I think I was naive.

[Gatorgator]

In my head - when this started - twelve weeks was worst case scenario. I knew the virus wouldn’t go away obviously, but I thought after twelve weeks the nhs would be better prepared, we’d know more about the virus and there would be a degree of acceptance that we just have to live alongside it and know there’s an elevated risk. I’m in an at risk category so I’m not just dismissing this risk.
However instead it seems that we are going to live like this indefinitely. I didn’t think theatres, sporting events etc would be open for a long time, nor did I think the travel industry would pick back up, but I did think I’d be able to visit my elderly parents who live two miles down the road.

Now it seems like this is the new normal. All meetings are going to be virtual. We are having (unsuccessful) virtual play dates with other children. The few friends I’m still communicating with I’m mainly messaging but really - if I’m never seeing them again then what’s the point?

There are a couple of big Christmas things nearby that are annual events and they are cancelled. More and more I’m coming to realise that this is it. This is in fact the new normal everyone keeps talking about. Only seeing the people you live with and being terrified to even leave the house to collect something essential like a prescription.

I definitely have days when I feel like that, but for my own wellbeing I have to confine those thoughts to one day and try and bury them as much as I can. The problem is we just don't know when any semblance of pre Covid life will return. I find it difficult trying to walk the line between having hope at the glimmers of positivity, and raising my hopes only to have them dashed. My 5yo DS is in the shielded category so our whole household has to be, and I found the lack of referral to that group in the announcements this week very difficult - it does feel like we're just being left to isolate indefinitely, and any impact on our overall health (obviously, covid aside) and mental wellbeing is just too bad. It's hard to have to see that when the health and mental wellbeing of everyone else is being prioritised and talked about. I do feel that we have to find a way to live alongside this virus - if you're in that category, that's a part of life you are very well accustomed to anyway - and I won't be prepared to lock my whole family up until there is a vaccine. I am more focused on there being treatment protocols developed, which is how we mitigate most of the risk of illness we face in normal life.

I think you are catastrophising to some extent. We are talking about a short period of confinement in the big scheme of things. Yes it's hard but we are already seeing restrictions being eased and they were not massively restrictive to begin with. People in Syria who have lived in a war ravaged country for years have actually suffered, People in the UK in the main have been inconvenienced. It's not nice it's not saying that you can't be upset but it sounds like it is the uncertainty you are worried by rather than the reality.

People have been isolating to prevent the NHS becoming overwhelmed not to stop us all getting it.

But that’s just the thing; I was under the impression that protecting the NHS is indeed what we were doing, but now that particular crisis has thankfully been averted the goalposts have moved and it’s suddenly all about the R number and lowering transmission rates. And that’s fine too, if it’s what the scientists and politicians are aiming to achieve, but the problem is that their and the media’s doom-laden messaging has utterly terrified most of the population to the point where perfectly healthy people are refusing to leave their houses until the magical R-rate is virtually nothing. The task the government now faces is having to unravel all their ‘This virus doesn’t discriminate’ messaging (spoiler: it does), and reassuring people is much harder than frightening them in the first place.

What makes me most sad, and indeed angry, is that it didn't, and still doesn't need to be like this.

There are other countries who are doing a much better job of managing this and have continued a much more normal way of life - South Korea being a prime example. Why isn't our government planning for that model rather than bumbling around telling us to stay in but go out, work from home and go to work and definitely stay alert (though what we are on the alert for no one seems to know). Enough of the bumbling buffoon act now. We need sensible, rational planning based in science, not a second rate clown who was quite happy to brag about shaking hands with Covid patients ( shortly before succumbing himself)

@Drivingdownthe101 - I agree (with you agreeing with me - funny that!) and I think that is the catastrophic failure of the government.

You cannot continue to ask such a large majority of the population who are not at any notable risk to much such huge sacrifices without demonstrating that something is actually being done so that these can restrictions can be lifted. And quite clearly there are things that can be done that aren't being done.

I am a massively compliant person and very much in favour of interventions to support the public good. But even I have limits. And if someone like me is becoming increasingly reluctant to comply then that means that less compliant people are way further down the path of doing whatever they want. And then instead of more relaxed rules there will just be no rules.

It has been a massive government failure in the UK. In Australia 97 people have died in total. From a population approx one third the size of the UK. And whilst the country is geographically big, the majority of the population live in quite concentrated areas. And it is very connected with China.

I agree with learning to live with it. I am taking advantage of every relaxation of the rules that comes along. Went for a long walk with a friend yesterday - it was marvellous to spend time with someone else.

