Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Keep the praise coming though. I'm definitely liking that and could get used to it.

@PrincessConsuelaBananaHammock... DD and I were looking at those cat hoodies yesterday.... would you recommend them? I think they might be essential.....

I'm quite happy with mine atm. Should've ordered a smaller size though, and possibly not such a light grey. But definitely happy with it. Plus I'm fat, so bigger is always better than too small.

FRIENDSWITHBENEFITS10

Discount code is anyone is tempted . Took about 3 weeks to arrive. The name makes me giggle every time.

Smile I'm not an attractive blubberer but I thank you for your solidarity.

Banana Fat? (Sorry, I meant to say Your most stately and revered Princess Banana.) Surely you mean delectably curvacious with elegantly scented cat hoodie robes adorning and accentuating your stately presence as you recline on your Amazon throne. Whilst issuing edicts and decrees and delicately eating (essential) grapes.

Don't tell me otherwise. You are my beautiful regal rainbow (in these troubled times). Not that I'd ever presume to tell you what to say....

Unless I had imbibed one or two non-essential alchoholic refreshments purchased from my lovely secret shop. Tottering off to refresh my glass...

DD1 and I have just been for a lovely long walk and I let her play.

I think that closing playgrounds was cruel and it broke my heart to see them empty.

But I felt better for the walk and time with DD.

@PrincessConsuelaBananaHammock ... I too am fat so will be ordering a super big one.... thanks for discount code.... it's nice to have a friend with benefits....ahem....

FRIENDSWITHBENEFITS10 on a website called freakypet.com :)
Not suspicious at all, dear princess
What on earth were you originally browsing for when you stumbled across the 'cat hoodie'?

I have killed my Dad (he said it was bound to happen sooner or later) and also my over the street neighbour who has made her children put a massive rainbow art installation in their front window, which I am taking as a personal dig at me leaving the house not once but thrice today.
I have asked my DC to put the paper mache Spanish Soldier in our front window (although he is a bit battered). This could be the start of a new cul-de-sac war. We are heading into Stage 2 of Lockdown, so it's defo time to up the stakes.

I am drinking German pilsner, which is a posh way of saying Aldi Beer. I am not even using a ladylike glass to fool my adoring public anyone that it is not a pint.

It's ice-cold though and going down a treat. Zehr gut and all that.

soup you’ve probably decided already but I vote for brownies.

I could go out and kill for a few items but I’m not sure I can be bothered.

What on earth were you originally browsing for when you stumbled across the 'cat hoodie'?

You dare to question your leader? No deliveries for you for a week!!

smile just go with it, resistance is futile.

evening all, and humble greeting oh gracious banana leader
Have been out for my daily exercise- went for a 4 mile run, so feeling smug. 12 yr old ds1 joined me for the first mile again - so also winning at parenting today (he's back on his screen now!)
I did then pass my 14yr old and 16 yr old as I was coming home - they were on the way to the corner shop for essential pringles - have taught them well

have now cracked open a beer....

May The Lord Open

Evening all and a Happy Saturday

We’ve been to a bakery and a grocers today. Was fairly quiet in both - I can’t abide the supermarkets right now unless I need to do a big shop. Just sat down with a wine, waiting for our Chinese takeaway to arrive. Heaven (I’ll be sure to wash the bag it arrives in and wash my hands a hundred times before tucking in)

I'm making a roast dinner and it won't even last 2 days ,much less a week. That's my evil deed for today.

Evening all, and Homage and Reverence to our Dear Leader. I'd curtsey but I probably couldn't get up again. This would result in me becoming A Burden On The NHS and probably result in the death of the entire population of Buckinghamshire.

My wobble from the other day seems to have become a full-blown oscillation I really need to spend more time in here and stay away from other threads. Alternatively, I could look at it that's it actually better for me to let my anger out instead of repressing it and getting a complex or an -osis of some sort. Yet again, I am Putting the Nation First and Not Thinking of Myself. I really will need to balance all of this virtuosity out tomorrow by committing mass murder This may not be difficult as I read bits of the thread about cleaning the inside of shopping to DH. He agreed that every responsible housewife needs a flamethrower to disinfect the shopping and was delighted to find that Amazon sell them. Apparently, they're 'not that expensive'. No, I haven't asked outright if he's actually bought me one but I don't think he'd quite had too much to drink at that point. I can hope though, can't I?

I did get a few things, including unnecessary crisps

Aldi was so quiet, I wandered round the aisle of crazy and resisted the urge to buy a “crochet your own kangaroo” kit, only because I don’t know how.

But.....I didn’t sanitise the basket on the way in. What do I score, 50,000 kills?

Good to see you on the compulsory mask wearing thread @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock!

Bamboozled, I’m in the same position. My anger needs to go somewhere so it might as well go on the hysteria threads 🤷🏻‍♀️

If we’re forced to wear masks on the Tube, I’m going to write “I’d rather be wearing a tin foil hat” on mine.

I’ve been lurking but thought I’d venture out to say I have found my people. I get the necessity of the lockdown but can’t stand the puritanical hysteria elsewhere on the site. Washing the inside of shopping FFS. Which means I can’t get any Dettox spray to clean my loo, which with three boys in the house far more than they would normally be, and with dodgy aim, is about the only thing I can be arsed to clean. For the sake of my own arse, obviously.

We are about to kill people by going out for a walk for the second time today. The first one was for essentials - an enormous Wilkos haul, including two non-essential plants - but this is to avoid injury from all the wrestling.

Then I am going to have some alcohol. Again.

@LilacTree1 You have no idea how much I've agreed with some of your posts over the last couple of days. I think you should start that thread you suggested about the government controlling society but I think MN would probably implode

And I will not wear a mask because I cannot bloody breathe in them!!

I tried to learn to crochet once. I couldn't 'feed' the wool through my fingers. After a bit my fingers were turning blue and DH had to cut me free. He was laughing so much I'm surprised I didn't lose a finger or two.

Why is my glass empty

Pink that thread had me raging(think I hid it well). Mum's fucking terrified about the fines and in tears she can only leave the house for 2 hours a day, when it's obviously fucking busy because all the other over 65 are also out ,plus the normal population.
She has to write a paper to take the rubbish out, or to water the flowers in front of her apartment building. You have to write what time,how long,where you are going, what your itinerary is etc And if you fuck up? Get a fine, which can be up to £4000. Smart move, their government has found a sure fire way to get some money out of this.

I escaped that shit hole for a reason. I'll be damned if I'll be happy seeing the UK going the same way even if temporarily.