Trying to only shop every fortnight: frustrating DH

[goteam]

I have posted before about DH lack of sense when it comes to food, making it last, using fresh food before tinned etc and stretching out visits to grocery shops as much as possible. I stocked up tinned, frozen and packet food months ago so avoided the panic buying. DH is doing a fortnightly visit to local greengrocer and general grocery shop. We are spinning the food out with frozen pastries, pitta bread, uht milk and tins when we run out of fresh and it's worked well. So he went yesterday and got the fruit and veg managing to get a punnet of half mouldy strawberries and none of the veg we both like (eg no mushrooms which we base many meals on but he did get green beans which only he likes. No carrots which is the only veg dd eats except tomatoes). No bananas either which me and the kids live on and use to make banana muffins, pancakes etc. He got bread and milk and a few basics which is great but the other half of the grocery shop was snacks for him (peanuts etc, non-vegan bits - I'm vegan). The only other sensible things he got were things I specifically said to get. I said, I'll leave the rest to you hoping that would work out...

Yesterdays shop is supposed to be lasting us a fortnight. The icing on the cake was this morning when rather than give the kids slices of toast for breakfast (after cereal) from the fresh loaf bought yesterday he baked 2 of the 4 frozen croissants from the freezer. I just give up. He doesn't get it. The tins and frozen are for when we run out of fresh. Is that hard to understand? Isn't that the case even during normal times?

I know I sound like a control freak but DS gets croup and I worry exposure to CV could make him very ill so I'm trying as a family to plan sensibly and limit going to shops to the bare minimum. I'm just so frustrated with DH. It just means going to the shops more often than we need to.

Ha ha @gamerchick !! I had to throw half the strawberries away and the rest had to feed to DD straight away otherwise, good plan! Good tip, re freezing green beans. Thanks.

DH is great in other ways btw its only recent events bringing out this side. It makes me think we must usually be quite wasteful and flagrant with food shopping though. I try not to be but usually we are all so busy I don't notice how often we are food shopping etc and alleati g different meals due to work patterns etc.

*all eating

We just go once a week for a full food shop. We have meals like cottage pie and veg, homemade lasagne and salad, chicken and veg cashew butter chicken curry or a Balti, sweet and sour chicken with rice or noodles and veg, nice quality sausages/hunters chicken/fish or chicken kiev with pizza topping(firm favourite with my toddler) veg and pots or pot dauphenoise with the fish, homemade pizza, spag bol, chilli, raviolli with 7 veg pasta sauce (I make this in bulk and have it on the pizza, ravioli etc) etc.
I keep leeks, spinach and some stirfry veg etc frozen and tend to just get fresh root veg which lasts all week. We haven't need to go for any tops and when get to the end of the week are still eating very well. Fruit is the only thing we find running out but I tend to make banana bread etc with any old fruit towards the end of the week.

top ups*

I sort of feel your pain. My OH seems to be eating everything in sight despite us only going food shopping once a week. But we write a list and I order it in the order that things are found in the shop to make shopping as quick as possible.

Last time my OH got everything on the list plus a load of stuff that wasn't on the list (like a lot). Our fridge isn't massive and the freezer was already at 90% capacity. He also didn't check expiry dates so meal plan had to be totally rejigged. Anyway... This week's list now has "check expiry dates" after relevant items!

Re: berries not being in the best shape - use them in smoothies.

We buy a melon once a week too and that's a good fruit as it takes 5 or 6 days to ripen normally, so we save it for the end of the week when all the berries are used up. Tinned/plastic pot of pineapple is also quite nice towards the end of the week.

Yanbu on using fresh before frozen and making sure the food he he buys is fit for consumption and not mouldy. That's just basic common sense. He doesn't need it explained to him. He has made a decision to eat wastefully - lots of people do. He doesn't care about the money lost or whether his dc have fresh veggies that they like. Nothing you can do will fix this. I feel for you.

@YesterdayForgotten once a week is fine or every day if you have no freezer space and limited money. Everyone's situation is different but ours is such that we could easily last out for a fortnight.
We make a bulk tomato sauce too for different meals. Have a few bottles of passata too.

In normal times we eat out A LOT as a family and individually. Obviously the kids usually eat at school, DH at work, I eat out loads with friends or at work so we dont usually have to do this level of planning. Usually it's a text like 'pasta for dinner, could you grab garlic bread?' or something and its all a bit more free and easy and less fraught!! We don't usually do meal planning and just see what we have in and if say there is no ginger or sauce for a stir fry, one of us pops out. We live near loads of shops.

I'm not usually such a control freak but we are living through strange times and everyone is adjusting to this. We have no idea when things will go back to normal. I dont want to keep banging on about checking use by dates, I want it to just stay in DH's brain!!!

@TheLette that is frustrating. We have tinned fruit too I have found a tinned apricot crumble recipe for when our fresh fruit runs out. As for the strawberries they actually had mould on and were furry. You could see through the cellophane. £3 too. What a waste.

I also have to write 'check dates' on the shopping list. It's a just a bit mentally tiring really.

