Care Home Dilemma. Dont know what to do

[ilovesouthlondon]

Hi everyone.

I'm writing this because I'm desperate for advice but deep down I dont think theres anything we can do.

My grandfather is in a care home. We have tried to get the council to take his 1 bed property back and take his daughters separate attic flat back and exchange for a two bed ground floor property so that they can live together. Council dragging their feet with this however social services say he can't live alone (keeps disappearing), hence him being in the care home.

Since Corona kicked off in the UK the care home allows no visitors. We usually visit every day with his dinner, so we were concerned he would feel abandoned (he doesn't have a phone). They called a few weeks ago to say a few patients have caught corona virus, so they have isolated them and moved him to another floor. He had a temperature but managed to get better.

They called yesterday to ask if one of us could come in as he's not eating. I knew this was serious as they are not allowing any visitors in at the moment.

A family member went and was stunned that there were only 4 residents (including him) left on his floor. All the others had died. The other floors are similar. His key worker has also died from corona. We were shocked as you expect to hear these things on the news as it's still early days. I cant believe his key worker died because of no proper PPE for £8ph. I know it's not about the money but that's why we need to keep staff safe.

My grandad is very frail and would not eat the home cooked soup brought in for him. He would bearly look up.

The dilemma is what to do? We cant visit him. They wont test him. We cant take him out as we dont know if he has it and social services wont allow it unless we have an appropriate property to bring him to. I feel that if we leave him there we are sealing his fate. Dont know what to do or how to find a way around this to save him and keep everyone safe.

[cstaff]

Ah OP I am so sorry to hear that. My dad is in a nursing home and this is my fear right now. I haven't seen him for 4 weeks but have been told that he is good.

Look after yourself

[Inkpaperstars]

I am so sorry

thinking of you and your family

[ilovesouthlondon]

Thanks again everyone. They told me that he had no pain and went comfortable in his bed with two nurses. It kills us that we were not there for him. If we had not stopped visiting every day I feel he wouldn't have given up. Apparently he did not say anything or ask for anyone or feel any pain. They were very keen for funeral details, so I guess they dont have much space to keep him.

Only 10 people allowed at the funeral and I've been advised not to bring my son so not sure how I'll be able to go. No church service allowed or shared cars. This is fing awful and he deserves better.

[GinLimeandLemonade]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Grandad-in-law a couple of days ago in similar circumstances. It fucking sucks. Sending a hand hold. Unfortunately I can't go to the funeral as there's not enough space 😔 I hope you manage to find someone to look after your son so you can make the funeral

[TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet]

I’m really sorry for your loss.

[LooseleafTea]

This is such a sad update and I really am sorry; it is obvious from your messages how much he meant to you and I really feel for you at this awful time.

[MagpieWife]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you and your family went through before your grandfather died, and what you all are going through now.

One thing that shines through in your posts is how loved your grandfather was, by you, your son and your whole family.

[Noworrieshere]

He does, and did deserve better. This is the worst of times and circumstances to lose someone you love. I'm so sorry.

[VanGoghsDog]

I'm so sorry to read this XXX

@Lovemusic33 - your mum's employer can put her on furlough in those circumstances.

[Rachie1973]

The key is ‘does he have capacity?’ If he does it is entirely his choice.

[Rachie1973]

I’m sorry. I just caught up. I’m sorry for your loss xxxx

[ilovesouthlondon]

Thanks everyone and thanks magpie wife and looseleaftea for recognising how much he means to us. He would not be able to process social distancing or a pandemic so I wonder if he felt how much we cared and didnt feel abandoned but if you can see it perhaps he could too. You guys have really helped so thanks again and please be safe x

[littlealexhorne]

I'm so sorry, I agree it was clear from your posts how much you loved and cared for him so I'm certain he'll have known too. Thinking of you all X

[iamtherealitycheck]

You need to get a mental capacity assessment carried out ASAP only way to get him out is if he demonstrates he has the capacity to make that decision. Otherwise I doubt you can get him out.

[ChipotleBlessing]

@iamtherealitycheck RTFT is very important.