Trying to only shop every fortnight: frustrating DH

[goteam]

I have posted before about DH lack of sense when it comes to food, making it last, using fresh food before tinned etc and stretching out visits to grocery shops as much as possible. I stocked up tinned, frozen and packet food months ago so avoided the panic buying. DH is doing a fortnightly visit to local greengrocer and general grocery shop. We are spinning the food out with frozen pastries, pitta bread, uht milk and tins when we run out of fresh and it's worked well. So he went yesterday and got the fruit and veg managing to get a punnet of half mouldy strawberries and none of the veg we both like (eg no mushrooms which we base many meals on but he did get green beans which only he likes. No carrots which is the only veg dd eats except tomatoes). No bananas either which me and the kids live on and use to make banana muffins, pancakes etc. He got bread and milk and a few basics which is great but the other half of the grocery shop was snacks for him (peanuts etc, non-vegan bits - I'm vegan). The only other sensible things he got were things I specifically said to get. I said, I'll leave the rest to you hoping that would work out...

Yesterdays shop is supposed to be lasting us a fortnight. The icing on the cake was this morning when rather than give the kids slices of toast for breakfast (after cereal) from the fresh loaf bought yesterday he baked 2 of the 4 frozen croissants from the freezer. I just give up. He doesn't get it. The tins and frozen are for when we run out of fresh. Is that hard to understand? Isn't that the case even during normal times?

I know I sound like a control freak but DS gets croup and I worry exposure to CV could make him very ill so I'm trying as a family to plan sensibly and limit going to shops to the bare minimum. I'm just so frustrated with DH. It just means going to the shops more often than we need to.

You're obviously doing the meal planning / taking on the mental load for feeding the family in your head, but you're not sharing it with him (in the form of a shopping list and maybe meal plans written up and blu-tacked to the kitchen cupboards). He can't know what's going on in your brain.
If you want to be in change of meals and the kitchen, I think you have to step up and be more explicit on who is supposed to be eating what and when, or do the shopping and cooking yourself.

It sounds really annoying and frustrating.
Do you meal plan?
If you can plan your meals for a fortnight and write them down this could help?

My DH is quite capable of finishing off a meal in one day that was meant to last for two days but if it's on the meal plan to last two days then he won't scoff it all the same day!

Our magnet shopping list pad has really come into its own since all of this. Dh and I add stuff all week, then take the list with us when we shop.

If you want food items, put them on the list. It's quite a stressful experience shopping at the minute and writing half a list and hoping he will "figure the rest out" is pretty shit.

Also.....take todays slices of bread they didn't have and put them in the freezer for toast of day7.

Totally agree with Pattie
You sound very sarcastic to posters here and expect your DH to be a mind reader .
You say that you usually eat out and dont meal plan.
Thats your main problem.
Also why arent you involving your DC?
Mine have been involved since they can talk, discussing and picking food etc
Its the way to get children involved and understand and enjoy healthy food.
They could write the meal plan and draw pictures as well.
Discuss why fresh bread etc needs using first.
How much fruit and veg should we eat?

Ive got a meal plan, everyone chips in instead of grabbing stuff randomly and that way we are using stuff in the correct order.
It should be a collaborative approach not one person dictating to everyone else.

Ive been shopping weekly, 2 weeks would worry me in that there is plenty of fresh stuff available and I would stress that we might end up in self isolation at the end of the 2 weeks and be stuck another 2 weeks.

Well

Random -Well

I'm with you, OP. It's why I do all the food shopping and cooking myself.

Controlling? Probably. It does, however, mean that we have a range of balanced meals, don't need top-up shops and still have some of the nicer things at the end of the week, whereas if it was up to DH they'd all be eaten in one go.

I have resigned to just being the better planner out of the two of us. But then we both don't pretend we have to be equal at everything. He sorts my car out for me - all the maintenance and repairs. Play to your strengths.

I get a bit frustrated hearing people say they have to pop to the shops for fresh food. We have been shopping fortnightly since mid March as my son is very high risk. We have a milkman so plenty of milk. Bread and meat can be frozen. A lot of fruit and veg keeps for ages in the fridge. Yes i miss bananas and blueberries when we run out but I can live without them!

Thats entirely up to you Love
I need to keep as healthy as possible as Im NHS and have a job to do.
Once a week I go out, maintaining physical distancing and strict handwashing.
Im not "popping out" I go deliberately and carefully.
If I shop weekly while I can, then we have the frozen stuff available for when/ if we cant .

He sounds annoying I understand why you're getting irritated. As you say these are very different times so lots of us are having to plan food in a way we haven't before so it could be that. But if you've spoken to him about it not sure why he can't get it. I feel like loads of men just get a free pass on being this inattentive.

We don't meal plan, we just tend to always have the same kinds of food in to make our staple meals. Maybe we need to start doing that if the lockdown persists. We always get the same shopping though and have done for the 10 years we have been together.

The DC don't always eat the same as us and are themselves quite fussy (whole other thread there tbh!). We eat most of our main meals together but have yet to get them interested in our bean stews, thai green curries or tofu stir fries etc! There are many things we eat together where I just substitute the meat for something else. The kids don't help themselves to food, they are too young but to be honest if they were helping themselves to fruit I would be over the moon!!

The issue isn't really what we eat as such though it's just being mindful of food waste and buying sensibly to limit shop visits.

To the PP who suggested you can freeze sausages etc once opened, thanks. I didnt know you could if they had reached best before dates. Lifelong veggie / vegan here, but letting the kids find their own way and not forcing my diet on them. I am very cautious with meat and with anything you need to thaw before cooking as I don't want to give them food poisoning!! I wish that could be DHs domain!!

@Alkaloise DH also has other strengths too and I appreciate that. He always books the holidays (chosen as a family) and sorts out bills, car etc so definitely doesn't leave everything to me. He is very sensible generally about money good deals etc and more than pulls his weight but the food issue is the blind spot.

'To the PP who suggested you can freeze sausages etc once opened, thanks. I didnt know you could if they had reached best before dates.'

They always advise to freeze as soon as possible but as long as the product hasnt expired past the use by date it is fine to freeze. You just have to remember to eat as soon as defrost eg. If there was one day left on the use by date you have one day to use it after defrost. That is how we do it anyway.

Best before dates are for dry goods etc
They might not taste their best but usually ok to use.
Use by dates are for fresh food like meat /fish.
Rule of thumb is to use defrosted food asap and certainly within 24 hours.

@Quicklittlenamechange yeah I play fast and loose with dry goods' best before dates. We have some herbs and spices bbe a few years back we still use!

It's only meat and fish I am extra cautious with and eggs and dairy. I will chuck a wrinkly pepper in a chilli and we use bananas on the turn in the ubiquitous banana bread etc

Thanks @Yesterdayforgotten that's useful.