Is this ok during lockdown?

[CaughtInHisTrap]

Is it ok to take my 5 year old for a walk?
OH won't 'let' us and says it's too risky and against the rules. I know he's exaggerating about the rules (well I think so) as I thought we were allowed to have daily exercise? Or are children not allowed, like he says? And is it risky?

I feel so bogged down and tired/confused right now, I can't think straight. But DS and I haven't left the house/back garden since the schools closed and a walk would feel so nice.
The school made more learning packs for parents to pick up this week and he wouldn't even let me do that 🤦‍♀️.

I know this is a really rambly post, sorry. I just need some clarity on whether talking children outside is ok providing we keep our distance from other people?

Children are allowed out for daily exercise, a walk, a run around a field, just like adults are. They’ve never given different guidelines for children. Your partner is being very unreasonable.

Thank you, that's what I thought too but I questioned myself!

Yes you can go out for exercise (in your example, a walk) every day and that includes your children. In fact it's good for them. If you come across anyone else you keep your distance, which may mean crossing the street.

It's perfectly fine to take children out (assuming you're in the UK).

There are loads of families out on bikes, scooters, walking dogs, just going for a walk.

Does your husband control other aspects of your life?

There's still help available if you need it.

Is he always controlling or is this new?

It's all online for you to read.

Yes, it is allowed.

What do you mean “he won’t allow me”? You’re an adult woman, of course you are allowed to take your son for a walk.
Is your H always this controlling with you?

Why is he controlling what you do? Is he always like this?

It’s absolutely ok to take children out! Where on earth did your DH get it into his head that it’s “too dangerous” for a child to go outside? Unless your child has a serious underlying health condition, they would be a very, very low risk anyway. The risk from them going out and keeping social distance is as good as zero!

Perfectly fine for children to have daily exercise

As others have said, is he usually controlling, or is this behaviour new or of an over-anxious response to Coronavirus?

He is usually controlling but I think I'm just struggling more recently and I keep feeling confused!
I was going to leave him a while ago but I feel too guilty. But I will try and get out for a walk tomorrow and hopefully things won't feel so bad. Thanks for the replies

Arghhh this makes me so sad and angry to read.

Of course you can AND MUST take your child out for a walk. I find it absolutely crazy that you have not done so for weeks. It is vitally important for you all (including your controlling husband) to move your bodies, get fresh air, and stimulate your minds with changing scenery.

Please go out for a walk and enjoy it. Don’t take the husband.

It sounds like your DP has issues. He’s being ridiculous. Is he usually so neurotically risk averse?

I was going to leave him a while ago but I feel too guilty

Why the guilt? Guilt’s no reason to stay in a relationship.

Please stop feeling guilty and think about your son. You must put him first, he hasn’t been out of his home/garden for weeks because his father is controlling. That is really very serious.
What would happen if tomorrow you decide to go for a walk with your son? Are you afraid of your H?

Go and enjoy your walk. Your five year old must be bouncing off the walls by now!

Exercise is one of the allowable reasons for leaving the house. It's good for physical and mental health. This is equally applicable to adults and children.

Why the guilt? Guilt’s no reason to stay in a relationship.

I know this is right but he doesn't have anyone else. He's almost 20 years older than me and says he'd never meet anyone else if he didn't have me and that he may as well be dead. There are a lot of things really but he says his ex wife was abusive and I know that if I left him he would feel like he was proved right about how awful women are. And he's also said that if I ever left him he'd never forgive me and never speak to me/see our son again.

Abuse is not something you try to find a way to put up with.

Do you want your son to grow up thinking this is normal? That's something worth feeling guilt about. There is no reason to feel guilty about saving you both from abuse, that's something to feel proud of.

The confusion is because you're being abused. It goes once you get rid of the abuser.

I'm not afraid of him physically but everything revolves around avoiding his moods

What about your son who's being forced to live in an abusive home?

Why is your defenceless child not your priority?

No you're right I don't want my lovely son to think it's normal. And I don't want him to have to walk on eggshells his whole childhood either

This is very upsetting to read. You and everyone else is allowed out for exercise. There is no time limit, whatever you think is reasonable.

I hope you are ok OP. Please tell us more if you feel able to.

Your poor child.

And his ex wife probably wasn't abusive.

If you leave, that will not mean you are or were abusive- though he will try and claim you are.

He's controlling the narrative.

You and your sone deserve autonomy, and you won't get it with him.

Yes my poor child, I'm a shit mum. I'm a shit human and he deserves better. Thank for the advice everyone I'll try and get out for a walk tomorrow

We take them out every day. They need the vitamin d