@PlywoodPlank you're right. Some people have never had to think about money or where the next meal is coming from. DH is a bit like his. He gives an awful lot of money to local food banks and homelessness charities. All the money we would be spending during lock down goes to charity. Maybe he sees this as excusing the food waste! He is very caring and understands poverty etc but is just a bit flagrant with our money. I am trying to get him to see that this is a good time to practice budgeting and reigning in food waste.

I dont mean the charity donations are flagrant!! I mean buying mouldy fruit etc!!!

Oh god, mouldy fruit is awful! I would go insane at that. Very annoying especially for £3. I always put on the list "raspberries (only buy if nice)" and then he buys whatever and they get crushed under other shopping. Gahhhh. Still, discovered last week that slightly mushy raspberries, plain yogurt, a few blueberries and banana = lovely smoothie.

I couldn't believe it last week too because we meal planned every meal and he still bought more, after he complained that my list was too long

What does he say about it?

My dh would divorce me, and I wouldn't blame him, but yours is probably more used to the dynamic

Have you thought about your longer term strategy for this? Is this two week shop sustainable or were you just thinking for the next month (in which case it is just two shops and I would just do it myself if it upsets you this much)

I haven't been to a supermarket since lockdown...do they have one way systems now?

Carrots are as rare as rocket horse poo where I am. I grabbed some yesterday for the first time in weeks.

We dont drive so have no.choice but to go shopping a few times a week and I hate it. I did stock up on pulses, pasta, porridge etc and things like packet crumble mix etc to make things stretch further..so shopping is now just going in quick, getting what we need and leaving. It might not always be what we want but we won't starve.

I'd cut him some slack over things like using croissants tho........that sort of thing doesn't really matter.

@Inkpaperstars are you getting deliveries or a smaller household with no dc? It has been 3 weeks so that's impressive!

Doesnt everyone eat fresh food before frozen? No. As long as nothing is allowed to go off, there's no reason why you shouldn't eat exclusively frozen for the first 3 days and save the fresh for later.

We just eat mixture of fresh and frozen over the one week as it lasts for that week (apart from fruit)

Still, discovered last week that slightly mushy raspberries, plain yogurt, a few blueberries and banana = lovely smoothie. Slightly mushy rasperberries, home made meringue and cream = Eton Mess (more or less) And slightly mushy raspberries are great anywhere where the texture and appearance is disguised - in a pie or trifle, or as a cake filling. Or on porridge oats for breakfast.

Or a great jam...

I shopped, yesterday, and stuff that's normally been plentiful in my preferred store wasn't there. I do most of the cooking so plan around it, as I shop. My dh would find it harder to do that.

You are probably being a bit controlling, but then so am I. I went ballistic with OH for making the kids bunny shaped crumpets I'd bought for Easter from the freezer on minis week 1 of lockdown when we had lots of bread/bagels etc fresh. The argument escalated as he retorted with 'I knew you'd kick off about that' (then why make them?!). I fully realise how ridiculous it sounds but the irritation is real.

We are also managing on fortnightly shops because of one DC in the shielding group. We are a family of 5 and have managed. I don't drive but I go to do the shop myself and get him to pick me up. I wouldn't be patient enough when he bought things like expensive fruit salads and not enough apples. The kids have been really good at checking what has to last to be fair. I've tried to keep some things unlimited (apples, ice pops, cheap biscuits, carrots) and other things they know are one a day or less (cereal bars, crisps, fruit bars etc).

I am the designated shopper at the moment, thought it best to limit it to one person.

DH got into bread making last week as he was bored, which was lovely but he used up a lot of the bread flour I had got just in case we were self isolating and couldn’t get any food. He wasn’t too impressed when I told him he had to save the rest of the flour for the just in case moment. I have a storage box with a few tins and a packet of pasta in which I bought before the world went mad, which again are for emergencies and have had to tell DH to leave well alone. It’s not much so we would probably have to eke out with the dried meals we had got for DS for DofE expeditions which obviously he is not doing now.

I get where you are coming from OP. My DH is a grafter, pulls his weight around the home and with the kids etc, but lacks total common sense around food, best before dates, etc. Over time and disputes over things like your strawberries, I have learned to accept that this is the man I love, he doesn’t understand food. I am amazed by the kind of things I have to write on a list and spell out, and every time he surprises me. The solution for us is to avoid him doing food shopping unless absolutely necessary. I think this may be more harmonious for you.

It’s also good to think of your own failings and how he has to work around them. Can’t speak for anyone else but I have plenty! Which helps in forgiving misdemeanours like this.

From the way you eat it sounds like you could really do with a fruit and veg box delivery every week. It’s irritating that you’ll have to sort it out, but he’s obviously not going to be arsed. Go on a local Facebook page, search for a discussion about deliveries and order a box. It will be done in 5 minutes.

I would definitely do the shopping yourself in future, or have a clear list. I also think it is fine to go shopping once a week. People near me are being pretty careful with social distancing, and I think the risk would be v low relative to the benefits of having fresh fruit and veg etc.

It's hard to not be a bit controlling about food when there's pretty much sod all else to think about!

I had a veg box delivered yesterday and the raspberries were already going mouldy, presumably because the weather has been so warm over the last few days. I like to think I'd have noticed if I'd picked them up in the supermarket though.