I know IABU but I am totally fed up of lockdown

[detachablehoof]

So. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for. My family are all in good health, we have no change in our income (yet), my husband is able to work from home, we have a big garden and had plenty of nice weather to enjoy it. There's just us two and our toddler in our house. We're a lot more fortunate than many.

But... I quite honestly don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm grieving our old life, missing my parents so much, and finding it SO HARD to keep my toddler occupied at home.

I just want to go back to normal 😭 and it doesn't look like there will be a "normal" for a while. It's all just so uncertain and indefinite. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to any more and every day is a chore.

Anyone want to offer some solidarity?

@Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow and others have referenced the Kubler Ross model. This shows it as linear but accepting that it’s a circle and that most of us experience every stage every day at the moment is helpful.

I am struggling today.

I have OCD and GAD. I did have a handle on it but I’m struggling now.

My husband was due to have a colonoscopy on 30th March for rectal bleeding. The consultant thinks it’s likely to be cancer. He’s only 32. The colonoscopy has been cancelled and he’s still bleeding.

My gran has half a lung missing due to lung cancer and is shielding. She’s fighting off one of her usual chest infections but I can’t go and look after her like I normally do.

Even without these things, we are ALLOWED to be unhappy. Of COURSE we know that lockdown has saved lives. Of COURSE we know it could be worse for us. But that doesn’t mean we can’t express our feelings.

Honestly, it’s no wonder so many people (including myself) have been unable to express when they are having issues with their mental health. I bet that some posters on this thread with their ‘grow ups’ and ‘think yourself lucky’ and ‘diamonds shoes’ are the same people who share mental health awareness and be kind posts on social media.

The ramifications of lockdown on the economy will be huge - this will also lead to deaths. Domestic violence, child abuse, alcohol abuse...these are all things that are on the increase. It’s not just a case of ‘stay home and stay safe’ for everyone.

To everyone else struggling - my heart goes out to you. Know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Look after yourself and focus on doing whatever you need to do to get through the day without judging yourself.

My mantra is - one day, this will all be a memory. It helps me in my dark moments.

This may sound mean, but I have mental health issues that are increasingly worse with each passing week of lockdown - we were in isolation before lockdown as we believe we had the virus. I'm actually feeling better reading this, that all you normal people are struggling too has eased my mind that maybe its not my mental health in decline but a normal reaction to all this uncertainty.
My son is missing his nanny and bampy (his bio dads mum and dad), we are missing seeing my best friend and her kids, my son got very upset at the start of the week as it was her sons birthday and we couldn't "give him a cake, kisses and play with him". I'm missing my daily walks, with my multiple health conditions walking is the one thing they haven't robbed me of yet so losing that has been a hard pill to swallow.
Lastly I just want to say this...
Huge hugs to each and every one of you. Xxx

@cannockcandy, “all you normal people are struggling too has eased my mind that maybe its not my mental health in decline but a normal reaction to all this uncertainty.”
That’s a very positive way of looking at it.

I don't feel angry or sad but increasingly numb. I don't feel like clapping on Thursdays anymore or filled with D-Day spirit for Captain Tom's 100th birthday, I just feel more and more cynical about everything. I have no faith in our current government and definitely don't feel like we are in safe hands, it feels like we're floundering and grasping at straws there's nothing concrete to hold on to. My motivation has all but packed its bags and left which is a dreadful example for both DC and they are spending far too much time on devices. The sudden change in weather isn't helping. In a nutshell, I'm fat and emotionally dead!

@cannockcandy if it helps, I ho fir counselling, not for depression so I was disturbed by my very dark thoughts and feeling of catatonic hopelessness.

My counsellor said the same as you, that this is a normal reaction to the situation and not me going even more mad 😂 So you’re right!

perky1 sorry you've been I'll but Covid isn't the only health problem in town. Since lockdown began FIL has suddenly completely lost sight in one eye, severely disabled MIL is on antibiotics for a chest infection and any infection could kill her, DF 93 has has a bad fall requiring an ambulance and DMs dementia has continued to deteriorate. So no I'm not going to be bloody thankful.

