Can people please stop criticising people who are having to use parents, family members or friends for childcare

[Disneylover4321]

Can people please stop criticising people who are having to use parents, family members or friends for childcare.
They are not doing it because they want to but they are doing it because they have to.
They are doing what is best for their family.

No worries.

My sister and her family have been in full seclusion now for over a month. So have I. The chances of any of us having the virus are somewhere between nil and zilch. If she needed me to care for her children, I'd do it. And we would all continue to take sensible precautions to stay safe.

That's exactly what you would expect from a nanny. In terms of degree of risk, there's no difference.

I posted about this the other day. We have a situation occurring at the moment which means I won't be able to rely on my son being looked after at home by my boyfriend who is staying with us just now.

I didn't receive any criticism but I'm still unclear about what is allowed. I can't find any links or resources to say it isn't.

And are the childminders cleaning every hard surface in all rooms used by the children every single day? Including every single toy? Keeping the children from different families separate/socially distant?

Well yes, risk assessments are in place covering all these things.
I work with just two different families though.

They have separate arrival times and children are different ages and are kept apart.
Minimal toys are out and everything sanitized at the end of the day.

@levomental

Hello, I hope you are well?
It's not strictly allowed but if you need to do it, then do it.

@Disneylover4321 clearly didn’t read what I wrote correctly....

@OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe

What did you mean?

It’s not that there’s a difference in risk, childcare vs family/friends. The risk is there regardless.

But childcare is a service that is offered and in return the provider earns money. It’s a level playing field, transactional, mutually beneficial.

Relying on family/friends because you otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford to live is emotionally coercive on the person providing the help. It’s a huge weight of responsibility and messy to back out of if the need arises.

It’s not just about risk, it’s about not making other people responsible for whether your choices are viable or not.

It really must take a severe lack of intelligence to state that parents must use childminders to protect their families... you are aware childminders also have families? You also have 0 idea of how much mixing they do out of work... with your mum you'll likely know the true story.

Let people do what they need to do. Stop bleating the same "it's against the r00000lesssss!!!!!!" nonsense. Grown adults should be able to use more common sense .

@LevoMental it isn't legally allowed, here are the full guidelines and reasons to leave home. Nannies are specifically allowed (in fact there was specific guidance published even with the previous rules) because of the encouragement to return to work and because home is their workplace, so the aim is to balance the risk of introducing new people Vs the risk to the economy of losing both the nanny's and employer's jobs.

... However, I totally understand that many people are therefore stuck. The first and most legal option would to be to ask for furlough for childcare reasons - but if that isn't possible, then I'd be looking for help too and doing all possible to minimise risk all round by forming a very careful two-home bubble.

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/made

Op I'm assuming it's not as easy as telling your employer you cant work because you have no childcare, or your dh not going into the office Thursday and Friday for the same reason

Is your friend seeing her parents

Going to the supermarket etc

Is it essential that both of you can't have your kids Thursdays and Fridays because if not you're increasing the viral load and so is your friend

@DCITennison

relying on family/friends because you otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford to live is emotionally coercive on the person providing the help. It’s a huge weight of responsibility and messy to back out of if the need arises

You're talking out of your hole on that one, sorry. Most grandparents (who are under 70, healthy etc) absolutely adore seeing their grandkids. It literally makes their week. I know myself that my mum has been desperate to see DD and misses having her twice a week more than anything else. She texts about her daily. Absolutely loves seeing photos of her, etc. A lot of GP feel the same.

I know my mum is much less riskier than a childminder. She goes shopping once a week. My dad is a farmer so sees no one other than her. They're as isolated as can be. She'll be having DD next week when I have my c section (comes under the care of a vulnerable person). Why on earth would I send DD to a random childminder who's been mixing with god knows who when I know that my parents have been sensible and it makes them happy?

I'm all for the rules but when some rules literally do not make sense, I'm not going to follow, sorry.

people should use childminders rather than putting family at risk

I suppose the childminders family dont matter then
I would send to GP too if I needed as long as the GP wasnt shielding.

@stretchedmarks

That sounds like a lovely set up, glad it works for you, and them.

Presumably though, if it no longer worked for your parents (Ill health, declining energy, change of circumstances etc) you’d be able to make other childcare arrangements.

Op was talking about having no other option, I take that to mean that childcare costs weren’t given too much thought ahead of time. If the friend hadn’t offered then what would op do then?

@LucieLucie - I take it you are a Childminder as am I, although I've been closed during lockdown. I really don't understand your reasoning of risk. How is it less risky for both my mindees families and mine for them to come to my setting than go to a Grandparents. I'm older than the grandparents of most of my mindees and I'm still not elderly. During a working week I could have children from 4 different families in my home and with the best will in the world, cleaning hard surfaces is hardly going to stop infection when the children cant be expected to social distance.

Age. Using elderly family is putting them at risk, not the kids.

The OP mentioned family in general though, not specifically elderly family. I do childcare for my sister but I'm younger than her. I've only had to do it once since lockdown as we have been trying to adhere to the rules but on this one occasion it was unavoidable.

According to the all important rules it is simply not allowed. Like visiting your mistress. I agree it's no different from shared custody. It's getting very tiresome .

I would send my DS to either set of grandparents if I needed to. My DH is an only child and my brother and his family don't bother with my DP.

I have so little faith in the way this government have handled this whole thing. That, combined with the lack of logic attached to some of the rules, makes me feel my own judgement is more reliable.
That said, I worked all my career in health care, education and spent 4 years working in public health. I wrote infection control policies for local authorities as part of my job.
I am unimpressed with the way this whole crisis has been handled.

I suppose the childminders family dont matter then hmm

Well if the childminder is open they want you to use them and they want your money !

I dont see why going to family is a bigger risk than sending them to a cm unless there are underlying health issues

I'm 42, my gc coming to me is less of a risk than if they went to my friend who is the same age and a cm who also has her own dc and other children who's parents are keyworkers

To the one friends house.

Then no different from sending to another parent. Actually, in many cases the other parent also has another partner and children. If they’re being sensible then they’re probably a safer person to send to than a group of children in a childminding setting.

I don't have time to reply to everyone but will reply to a few over the next 10 minutes.

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily

It is probably safer than a childminder.

@DCITennison

If my friend hadn't offered I don't know what the hell I would have done tbh.