People calling in with stress

[m0therofdragons]

I'm finding it fascinating how different people cope with the current situation. Some seem so self absorbed with their own situation that they forget that others around them also have families and their own stresses. Calling in sick with stress right now feels wrong to me. I'm in an acute hospital - we're all stressed and going above and beyond, working 7 days, trying to ensure dc feel loved while battling guilt of leaving them to fulfill our duty. It's been interesting to see how some people have no sense of duty at all and are happy to save themselves at the expense of their colleagues.

I want to scream, we all love our dc and yours are not more important than mine!

I'm sure I'll get slammed for not being more understanding but I've heard so much crap today and need to rant. It's just as well we don't all give up when times are hard.

I don’t have the energy or mental space to resent colleagues who have avoided our essential worker rota. Let them get on with it, they’ve their own conscience to reconcile with about whether they could be in or not. I have the opportunity to be in or not, I’m only responsible for myself.

I know exactly the type you’re talking about OP. And I say that as a long term sufferer of anxiety and depression.

Where I work you are given one sick day a month which you can accumulate over the years. Plenty of my co-workers take their day off sick as soon as they can and then complain when they get properly sick and have to dip into their other leave or take leave without pay.

Are you in the UK bluetongue? That sounds very odd

But people clearly vary in their ability to cope in adverse situations, and I'm sorry but there clearly are those out there who simply lack resilience.

I agree with this.
However, many factors determine a person's resilience in situations like this. A colleague of mine took to her bed the second all this started. Two weeks before lockdown. Her inability to 'cope' has a long history.

You are doing a great job Op as are all your colleagues who are in with you. Fantastic!

I’m not in the UK Polarbear, I’m in Australia. No six months off sick on pay here unless you’ve built it up day by day over the years.

We’ve had someone state they are reducing their hours so as to avoid getting over-tired and susceptible to the virus, basically only doing the morning of a split shift. They live on the same road, the colleague who’d have had to cover them lived 40min away and would be extending their working day over 12 hours. They were firmly told no if they want to keep their job as they are not ill, vulnerable or with any risk factors declared in any way.

We have staff we are (informally) aware have both called in their respective work to each say they are isolating because the other has symptoms.

People are getting very black and white in their thinking, that key workers=good people. Every organisation has both piss-takers and decent people, vulnerable people and dossers. We have one noisy guy for example on our local fb declaring how he needs to jump to the front of the queue because he’s NHS and generally playing the hero. His hours have not changed, he is less likely to meet CV than most teachers due to his role and yet he holds himself up like he needs more than an ICU nurse or a paramedic. Yet he has people actually running to the shops for him, and has form for much piss-taking.

Macaroni I have the same job as you. We have about 2/3rds of staff available for work at the most. The ones who aren't available are a broad cross section of the staff room, from the most committed to those who just see it as a job. I have no reason to believe they aren't genuine. Yrs it's possible that a couple are but what would be the point in getting resentful and judgemental when all that will do is bring those who are unable to work even lower through guilt, worry and inferiority.

Especially on a public online forum, the harsh words aren't even hitting the people they're aimed at. They're hitting others who are already at a very low point.

I have diagnosed OCD and anxiety. I am finding the whole situation obviously very distressing. I have a history of MH issues including 2 inpatient stays.

Would you think I would be unreasonable to call in sick on my rota days.
I haven't yet, but I am finding the stress is making me physically ill to the point of vomiting and panic attacks....

Whynotme I don't think it's possible for anyone online to be able to answer that question for you.

I would personally say that you (general you) are no longer fit to work when it gets to the point that it isn't a decision any more - ie you can't choose to be too ill, the illness has made that choice for you and you are too ill. But where that line is is so different for different people.

I have been sick with stress, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I'm a very resilient person normally, but that time, it felt simply impossible to go to work. I cried about forgetting I didn't like sugar in my tea - I had made it, FFS! I lost all confidence in my ability to send an email or make a phone call. I couldn't reliably drive a car - I couldn't reliably cross the road safely! I cried approximately a billionty times a day. I was unfit for work, you certainly wouldn't want me going to work in anything relating to patients!

There is being stressed, being very stressed and there is being sick with stress. Yes it is easy to fake for a sick note but for the sake of those of us who have known being sick with stress, please don't minimise it or assume people are taking the piss. It can be utterly debilitating and people assuming you're either taking the mickey or are weak really don't help.

Attitudes like this are why I've been pushing myself into work every day, despite feeling suicidal. I see so many people expressing thoughts like the OP, then when pressed, saying "oh, I only meant genuine people". 99% of my coworkers do not know that I have a mental illness. The thought that one of them could've made this post about me is gutting.

Especially on a public online forum, the harsh words aren't even hitting the people they're aimed at. They're hitting others who are already at a very low point.

THIS.

@screamedatthemichelangelo is there anything we can do to direct you to the phone lines and charities who could offer you support? Xxx

@TemporaryUsername Thank you, that's really kind. I really don't want to take up their resources. I'm single and have no children, so nobody would be massively, life-changingly affected if I weren't here. I'm just trying to take every day at a time.

@m0therofdragons Sorry, I posted too hastily and kinda derailed your thread. I know what you mean and that you're targeting CFers. You're doing an amazing job and I take my hat off to you.

