Quarantine intensifying feelings of motherhood regret

[QuarantineDream]

The awful truth is I’ve hated being a mum ever since I had my baby 3 years ago.

The whole experience has been awful for various reasons (including but not limited to chronic illness, lack of family support etc) and the only thing that’s gotten me through is having part-time childcare (first PT nanny then 1/2 a day nursery daily) and being able to work (also part-time).

Now with everything that’s happened I feel I’m back to square one - no childcare and unable to work - and I’m not in a good place.

I know I’m lucky - I have a roof over my head, a partner who mostly pulls his weight, food, even some toilet paper! - but being trapped all day with a toddler is compounding all the feelings I had about motherhood from the beginning and making me wish more than ever I never had a kid.

I feel ashamed of this and like there's something wrong with me. Even though my friends complain about motherhood they've all had second or even third children whereas I can't even contemplate having another.

(Before anyone asks, I haven't had PND, no.)

Is there anyone who can relate?

If you can’t, please be gentle.

You’re not alone. I love being a mum, and I’m a SAHM by choice, but I didn’t realise how much I relied on my eldest being at pre-school 3 days a week until it closed. Now I’ve got 3 children under 5 at home, one of whom is 8 weeks old so needs constant feeding/cuddles, and It. Is. Hard.

Don’t try to be Supermum, and cut yourself some slack. Yesterday I felt really low but then I told myself it was fine if all we did was doss about in the living room watching tv and it was ok. Lowering my expectations for the day and letting myself be ok with far too much tv and iPad time meant I felt a lot better about the day.

I felt absolutely terrible on Sunday (anxious/sad/unable to do anything). Yesterday I hid upstairs while my husband got the kids up and started their day. That morning off was completely transformative - I felt a million times better and I was able to contribute in the afternoon, made tea/cleaned up - did a little extra cleaning.

You said you have a supportive husband. Could he give you a morning (or if he is working an evening) completely off/to yourself. You will feel the benefit and can return the favour to him at another time you arrange.

Any single parents do what you need to do. If your kids will engage in a few hours of digital babysitting or pottering playing alone (with a watchful eye of course) and it will save your sanity do it - without guilt - you will then be a little better able to manage and keep up with the demands later.