To think people will have to stop using grandparents for childcare

[Emmagainno3]

First of us I know this would be extremely difficult for some people, in particular single parents. But I can’t understand with all the talk about how dangerous it would be for kids to go back to school and passing it between each other, it also isn’t mentioned about how dangerous it would be to get children minded by older relatives.
The fact is covid affects older people more frequently and more severely than younger people. Surely there’s way more of a risk in getting grandparents to mind young children than for children to pass on covid between each other and to go back to their own immediate family.
( I’m aware some children are more vulnerable health wise etc but I’m talking majority of cases here) .
I’ve just heard of friends talking about going back to work but not wanting the schools to open but they would also be using grandparents for childcare. It just seems way more dangerous to me. Me and my dh have never had even 10 mins of childcare help from any of our families and of course it had affected our jobs and earning potential as we have to pay for all our childcare. Covid has had a huge impact on us financially. I just can’t understand the logic of keeping schools closed or having extreme measures put in and then having granny/granddad at the door collecting again.

That’s why I can’t understand the outrage of the idea of schools opening but no mention of keeping kids away from grandparents.

I'm inclined to agree that does seem illogical.

Why don't your friends want the schools opened?

It’s not about my own situation, it’s about the world-wide fact that in every country affected the main demographic which have died or suffered complications are the older generation. That’s a fact. Generally grandparents are older and therefore more at risk of ending up in icu and causing a big surge / pressure on health services. These are all facts. Yet from what I hear around me people are more worried about kids passing it on to each other or a teacher rather than the people it more seriously affects—the grandparents.
It’s not about me , we have had years of sorting out our childcare and it’s worked out fine. I have a good job from home and I’ll be able to go back regardless in a few weeks. It was difficult when they were very young and we struggled financially but now it’s going well apart from Covid!
I’m genuinely confused by priorities. Of course if grandparents are fine about risking it/exposure that’s absolutely their decision but I honestly think in a lot of cases it goes against everything plp have been trying to avoid these last few months and going forward I don’t see how it can work.

My mother is in her late 80s. If you have her the choice today of living another 5 years and never seeing her grandchildren again, or seeing them all tomorrow, getting a hug from them, and being dead by next week I would bet my house on her choosing the latter. Obviously if grandparents are 60 years old, then not seeing their grandchildren for a few months or whatever might seem worth it for the long term but when you are much older there isn't really a long term option I suppose.

Not all gps are at risk . I'm 42 and have dgc and primary school children myself. Some people are having their first child at my age.

If it was a case of dgc coming here or going to school I think here would be less of a risk

My friends are worried about their kids passing it on to each other but have stated if they don’t open soon their parents will have to mind them as the reality is (as I know too well) it’s extremely difficult to wfh and mind young kids.

Again I’m talking about the age that is most at risk. Of my friends and those I know who have kids none of the grandparents are in their 40’s.

It's up to them really, I'm not seeing mine anymore, went over a few weeks ago and was paranoid for ages.
I'd rather us all come out of it alive than risk it, tbh.
The survival of the fittest continues, people are dying from this. Now we can add on natural selection, the dumbo's who "want" selfishly to visit their family.
If they manage to kill themselves the figures will eventually go towards the 66k the government aim to be killed.
The sooner the better then those adhering to the rules can come out and not be so worried.

You do realise schools are breeding grounds for illnesses and although children may not be affected badly if they are lucky they could potentially bring it home to vulnerable family members who have underlying conditions or who end up extremely poorly with it.

Well my parents are only in their 50s. Not all grandparents are 70+, it's not a pre-requisite. DH's parents only early 60s.

So we won't be making any changes.

Isabelle - very true. My mum is 57 and missing my kids like crazy, but she said she would like to see my kids get married etc. My dad is 61 with very significant health conditions, and has just recently had another heart operation. So two different factors for us. If you’re 80, you’ll seize the day and see your grandkids whenever possible!!

In Italy on the fourth May we are going to start phase 2. It will allow visits to grandparents and close relatives in the same region, but we have already been told that schools will not reopen until September, perhaps later.

