I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown

[detachablehoof]

So. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for. My family are all in good health, we have no change in our income (yet), my husband is able to work from home, we have a big garden and had plenty of nice weather to enjoy it. There's just us two and our toddler in our house. We're a lot more fortunate than many.

But... I quite honestly don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm grieving our old life, missing my parents so much, and finding it SO HARD to keep my toddler occupied at home.

I just want to go back to normal 😭 and it doesn't look like there will be a "normal" for a while. It's all just so uncertain and indefinite. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to any more and every day is a chore.

Anyone want to offer some solidarity?

I'm at the point where I think I'm going to snap.

I'm a key worker going into work on a rota basis, then attempting to work from home the rest of the time. DH is overseas, so it's just me and our speech delayed 2 year old. I get up at 6 when he wakes, do all the usual stuff, try to spend the day juggling work calls with him shrieking for my attention and doing speech therapy exercises with him occasionally that he flat out doesn't want to engage in. He spends most of the day tearful and frustrated, no matter how much I sit and play with him/leave him to it, he seems unhappy. I try to cram in cleaning during the day too so I can sit and work after he goes to bed which is between 8-10 at the moment. Lots of crying for daddy and asking where he is. Understandably clingy, and anxious about me leaving him to the point where I can't have a piss on my own. He's also stopped napping. We have the added stress of me not being able to drive for medical reasons, the nearest food shop being an hour bus ride away, so entirely reliant on the luck of getting delivery slots I'm not classed as priority for.

I'm getting zero time for me and averaging about 6 hours sleep a night. I know it's not sustainable but we really can't afford to take a 20% pay cut and opt for furlough. So I'm just plodding alone and trying not to cry. Selfishly, this has delayed a promotion being advertised, which I've been desperately working towards for the last year. I feel really let down and flat at the thought any longer in my current role.

That said I'm lucky to have a secure job.

Even if he doesn't do it soon he risks losing public consent.
Louder, please! We need more people screaming this.

I'm angry for those who are going to suffer through mental health, loss of jobs, obesity, suicides, vigilante attacks, income being snatched away, domestic violence, all of which are being exacerbated by lockdown. This feels more and more like 1984 by stealth, longed for the public, where the government keeps playing mind games. I know there are good reasons for it (people going straight to parties blah blah blah), but it feels like when the whole school is punished because of the behaviour of the few, and I find it extremely frustrating and infantilising that the government are refusing to talk about exit strategy. The hints of it on some of the headlines this morning are merely lip service.

I'm trying not to blame Boris and the crowd for this, and trying to remember that the situations are not remotely comparable, but Tony Bliar who totally milked the system for himself gave me a long-standing hatred of government and politicians; every time Boris or one of the others spouts their orchestrated waffle, in their shiny suits, I keep thinking of Bliar prattling about weapons of mass destruction, and caring nothing about the human/financial cost of his vanity project; and even now his line is "no apologies, no regrets". So the fact that we are ruled by politicians on this makes me doubly resentful.

Also, we're going to miss the summer. Winter has been grim, and all the nice things we do in the summer are closed or cancelled (farm parks, fairy trails, beaches, outside cafes) and will likely not be opening again till next season. It's a long hard winter in Scotland and I live for the summer.

I think it was plastered all over the news on purpose to use as fear factor for when they announce they will open in September so parents don’t complain to much.
This times 1000. They probably knew it a while ago as well, and decided now was the best time to announce it, to overthrow the earlier message "children are less vulnerable".

Yep fed up too. It's mostly trying to find different things to do to entertain my two young DC. I've kind of run out and feel 'meh' now. I feel like they're no longer getting the best of me but a 'meh/lazy' version. They're only 4 and 5m they're not interested in school work and I'm not pushing it for all our sanity and they've had way too much screen time the last few days

Even if he doesn't do it soon he risks losing public consent.
Louder, please! We need more people screaming this.

Yep.

OP it absolutely sucks and we are more than within our rights to complain.

If you take that ridiculous position about diamond shoes none of us in the west can ever complain there are Africans living in shanty towns 🙄. We are “allowed” to feel sadness when things we previously relied on and enjoyed are taken away.

Feel like life a game of snakes and ladders and lots of us hit a snake so sliding down below where we had managed to get ourselves to if that makes sense. As a species we drive forward and improve our position in life - going backwards and losing previous gains is always going to hurt.

@Alex50

Completely agree with you. My health is screwed anyway, so the virus can have at it with me if it wants to and try its best, it'll probably see me off, but I'll give it a go. That may sound flippant, but it's what I've thought from the beginning of all this.

