To think people will have to stop using grandparents for childcare

[Emmagainno3]

First of us I know this would be extremely difficult for some people, in particular single parents. But I can’t understand with all the talk about how dangerous it would be for kids to go back to school and passing it between each other, it also isn’t mentioned about how dangerous it would be to get children minded by older relatives.
The fact is covid affects older people more frequently and more severely than younger people. Surely there’s way more of a risk in getting grandparents to mind young children than for children to pass on covid between each other and to go back to their own immediate family.
( I’m aware some children are more vulnerable health wise etc but I’m talking majority of cases here) .
I’ve just heard of friends talking about going back to work but not wanting the schools to open but they would also be using grandparents for childcare. It just seems way more dangerous to me. Me and my dh have never had even 10 mins of childcare help from any of our families and of course it had affected our jobs and earning potential as we have to pay for all our childcare. Covid has had a huge impact on us financially. I just can’t understand the logic of keeping schools closed or having extreme measures put in and then having granny/granddad at the door collecting again.

For me the risk to grandparents increases with the return to school. At the moment the chance of my children having covid 19 is very low but as soon as schools return they have a high chance of having it. My parents were always my child minders but I don't know what I will do when schools go back. I would love them to stay off long term for the sake of the elderly.

Hmm my parents actually do arguably have the medical and research expertise to make the right decision for themselves. My mother is more of a risk to her grandchildren currently as she is a frontline NHS worker, but she is concerned that the greater risk to my children is my mental health deteriorating than the consequences of us contracting the virus. But I know that this doesn’t fit the narrative on here, and is considered weak and feeble on MN, and I am likely to be asked what makes me “so special” that I am less likely to cope with current circumstances, so never mind.

The thing is.., a lot of parents use grandparents for childcare before and after school... at least half of my kids school friends do.

Many why need grandparents help between 9 and 3.30 also need it between 8 and 6pm.

So reopening schools could place grandparents at greater risk.

Hmm my parents actually do arguably have the medical and research expertise to make the right decision for themselves

Mine too, plus my mum has already had it (tested) and it was very mild for her. Of course she could get it again, and it could be far worse next time, but I think she’ll consider that a small risk.

Adults are allowed to make their own decisions about their health, even if it's not considered to be a "wise" decision. How is this any different? No one has the right to dictate how they live their lives.

The reason I'm concerned about school reopening but not grandparents is that school attendance is usually compulsory. You are relying on other parents and teachers to make good choices about when to keep their ill children at home. I have found time and again that parents send ill kids in so they can go to work. Our school had a norovirus outbreak last year where at one point more than 1/3 of the children were off sick - parents were still sending kids back 12 hours after vomiting (obviously lying to school staff about it) and then commuting to work and taking hours to collect them. I have no reason to think their decision making has improved at the moment, especially when the virus is seen as low risk to young people.
The decision to mix with grandparents is much more personal and easier for each family to make themselves in full knowledge of the risks and benefits. For us, my dc will not be seeing their GP for a very long time because the risks are too high, so the official advice is irrelevant.

I'm concerned about this as we rely on my DPs to look after DS after school, neither of us is on a high wage and DH is furloughed at the moment so money is tight. I don't know how we'd pay for childcare, after school club I guess it would have to be, but it doesn't stay open late enough for me to take DS to school, make up my hours and be there to pick him up and DH has no flexibility with his hours - though as he may lose his job it may not be an issue and we'll have a whole range of different problems to deal with.

In case you're still confused (have not read entire thread) it's a numbers game.

Kids are really hard to train to keep socially distanced which is why normal bugs go through primary classes like wildfire. One kid with covid can infect their whole class. If just one of those kids has a sibling, even if you keep classes separate in school, now you have two classes infected and so on. And you can't keep kids from hugging their parents when they get in.

Very likely that in even a small primary school class a few parents will be carers for elderly relatives who are otherwise socially distanced and really wouldn't be babysitting for grandchildren.

This compared to a child who has only been exposed to their parents going to their grandparents - who must be relatively healthy or they wouldn't cope with childcare! They have to actually pick it up before they can pass it on!

Part of the problem with this whole issue of seeing grandparents is it’s not necessarily just about the individual grandparent concerned. It’s about the collective impact of lots of grandparents getting it...if lots of higher risk members of society become ill that’s likely going to mean more hospital admissions which is going to create a bigger strain on the NHS. That not only affects patients with COVID-19 but anyone else who needs emergency treatment. The new normal is going to be about protecting those higher risk members of society as much as possible until we get either a vaccine or a treatment not just for their own safety but to keep numbers down in hospital. It’s a horrid horrid thought not seeing grandparents for a year but it may be necessary especially for those of us who don’t need childcare provision from grandparents.

