To think people will have to stop using grandparents for childcare

[Emmagainno3]

First of us I know this would be extremely difficult for some people, in particular single parents. But I can’t understand with all the talk about how dangerous it would be for kids to go back to school and passing it between each other, it also isn’t mentioned about how dangerous it would be to get children minded by older relatives.
The fact is covid affects older people more frequently and more severely than younger people. Surely there’s way more of a risk in getting grandparents to mind young children than for children to pass on covid between each other and to go back to their own immediate family.
( I’m aware some children are more vulnerable health wise etc but I’m talking majority of cases here) .
I’ve just heard of friends talking about going back to work but not wanting the schools to open but they would also be using grandparents for childcare. It just seems way more dangerous to me. Me and my dh have never had even 10 mins of childcare help from any of our families and of course it had affected our jobs and earning potential as we have to pay for all our childcare. Covid has had a huge impact on us financially. I just can’t understand the logic of keeping schools closed or having extreme measures put in and then having granny/granddad at the door collecting again.

It's true that children could contract the virus at school and pass it on to grandparents. But what's your solution - forget childcare, even visits wouldn't be allowed. Nor visits between adult children and their parents. Nor any caring of older people, by anyone, family member or paid carer as any one of them could have the virus, contracted from kids in their home or another way. It isn't realistic to suggest that once you turn 70 you should never see or speak to (except digitally) another human being ever again.

And yes, focusing on the childcare aspect does make it seem rather like you are pleased no one can have what you didn't get.

Surely the GPs who are in their 50's are in general, still working full time and not available for childcare anyway, so not really relevant to the OPs point?

Why? Working part-time is quite common . I'm in my 50s as are many of my colleagues. None of us work full-time. If grandparents do work full-time the parents will have different arrangements for childcare in place anyway so wouldn't need their help.

"Some people have no other option"

The GPs have the option
Stopping regular childcare would reduce their risk a lot, if they are vulnerable

That doesn't mean they can't see the grandchildren every couple of weeks if they want
There is a sensible compromise here

People won't have to stop, that cannot be legislated for, but people over 70 or with increased health risks will be advised to take additional precautions.

We are at risk of becoming an even more ageist society if we legislate that grandparents as a group will have restrictions imposed upon them. As an addition, should they be moved to secure housing and fed through hatches for their own good?

It isnt a case of never seeing the children again. I would hope parents would be considerate enough not to expect to resume childcare any time soon. I love all my grandchildren and am happy to wave through the window ans Facetime. I do not want to do any childcare until this is sorted. Non of my children have asked

DH and I are in our seventies, both with minor underlying health isues, and we normally provide childcare after school for our grandson. He is currently at school as DD is a healthcare worker, and she is managing to work school hours so she can collect him.

Since COVID we have not seen him or any other members of our family at close quarters and have no intention of doing so until there is an adequate treatment or vaccine. Yes, it's very hard, but we hopefully have a good few years left and there is no way we are going to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of a few months of isolation. Our two DC are totally supportive of this and are taking great pains to see that we are protected.

@sillysmiles my DM works part time, i also work part time. my DM works on the days i dont work and she minds my 2 yo when i work. Why would you assume that people in their 50s work full time and can't do childcare? Also, for the record.. my DM offers to do childcare

There are thousands of grandparents who are kinship carers, ie grandchildren live with them and are brought up by them as If they were mum and dad. (Not only grandparents, also children are being brought up by aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, etc.) These are children with no one else to look after them. Without kinship carers such children would be "in care," often brothers and sisters split up from each other etc. Kinship carers look after children whose parents have died, are ill, deemed unable (by the courts,) to care for their children. This invisible but large group of people including many grandparents do not have the option, neither would they want it, of declining to do childcare once children go back to school. What can they do? No easy answers, but I wish posters (and lurkers) on MN would be aware of the existence of kinship carers. It's not all grandparents "helping out" with childcare, you know.

If the schools aren't open, then the children aren't mixing with each other therefore limiting exposure to any grandparent they do spend time with.

My parents have always provided all of childcare. Not seeing their grandchildren is having a dreadful effect on both of them.

It won't happen. 'Social bubbling' is the next concession. Dreamt up in Scotland and due to be implemented here soon. I hope so anyway.

People can legitimately be in their own little bubbles then... only those in said bubble have to have the same 10 people...that will be fun!

NoMorePoliticsPlease just shows how different everyone is, I have no need of my mum doing childcare but she usually has them on a Saturday afternoon by choice and she is desperate to start up again. She works anyway so no more at risk from them than she is from working at the GP surgery every day.

