I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown

[detachablehoof]

So. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for. My family are all in good health, we have no change in our income (yet), my husband is able to work from home, we have a big garden and had plenty of nice weather to enjoy it. There's just us two and our toddler in our house. We're a lot more fortunate than many.

But... I quite honestly don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm grieving our old life, missing my parents so much, and finding it SO HARD to keep my toddler occupied at home.

I just want to go back to normal 😭 and it doesn't look like there will be a "normal" for a while. It's all just so uncertain and indefinite. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to any more and every day is a chore.

Anyone want to offer some solidarity?

@eldesperado7 That does sound very hard. I do wonder if you have actually read any of the thread. There are people on here who have said that they may be suicidal, people who are seriously ill and people whose parents have health problems. I don't think anyone here has said that they are annoyed solely because their toddler has to play at home.

If you would like to have a moan on here do please feel free. You'll find kind listeners / readers. However, if your intention is to tell women you don't know how they should feel then please move on.

The only good thing about lockdown is we aren’t dodging bombs, shells and bullets.
The rest sucks

So I’m sorry you’re frustrated your darling little toddler can’t play anywhere else but get real

I had some sympathy for your situation until you made that ridiculous remark. I hope you manage to treat your patients better than that.

I am dealing with elderly parents who are ill and shielding but who cannot get enough of their prescriptions delivered in a timely fashion (I don't live near them) leaving one in acute pain.

I also have a clinically depressed DD with anorexia nervosa, and am experiencing my own mental health issues right now too.

If I want to come on here to let of steam and rant then I bloody well will. Issues apart from Covid 19 are still happening. They still affect people and are still important.

Let off steam! Bloody autocorrect!

This highlights REALLY well why people shouldn't just respond to the OP without reading all the intervening posts.

People on here have so many and varied issues with lockdown, and to have them all dismissed by a late poster who is clearly frustrated and worried about her own situation could be devastating to some.

I hope that people WILL continue to post - as has been said, it's been a useful lifeline for people to come and say how they truly feel, and they shouldn't be put off by that poster.

to all of you who are struggling with the lockdown - it's not easy for many of us, for a huge variety of reasons.

Sorry to read so many are struggling with lockdown, please hang in there all of you you are valued and your life has worth. When things get better I hope you will be able to see that.

Sorry everyone still feeling bad, and I agree that coming on this thread to berate others or be annoyingly positive is not good!

@Topseyt as an aside, don't know if you have an iPhone, but I found out yesterday how to switch off auto correcting. Just in case, it's settings, general, keyboard, switch off smart punctuation. It also lets me type swearing now, not ducking 😃

Really starting to struggle. Live alone. Feel like I'm invisible to family and friends. Starting to despise my DB who simply never contacts our DM who is old and alone - I do all the care and contact for her and it's impossible for me to maintain my cheery face so I excused myself from our regular evening call, last night, as I just can't stop crying. Feel overwhelmingly that I must be a horrible person as no one/only one friend seems to think of me at all, then I feel selfish and childish for feeling like that and despise myself for those feelings. I'm vv lucky in the objective sense but I feel unloved and unlovable. When a stranger smiles and moves aside for me on my walk, huge tears well up simply because I've been seen and cared for even in that most basic way. No energy or motivation- am WFH and scared I'm making a hash of it due to lack of any apparent abilities to think. House a mess and increasingly filthy. Honestly feel there is no point to it all. Not suicidal but wish I'd never been born. Thoughts of death drift across my mind and Irrationally I fantasise about being in hospital even with Covid because then I'd at least be "seen" and cared for. I'm middle aged ffs and despise myself for feeling so pathetic and needy. I was managing well pre Covid. Have been on ADs for 20 years and tbh recognise current feelings as those that prompted me to go to Drs in despair all those years ago. Ie serious depression. Have excellent therapist and talk to her weekly but each week is worse and worse and this is a serious challenge to my MH. Thanks for reading

Feel dreadfully low and trapped. And we are lucky ones. Key worker still going to work kids at home but adults now. Garden and large house. But even though I'm going to work the job is very different now (I'm a nurse) and there is nothing to offset the stress of work. I just come home go to bed n start it all over again the next day. Beginning to feel quite desperate actually. Some of the circumstances I have seen here are so much worse than ours too I can only imagine how horrific it is for lots of ppl. Still I hate every day.

My youngest , 11, has been such a ray of positivity and even she is now starting to get despondent and sleep more and it’s a struggle to get her motivated . This is so hard on the kids (

Two of my classes were really inattentive yesterday and I feel under so much pressure that our school is continuing to deliver the curriculum via remote teaching.

Some of the kids are trying so hard, and I love them for it, but others - unsurprisingly - are switched off and unengaged. Who can blame them? I am teaching via audio link - they can't see me, I can't see them. It's no way to sustain a good working relationship.