As soon as the schools go back my daughter will be seeing my mother anyway as she is a teacher at her school. To say she would be allowed to see her in that capacity but then not socialise out of school hours would be pointless. It all depends on individual circumstances, health issues, age etc.

Omg some people on this thread! Ive only read two pages but the people saying I need to work so they will have to go to grandparents or bills won’t get paid?! How are you going to manage if the grandparents are ill or god forbid die. You’d have to manage then!

Anecdotally, I know of two sets of older grandparents who are being pressured to continue providing childcare, despite both grandparents being concerned about risk to themselves (over 70).

I do worry about that.

Not everyone has good family situations, and not all adult children put the health of their parents before their childcare needs.

We don't need grandparents for childcare at all but if by July, say, there is no firm date by which there is a vaccine there is no way the grandparents will all agree to not seeing DC longterm

They'd all rather risk it as who knows what may happen in a year or there may never be a vaccine (although personally i dont believe that to be true)

We have agreed as a couple to hold off sending DC1 back to childcare as long as humanly possible to minimise the risks to them but they arent aware of that fact yet as i dont want to encourge bad behaviours on their parts

I totally understand your point but it’s not about their individual risk as I said above. It’s about the collective risk. The more higher risk people that end up “taking risks” whether that’s seeing grandchildren or other things and fall ill and potentially need to use the NHS, that’s when things get dangerous not just for those with COVID-19 but also for people who need other emergency care in hospital. This is what the whole lockdown is about and whilst the thought of my parents not seeing my boys for a year or so (as they’re saying it’s likely we won’t get a vaccination in place till mid 2021 at least) is heartbreaking if the government asks us to do these things I really feel we must! If we don’t then what faces us is more full of lockdowns (which would have frighteningly bad consequences for the economy which in turn could create 1000s if not hundreds of 1000s of premature deaths as well as job losses etc), could push the NHS to collapse, and on a more individual level could mean that grandparent who was willing to take the risk or your friend who is a road traffic accident or your partner who ends up with sepsis ends up dying when they could be saved as the NHS is at capacity. I don’t mean to sound harsh or dramatic but essentially this is what the next year is going to be about avoiding.

Oh I'm only suggesting they see each other if restrictions state we can. If they don't then so be it.

I love the "some people have no choice" thing. How many grandparents are financially obligated to care for their grandchildren?

There is a big difference in risk bw occasionally seeing your grandchildren and providing regular care too.

That said, I'm sure many people will return to normal. The unlucky ones will just have to come up with a plan b when when they accidentally kill off grandma.

I'm really hoping we can see my parents by the end of this current lockdown. Infact I'm pretty sure I am going there (with DD aged 2 and my newborn DS) in a weeks time anyway, whatever the lockdown decision. The risk at the moment is minimal. Once the nurseries reopen the risk increases. My theory is, go to spend some time with them now whilst the risk is low then once my DD gets back to nursery, perhaps we will avoid contact with grandparents for another month and see what happens with the virus.

No grandparent should be pressured in to looking after a grandchild.

My child has been with a grandparent for 3 days a week for the last few weeks as I need child care while I work. I have not be furloughed my work are still very much open. I drop my child off on these days and pick up when I am finished. Grandparent is happy to help with childcare like they normally do during school holidays and also thinks kids shouldn’t go back to September so is happy to pick up extra days if I am unable to work at home for the other 2 days going forward.
Grandparent is happy with this arrangement.
Also will add both grandparents are under 60 fit and healthy.

I read the other day on here from another lady who was in the same situation as us, I’m sure she had a similar job as well so we are not the only ones that have still had use grandparents at the moment.

I haven't read the whole thread but I became a grandparent when I was 49, in no way was I 'old'. The oldest is now 15 and I am still 65 and not in the vulnerable group. At the school where my daughter teaches the grandparents are in their 30s or early 40s. 'Grandparent' doesn't automatically equal 'old and vulnerable' and shouldn't be used as a blanket term.

@CaptainMyCaptain I just said that above you. My parents are both under 60 and fit and healthy. Everyone thinks of grandparents as older frail people
My mum was 46 when she became a grandmother And this was not because I was a young mum I was mid 20’s when I had my child.
Some of the kids in my child’s class have parents as old as my parents.