Trying to only shop every fortnight: frustrating DH

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I have posted before about DH lack of sense when it comes to food, making it last, using fresh food before tinned etc and stretching out visits to grocery shops as much as possible. I stocked up tinned, frozen and packet food months ago so avoided the panic buying. DH is doing a fortnightly visit to local greengrocer and general grocery shop. We are spinning the food out with frozen pastries, pitta bread, uht milk and tins when we run out of fresh and it's worked well. So he went yesterday and got the fruit and veg managing to get a punnet of half mouldy strawberries and none of the veg we both like (eg no mushrooms which we base many meals on but he did get green beans which only he likes. No carrots which is the only veg dd eats except tomatoes). No bananas either which me and the kids live on and use to make banana muffins, pancakes etc. He got bread and milk and a few basics which is great but the other half of the grocery shop was snacks for him (peanuts etc, non-vegan bits - I'm vegan). The only other sensible things he got were things I specifically said to get. I said, I'll leave the rest to you hoping that would work out...

Yesterdays shop is supposed to be lasting us a fortnight. The icing on the cake was this morning when rather than give the kids slices of toast for breakfast (after cereal) from the fresh loaf bought yesterday he baked 2 of the 4 frozen croissants from the freezer. I just give up. He doesn't get it. The tins and frozen are for when we run out of fresh. Is that hard to understand? Isn't that the case even during normal times?

I know I sound like a control freak but DS gets croup and I worry exposure to CV could make him very ill so I'm trying as a family to plan sensibly and limit going to shops to the bare minimum. I'm just so frustrated with DH. It just means going to the shops more often than we need to.

To be honest what you are talking about would be way more planning that we have interest in plus where we live availability of food can be still quite random in the local shops (today no fruit but yes to toilet roll), and we don’t have a car and no deliveries possible (searched all the various supermarket websites)

I am glad that DH doesn’t mind going out to do the shopping and he basically carries back what is possible and we make do even if it is a bit random

If there is something we are really lacking yes we’ll make more of a specific list

Guys, if eating this way doesnt make sense to you please think about it and limit your shop visits too.

Enough with the goading, alright ?

Honestly if you have a specific set of requirements then either spell them out or do it yourself and let him do something else.

Going food shopping is stressful atm, and everyone shows signs of stress in different ways - like leaning on treats and comfort food.

Im sure he's not purposefully BU and he's simply trying his best.

@Daisiest I did, i always do! The rest still needs eating before frozen stuff though. Because if they don't have it as toast, we have no other plans for the bread today and we have those nice jus rolls cinnamon rolls in the fridge as an Easter treat this weekend (bought over a month ago but they are long dated. These are best before18th or something) so probably wont eat much bread this weekend. We mainly eat bread for breakfast tbh.

The kids had a garden picnic with the bread yesterday. See, life is still a bit fun! I have got loads of treats in including Easter eggs bought before all this and im trying not to be controlling but literally DH doesnt get it. I would be a lot more relaxed if I didnt have to oversee everything. See, i didnt ask him to check the strawberries and he bought fucking mouldy ones. You could see they were. He's 40 years old ffs. He never used to check dates and would get food with today's date on. Luckily he at least checks dates now. It's been a long journey though.

@AnotherEmma I usually text him a list. I was working yesterday so couldn't go and we just decided that since I did all the stocking up before lockdown he would do the fortnightly shop.

I guess I was just hoping that since he knows what food we all eat he could carry out this basic task without micro managing. He asked me not to do a list and leave it to him. Believe me I wanted to write a list!

Hmm well he just sounds a bit crap and he needs to either step up and do the shopping properly or accept that he is incompetent and will have to take instructions (including a list from you).

I'm trying to shop every fortnight too, for a family of 4 with two teens, but I supplement this with a milk delivery that also brings bread, juice, yoghurt, potatoes, veg/fruit. Could you try that?

I'm going against the grain here and saying we eat a mix of fresh and frozen food. Fresh doesn't have to all be eaten before anyone is allowed to open our freezer. It depends on the best before date. I do plan evening meals but it's not set in stone. There are 3 of us in my house: myself, Dh and ds, 14 and we are each allowed to choose breakfast and lunch of our own choosing and discuss tea together. OP I see what you're trying to do but you do sound very controlling and regimented and you are treating your husband like a child who has to ask permission to eat something not on your plan for that day. Lockdown is difficult enough without sticking to military style food plans.

This clearly matters much more to you than to your DH, so why aren't you doing the food shop?

DH will eat anything and when food shopping sticks rigidly to a list, I know what DS likes, I'm the fussy one and the one who will see something and think: oh yes, we could have X, so I do the shopping once a week. It's not rocket science.

I totally understand where you're coming from in trying to limit trips to the shops. It's not easy out there though. I've shopped at 7am, 4pm and 9am so far. The 9am shop was the only one where most things where available I wanted and I'd have got some of the items you're missing - the problem with that time is that you have to queue for ages, and it's took a long time to move around the shop with one way aisles, having to wait patiently for others to make their choices (especially as I'm a very decisive shopper who does in within 45 mins including travel!).

You both need to be onboard with this. Maybe once every 10 days would suit you better as a family.

We are old fashioned (what with being over 60) and we make a shopping list and stick to it. DH goes shopping as he is in better health than me. We meal plan and I put substitutions on the list just in case.
We are both getting a bit forgetful and DH loves lists so its all good.