I just want to be back in the classroom; I just want everything as it used to be. And I am hating more and more the relish some posters take in crowing that "ooh, schools won't be back before September", "no, probably not before January" (gloat gloat).

And I just want Yr 12 DS to have his life back again. He has been SO good during this and so patient. It's no way for a teenager to live.

sophie your story resonated with me and I actually want to give you a hug. Do people know you are struggling? I wonder if they think you are ok and haven’t reached out? I’m surprised lots of people aren’t reaching to me but I wonder if they are struggling so I’m sending them messages. You sound very low and I’m sure you are very loveable and worthwhile. Please don’t think the lack of contact means you are not

@eldesperado7 I'm a nurse and am quite frankly embarrassed and horrified by your self-important and sanctimonious post. Everyone is doing their bit in this and ppl feel what they feel. Who are you to judge what others are going through and their ability to cope? Christ I hope you learn the art of kindness and empathy. These are qualities you can work on! If not - jog on by. 😡

@eldesperado7 I'm a nurse and am quite frankly embarrassed and horrified by your self-important and sanctimonious post.

Absolutely this, all the post came across to me was look at me I work for NHS 'in a highly skilled job' and I'm more important than any of you.

I hope the son gets the treatment he needs and his mother doesn't treat him like she does here.

The irony of the posts directed @eldesparado 🙁
Sorry anyone is having a tough time.

calledyou waaaaaahhhh your post was so kind thank you. Means a lot.

sophie I want you to be kind to yourself all day. You are already juggling and job and caring for your mum. Bad thoughts about relatives are very normal. Look after yourself xx

@HMSSophie I'm so sorry. If you want to chat I'm always here. Take care of yourself too! Hoping they'll be an update next week just so we have a slightly better idea and that may help with things perhaps!

I started out reading this thread, stopped for a bit and just now read a little way back but I am so sorry for everyone struggling.

I'm having a tricky day today. It's dawning on me that with a 3 young children that even when lockdown lifts our lives won't change much and that is hard to bear. None of the usuall things we do will be available in the way we used to do them. The stress of homeschooling the 6 year old, managing the 3 year old and the 9 month old who is crawling but no doubt will be walking soon. I'm weary. I miss friends and there seems to be less and less contact with them as everyone has young kids and is weary. It's making me miss my parents who are both dead even more and I have no family to chat to. I'm never alone but feel so lonely. I know we just have to get through this and it is not the biggest challenge I've faced in my life but God this is hard. I feel like we are all missing out on so much and my children's childhoods are being taken away while they are stuck indoors.

I’m sorry again for everyone struggling

It really is worth writing to all,government you can, because I think there’s an element of public perception.

If they think people are okay with lockdown, it will go on for longer. This is no way to live, especially for children.

@HMSSophie I may not be seeing you IRL, but I'm certainly seeing your posts. So much of what you say resonates with me, too.

I am really low and fed up today too. I'm lucky, I am a key worker so can work mon to Fri, so can DH and my kids have been in 'school'. But I miss our old life so so much. Weekends a chore, the house is a mess, I'm lost and bored and sad and everything seems pointless.

Go out for a walk? ...round the same streets Ive been walking round for the last 5 weeks, day in day out. Why? I can't stand it any .more. Use the garden? To do what? We've tried paddling pool we've tried BBQ, yes it's been fun but it's all so pointless. It's all just done to try and keep some fun and normality for the kids but I'm quickly losing any meaning to my life.

I desperately miss our busy evenings of swimming lessons and football and playdates, and our family weekends at sports matches, and coffee shops and meeting friends and seeing grandma etc...

I live for our family summer holidays ... But even that seems unlikely now.

Work is different. Very different and a bit shit.

I miss my life :(

(and yes, I know I'm lucky. I'm bloody lucky. But that doesn't stop me feeling like shit. Robin Williams was a lucky man with all the money and opportunities to socialise in the world, didn't stop him killing himself from depression though did it).

Headache “ Go out for a walk? ...round the same streets Ive been walking round for the last 5 weeks, day in day out. Why? I can't stand it any .more. ”

Same. I should, because I’ve no outdoor space and the flat is tiny. But it’s starting to make me feel worse, especially the whole social distancing dance thing you have to do.

@Eldesperado7 I am frontline NHS and yes it’s hard and shit but that doesn’t stop me being pissed off I can’t take my baby to her playgroups and can’t go out with friends! Just because we are dealing with covid daily doesn’t make our struggles more important than anyone else's. If I was your manager I would be making you take emergency carers leave, you don’t seem in the right frame of mind to be at work.

I agree about the walking. I've been so sad today and my DH keeps on about me going for a walk for 'me time'. I've really snapped at him today - I don't want to go for a walk again. It's just the same old, same old, walking with nowhere to go and seems totally pointless. The rainbows of all the children trapped inside are even making me feel sad now. I wish I could just go to bed and wake up tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be a better day. This all seems cyclical to me, a little bit of the grief cycle. Hopefully tomorrow will be more acceptance.