@DrinkingInTheNightGarden

My mum loves my children immensely but does not want to be doing daily school runs. She is 57, works at the top of her field, has a very interesting life and Social life. As much as seeing her grandchildren fills her with joy (and it really does) she does have other things going on in her life.

My children see her every weekend. I know there are a lot of grandparents who happily do school runs and that’s brilliant as everyone benefits. There are plenty of grandparents who are put upon though.

The elderly should be isolating until mid/end June, so it's not even an option to be considered until then.

My Mum is elderly and starting to find it hard, but if she does end up catching in, there's no way it'll be from her own family.

Captain Tom does not seem to have been harmed by living with his grand children ....

I actually feel now would be the safest time for my ds to see my parents. They've been self isolating since before the goverment advised it as my mum is in the shielded group. Ds hasn't been in contact with anyone but me since the schools closed and I've been off work since the week after that. The only person I see is my local shopkeeper once a week who has social distancing measures in place. Once I'm back at work/restrictions are relaxed the risks will be much higher. I guess it will be upto them but its pretty hideous that a cuddle could literally kill them . I don't usually need childcare as I work school hours but he normally spends quite a bit of time with them in the holidays, so far all we've come up with is my dad will come along and sit in the garden whilst ds stays in the house. He's old enough to be home alone for a couple of hours but not so keen to be alone all day. God knows, just taking one day at a time at the moment. I'm a single parent and if this had happened when he was younger I'd probably have had to leave my job.

So basically this is yet another post of someone deciding they've decided what must apply on a blanket basis to everyone else to make the prospect of the future even more hellish?

Yawn. Thread hidden,

My sil is a doctor and her husband was supposed to look after their child alot of the time when she went back to work. It turned out he was a lazy 45 year old who had no intention of doing it. When she went back to work he got himself a full time job and that includes staying away two nights a week. He also goes to the pub every day and is very overweight. He's huge.

My kids have paid the price as my partners parents moved to their village an hour away from us to support them. They clean up their big house every Friday. They had the child two days a week whilst she was doing nursery. Now she's at school they sleep over most weeks at least 2 nights to help her get her ready for school etc.

As selfish as this sounds. I hope this is the case and they can't keep relying on her to do so much for them.

It's lovely when grandparents like helping but it's another to expect it.

Emmagainno3 you sound pretty jealous and slightly bitter actually that you've never had family support in childcare yourself.

Yes, grandparents shouldn't be going back to providing childcare. That would just undo all the good we've just done.

I love all my grandchildren and am happy to wave through the window ans Facetime. I do not want to do any childcare until this is sorted.

we have not seen him or any other members of our family at close quarters and have no intention of doing so until there is an adequate treatment or vaccine

Of course this is your right, and it's sensible. Do you realise though that there may never be a treatment or vaccine, this most likely won't ever be "sorted". We have never had a successful vaccine for any type of coronavirus. I say this not to be depressing, but you can see where the people that say they would take the risk are coming from - it's a tough decision.

If families have been isolating for the entire lockdown period grandparents should be able to safely see their grandchildren, but if not eg because of work etc then yes it’s a risk for grandParents and they need to decide for themselves if they are prepare to accept.

We have never had a successful vaccine for any type of coronavirus. I say this not to be depressing, but you can see where the people that say they would take the risk are coming from - it's a tough decision.

I don't think the fact that there hasn't been one previously means anything as they hadn't really tried.

There are plenty of grandparents who are put upon though.

The op is asking whether it will ever be safe for an older person to do childcare. Whether grandparents really want to do childcare or feel unfairly burdened is a completely different discussion.

Although I suppose if someone was feeling put upon but didn't know how to say no, cv provides the perfect excuse to stop without it being awkward.

Its also the perfect excuse to stop giving lifts to colleagues, having dcs annoying friends over and helping with others DIY. I guess there won't be any good cf threads anymore!

I actually think this may lead to more grandparents living with their children / grandchildren like what happens in Asia. Having a grandparent at home during a lockdown can make the difference in whether a parent can work (even from home) more effectivey.

It is too simplistic to argue this point, as others have pointed out. If a family is allowing contact with grandparents who are not in an 'at risk' category whilst minimising contact with others and almost creating a bubble, that is in no way riskier than sending kids back to nurseries/schools.

If grandparents are elderly and kids are mixing widely with others, then yes, that is a significant risk.

As a footnote, I really do wish that people on here would stop talking about the 'sacrifices' that they've made to be able to not use grandparents for childcare. In a lot of cases, you've been very fortunate to either have jobs where working from home is a possibility or earn a salary that facilitates making use of private childcare provision.