Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Well, there’ll be another person pottering in shops as a MURDERER tomorrow

My best mate just got made redundant.

I could buy a gold loo roll holder as a cheer up gift....are Debenhams actually able to honour purchases though?

You have all been a serious breathe of fresh air (oh shit we shouldn't be breathing should we?!) I have ceased reading any other threads on MN, fortunately I only I have one insane person on Fb and she is being ignored for 30 days. Yesterday I got my Killer Sudoku magazine because I was whispers browsing in the supermarket and then I bought flower seeds for a friend who doesn't like venturing into the big shops and drove them to her house and then today she delivered cake as a thank you and I unwrapped it and ate some without covering it in bleach first. Oh and I talked to the neighbours over the fence. We're doomed I tell ya. 😁

Ohhh I was wanting to oder some clothes from Debenhams. This thread was just the nudge I needed.
Helicopters overhead though.... Under His Eye!

Ooh cider @loobyloo1234 ive just got in from work and wondered if it was too early to open the wine..or if i should open it as its the last bottle of normal wine. i have a couple of bottles of prosecco left from the beginning of all this madness when DH did an online order. I did promise myself i was only going to be good and only have 1 glass of wine on a Friday and Saturday as a start to the new me regime instead of the couple of glasses each evening that has resulted in me waking up every morning with a headache. So far my new fitness regime has consisted of buying lots of stuff online....headbands cos my fringe is in desperate need of cutting and im damn sure im not going to tackle it myself, new trainers which came on Tuesday but i haven't tried on yet, a pretty new fitness diary cos..stationary! I need a new pen now tho, a sports bra, ive opened the c25k app(completed week 1, a fortnight ago) and searched for yoga on YouTube. Ps a plumber would do. I'm not fussy x

Oh I hate this. And fireworks.

And don't get me started on the idiot campaign to set off Chinese lanterns in 'honour' of NHS workers.

I'm trimming my own fringe tomorrow - perhaps I should wait and order headbands first ....

For anyone feeling guilty....

I've hidden it under the cardboard recycling box as I'm afraid the helicopters will see it and post pictures on face ache. Then I'd be cyber stoned by the faceache police.

DD has been cutting my hair. In the past I have spent a lot of money on haircuts and been far less happy with the results.

Is The Clap genuinely a thing? We must be a miserable load of old gits in my area as I have never heard it. Not sorry as DD, DS & DH are all up at stupid o'clock to go and work in supermarket home delivery jobs so like to get to bed at toddler bedtime.

I have the day off tomorrow, very excited. My plant line and enviromesh have arrived so I can plant my cabbages. I may be spreading plague by venturing to the allotment but I am damned if they are going to be in planted in wiggly lines or eaten by bugs & beasties.

3 more weeks. Pass me the cider. Another one 😂

Smile I think we would be friends in real life. I shall try to add more gin to the bin of shame next week. In my defense, temporary live in boyfriend makes me wait until 5pm for my first "drink drink". I'll see if I can persuade him to lower the gin curfew Friday to Sunday. It might then feel like a weekend.

I'm going to get my daughter to cut my hair. She is a teenager with steady hands. She is probably getting the better part of this deal because I'm going to be cutting hers and I'm pretty sure that her ability is greater than mine...

@BatshitCrazyWoman Don't cut your own fringe. You will regret it. 3 weeks is not long enough to grow it back. You will look like your nom de plume suggests.

In other news. The helicopters actually are circling...I hope my neighbours haven't reported me.

The fringe ia cut - not by much, and I've watch approximately 100 YouTube videos. It looks okay and more importantly is out of my eyes, so I'm happy. I did the twist fringe cut method, if anyone wants to know 😂

I've been busy doing nothing and didnt keep up with this thread.
NOW I find out that pound shop delivers???
AND there's cute puppies here!!!
And I've just heard that we have another 3 weeks of this. I've gotta chop my hair off,. It's making me demented.
Sigh, off to read rest of thread before I actually do stoopid things to my hair. Which I'm sure would be fatal to hundreds at least.

So... I'm just going to leave this here.

"prey" LOL

right, I need a plan to block out the clap....loud music, headphones....oh wait will get ds2 to practice his drums at 8 brilliant!

What are they, eagles?!

I've definitely been preying on people every single day what with bike rides, being in the garden, ordering stuff and just general breathing.

Only in these "troubled times" could the clap be considered a good thing.. (by some)

Oh Yes, the.puppy, how could I forget 😍😍

Is it poundshop.com that delivers? Did it take two weeks to be delivered? I need some incredibly essential crisps, snacks and dishwasher tablets....

I am going to prey on the Clappers too. Lunatics.

Just catching up.
Thankfully the right sort of madness still reigns here.😀
Must check out those new threads. Already posted on the supermarket nuts one. Doh! I havent seen the magic fairies who do the shelves at mine yet😁
Am going to try and stay awake and see if anyone around here actually claps as i keep missing it.