Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Morning all.

We'll be having pancakes for brunch (yes,we're at that stage where we eat about 7 times a day) wasting flour,eggs and milk. I'm going to push it a bit further and have honey, strawberry syrup ,chocolate syrup and even sprinkles on.

I want to spray paint the kitchen cupboard doors at some point. I keep postponing it ,but it needs do it so someone please give me a good kick up the arse.

isabellerossignol
You are an inspiration to us all. We are not worthy.🤣🤣🤣

Morning All. Day of great achievements. Hospital appointment done, I couldn't help noticing all the cars on the roads, lots of them, especially around the hospital. DisCusting I tell you.

Plumber been, shower hopefully fixed, he seemed a nice guy. He even got a tip as I refused his change.

On a serious note, there are some elderly folk out there really struggling, either with not being able to access food or the sheer isolation they are currently feeling. They were probably not able to get out and about before, but being told they can't makes it so much harder psychologically. I wonder if any of the frothers would tell it to their faces.

Anyway, normality resumed. I have been to a shop, but still can't get leather cleaner. So all this death spreading and not even anything to show for it.

I queued up for Waitrose today. I was giddy with excitement as I haven't been into a supermarket for about a month. Came away with coronation chicken sandwich filling and some stuffed chicken thighs for DD. Not sure if they were essential but DD was keen. I will give them a spray of zoflora so that she doesn't enjoy them too much.

isabelle brilliant. It'll be a best seller. I'd buy it

They were probably not able to get out and about before, but being told they can't makes it so much harder psychologically. I wonder if any of the frothers would tell it to their faces.

At the start of all this I got a good scolding from a frother for saying that with the extremely elderly this is all a tightrope walk. What's the point in shielding them from Covid 19 if instead they die from food poisoning or a fall, because people are refusing to go into their homes? My elderly mother needs help. She can feed herself but can't clean. Can't mop a floor or clean a toilet, and sometimes can't make it to the toilet in time. If she spills something it's a health risk because what if she slips and falls? She has already had one broken leg, she doesn't need another.

Apparently she and I are selfish abusers of our health service and I should just leave her to it.

@isabellerossignol your talents are wasted on this board. Write the book!

@TheGreatWave you didn't mention if the plumber was eye candy. Guessing not?

Temporary live-in boyfriend wafting around in a happy daze, high on strong coffee, perfect eggs and compliments.

Seems a little too brutal though.

Morning all, I actually got a phone appointment with my GP today and she's pretty sure I've got an ear infection. Yay! Which means an hours walk to pick up some antibiotics because her computer was on the fritz and would only let her generate a prescription for the chemist at the health centre. Boo. Normally I'd jump on a bus but I'm not keen now for some reason

DD2 thinks she's getting a cold. Double yay.

isabellerossignol
Hope uou told them to Fottfsoftfosm. Ignorant gits.
You are obviously allowed to visit a vulnerable person who needs help at home. Why dont these idiots actually read the guidelines before running their mouths off?

My elderly dog is not very well and needed a trip to the vet today. I don’t even belong in this thread any more, because when my vet asked me if I wanted to stay for a cup of tea, I refused because her husband was home and we’re not allowed gatherings of more than two people. I was sorry about my virtue though, because I haven’t seen any of my friends or family for weeks.

To make up for it, I went on a rampage at the grocer and bought bread and a jar of maple butter. I’m not sure what maple butter is, but it was expensive and totally unnecessary.

isabellerossignol that is genius. You can call it Diary of a Curtain Twitcher. We’ll write five star reviews on Amazon for you, “an absolute classic”. “Chronicles the moral decline of a nation.” “A searing account of suburban life during a pandemic.” “A must read for we the survivors.”

And of course you should help your mum. We’re practicing social distancing, not, as some would have it, every curtain twitcher for themselves and the devil take the hindmost.

Isabelle brilliant!

isabellerossignol definitely write it!! I love the title suggestion by DancelikeEmmaGoldman

I'm continuing with my killing spree - not only am i in my office at work but have messaged our PA (stands for Pain in the Arse ) that she has a parcel here. Shes sending her friend to collect it who is, apparently much less at risk than our 'lovely' PA whose life is just SO important. I have already touched said parcel and will have to breath on it before handing it over. I'm fascinated to see if friend wants me to put it down then step back before picking it up - its a big box from Reiss! Obv paying PA too much ! I can't afford Reiss stuff

i just had to google Fottfsoftfosm

Does anyone read other threads and see people who are just wallowing in self pity and woe is me and just want to say 'you know what? You're moaning about how you can't see your family but if you're as thoroughly joyless as this, they're probably sitting in their houses breathing a sigh of relief that they've got a get out clause and no longer have to visit you'.

Isabelle I had a whole thread about helping my mum.

I think you pass the test for helping yours. I don’t, but I think you do.

Key thing seems to be if you would need to use public transport, in which case you might as well have an AK 47.

Are AK47s aloud though, or will it be discusting? Asking for a friend.
Btw I've been on a bus couple days ago, I was the only passenger.
Probably murdered women and children in the thousands just by being on the bus mind.

I wish I brave enough to get on a bus and get out of my area.

You see all these nutters on other threads, thats why we need a zombie apocalypse. We would have an excuse to just kill them. World would be a much nicer place without some people. Did anyone see the 'clapping' thread where a poster is boasting about naming and shaming a neighbour on FB for not clapping and how doing this will ensure people vote labour not Tory in future? Then she had a hissy fit because people called her an obnoxious bully claiming they were 'shutting down a woman and making her cry' the irony was lost 🤔
Is it wine o clock yet? I have finished the painting but need to drive to coop for a few bits first. Pity it would have probably been on fb "local drunk staggers round shop infecting millions" (not that i would see it anyway)

We could start a post apocalyptic virtual country for all the sane survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse

Princess Banana as head of state and allocation of soldiers and plumbers - naturally
Isabelle - Minister of communication and mis-information
Willow - Minister of the interior (decoration)
Banana and Lilac - Joint Heads of the AK47 Army Corps
Smile - Minister of Pleasure and Gadgets
Gnome - Minister for De-contamination for the Nation
Lala - Minister for Health and Insanity
Pink - Minister for Applause and Nonconformism
Pringle - Minister for Incineration and Throat Clearing
Blobby - Minister for Lycra and Engineering

Banana - Minister for Insomnia
Trebolla - Minister for Agriculture, Horticulture and Pop Shopping

Sorry everyone I've not included ...anyone want to continue creating the cabinet

Ohh I'm all up for being Head of State. I'd make one bad ass fat dictator.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock Tiara or big shiny epaulets? Or of course, as supreme dictatoress in chief, you could always opt for both.

Pink that is exactly the job I want, thank you.

Pink perfect job roles 😂😂😂😂