I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown

[detachablehoof]

So. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for. My family are all in good health, we have no change in our income (yet), my husband is able to work from home, we have a big garden and had plenty of nice weather to enjoy it. There's just us two and our toddler in our house. We're a lot more fortunate than many.

But... I quite honestly don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm grieving our old life, missing my parents so much, and finding it SO HARD to keep my toddler occupied at home.

I just want to go back to normal 😭 and it doesn't look like there will be a "normal" for a while. It's all just so uncertain and indefinite. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to any more and every day is a chore.

Anyone want to offer some solidarity?

I’d rather keep going than do it again too. The thought of having a bit of relaxation to go backwards is worse for me.

And actually from the very beginning of all this it’s been partly the recognition of how lucky I am that has made me so miserable in lockdown. If DH and I, in our comfortable, well resourced situation, are struggling, I can only imagine what’s going on in less advantaged households - domestic violence, child abuse (we already know both of these have risen since lockdown), worsening of mental and chronic health issues as treatment is unavailable or more difficult to access, families where both parents are working while homeschooling (actually I do know several of these and they’re feeling stretched to their limit) - you name it.

Of course I can count my blessings, and I do, but being aware of how others are suffering more doesn’t make your own worries invalid.

The thought of having a bit of relaxation to go backwards is worse for me.

That was always going to happen. Economically they can't keep the lockdown going long enough to avoid a second peak.

That was always going to happen.

We’ll see re reintroducing this.

They might have been able to keep on top of a second peak with a decent contact tracing and testing programme but given the shitshow that is this government I doubt it'll actually be implemented.

I doubt that another bail out such as what we’ve had can be done again. But who knows.

I've already started loosening up on the rules. If it goes on to another extension I'll loosen up even further. I think so will a lot of people (that just won't admit it)

@Brownyblonde Shame you can hide behind your keyboard and be anon.
No, other people unless they are stupid, selfish or both, won't start loosening up.

what makes you think you have the right to put our lives at risk by your behaviour?

It's people like you who will make us all suffer for longer and possibly die.

Have you no conscience?

I was lying in bed last night and thought I might cry at the sudden certainty that "normal" would never return and how sad it made me for DS

Me too -dd is in her GCSE year. Dd2 is currently home in an utterly disastrous and expensive Masters year - strikes then this - and has a hospital eye appointment next month which is panicking me. Dd1 and her bf were about to exchange on their first house so that's in the air obviously. Ds has had to stop work. Dad is 91 and luckily only 10 miles away but I feel guilty for not "seeing" hi often enough - lovely ds has done lots of gardening for him - DH is a contractor but seems to have lost the will to even half heartedly look for a job - watches shit telly and fucks about "tidying" the crap in the garage. I think the language and my stompy typing shows that dh bothers me the most. He's nearly 60 - will he ever work again??

I'm working from home. A teacher - don't like to own up to that on MN! We need more than my income.

I know lots have it so so much worse but thank you for letting me be grumpy and sad for a short while before putting my smile and armour back on x

Economically they can't keep the lockdown going long enough to avoid a second peak.

But stopping and starting would be economically even worse. It doesn't need to be zero, just low enough for our capacity to test and track to keep it manageable.

@PenelopePitstopping we're not all going to die of coronavirus. Most of us will have it or have had it. The elderly and vulnerable are most at risk and I shall not or have not been visiting elderly relatives. Most of us will experience no more than a cold. The government imposed lockdown as a way of protecting the NHS from an influx of patients that would overwhelm the system. Job done thankfully. You've clearly taken the bait of 'we're all gonna dieeee'. Little children in abusive households are suffering more. Those with mental health problems and isolation are suffering more. Those with chronic conditions are missing their appointments. And at the end of the day we have an economy to run. Families are losing their incomes. Me visiting my mother or MIL if lockdown extends hardly makes me a selfish satan so bog off

@PenelopePitstopping Unfortunately whether we like it or not, people will start loosening up and relaxing their own lockdown rules. Not like the dickheads you see in the paper, meeting up for drinks in the park, etc. (twats) but just popping out more and seeing their parents at a close distance than they should.

