I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown

[detachablehoof]

So. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for. My family are all in good health, we have no change in our income (yet), my husband is able to work from home, we have a big garden and had plenty of nice weather to enjoy it. There's just us two and our toddler in our house. We're a lot more fortunate than many.

But... I quite honestly don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm grieving our old life, missing my parents so much, and finding it SO HARD to keep my toddler occupied at home.

I just want to go back to normal 😭 and it doesn't look like there will be a "normal" for a while. It's all just so uncertain and indefinite. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to any more and every day is a chore.

Anyone want to offer some solidarity?

Agree @HazelBite
please remember the bigger picture, stay alive.

If it doesn't relax after the next review I'll be going to see my mum anyway and I don't really care about being flamed.

It's hard and shit, but I'm justifying it as it keeps us safe. I have ASD so struggled with the change to routine and new rules in places I have been using all my life, but it keeps us safe. Supermarkets and even work make me very anxious, but we just need to do it. And you have to keep repeating it to yourself.

My kids are hard work at the moment, I'm working from home trying to teach GCSE and A level, and was going in on a rota until we had a confirmed case in our keyworker children, so now our family are on a 14 day isolation, and now my partner can't go to his uncle's funeral (death from Covid 19). We have had other family and friend deaths; staying in and distanced is keeping us safe and making sure if we do get it the NHS can cope as well as possible.

It is shit, but at least we are (touch wood) healthy and not in other countries that are not handling this (not that our government is!)

It's hard and shit, but I'm justifying it as it keeps us safe.

It's really not.

As the implied death rate goes down and down with each study, I worry that the narrative is going to change to save face.

My husband keeps telling me to look at the bigger picture and that it won't last forever. But realistically we have no idea when things might be a bit more normal do we? Even if shops / parks / churches etc do reopen I can imagine people being super judgy about others using them if it isn't 'essential'.

It feels like society has broken.

I hit a wall over the weekend.

I am lucky to have a garden, and projects to do, and my boys are 24 and 12 so not relentless, and I do recognise that and feel for those who are in a much harder position than me but fuck me I'm finding it hard to Pollyanna my way out of the gloom right now.

My insomnia has returned, after many years of having beaten it. When that comes back it's a sure sign that depression is a real possibility again and I really don't want to go there again.

I miss my friends. I miss having a choice about whether I stay in. But most of all I miss DP. I need hugs.

(And sex. OMG I miss the sex )

It is all so very rubbish, I’m also a little sad as I’m classed as vulnerable and am shielding until my due date. I have had to cancel our holiday, my birthday, 2 shows and 2 weddings. I feel sad for my friends who were meant to be getting married but now are still in different countries, I feel sad that after 10 years of waiting for a baby I am now in isolation with the prospect of giving birth alone, I feel sad that my family will not meet my baby for a long time and I feel sad for all the other people who have it much worse. My friends who are still going to work and then going home and risking their families and themselves, my work who have changed their field of research to help with the virus and are working very long stressful hours and my patients who are having treatments and surgeries delayed.
We are all feeling the effects of this but it’s a situation that can’t be changed individually and it’s ok to feel sad about circumstances outside of our control.

Same. I’m supposed to be graduating from my PGCE this summer which has been postponed until god knows when. I won’t be able to say goodbye to my class most likely as I finish in early June. And I won’t be able to celebrate with my parents either... even if restrictions are lifted by then it’ll all be such an anti climax.
I know this is a TINY thing and generally I don’t mind but it’s a shame after all the years of hard work I’ve put in to get to this point.
And then god knows what schools will even be like in September. FML

I am a bit fed but of lockdown, but much more worried about the massive gaping hole in my finances and my apparently zero hope of getting any work for the remainder of the year.

Oh I've had it, two kids (one stroppy pre teen, one stroppy toddler), two large dogs, single parent with not a minute alone, on furlough but I don't think there will actually be a business to go back to, exH being a massive cock, I do have a partner but I haven't been able to see him since pre lockdown, he's living with his ex and kids and she won't let talk to me in the house so I can't even video chat without him looking like a bloody Minecraft character . I'm done. I've officially lost the plot.

I really worry about the long term effects this is going to have on mental health services, substance abuse, people with slight drink dependency being tipped into fill blown alcoholism, and so on.

I've been okay up until now but I'm starting to run out of steam. I'm grateful for the garden, nice weather, DP still working, etc but I'm starting to struggle to get out of bed in the morning as it's just another long day of the same things.

