People calling in with stress

[m0therofdragons]

I'm finding it fascinating how different people cope with the current situation. Some seem so self absorbed with their own situation that they forget that others around them also have families and their own stresses. Calling in sick with stress right now feels wrong to me. I'm in an acute hospital - we're all stressed and going above and beyond, working 7 days, trying to ensure dc feel loved while battling guilt of leaving them to fulfill our duty. It's been interesting to see how some people have no sense of duty at all and are happy to save themselves at the expense of their colleagues.

I want to scream, we all love our dc and yours are not more important than mine!

I'm sure I'll get slammed for not being more understanding but I've heard so much crap today and need to rant. It's just as well we don't all give up when times are hard.

Yes same in my job, key worker - children and family services nothing like the stress of frontline NHS working and I deeply appreciate what NHS staff go through every day.
Could have predicted which team members would exhaust the isolation period then present as being too stressed to work, also many who “exaggerated existing physical medical conditions” to be able to wfh ( but are impossible to reach when they are supposed to be working)
Meanwhile the rest of us, some with existing medical conditions (myself included) just go to work and get on with it to try and help vulnerable children and families.
I want there to be someone, even if it has to be me, on the end of the phone if you report concerns about a neighbours children, I want there to be nurses on duty if I or indeed anyone is admitted to hospital.
If a large number of people in critical roles are not at work for any reason, including stress, that is not going to happen.

Would it help if the people who are struggling offed themselves?

I think it's a mixed bag tbh. Benefits and downsides.

My DH is a key worker, he would need some time out.
Wouldn't be good for DC obviously.

OTOH, people removed who are not pulling their weight.

It needs to be balanced.

Oh well done you. You deal with stress so much better than those awful people who take time off because of it. You must be very proud of yourself.

Try to remember the op is on the front line of a very difficult job right now. A job I couldn't even imagine doing in the current circumstances. Hell, I'm worried going to bloody tesco in the current circumstances.

She is in an acute ward, she wants to scream.

This could be her own reaction to exceptional stress, a different more intense reaction from her normal.

For me, and I'm sure I'm not alone, this situation on top of 8 years of multiple traumas and chronic stress is too much. Way, way too much

I totally understand where you're coming from. I have suffered from really bad work stress in the past, to the point that it was seriously affecting both my mental and physical health, but I didn't take any time off and was surprised to find others in (what I considered to be) much less stressful roles going off sick. I felt a strong sense of duty to keep going, and struggled to understand why they couldn't do the same.

The reality, though, is that life is not that simple as everyone is different. People have different levels of resilience and different coping mechanisms. They also have different past experiences, different baggage and different triggers. Some of them will have existing mental health conditions, and some will have many different layers of stress that pile up on top of one another until something tips them over the edge. I don't think you can really judge without having walked a mile in their shoes.

Yes, of course, everyone working for the NHS must be horribly stressed right now. I get it, and I am immensely grateful for the sense of duty that drives most of them into work right now despite that horrendous stress. However, I also get that some people, for whatever reason, may be stressed to the point at which they can no longer function effectively, and as such, they may genuinely not be fit for work. And I would not judge them for that, as we are all different.

@cdtaylornats

So, so sorry

When do people need a medical note to access sick pay? How many days are they allowed to be off before a doctors note needed? That’s when a few will come back. I feel stress is an over-used term and it’s not the same as fully developed mental health issues. People required to work in the nhs are being paid. They have jobs.

OP: I think anyone would feel let down if Co workers are staying at home when they shouldn’t. We all know who takes the loss in sickness. We all know who doesn’t!

My DM nursed in London during ww2. You really did have to get on with it. Horrors every other day and stupidly long hours with no holidays to speak of. Few were off with stress but with bombing they would be entitled to be. Soldiers fought and people died. Most got through it and I’m grateful for their service when the country needed it. And I’m grateful to you right now. I don’t think it should be made more difficult by others not working.

I was 24 when my dad died. I had 3 days off work. My Dsis came back from uni for the funeral and my other Dsis carried on going to school and took her exams a few weeks later. My DM wrote a letter to the head explaining what had happened. No member of staff took any notice! 6 months off work for a death of a parent is a very long time. It just shows that if you can get away with it, and you get full pay and the absence is accepted without question, people will take the piss. Right now, it’s not on!

That has 0 to do with mental illness, except that 'stress' is probably on every CF's rota of sicknotes right now, below self-isolating/back pain/other current popular ailment.

Absolutely. No need to shed any tears for CFs. They are looking after themselves without any help.

Thank you, OP, for putting up with conditions which I can not imagine. and still going in everyday without rest and at the expense of your health and family

You have to be fit to practice though. I’m off with anxiety, starting antidepressants. I was functioning at a manageable level and this tipped me over, no sleep, crying all the time. I wouldn’t have been safe to practice (dentist). It matters little as now 3 weeks on the profession has downed tools anyway under government orders. Some will be redeployed.

I am not front line but was under severe stress before this and it has tipped me over the edge. I don't even have to go to work but am really struggling because I already had personal issues.

I understand why you are upset but a lot of people might have already been borderline before the pandemic and then a lot of worries about family members. I know we all have but some people can cope more than others.

I am not even a key worker btw but just wanted to explain we are all people and while I appreciate so much all key workers and know how much we need them, some people cannot mentally cope. Unless you have been that low I know it's difficult and frustrating to understand.

I also appreciate there are people who will use this as an excuse.

