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To end a 19 year friendship for his careless actions?

31 replies

HavenDilemma · 30/03/2020 12:34

Hi
I have known a male friend since I was 16. Great guy for the most part. Always been a little opinionated and money driven but I always believed him to have a huge heart and knew right from wrong. I've spent hours & hours on the phone to him at times, over the years.

He used to have a problem with drugs but has always managed to function and hold down a job. He knew I never approached but I haven't ever been his girlfriend (have never looked at him like that) so I couldn't ever stop what he did in his spare time.
He stopped taking Cocaine when he became a Support Worker in a home for adults with mental health issues & learning difficulties. Eventually he stopped smoking weed too - Then told me about 6 months ago that he deals weed but doesn't smoke it! Confused

ANYWAY! Spoke to him yesterday, for the first time since this Coronavirus stuff has begun. We start chatting about how shocking it is etc. He then says "I went to my mate's house last night - his missus is a Nurse, and she said they..." I butt in and say "YOU DID WHAT?!"

Apparently it's ok because he knows for a FACT that he doesn't have it, his missus who is a Nurse has apparently been tested (she hasn't, no NHS staff have in our area yet), that he'd not been anywhere besides work in two weeks and he washes his hands, they weren't in a large group, "they know I'm clean, they're very clean people - they were cleaning their house vigorously when I got there" blah blah blah "I HAD to go round there last night, they needed weed..!" Hmm

Earlier in the conversation I had told him how I had had no choice whatsoever but to take my 5yr old to the supermarket last week (as my only family is my 76yr old mother who is in isolation and as I can't get a delivery, I had no other option or else we'd have had no food to eat! She is autistic & has a very specific diet which isn't accessible via local shops. I put her in the trolley to 'shield' her slightly from others, put a mask & gloves on her and she was told to cough into her elbow if she needed to & we were quick as we could be. Also sprayed trolley afterwards with rubbing alcohol in a spray bottle - No, I KNOW it's not ideal but I genuinely couldn't find ANYONE to go for us. Not even a neighbour! I couldn't go & do a big shop a week before as I was only just paid!)
and after I'd given him my opinion on him visiting his friend - especially with his job - he then told me that what I did (supermarket with child) was WORSE....!!!!!! Way worse in his opinion!

I cannot get it out of my head. He has mentioned how as part of his job, he's had to go shopping for the home he works in and has had medical staff visit the home whom he has let in through the door himself! All whilst doing as he pleases and seemingly believing the rules don't apply to him!
I've typed up a message on WhatsApp telling him how hurt I am by him telling me that my desperate measure of a 5 minute trip to a half empty Morrisons is worse than his selfish, ignorant actions.
I'm also a bit miffed that at no point did he think to ask me if I needed anything? He knows my circumstances! We've known each other 19 years and he knows I only have my Mum who is elderly! That last part alone, wouldn't bother me too much but I'm SO SO angry with him for all the people he has put at risk. The vulnerable people he works with, the vulnerable people his 'mate's missus' works with, the medical staff who have visited his place of work and all the people they subsequently have come into contact with, the list in endless.

Should I send the message? He doesn't take differing opinions well, as many don't (especially on MN, I've noticed since I joined!) and it would undoubtedly end our friendship. However I don't think I can get past this....

WWYD?

Thanks Brew

OP posts:
HavenDilemma · 30/03/2020 15:14

He genuinely believes the rules don't apply to him! He even said as much! Because he's a 'Support Worker!'

OP posts:
HavenDilemma · 30/03/2020 15:17

@posie14 Why did you post, if you don’t think you are unreasonable?

Excuse me? Since when was the Coronavirus topic AIBU?

Why in God's actual name would I be unreasonable?! What the flippity fuck have I done?!?!?! This isn't about me, this is about my friend's sudden arrogance and whether I should send a message or not?!

Learn to read Hmm

OP posts:
posie14 · 30/03/2020 15:44

Gosh, you’re rude! Look at how you’ve phrased it!

Babyroobs · 30/03/2020 16:02

I think the way our friends act during this crisis will affect friendships moving forward. I already had our family more or less isolated before most people because my dh is very high risk. Even after the PM asked people to start social distancing close friend of mine ( who actually has a very responsible job within the local authority involving keeping the public safe) deemed it fine to go out celebrating St Patricks day in a crowded city centre pub. I was actually quite horrified at her stupidity and really not sure if I can let it go.

Olawisk · 30/03/2020 16:15

I wouldn’t ditch a friend over this. Up to you though

Mysocalledlifexx · 30/03/2020 18:38

I wouldnt send. Be the bigger person dont rise to it.
Now im older i dont put up with things but when i confront a friend they always turn it around or find a smart answer even though i know she is lying makes me mad so now i just give up dont say anything its the best way.

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