Trying to only shop every fortnight: frustrating DH

[goteam]

I have posted before about DH lack of sense when it comes to food, making it last, using fresh food before tinned etc and stretching out visits to grocery shops as much as possible. I stocked up tinned, frozen and packet food months ago so avoided the panic buying. DH is doing a fortnightly visit to local greengrocer and general grocery shop. We are spinning the food out with frozen pastries, pitta bread, uht milk and tins when we run out of fresh and it's worked well. So he went yesterday and got the fruit and veg managing to get a punnet of half mouldy strawberries and none of the veg we both like (eg no mushrooms which we base many meals on but he did get green beans which only he likes. No carrots which is the only veg dd eats except tomatoes). No bananas either which me and the kids live on and use to make banana muffins, pancakes etc. He got bread and milk and a few basics which is great but the other half of the grocery shop was snacks for him (peanuts etc, non-vegan bits - I'm vegan). The only other sensible things he got were things I specifically said to get. I said, I'll leave the rest to you hoping that would work out...

Yesterdays shop is supposed to be lasting us a fortnight. The icing on the cake was this morning when rather than give the kids slices of toast for breakfast (after cereal) from the fresh loaf bought yesterday he baked 2 of the 4 frozen croissants from the freezer. I just give up. He doesn't get it. The tins and frozen are for when we run out of fresh. Is that hard to understand? Isn't that the case even during normal times?

I know I sound like a control freak but DS gets croup and I worry exposure to CV could make him very ill so I'm trying as a family to plan sensibly and limit going to shops to the bare minimum. I'm just so frustrated with DH. It just means going to the shops more often than we need to.

Make a meal plan then base your shopping list on this - so fresh stuff and things that don't have a long bb4 date on them in the first few days then tins and frozen stuff in later days. Then stick it on your kitchen wall and try and get him to stick to it.
I admire you if you can go 2 weeks between fresh food shops though, i'm nearly through all my veg in a week but if i'd bought any more it wouldn't have lasted.

@goteam

So let me get this straight -

You only have fresh food once a fortnight ? That adds up to about half the year ? Do you really only have fresh food for six months of the year ?

That can't be healthy.

I'm still marvelling at you getting annoyed because your husband gave the children croissants for breakfast not toast. It's the holidays isn't it ? Let him feed the kids, their his children too, yes ? This meant the frozen croissants would have been baked. Leaving two in the freezer for another day. It must be hard living with a sergeant major like you.

Your kids are going to end up with food issues because of your controlling nature.

It’s definitely an unpopular opinion, but I do the lockdown food shop because DH just can’t. No he’s not a man child, he’s perfectly capable of finding a week’s worth of sustenance, could check dates on perishables and we could survive if I put him in charge of food, but he wouldn’t shop to the standard that I would want and he doesn’t know the recipes I’ve planned well enough to confidently pick substitutions, etc.

So he writes a list of what treats he would like and I go shopping. I actually see being the one to ‘get’ to go to the shops once a week as my treat for being ‘better’ at it....

It's done now so just make him a list for next time and make the best of what you have. No point falling out over it

@WaterIsWide nope DH is actually very happy that I stocked up so much so we aren't having to queue for hours at supermarkets. He keeps saying how happy he is about being able to spend time as family and I'm glad about that too.

The fresh food can last 2 weeks as I and other posters have said, you just use the more perishable food first. Also, this isn't how we usually live. Have you noticed the pandemic? Are you in an unaffected country?

The kids aren't involved in any conversations about food planning, just as I wouldn't involve them in conversations about the daily death toll. It is life as usual for them. As much as it can be not seeing their friends.

@RedRedScab that's it isn't it, there is no other reason to go out apart from food so its our only contact with the public and potential infection.
It's not even usually a topic of conversation in this house but normal life is on hold....

My partner is rubbish at this too. I do all the shopping and meal prep. It's just more stressful if I try and get him involved. He has other strengths so while I find it a bit pathetic I'm just going with it for now.

My teenager knows to eat perishables 1st, so how a grown man can’t get his head round I don’t know. I’m getting deliveries every 10/14 days. Thank god for the chest freezer! The only things we’re struggling with (missing) is fruit, things like berries that don’t last

Have you noticed the pandemic?

Yes thank you. I've also noticed the stock levels in the supermarkets returning to normal when I do my weekly shopping. Which includes fresh fruit and vegetables.

I'm not playing the martyr by making food last. I'm not wasteful or profligate, either. I also don't go in for virtue signalling i.e. I haven't been to a supermarket since before the lockdown began. Well, I'm that happy for you.

Are you in an unaffected country?

No, Britain is affected like a lot of other countries.

Yep, my DH is a bit like this. Opens the tinned tuna instead of eating the sliced chicken for a sandwich, eats the tinned sliced peaches instead of cutting up the fresh melon, doesn’t encourage the DC to finish the packet of bread rolls before opening the bagels etc. It is maddening and I would find the frozen croissants or the bunney crumpets irritating as fuck. My DH also buys more things only he likes and won’t think before eating a bit more than his fair share of nice stuff like berries etc.