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo

Big socially distanced hug to you. I am also dragging myself into work (which is a new role on a covid ward that I feel totally unprepared for). I tried talking to my manager about feeling overwhelmed and the response before I'd had a chance to even open my mouth was "I don't want to hear about why you can't work on a covid ward". I feel so out of my depth and scared, I know everyone is in the same boat in the NHS and is having to do things that they'd rather not do, but I really don't think I can cope with this long term. I feel like I've been pushed out a plane with no parachute; no warning or training, just turned up to work one day to be told to go and work on a covid ward for the foreseeable future. The last time I worked on a ward (years ago!) I was very nearly suicidal with stress. I feel so guilty for thinking of handing in my right now, but I think I need to. I am still showing up for work though. Sorry to off load on you, but just know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do

@Popc0rn And to you. I always give advice that I can't take, so I'm sorry in advance for being a massive hypocrite... but there aren't any awards for putting yourself in a life-threatening situation. I think the NHS workers on the front line, who are doing just that, are absolutely heroic, it's really beyond comprehension to me. But I don't think that this situation is going to be enhanced by putting people in positions beyond which they can cope. The death toll is going to be high enough, without that. Perhaps it feels selfish, and guilt-inducing, when others are risking their health for their patients. I can well understand that. But having been suicidal, having previously attempted suicide - it's very hard to explain to someone who hasn't ever been there, what it's like. You need to prioritise yourself right now. There's nothing to stop you from doing other, very worthy things right now, if you feel up to it. It's not "covid ward" or nothing.

I don't know. I'm just rambling. I hope it's of some help!

I'm sure there is a mix of people who have less commitment to their work for various reasons and people who are experiencing disabling mental illness.

It's true that everyone working on the frontline must be experiencing a lot of stress and that those still going to work are definitely stepping up.

Anger, frustration and resentment are always running high in a crisis like this. It doesn't help but it's a natural reaction at the start of a time of great change.

You really are a delight.

Albeit an ignorant one.

Personally I don't want anyone whose mental health is so poor that they cannot perform their job anywhere near me in a medical setting.

I would much rather they stayed at home and recovered.

OP you don't seem to understand that stress itself is incredibly contagious. The impact of working with colleagues whose mental health issues have overwhelmed them but they are still trying to function would not only be dangerous for patients, but would lead to more staff being off sick.

I haven't had a day off sick in over six years but I am really glad I don't work with people like you.

Well if everyone goes off “sick”, what then? Big problems added to the ones we already have. Everyone knows that some people are sick at the drop of a hat and others try their very best. We all know people who do take sick leave at every opportunity. The op wasn’t talking about the genuinely ill.

Actually employers can do something about it. They should have access to occupational health and ascertain if someone is actually fit enough to work, or not. Persistent absences are a criteria for this. I guess the NHS is short staffed anyway so put up with it. However there has to be recognition that persistent absence by some does not do working staff any favours. It builds up resentment and it stops the workforce being at full strength. Therefore employers need to deal with sickness levels which are unacceptable because it affects everyone. Everyone. The health of those actually working has to be protected too. That’s frequently overlooked.

Think they should have investigated the self isolators a little more rather than just taking people's word for it. Literally every single one of the usual lot who are always going off sick at the drop of a hat suddenly claimed they needed to self isolate for 14 days the day after the government issued their isolation advice. Now they are due back at work many have not turned up. So frustrating when you know they are taking the kids while you are trying to keep the service running

That’s unfair. There are degrees of stress. At my worst last week, I was so stressed between work and my current child custody/welfare court proceedings (& the effect of lockdown on those) that I simply couldn’t think. My work was not safe (I work in pharma) because my brain just shut down. There comes a point where the stress level is too high to cope with, so my brain just goes ‘nope’. At my absolute worst I’m effectively catatonic.

I had a couple of days off work to try to come to terms with things, and now I’m back. Still very stressed, but at least functional now. At any normal time, I would still be off, but instead I’m at work and I’m trying my best. I just work and sleep and cry and that’s my life at the moment.

You have no idea about everybody’s personal situations. Maybe some people are taking the piss, but I can guarantee you some aren’t. Your views on this say more about you than them.

I have some sympathy with OP. The problem is, there are some frontline workers taking the opportunity to self-isolate with “symptoms”, some deliberately taking stupid risks with PPE, some visibly stressed to the point it’s obvious they’re about to boil over and some with their heads in the sand trying desperately to pretend it’s still business as usual. It’s a complete melting point and everyone is feeling the strain. Which of those should and shouldn’t be considered fit to work?

I’m trying to do my bit by not telling DH that I’ve had another significant deterioration in my MH so that he can head onto the front line each morning not worrying about how I’m doing at home. If I get worse and he has no choice but to cut back hours, “stress” may well how he chooses to explain to work to protect my privacy. And his colleagues would feel that he’s dodging just as the situation gets hardest because he’s not able to explain that he’s gutted to walk out but I’m not safe left alone.

Well it’s possible you should live with your parents at the moment. Look for any safe alternative. If everyone cuts hours, doesn’t go to work and everyone says they are ill, what then? Well we know the answer. More people die. I’m very grateful to those who are working.

My NHS trust needs accommodation for workers. We are thinking of offering our spare loft accommodation above our garage. I think we need to pull together.

Therefore employers need to deal with sickness levels which are unacceptable because it affects everyone

They do. NHS Trusts have a very strict sickness absence procedure. HTH