Totally agree OP, also with Popin re being off sick for months then wanting accrued leave, with no thought to colleagues covering workloads in their absence. Like OP the self isolators came out of the woodwork early for bonus 14 days off, then got the next 7 for stress. Now we're getting the (previously never been mentioned) chronic health conditions stopping redeployment to clinical areas. You could have predicted who would do this from the get go.... NHS sick pay is totally abused by the CFs and they know how hard it is to get rid of people so they continue to blatantly get away with it...

You’ll get burned at the stake for saying it on here but I sadly have to agree OP. Having worked in healthcare previously, this is pretty standard in any team. There are ALWAYS people who will take paid sick leave at any oppertunity and they’d have been the ones phoning you with a cough the day self isolation guidelines were released.
I want to be compassionate and understanding of MH alongside, but at the moment, children are going without education. People are going without a wage. Businesses are folding. People are having to suck it up and go without chemotherapy , psychotherapy, or appointments for pretty much anything not covid. These concepts would have set ripples of discern a month ago. But now we are in a new normal where we all learn what we can tolerate and we push through for this temporary period. I’m sorry but the hcp signing off with stress is not them being part of this current effort.
It’s uncomfortable, it’s difficult, it’s hard to bear. But everyone is being hit and we can’t shirk off our part but claiming symptoms to avoid work.

I have every sympathy for how you feel op. You must be scared going to work everyday, scared of getting virus and passing it onbto your children. I would find it frustrating if colleagues rang in with stress at this time that is stressful to all, and meaning staff shortages on top if everything else makes life even harder for the ones carrying on doing their duty.
Just because one person in family is sheltering with government letter, it does not mean everyone else in house has to stay home. I am having to do this but my 2 sons are still working as delivery drivers. Luckily they have own shower room they can use and I stay in my room with ensuite. I know they are very worried about me and worried they could infect me but as one son has told me, there are a lot of old and sick
people who can't get to shops so we have to keep going to feed the nation, Mum.

Today I saw interview wiyh a doctor on TV , she has 2 children and can't get any childcare so sent 1 older child to her parents and younger 1 to her ex for duration of pandemic as is is working so many hours she is exhausted and is terrified of infecting them. I saw 1/4 of all doctors are off and 1/5 of aĺl nurses. When testing is more widely available some will return to front line.

Thank you for what you do op.

I'm in an essential service and come on. We know the difference. One very reliable worker has developed quite a severe case of health anxiety. Very clearly unwell and we are supporting him. He wants to be at work.
And then there's a couple of the usual slackers. Where this is an excuse.

@Graphista completely agree with everything you've written.

With public sector pay and conditions as they are and have been for some time, even before this, and indeed pay and conditions in private social care, retail etc the surprising thing is the proportion of people who, with the current huge risks, are still attending work!

Unsurprising that employers with huge HR issues will have a proportion of staff who don’t attend/performing well for reasons other than health. (If that’s the case here, which is uncertain).

OP’s anger seems misdirected: to the individuals rather than the people responsible, eg government and NHS bodies.

@m0therofdragons - hugs etc. As usual, people don't read original post or basically, don't care. Their needs will always be more important!

"
I can already imagine how outraged these same posters would be if they rocked up to a ward with Covid 19 and were told they couldn’t get treated because all the medical staff called off with stress."
Yes they'd be saying the managers should do something.
That something is either add more work to the people who are there, or magic up extra staff from thin air.
Unless I'm missing a third option.

Interestingly I was chatting to an NHS doctor who works in a large hospital in the SE yesterday.
She completely soothed my stress away.
She said they are so prepared for what they think is coming (her timescale was Easter).
They are all working 3 days on 3 days off.
The most interesting fact that she said was if they are in a room with a Covid patient who is coughing or sneezing they don’t have to wear PPE as long as they are 2 metres away.

Well maybe ask yourself why are they stressed? Is it due to 10 yrs of cuts, poor pay and conditions culminating in a pandemic? Because I think its incredibly unfair to blame individuals responding to events that they cant control. Perhaps if the PM had shown a single shred of leadership and statesmanship then people wouldnt be so panicked.

Why are you working 7 days in a row? That breaks EU employment law. Its not your problem if there arent enough staff. Thats managements problem. Stop fixing.

Fully agree with you OP. Sadly more and more people can deal with less and less these days.

This. While of course there will always be people who genuinely can't cope, most people these days don't seem to be able to develop resilience.

I don’t think this thread is about mental health - it’s about the usual people taking the p. The people who take the maximum time for a sniffle, on multiple occasions throughout the year. Some of them suddenly have an underlying condition, never previously mentioned. We have 2 admin members who do this, they know HR struggle to address. It’s a shameful misuse of NHS funds.

I agree it’s amazing people are still going to work after 10 years of pay cuts/difficult working conditions. I couldn’t let my colleagues down especially those in itu, I don’t work in critical care yet, the thought terrifies me, but we’re getting ready, as well as maintaining cancer services. It’s really stressful, all of my team are workers, we wouldn’t dream of leaving the service short unless absolutely necessary, we want to support out itu colleagues. We won’t be making excuses.

We should be thankful that some people have resilience otherwise they’d be no one to look after your relative, friend, neighbour.

Thank you op - sorry you got a hard time on here.

@manicsomiac but they're not really sick - that's the whole point. They're the people who take a week off for a cold or schedule their doctors appointment right in the middle of the day. They're the people who on their return to work don't thank their colleagues for covering for them but moan about certain jobs not having been done in their absence or in the way they like them. These are the people who moan when they are put on cover yet they cause the most cover themselves.
Maybe in some jobs it's easier for people to be off or WFH but in a job such as mine where you have to maintain staff ratios and there are children involved, the pisstakers are a problem and they bring down staff morale.
We all feel anxious, we all feel stressed. We all have family members that are vulnerable and / or money worries. We all need to pull together at a time like this.