that if you go to see the GP without your son then they will also be able to tell you of local charities and support networks that a Google wouldn't necessarily make clear. Good luck.

Dd had lots of emails, they’ve emailed us too ( quite useful)they’ve rung us to check how things are going, spoken to her, she’s doing online lessons some live,tutor sessions online, they’re very much there re work( chasing, advising, continuously setting work, marking,following up , supporting etc). I get much of that won’t be appropriate or relevant for year 11 but they’re still students and you’d think they’d have something pastorally at the very least. A check in, sdvice, connection. It was such a shock re GCSEs and an abrupt end, many will be having worries or be lonely, some may be balancing gcse work just incase and Alevel prep at same time,some will have been struggling before lock down... Ds has had nothing, zilch. Not a single phone call. There was finally an email to all saying if you need pastoral care get in touch so I did. 2 weeks ago. Maybe it was aimed at all the other students and not year 11. Don’t know why we had it though if that was the case.

But yes maybe there isn’t much school can do, to be honest they weren’t that great before. It’s pretty shit though for year 11 though isn’t it. It really is as if they’ve been forgotten particularly those struggling. They’re kids. I think adults who experienced similar would need support.He is already under CAMHs so doesn’t need a referral.The combination of a crappy CAMHs service doesn’t help. It’s frustrating as he was going do well with his school work and MH. The length of this and feeling apart from society with no connection outside of home anywhere doesn’t help.

But yes just focusing on being cross won’t help. The bigger picture isn’t anybody’s fault. The handling of it could just be better.Will keep going through all the suggestions and keep retrying. If anybody knows how to find excellent support privately I’d really appreciate any advice.

I can recommend an excellent adolescent psychiatrist op. She's in London. DD's support with and through her came to about £6k. Worth every penny imo.

Our GP just said "yeh CAMHS are useless, here's a local charity and if you want private google a therapist registered qith the BCPS on the internet. DD was actively harming at the time and the private therapists wouldn't take her on without psych referral.