I was having huge arguments with my 12 year old, because she wanted to wear black opaque tights to school this Summer!! I would happily send her in anything she wants now, just to go back to normal!! I want to hug my MUMmmmmm 😣😣😣

I’ve been pondering the people who’ve come onto this thread to tell everyone they are lucky / should be thankful / are fortunate. I wonder whether they are the same people who walk up to strange women to tell them to “Smile!” or “Cheer Up!”

There’s something very weird about telling other people how they “should” feel. Women (and men but most of the people on here are women) don’t have to look (or be) happy all the time.

Sometimes they are pissed off and that is okay.

Gosh sorry to hear about your relatives health problems, even harder to manage all this in the current climate 💐

I just wanted to give all of you who are struggling a virtual hug 🤗

My teenage Dd has had a couple of years of MH problems including self harm, school refusal and suicidal thoughts. At 14 she was put on AD's. Then, around last summer I began to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Then lockdown and her fragile recovery is jeopardised by no school, no friends, no hope for the future. I am again trying to be strong for her, but I'm angry and have gone back to eating for comfort and the weight I lost is going back on.

It's okay not to be okay. If you don't agree fuck off and find some of the many positive, self congratulatory threads and leave us alone to support and empathise with each other.

@Teaandbiscuits88 So sorry about your relatives health news. Health issues are distressing in the best of times. Thank you for your post. My sudden struggle with this is quite a shock to me and your post buoyed my spirits.

To everyone : hang on in there. And rant away on here : I'll always be sympathetic to anyone. We have to stick together!

This was written just before lockdown started but I found it pretty interesting and it links to something a couple of PPs have mentioned

hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief?fbclid=IwAR0IrXRtJ8P0cdvYDm5gWbzv79PYdsVANfZHmQtyXgPjtP2vylw4F_R2tKU

@greenpoppins thank you, I’m glad if my post helped a bit. I’m normally just a lurker on here but couldn’t just sit while others were being so insensitive!

It’s totally normal to struggle in this situation, even if you don’t have existing health issues. We are being asked to adapt to an unusual situation that goes against our human natures with no clear way out. Again, I’m not saying lockdown is unnecessary (because it’s clearly saved lives), but it’s also not ok for people to ignore all the other issues it causes.

There will be better days to come. It’s all we can cling on to

*There’s something very weird about telling other people how they “should” feel. Women (and men but most of the people on here are women) don’t have to look (or be) happy all the time.

Sometimes they are pissed off and that is okay*

Totally agree. Stuffing down feelings or denying they exist is very unhealthy.

Why is he working all hours for 20% less pay? If he's furlough he shouldn't be working at all!

@LilacTree1

The infrastructure in this country to support lockdown simply isnt there.

An hour and ten minutes was spent on the phone to Nat West on Monday trying to pay off DHs CC.

Absolutely futile They take you through security questions............fair enough.

But asking a 70 year old exactly when he opened his account He doesnt remember so they made him hang up and phone up again and get in the queue again. Then the next security questions were "how much do you have in another account" (he doesnt have another account with them) and about a non existant ISA. Neither of us could cope with the absolute ridiculousness of this anymore so gave up and he physically went to the bank to pay it in. This was their over 70s and/or vulnerable helpline.

Ditto GP surgery. Phone the repeat prescription in. Spent two hours on the phone Couldnt get through. Had to be taken down there.

Online is not the answer See Sainsburys debacle And the big Virgin outage a few days ago.

Lost Mum to CV19. Taken in for pneumonia. I couldn't visit, then I could because she was end of life. After 2 visits they phoned me to say she tested positive for CV19. I had to stay home for 14 days. She was alone for 8 days when she died, didn't deserve that after bringing up 3 children, should have had us around her at the end.
I know it's not just me, lots of families losing people, NHS people at risk, you don't want to moan, but it's sad and I can't be with my family.

Elaine Im so sorry about your mum

I'm really sorry to hear that ElaineTechno. Honestly, feel free to moan as much as you want.

@ElaineTechno so sorry for your loss.

@ElaineTechno I’m so sorry for your loss

@ElaineTechno I'm so sorry. Please feel free to moan away, it's a lot to process.