I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown

[detachablehoof]

So. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for. My family are all in good health, we have no change in our income (yet), my husband is able to work from home, we have a big garden and had plenty of nice weather to enjoy it. There's just us two and our toddler in our house. We're a lot more fortunate than many.

But... I quite honestly don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm grieving our old life, missing my parents so much, and finding it SO HARD to keep my toddler occupied at home.

I just want to go back to normal 😭 and it doesn't look like there will be a "normal" for a while. It's all just so uncertain and indefinite. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to any more and every day is a chore.

Anyone want to offer some solidarity?

staying at home and protecting the NHS

Is still our stupid governments line whilst the actual NHS is trying very hard to get patients back in and frantically modelling the impact of the fucking huge shitstorm that we have coming.

All of the hospital trusts I'm working with are downright terrified of the future - not covid, but the impact of what is to come on both patients and staff.

I'm sick of it all still.

It needs to end and we'll have to take our chances. I, shocked at how little I care about people dying anymore. Call me a heartless bitch, don't care.

Elaine that is so hard

I just watched the press junket for the first time in ages

Is the first time the suicidal among us actually got a mention?!

Leigh I couldn’t care less any more either. I’ve never valued life less. I shouted at a woman in the supermarket today. She (wrongly) told me there was only one person allowed in the basket collect bit. Of course I got the “people are DYING” and I just said “I don’t care, you can have any one of my loved ones in exchange for normal life back”.

Luckily a nice staff member came along and pointed out she was wrong anyway. She went off grumbling and he told me that he was worried about it becoming the law to wear a mask.

Ive tried wearing one of those blue and white masks. I lasted three minutes I couldnt breathe properly with it on. I kept touching my face more to try and make it better. Im doing enough of that when i keep pushing my fringe out of my eyes. Long enough to get in my eyes, still a bit too short to be pinned to the side properly.

Elaine I totally cross posted with you and sorry for being insensitive. You are allowed to moan. We are all allowed to moan, hate, rant and feel angry. The people who keep telling us to count our blessings, blitz spirit and other fucking bollocks can fuck right off.

I hate the person I've become during this. I have no empathy left, no compassion and I'm terrified that my partner who lives so far away and is coping with depression, no work and a cancer diagnosis but no treatment. I'm terrified I'm going to lose him. And no. There are no ducking positives and won't be until this is over. Which it needs to be soon because the fall out of this is going to make the deaths from covid a drop in the ocean.

Helena are you a fellow asthma sufferer too? Asthma UK have said this could be problematic for us. I might wear my two inhalers in a clear pouch around my neck.

@LilacTree1 just . There are no words.

Please don't do anything to yourself. You are loved and needed jn this world more than probably realise at the moment.

AFAIK i havent got a lung problem. I just couldnt breathe properly and my face got very hot.

Its seven weeks since ive seen my 84 year old parents I miss them especially my mum.

She cries when i ring her.

LilacTree I've been sorry to read your posts from the last few days about what a hard time you've been having. I don't post on here all that much but I lurk quite a lot, and your posts were doing a lot of the heavy lifting in keeping me sane through the earlier stages of lockdown, when the prevailing mood was still that this was a wonderful opportunity for families to teach their kids lentil weaving and no-one was allowed to complain unless they were literally dead. I agree with whoever it was upthread who said people currently struggling with mental health problems are the ones showing real resilience by making it through each day.

I completely understand about losing the will to speak to friends. This situation is slowly wearing away at everyone's spirits, probably even the pathologically cheerful if they're honest, and for the last few days I haven't had the energy to care.

@LilacTree1 Please dont do anything to harm yourself

Pyscho thanks.

Helena it does look grim. Cold weather aggravates my asthma but it’s uncomfortable to cover nose and mouth in cold weather as it feels like an attack will start.

Leigh “ I hate the person I've become during this.“

I’ve decided to embrace it, on the basis of “whatever gets me through”. Hence having a good yell at that woman in the supermarket. If those types want to to shout “PEOPLE WILL DIE” then I’m going to shout back.