Older people (as in 80+) will no doubt decide that they want to live out their life enjoying things rather than being stuck in their houses on their own and who can blame them really?

I said it more firmly than @Brownyblonde, @PenelopePitstopping, so don't pick on her!

I didn't say I'll loosen up even further if an extension is announced on 7th May. I said I will absolutely not go along with it.

Obviously I won't go up to some poor random shopper in the fish aisle and cough on them, and obviously I won't jump the blasted queues outside Lidl. I can't go out for a coffee if the coffee shops remain shut. And so on.

But within the parameters of the possible, I will try to get on with something that's as near as possible to the life I had pre-lockdown.

leaving aside the fact that I have no job and no income as a direct result of lockdown

I’m exactly the same and think DH is too. On paper, all great as we both have our jobs and can WFH and neither had any salary/hours cuts yet. We also have a huge garden for outside time. But we are trying to WFH with a 19 month old and I’m 12 weeks pregnant and suffering awfully with morning sickness and fatigue. I wake full of dread each morning as we don’t get any downtime at all. Added to that our DC is having some sort of sleep regression and awake screaming most of the night but we can’t sleep in as we have to work and he is still up with the larks.

I just want to go back to the office and put him back in childcare as feel am failing at work and home life. I want to be able to pop to the shops or take DC out for a bit of cake. Lockdown us just horrendous. I think for us it’s magnified due to my feeling so rough and also lack of sleep but it’s just shit

Thank you @Cantata. I think a lot of people will be doing the same. It's hardly having a bbq on the beach with the locals. People are just talking about seeing their friends and family and being able to pop out. Nobody is going to be ignorantly snogging their neighbours

In many ways I'm very lucky. I'm in a rural area so can quickly and easily walk into beautiful countryside. I have more work now than I had before - actually working around 16 hours a day 5 days a week, plus shorter days on the other 2 days. Being freelance I take work when I can and right now I have work. Some of this is WFH but most of it is as a key worker outside of home. And I have livestock so it's another reason to get out.

But I am going loopy. On lockdown separately from my OH and not being able to have a hug when I want is driving me nuts. I coped with it when I was single but now I'm not single I can't cope, I think because I know that contact should be available but isn't. Plus I'm run ragged whilst a lot of other people are bored so they desperately want to chat to me so they get some social contact whilst I want them to bugger off because I'm tired and I'm introverted and I've had enough.

So yes, I'm lucky, but I'm also pissed off.

I have coped well with lockdown, but I still have bad days!

I think one of the things that got me this week is the idea that even if lockdown is lifting, life is going to be no fun at all. I won't be able to visit my older relatives anyway because I absolutely wouldn't want to infect them and two out of three of them are high risk. If we go out for a coffee, it will be takeaway or sit miles away from people. Go everywhere in a mask. Go to B and Q as a single shopper, queue, wear a mask, leave shop. This is not going to be the enjoyable return to socialising we all crave right now, I don't think. Some people can take their chances on public transports with masks on. Sounds a hoot.

I'm upset that my parents are older than my in laws so I might have to see those annoying freaks over my own parents when things are relaxed. That really sucks! And what's the point in going out if it's not to the pub. Sigh

I was lying in bed last night and thought I might cry at the sudden certainty that "normal" would never return

This is exactly how I feel and every so often it hits me hard.

Normal life can be tough, but when we look back it's natural to remember the good times. When I think of what was normal before it feels so carefree and happy.

I know it certainly wasn't carefree and happy all the time, but it feels like we've all lost so much.

I'm on my own and now days go by when I actually don't talk to anyone except the dog. Our once a day walk has become the highlight of my days.

I was going to go to the supermarket today, but at a stretch I can hold off until Thursday, which I will do, because tbh the thought of having to go and mix with a lot of other people, some of whom might be carrying something that could kill me, scares me.

I don't want to live like this but I will continue to keep any and all the imposed restrictions.