They are obviously starting to recognise that not seeing family for more than a few months is not sustainable. School is different, it is a congregation of people. That is above all what they will be trying to avoid in phase 2. In September they are talking about dividing children into smaller morning and afternoon groups.

Grandparents are going to be visited anyway in a month or so, at which point why not also childcare. Schools on the other hand are likely to remain closed.

I would have thought that plenty of grandparents will be in their 50’s, probably still working and in good health.

Being a grandparent does not automatically make you a 70+ person or someone who is chronically ill.

I have no idea how we’re going to solve this. While I don’t use grandparents for childcare there is no way my shielded MIL will stop seeing my children once lockdown is relaxed. I feel like my DP will sign her death warrant by taking them over but I don’t feel it’s going to be my place to say no.

Starlight (don’t know how to highlight ) that’s exactly the whole point of my post....

There are younger people dying too, kids have even died, not many but they have.
People are very selfish and entitled these days, let them take the risks and contract the virus, so you don't have to.
Everytime I hear of someone flouting the rules, I think God, let it be them, not one of mine. I don't wish anyone dead but when you look at the projections and how we half heartedly locked down, you can't help but think it.

My son is 2, when I’m in work his childcare is one day with my healthy mil who is 54 and 1 day with my wfh father who is 52 and also healthy. Surely him being with them for childcare is less risk to everyone than him being in nursery with countless other children and then visiting them and passing on anything he picks up. My great grandparents also help out with him (if my dad has an appointment etc) however they are in their 70s and so will not be helping out for the foreseeable. How long they will be happy to not see him is a different question but again if he’s only in contact with 3 households that’s still a lot less risk to them than nursery would be. I work in a school so if anything I’m the biggest risk of catching and passing it on, but I don’t plan on returning to work (I’m pregnant and likely on mat leave before they go back)

I don’t use my parents for childcare as I’m a SAHM but mine have my children voluntarily for a couple of hours each week because they enjoy spending time with them. If I told them they could no longer do that long term they’d be gutted.
My mum is 60 and works frontline NHS so is at a far bigger risk from work than she is from my children. My Dad’s wife is a primary school teacher (Dad is 62, his wife is 58) and still looking after key workers children so again, more risk there than from us.

My mum works in a school so her doing her regular pick ups for me would have no impact on her really! Not everyone’s parents are elderly and vulnerable!

My main question is “it is not riskier grandparents mingling with children than children mingling with children”? Yes children could pass it around more but they are less likely to get ill. It’s older people who are more at risk in general (and again yes, not all grandparents are older)
And if people (quite rightly ) and their parents are happy to go back to normal why shouldn’t schools?
As said a million times the vast majority of plp who get ill are older , of course there are cases of younger people getting it but they are in the minority.

Actually this really concerns me. My parents are both 70 plus and look after my brothers children before and after school. I'm seriously worried that once restrictions lift that will continue straight away and I'm worried for them. I think having kids every single day is very different than having them visit. Likewise my father in law is in vulnerable category due to ill health but similar they look after my sister in law children every day.

It's so hard when people rely on grandparents for childcare but I don't know how else people that rely on them can return to work

Who here is flouting rules Devlesko?

Ivinghoe spot on, my thoughts exactly

Some of my friends have said the same op, some a both working ft from home and whilst their employers were somewhat understanding at the start they're finding it incredibly difficult now. Tbh some furloughed friends are struggling because they've never had their dc without help for this long before. All plan to have their parents/in laws go back to doing childcare when the schools re open, some don't have much choice and some (gp)wouldn't have it any other way.

If people are relying on family for childcare and this is suddenly a problem for the govt in terms of controlling the spread of the disease, then I would say it is up to the govt to find a solution. Properly funded, good quality and flexible childcare options, maybe. That might stop people putting older people at risk via regular childcare. Won’t stop them visiting of course if they want to and restrictions allow

We don't use grandparents for childcare as I'm SAHM but we did used to see them weekly. They are 50s/60s, no health issues. As soon as we are allowed visits we will be. If they did provide childcare that would also resume. There's no blanket best option as every family situation is different.