Oh. due to my slow typing I see you have tried to give him a list. Well, he has proved he can't manage the shopping without one.

I get it. It's bloody painful.

Although I wouldn't be giving the kids 2 breakfasts!

@AnotherEmma I think you're right. He is very good at other things but I might have to completely take over the shopping and meal planning as @feelingverylazytoday said.

@middleager I actually asked DH to look into getting a grocery delivery but he hasn't. I got one delivered a few weeks ago but then felt bad as I have a feeling the greengrocer meant the deliveries for people who cant leave the house rather than people who dont want to!! So I asked DH to find an alternative wanting him to take some ownership of keeping this family fed and healthy. Still waiting....I even texted him a few links but he hasn't followed them up.

I am really busy with work and he is less so at the moment. In normal times its the other way round. So I was hoping he could step up on the domestic front...

Sadly it's the usual story isn't it. Man failing to step up. Woman having to take care of it.

OP I totally get where you are coming from, eating frozen stuff before fresh would annoy me too. As for not getting stuff on the list, I would say that this shows you should do the shopping next time. I am struggling with DH and shopping issues too, if that makes you feel any better. Some men just dont get it atm.

I'm trying to shop every fortnight too, for a family of 4 with two teens, but I supplement this with a milk delivery that also brings bread, juice, yoghurt, potatoes, veg/fruit. Could you try that

it's unlikely because they're not taking on new customers. I am on a waiting list. It's annoying, I was going to start using Milk & More after Feb half term for eco reasons, and then forgot. Karma, now I can't get on their books.

I am not so sure that a weekly or fortnightly shop is so much safer than 2-3 short visits a week. It depends whether you can walk, but I'd say 3 visits a week of around 5 mins each, on foot, at a time when the shop is more empty and you don't need to queue to get in, is safer than spending 45-60 mins in a large supermarket where there going to be a lot more people and you are stuck in there for a lot longer, and you have to queue outside. And you have the drive there, which according to popular opinion is incredibly dangerous just now, and everyone is having accidents and overwhelming the NHS (to be fair I am not keen on driving when there are so many speeding drivers on the road thinking, even more than usual) that they own the road).

@Bbq1 we are using freezer and tinned stuff too of course. Meals would be odd otherwise but why use a frozen item where there is a fresh alternative? Using tins to make curries, stews etc supplemented by fresh veg and frozen chicken nuggets with freshly made potato wedges and broccoli etc. Of course we do that, otherwise it would be broccoli sandwiches with a side of onion. It's just about being sensible.

I hear you op! My dh is the same. Different foodstuffs but similar issue with veggies etc. He's not as interested in the veg and fruit as he is in the meat, and the shopping reflects that (when he does it).

Also he just seems hopeless at planning and would let fresh veg rot in the fridge while using frozen stuff! He's been like this forever though so I don't hold out much hope of him changing now! I am v grateful that he goes to the shops more often than me though!

I reckon it all stems from how you were brought up. My parents planned everything carefully and never wasted a thing. His family were very spontaneous and a lot more extravagant. So that's normal to him.

Btw - forgot to say - we are a family of three and are managing to shop every 10 days but only just!

I guess it a depends on individuals tolerances for lack of fresh veg and slightly strange combinations.

I get where you're coming from. I've had 3 weeks in between food deliveries so I've eaten as it makes sense to me
Soft fruit and salad first, root veg and fresh potatoes, batch cook and freeze it, cupboard stuff, freezer
Avoids waste and means you can spread out the food shops more

Cologne I only set up my milk account last week - Milk & More weren't taking on new customers, so I searched and found a local supplier. Not all areas may do this, but worth a shot.

@Slychomping I hate waste too and grew up v poor. DH grew up very well off with an expensive education which seems to have lacked home economics!

He bought a huge bag of green beans yesterday and he always does and they always go off as he eats frozen peas instead and nobody else likes them. I usually let it go but we usually go to the shops every day. I pop in after work, he does a weekly shop by car (list provided by me) and we just pop in local shops constantly but these are different times which only I have planned for in the family. I am also sorting food box deliveries for 2 vulnerable and not very well.off family members in another city. Its bloody tiring!!

For some reason (splitting of household jobs, I presume) DF has always done the shopping, but DM writes the lists.

She has to be really specific and include alternatives.
E.g. if you can't get waffles, get hash browns.
If you can't get the diet one, buy this brand diet one.
Get crumpets and English breakfast muffins, not the cake muffin.

Once she writes the list, they sit down together and go through it. He checks he can read her writing and he checks that his understanding is the same as hers.

You'd think after 40 years of doing this he might have a clue what she wants. But no, they still have very different tastes and ideas about food.

Maybe you'll have to do the same.

Who does the meal plans? IME the person who does that is best to do the shopping, it is just less frustrating that way. Or you sit down together and plan meals/make a list at the same time so the person shopping is more likely to remember stuff. If you just expect him to get mushrooms because you cook a lot of meals with them but he doesn't, he might be more likely to forget.

OP you can freeze the green beans. Trim and wash them and stick them in the freezer. They'll last for ages in there. If you use them in meals like stir fry, chop them up first. It not a big deal.

I'd serve him the strawberries for his tea though.