I want my life back but I don't see it happening any time soon.

Unless you have a serious pre existing condition pigsDOfly the chances of you dying from coronavirus are absolutely minuscule, you dont need to fear the supermarket!

I feel exactly the same as many posters on this thread. And again, it was yesterday that it really hit me. Feeling so sad and fed up. Not helped by the fact that I despise this Tory government and have no faith in their ability to chart the right course on this. And don't get me started on their hypocrisy regarding the NHS which they've spent the last decade running into the ground.

I know in the scheme of things we are ok compared to lots of people - a nice detached house with a garden, no money worries and no children at home. But I so miss seeing my beautiful ten month old grandson and my daughter. We were both public servants - my husband in Health and Social Care and me in education, both working in a very disadvantaged part of the country. I fear for those vulnerable people and children, as services are presently on hold. I know how difficult it was for some families when things were 'normal', so goodness knows what's happening at the moment.

I hope there will be direction from the Government soon - so the lockdown easement can be done in a managed way - if not I do believe that lots of people will be voting with their feet and doing their own thing.
People have been very self-sacrificing over the past month, but there has to be some hope that some semblance of normality, albeit the new Coronavirus normal, can begin to take shape.

I'm fed up too. I can't complain, as I have work, and a roof over my head.

I'd just love to see my friends. I'm pregnant, and I wish I could sit down and have a long chat with MIL, DM, or my best mate. I wish I could go and buy a little teddy or something for my baby girl.

Ugh.

< pulls self together >

I'm having a tough week. I had finally started to understand some of the new stuff I'm doing at work (I moved role internally the day before we were all sent to WFH), when manager wanted me to focus on a different (and far more complicated) aspect - needing to understand a veritable spider's web of legislation and amendments going back over 100 years. DD is having trouble with the newest maths topic, on top of her normal "over the top-ness" (ASD/ADHD). DH is constantly working. I am struggling to manage working and providing for the family (food and shopping and meds) in the current climate - we have enough, but DD won't eat certain things, DH just grabs what he sees, DD needs to eat by 6 or we have h-angry meltdowns. I am struggling to organise my Cub pack remotely, and deal with paperwork for another group as the budget person organising refunds is also trying to do it even more remotely. And my sleep has gone to absolute pot (I am peri-menopausal so it was already not great, but currently insomnia is hitting me a LOT). But I have to keep going.

So yesterday, after the 10th insult from DD about lunch (a normal occurrence and I manage to mostly let them wash over me), I broke down in tears and ended up not getting any work done for the afternoon and going out to go to the post office and buy milk (and spent far too much at the supermarket as it was quiet). I still got a call as I was driving back as to "where was I?", not that I had been gone that long, and had only done the jobs, not even had a walk.

So I spent last night baking - pounding as I kneaded scones (to use up the end of the buttermilk rather than throw it out) and then eating large large helping of rhubarb crumble.

And I do know that we are incredibly lucky -we are healthy despite my crappy lungs, we still have our jobs even if DH has had a paycut, DD is actually working on her school stuff in the daytime, we can get food relatively easily (even if it's not always "approved" food!), have plenty of places to walk even if not to parks or seashore (outside our 2km zone), have been able to eat lunches outdoors in the garden, we have savings, etc. I'm just having a few days where counting my blessings is not working so well, and I can't be a proper Girl Guide who "smiles and sings despite all difficulties" - I just have too many worries and fears floating around my head, and trying to figure out what to do for so many things while others get to slow down and just take a break.

I hate lockdown but could live with it if my partner could go back to work.

He hates working from home, staff are almost all furloughed and there is zero business coming in because people are not allowed out. We can survive a few months but not until the end of the year. I absolutely loathe the place we live but if people were allowed back to work I would be so relieved.

I'm really fed up. I'm WFH, and finding it a slog, but DP was made redundant just before Christmas, so money is tight and obviously recruitment is on hold now. I miss normal life. I know we are lucky to have a garden, and health, and food, but god, it is shit.