My priority is my family in all of this, I've been called selfish amongst other more "interesting" things saying that, but if looking out for them makes me selfish or an idiot (just a sample of what I've been called), I'm comfortable with that.

I am up to my back teeth, too - then I remind myself about Ann Frank, and other persecuted people who suffered similar conditions and regarded themselves as lucky to be alive. It brings me back to earth a little.

The trouble is, you can sympathise with someone else's pain, but you only really feel your own.

Agree and thank you @Ohffs66 @missfliss

Anyone seeking solidarity or to get feelings off their chest deserves to get just that

I think it was plastered all over the news on purpose to use as fear factor for when they announce they will open in September so parents don’t complain to much.
This times 1000. They probably knew it a while ago as well, and decided now was the best time to announce it, to overthrow the earlier message "children are less vulnerable".

YES.

I'm not sure if anyone was on the thread about that yesterday, since deleted, but I posted a link to a Guardian article written in Dec 2019 about how there was a virulent lung virus going around and the children's ICU units were filled to the brim with children on ventilators and they were having to move ICU children around from one county to another and no one even commented on it.

Everyone has lost any sense of proportion. It's absolutely out of control.

Aren't we lucky we're not Italy?

I keep telling myself that.

sorry but both myself and my partner have lost our jobs and livelihood and with social distancing not sure how we will get back to work. neither of us eligible for universal credit and after bills will be slowly eating through meagre savings every month until we are completely broke and then lose our house. I know it's hard, and I agree with you about wanting lockdown to end but do count your blessings.

I said to my dh we are existing not living and it's rubbish. I'm trying to stay positive and keep busy . My dc are fed up and my dh is doing my head in too much time together now .
But we are safe and it's not forever so stay positive I'm optimistic that the next few days will be positive and things are moving forward .

@PhilCornwall1 sorry to hear about your health I wish I had all the answers and everything could be ok for everyone.

Yep, yesterday I cracked as well. We're incredibly fortunate - stable incomes, both WFH, a small garden - but being stuck indoors with a pre-walking, pre-verbal 15 month old is exhausting. In addition to missing everyone and everything I took for granted before, I just want more than the odd snatched hour to myself. Maybe we've got to the point now where we can't actually imagine what it would be like to go back to semblance of normal?

Me too.

I’ve stopped saying how truly fed up I am in real life as the above mentioned dementors and, even worse, the Relentlessly Positives, just makes it worse.

It is shit.
I'm not happy lately and we don't have money worries (at the moment ) but if that was a factor I'd be even more fed up.
I do think about others and I know I wouldn't have managed my two as little ones stuck in all day so my heart goes out to them and those struggling financially too. It's not their fault but unscrupulous people will still exploit it I'm sure : (
I've offered some friends and family money as that's all I can do to help anyone, but it's such a tiny thing compared to how hard it is for people looking at losing their homes and jobs and how much debt will mount up for people not to mention those that have lost loved ones. I know a few who have.
Soul destroying all of it.
People need to rant whatever is going on.

I’m so glad there is some realism on this thread and not everyone thinks their children are going to die if they go outside. I was beginning to loose hope in people having any common sense

See those who are coming on to this thread to tell us how lucky we are, and that things could be much worse, can you go somewhere else please? There are loads of threads for that, or you could even start your own. Stop shutting down other peoples' feelings. Of course it could be worse but that doesn't mean people are not entitled to feel that this crap situation is crap. If we're looking for a 'other people have it worse' thread, we'll come find you. Shouldn't be hard.

Thank you to the vast majority of posters who understand

Yes I know I am very very fortunate in many ways. However I am still really struggling with my MH in these unprecedented times, and having a little anonymous rant online is therapeutic!

Oh and yes my diamond shoes are a bit tight as it happens.

Yes so its all crap! We have four adults living here with the only income coming in is my pension. Ds has been trying to get a job/or claim UC for weeks, DH is self emplyed, and DDil is a supply teacher.....so.....we all have had individually really bad days but.......

WE ARE ALL STILL HERE AND WE ARE ALIVE!!!!!
and for that I am grateful, and all else pales into insignificance,
OP I think you need to look at the bigger picture.

My diamond shoes aren't too tight. They fit perfectly. But I've nothing to wear them to.

What I am most fed up with is the is that essential remarks, particularly on any local facebook pages I am on.
I darent respond other than a Like to those braver than me who stick up for the supposed non essential shop/drive
it really gets on my nerves, angers me

I've always been sceptical of the positive people in life. I bet a lot of the really upbeat ones are in a good position financially or just like having their children at home or not seeing others isn't really a problem. We're all different , but being down isn't a bad thing either! I've been fed up in the past with the whole '
'' glass is half full ' narrative. Sometimes in life it just doesn't have anything in it.