Kids are very small but my 3 year old has ASD. I've noticed a few behaviours starting from him in recent weeks.

Just feels no end in sight but have to keep it together for the kids.

I am so happy where I am and have been trapped here mostly for years as I work from home full time and have 4 small kids with endless rotten pregnancies keeping me tied to home. So not much has changed. I also lived abroad so am used to not seeing family for long periods. BUT! I’m really struggling with periods of crippling (health) anxiety. And feeling like that scares me so it’s a stupid vicious circle. I wish so much I could override that so that I could just enjoy the best of every day here in my lovely home and garden with my beautiful kids who I adore. It’s a struggle I’ve never faced before and I feel bad for being a bit shit at this lockdown and managing my emotions. Why is this so hard?? Why am I so scared of this virus? Something bad and very sad happened a friend right before this stuff started and it knocked me right off my usually very happy, stable feet. I wonder if that’s part of it? But I’ve really got to keep a handle on my anxiety, it’s a massive waste of time and energy.

@falafellygood yes I also worry about the long term effects on MH. I wonder if there will be a spike in suicides.

I had fairly bad PND and just got back to 'normal' at the end of last year, and now it feels like I'm teetering on the brink of full scale depression again. (and yes I am still in bed right now... Must get up)

I’m with you OP. It’s all utterly shit, and being aware, as I am, that you’re relatively fortunate in the grand scheme of things shouldn’t preclude being able to express how you feel. Fortunately pretty much everyone I know irl feels like this too, so I at least have them to complain to!

DH is one of the few from his work not on furlough so is working extra hard while I look after toddler DD, who is currently teething, clingy and miserable. When she goes to bed (no naps any more, she dropped them super early) we run around tidying, cleaning, cooking and sorting out stuff for the next day - we eat about 10 each night, then sit down for maybe an hour before bed. Same every day. No time for reading, TV, studying, gardening, DIY or any of the other things are that supposed to mitigate this situation. Fed up with having to explain to a confused two-year-old why there’s suddenly no nursery, no classes, no grandparents, no playground, no library... She keeps asking why all the benches where we are (London suburb) are taped up and we’ve told her they’re all broken. We’re both exhausted and I feel constantly on edge, only it’s not about the virus itself but rather the monotony and relentlessness of life at the moment.

I have not been ok with lockdown since it started (now have no income at all, health problem that now can't be treated, blah, blah), but have mostly played by the rules.

I won't be playing by the rules for one minute longer if an extension is announced on 7th May, though. I will be making an "unnecessary" 200 mile car journey to see my family, for starters because it's necessary for me, and it's necessary for them.

I won't be playing by the rules for one minute longer if an extension is announced on 7th May,

@Cantata. hi. Me either.

Me neither

Or me, this has gone on long enough now.

We're incredibly lucky in so many ways but DS is really struggling and his tantrums and regressions get worse by the day. Poor mite is 5, hasn't seen his friends in weeks and finds it tough when we're here but trying to work. It takes the guilt I was already feeling about not having been able to give him a sibling to a new level.

Everyone is entitled to have a down day but truly OP there are people in such a bad situation right now. It worries me that people who have everything they need are finding it so difficult - can you imagine the absolute terror of going through this with no income or poor health? The two things that keep me sane are walking every day and doing some voluntary work around my normal job. Both of these things give me perspective. I do expect my mood to slide when the weather breaks so I've been saving a lot of the house clearing stuff for then!

Yep, yesterday was it for me. I had been semi okay until then, plodding along. Now I feel very blah and fed up and tearful. I really miss my family. I’m sad they’re missing out on their first grandchild growing up. I’m bored and restless with a 7 month old, running out of ideas and motivation to entertain him, he’s teething horribly and is just miserable. I think the change in weather doesn’t help.
Keep remaining myself, this is not forever... but it feels very relentless right now.

detachablehoof Thank you for posting this- feel exactly the same- I feel guilty to say it as I know I have very little to actually complain about, but just feel so sad that this is our reality and I don’t see life returning to normal anytime this year.

My biggest fear is that public support for the lockdown wanes, leading to it being ended too soon, or before we have adequate test and trace capacity so we're plunged back into another lockdown possibly in the heat of summer. Much as I want it to end the thought of it happening all over again is even worse!

I've already started loosening up on the rules. If it goes on to another extension I'll loosen up even further. I think so will a lot of people (that just won't admit it)

People have loosened the rules for days.
By next week I think people will take matters into their own hands even more!