I do feel for the shielded and the vulnerable, though.

But the nhs isn’t overwhelmed... and we are currently all still isolating.
If we stop isolating - the nhs will likely become much more stretched.
So do we never stop isolating?

It depends which way you look at it re: the nhs being overwhelmed. Normal services were suspended to deal with corona and we’re all now well versed in what’s happening in care homes. Plus the criteria for admittance was very high at one point (it’s now lower again). We didn’t see scenes like Italy and Spain but we weren’t operating at an optimal level.

You have to consider that the NHS was dealing with a glut of cases that developed due to no measures in place. Now there is an awareness and desire to actively mitigate risk the spread should be slower and lower which means people can go about their lives with a degree of normalcy.

Unfortunately it’s always going to be a case of suck it and see because this is such a new virus and there are so many unknowns; measures will be relaxed and tightened as evidence presents, Ultimately there’s a lot of finger crossing going on but other countries have managed to keep their infection rate under control for extended periods so there’s no reason we can’t with similar measures. I’m concerned about our governments competency and willingness to learn from those doing better than us but I’m positive about the fact it can be done.

The thing is protecting the nhs isn't a do it once and it's all over event
we need to keep it protected until the risk of it being overwhelmed has gone

Which is where r below 1 comes from....that's the only way to guarantee that the nhs won't get overwhelmed in 5 or 50 weeks times

Friendships don’t have to drift just because we are separated. I’ve just written cards and ordered little presents for all my best friends. Friendship is different in lockdown and it’s shit at times, but in some ways my friends are more important to me than ever and in fact with a couple of them I feel we are closer than ever as we FaceTime every day. We all live quite far apart but this is the longest I’ve been without seeing some of them.

And the more liberties none vulnerable people take, the longer vulnerable people will have to take extreme measures

Social distancing may well be what DD2 has to grow up with

No, there is no way that is true. As you say, the emotional damage as well as the wider political and economic damage would be far too high for governments (or parents) to accept for children and young people, especially for a condition where the major mortality risk is in people of retirement age and has still only resulted in a handful (though of course a very tragic handful) of deaths of under 10s worldwide.

It is the right thing to lock down now, to see if the virus can be properly brought under control and kept at a low level via tracking and tracing, and give us more time to learn about the illness, find potential mitigating treatments and hopefully make progress on a vaccine. If that doesn't work (and we'll know soon, but sadly it doesn't look much like it has in the UK), then there will have to be a reopening and acceptance of higher risk, and sadly also that the elderly and others with more risk may need to remain isolated for longer. I get really angry when I see people complaining that asking the over 70s to continue to isolate is ageist - well then so is the virus. And it's hard but overall still better for someone who is retired to be stuck in the house for 18 months than for developing children, or for people of working age who will lose jobs and find it hard to find new ones.

This sucks, but it's not forever, and will not stay stuck at this stage, even if the next few years are harder than we'd like.

Agree with most of those here. I am not prepared for my life and that if my children to be on hold for what it a minuscule risk to them. As teenagers they are much more at risk from suicide than the virus but as it isn’t covid it doesn’t matter. My dad can’t get his hip operation as the NHS has shut down despite being quieter than it has ever been. Hundreds of thousands of people die from cancer each year and cancer diagnoses are not happening.

I agree with @TempsPerdu completely.

Good post, OP. I was thinking exactly what you’ve said just this morning: that I’ve been incredibly naive. With every week that goes by, milestones that I perceived might take place (e.g. visiting relatives in Norfolk in August) are just slipping away. I hoped desperately that we would have a normal Christmas, but that doesn’t even seem like a possibility. What makes it worse for me is seeing people on here delighting in the fact that there will be no festive meals out, no parties. I cannot relate to those people one bit.

I don’t like the thought of the “new normal” either; that when things may start to open back up, that there will be huge queues, time limitations and people fighting to get to attend events / locations. To me, that sucks the fun out of everything.

"New normal" is an oxymoron, and not the right phrase.

What was normal in the winter, has gone, and we are all grieving, I think it's important to try and accept this - it was snatched away quickly and we didn't really prepare and now we are slowly adjusting to a different life. I have good days and bad days and I think that's part of the process too. Trouble is, with other types of grief "time heals", but we don't have any idea of the future and that compounds our grief over this. We know we've lost the lives we had, but our current way of life has no certainty at all. It's horrible and scary and sad.

A different life is what is ahead of us - and that is really hard to accept and it will be a bumpy road for many of us.