I’m not going to pick a fight but I’m not going to walk away from one.

I can’t be doing with friends after this. The Covid hysteria has been too much. And their “meh” attitude to the loss of rights has put me off.

Surprised to read the comments, yesterday I was told I’m a conspiracy theorist who is driving traffic to their website. No, obviously, I don’t have a website.

Meanwhile, does anyone know if today was the first day suicide was mentioned in the briefing?

Gave birth to my 2nd baby 10 days ago and have woken up the past couple of days just feeling hopeless and empty! Feeling like we're just going through the motions living a half life. I don't even mind not having loads of visitors but my husband is trying to rebuild a jeep whilst furloughed and I've run out of ways and energy to keep my toddler entertained and busy, especially when she has the attention span of a gnat. Not knowing if my husband will have a job to go back to either and feeling so much guilt for plonking the tv on for the toddler for most of the day or expecting her to play by herself. Sorry for the rant, just having a difficult day today!

Vintage goodness, don’t feel guilty about the TV. It’s whatever gets you through at the moment.

Oh for god’s sake you just don’t know how bloody lucky you are! I work for the NHS currently doing 75 hours a week seeing young people dying every day.
My own 15yo has had a complete mental break down and I can’t support him he won’t respond to his dad who at home having been furloughed. I am so worried about him when all he wants is me but I do such a highly skilled job that I am in demand at work as well.
So I’m sorry you’re frustrated your darling little toddler can’t play anywhere else but get real

eldesperado That sounds really really bloody tough, and I am sorry you are feeling like this. It is not surprising given the hours you are working, and how horrendous it must be when you are there. I have a 15 year old too, and it is very very hard. Completely the wrong age to deal with this. Have you contacted mind and the GP? Can you take a few days off? Maybe it is time to have a break and let others take over for a bit and focus on your son and yourself. You sound like you have done enough. The biggest for you, for all of you.

Our problems on the thread probably look very small compared to yours, but it is about context and everyone has their own MH anguish to get through. Take care of you for a while please get some rest.

El - if you want to stop seeing young people commit suicide, it would be as well to rethink your comments.

I’m sorry your 15 year old is in such a tough spot.

We've got to be thankful we're still alive|

@Eldesperado7
Sorry it's so tough for you, I mistakenly thought it would be ok to write down some of my feelings as I've been having a very difficult time with my mental health too over the past few days but find it difficult talking to my husband about it as he doesn't understand what I'm talking about but also don't want to just hide my feelings

Vintage don’t let the fuckers get you down

It’s clear this thread is literally a lifeline for people

So I’m sorry you’re frustrated your darling little toddler can’t play anywhere else but get real

Whilst i have sympathy of course for what you describe if true. But for that comment -
do one.

You have no idea what people may be dealing with. Many people have challenges that can be just as significant or gasp - even more significant than Covid.

Who do you think you are to minimise what other people feel? It's not on.

Consider the impact on people before virtue signaling all over the shop

chatter I am not sure everyone feels that way at all, and I think we have to be very careful about saying we should all be thankful for being alive, given some posters do not share that feeling.

This thread has been great for so many people, so nice to air our misery without worrying about being judged, something most of us can not do in RL. So it would be nice to proceed with that.

I hope many of you are feeling better, but if not then thats okay. We are all going to have many down days when we have had enough, and this is a good a place as many to tell the world to all of you battling on x

@Eldesperado7 sorry that’s all really tough. I hope things improve in some way for you soon.
I don’t think people really understand the pressure critical care workers are under.

@Eldesperado7 I hope you’re kinder to your patients than you are to a post-partum woman who’s struggling with mental health.

I hope you’re kinder to your patients than you are to a post-partum woman who’s struggling with mental health.

You and I both. I'm staggered that people keep coming on this thread and berating those who are posting here. The flaming purpose of the thread could not be clearer and quite honestly I'm finding it so reassuring that others are feeling confident enough to post their emotions freely.

If you don't have anything nice to say and cannot understand that people need a safe space to air their very valid feeling can I suggest kindly that you please ignore us and go and post on literally any other thread.