I go shopping. Like someone else said, it’s my trip out! I just couldn’t leave it to him, it’s annoyingly unequal but there it is. Don’t want to get shut in for 14 days with not enough of the right food so I’m being more controlling than usual.

For treat food we’ve all got ‘tuck boxes’ which the DC love! Theirs to eat whenever they want but when it’s gone it’s gone - same rules for children & adults.

@NoSquirrels it is frustrating. Just finish something that's open before opening something else!! Its so wasteful and then people over eat because they have to get through the tuna and bagels or whatever because they have been opened!

A further complication is that I'm vegan so DH will open a pack of sausages in the fridge one day for the kids then instead of finishing them the next day (they are always to be used within a day or two) will open a pack of fresh fish cakes something else and we just have loads of opened fresh food that needs to be eaten quickly! This is during normal life. It has always wound me up a bit but its only now I'm flagging more of this stuff up to him!

Its frustrating being vegan because i cant help treat open packs of meat and fish I mean, or the open halloumi that is often drying up forgotten at the back of the fridge....

*help to eat

Its frustrating being vegan

Is that what causes you to be so controlling around food ? Yours and your family too ?

@WaterIsWide I'm not eating a lot of fresh food - because I'm shielding and had to go 3 weeks without a delivery slot as none available. That's why I eat the fresh stuff first and batch cook and turn it into meals. Then I can have frozen veg or tinned. Right now I have only tomatoes that are fresh in the house, and no delivery slot until the 19th. It is what it is, I can't leave the house. Taking a multi vitamin and my frozen batch cooking all has loads of veg in
I'm eating like this so I can maximise the food in between deliveries

@WaterIsWide what on earth is controlling about being vegan? Apart from not being able to eat everything. I'm not sure what you're projecting here on this thread but maybe get an early night.

Everyone else is venting their own frustrations at similar issues on this thread. I'm not sure what you're getting out of reading it and posting.

Actually @WaterIsWide I've worked it out. I suspect you're going out loads, popping to the shops more than you should, spending a lot of time in local parks and calling out everyone not doing that and trying to minimise public contact as 'self-righteous', 'controlling' and 'virtue signalling' to make you feel better.

Um, no.

Sorry to disappoint.

I'm following the Government guidelines.

@Yesterdayforgotten

DP has been! Also to some smaller local shops. I am planning to take over though as I feel like he is at higher risk being male and prone to chest infections. I think he's a bit like OP, worried I won't get what he'd get!

OP, you might not have noticed but mumsnet has been weird and downright unpleasant lately, lots of people desperate to get the boot in to someone. Try to ignore it.

Of course you're not being controlling to wish that your husband knew which foods to open first FFS. He's not four years old, he's an adult and should be able to understand.

Inkpaperstars haha I was thinking 3 weeks you've done well there! Tell him to write a list, my dh goes and tells me if it isn't on the list he won't get it I now write one hell of a thorough list!

@goteam struggling on several issues here, if you have a freezer why can’t you freeze the random sausages or whatever, no need at all for them to go to waste, but perfectly normal to not want the same food item 3 lunches in a row.
You may a great play about how wonderful you are by eating frozen stiff like hash browns or waffles, how about getting far more environmentally friendly and healthy and just buying more potatoes each fortnight.
You have also not really answered why you can’t go shopping as you are son controlling other than you are busy. To a certain extent if you don’t want to go shopping for whatever reason then you have to work with what the shopper buys.

I think he was BU to buy mouldy strawberries and you were BU not to make a list.

You're right @Oxyiz I'm just going to ignore those posters with nothing constructive to add.

Not going to add tons, but feeling very relieved that I am not alone with wanting to strangle DH!

Thank you as ever women if Mumsnet. Lol’d at the bagels and rolls. I grew up in a real war babies house, everything cooked, planned, no food waste at all. Eat up whatever it is until gone, be clever with the cooking repurpose the leftovers etc etc. I’ve been with him for over 25 years and he’s always been like this, hogs snacks, eats the ham without bread but it’s annoyingly the absolute f@#% out of me with the virus. Kitchen is a hell hole unless I do everything, washing just sits there. Afraid I kicked off massively a few days ago, his work is super calm, At home and non essential. I employ people at own company so mine is mental and I’m in charge of admin so have been doing grants and Investigating furlough etc plus elderly parent went into hospital in mid March and only went home yesterday. Palliative sadly but she’s had amazing care. DH is incredibly bright but totally impractical and is just bloody clueless. I’m not quite sure how I’ve survived mentally but as ever Mumsnet helps me put it into perspective and feel like I’m not alone. After our bust up I agreed family conference and we’ve now jointly agreed new operating rules under the virus. Eg how can I keep worktops properly clean (happy to to it) if no one clears up breadcrumbs or spilled super or puts their bloody plates in the dishwasher. Stopping now as just ranting!