What I personally envisage is a year or more of lockdown being eased and then restricted, then eased again, etc. I think treatment for the virus will be improved, and a vaccine eventually developed. Both will take a long time, so we have to try to accept the unacceptable: changes to our way of life.

A few weeks ago there were countless threads on here about how people would manage if we had to lockdown for another three weeks. Without saying it bluntly, the government has extended lockdown for another 3 months at least - they are talking about opening some hospitality July at the earliest. There is no time frame yet for the opening of large events like concerts/football matches. It's been framed in a way that tries to make the population grateful for the chance to actually do a little more in 2 months time, if the data says it's safe.
That's when it hit me how long we are in this for - and Rishi extending furlough into the Autumn - 5 months ahead, shows we won't be any where back to anything resembling our old lives by then.

Many friends who are saying they'll stay indoors until there's a vaccine or it's all gone away - will they really when it comes down to it?

When other people are posting photos of their swishy new hairdos on facebook, when other people are going out for dinner, kids back at school etc. will they really stay hidden away?

The big difference will be when more and more people have had it and recovered.

It’s going to take ages to get back to normal. But in New Zealand, things have much improved. The household bubbles were successful - as from yesterday they don’t have bubbles anymore. You can mix with who you like, but when out and about you have to stay 1m from others. But if they are friends/family you can hug each other. I believe everything is open again apart from bars. Mass gatherings (I think over 100) are still banned.
So there is hope. I’m hoping for household bubbles in June. I don’t care if primark opens or not! Just want to see a few people.

I think you're being a little dramatic about there not being any point in keeping in contact with your friends. Even without the virus, one of my best friends lives on the other side of the world. I saw her nearly two years ago, and it is likely the next time I'll see her will be in another two years, but really, I have no idea when I'll see her again. But we still message each other all the time, send each other funny videos, talk on FaceTime sometimes. I don't see it as there being 'no point' contact with each other is important to both of us!

If I was your friend and you considered my friendship that way, I would take that to mean that you didn't value our friendship very much at all.

I think the thing is - if your partner allows you to FaceTime with friends etc it’s probably easier but mine doesn’t - although I don’t want to go into that here. There’s nothing I can do about that right now.

I am concerned by how many people I know who aren’t in vulnerable groups, and nor are their children or partners, who think this should carry on forever. It worries me that it will.

It's just awful.
I could cry for my 19 yr old dd. She has always struggled with anxiety, never coped for more than a night away from me, yet against all the odds we convinced her to go to uni and she loved it.
She's now back home, has literally zero idea what is happening next year and increasingly feels as though uni will be an unrecognisable experience to what it was in her first year

@nether as a healthy, working, previously normal day-to-day life shielded person, thank you for your post.

@TempsPerdu agree with everything you have said.

You articulated it so much better than what I could have.

I'm getting fed up of the
'Lockdown Forever' V 'back to normal NOW'
Attitude.

There's a middle line. Lock down harder for a few weeks, get the R rate right down then we will be able to social distance until they find a better treatment path and hopefully a vaccine.

This rush to get out of lockdown IS going to waste the time we spent in lockdown because the R is still too high

You cannot continue to ask such a large majority of the population who are not at any notable risk to much such huge sacrifices without demonstrating that something is actually being done so that these can restrictions can be lifted. And quite clearly there are things that can be done that aren't being done.

Exactly this. Altruism has worked pretty well so far - possibly better than the politicians expected - but if non-vulnerable people are going to continue to make these sacrifices we need to feel that the government is on top of things - which ours most certainly isn’t. A big part of the frustration is the powerlessness of being stuck indoors watching a bunch of incompetents paying lip service to protecting vulnerable groups while patently failing to do so, alongside all the usual mixed messaging and political game-playing. Being stuck at home because of a novel virus is one thing; being stuck at home because you have an utterly useless government is quite another.

It is highly likely that eventually, life will get better. Either a vaccine will be found, treatments will improve to remove the fear factor/severity of the disease, or the virus will mutate itself into something less dangerous, or herd immunity will take hold. I do think this is temporary.

I wouldn't dismiss the possibility of a totally different pandemic though. What has happened once can happen again. Even HIV is now treatable, although not disappeared, and acceptable changes to lifestyles have been made to contain it.

Disgruntledguineapig- what if they don’t find a vaccine? Or don’t find one for years? Will they lock themselves inside forever? I don’t want to catch it, barely go out, and have not broken the lockdown rules, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if you are low risk, then you will be better off being super careful and following the rules, and go out when you need to. I’m not sure what the prospects are for the super vulnerable :/