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Original poster

My day to day has changed drastically and Dh can carry on as normal

37 replies

Elephantonascooter · 25/03/2020 06:47

And I'm really fucked off about it.

I work 30hrs a week and 18mo DS goes to nursery. Dh works in a no where near essential role making items for an industry that's currently closed.
Had to force dh to self isolate when the 14 days for households with a cough came in as DS had been poorly for a week.
I'm trying to wfh with a toddler, am taking annual leave to reduce the hours I need to make up and am giving up my evenings and weekends to make sure the money keeps coming in.
During the day, I'm trying to entertain DS in a flat with no outside space and of course, DS loves being outside and we usually are out all the time.
So while my life has change drastically, trying to conference call my team in the day and work up hours in the evenings, dh is swanning around at work, normal hours, not a care for social distancing, as if nothing was going on. No idea why his work are still open to be honest but I'm in no control of that.
He's made no enquiries into reducing hours (unpaid) to help with DS and is just annoyed because his work are cutting costs by not supplying lunch anymore.
This morning, he suggested I take DS to see friends who we know have self isolated. He just doesn't seem to get it.

Am I the only person who is changing everything they do while their other half/other parent carries on with their day to day? And expects a clean, tidy house when they get back because "you've been home all day"?

OP posts:
Original poster
Elephantonascooter · 25/03/2020 06:51

And that's not even taking into account the potential illnesses he is bringing home to me and DS by his work staying open.
DS has suspected asthma so CV would be horrendous for him. He was in the back of an ambulance 2 weeks ago as they suspected he had it for goodness sake.
Sorry, but if I don't rant here I'll scream!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 25/03/2020 06:52

Nobody would notcie if he went missing, they would think he is self isolating.

madcatladyforever · 25/03/2020 06:53

You need to have a talk with him, a very serious talk especially as far as the tidy house is concerned.

Marieo · 25/03/2020 06:56

I don't know, if his work is open and shouldn't be then that's an issue, if it is 'allowed' to open then can you afford for him to take x amount of time off unpaid? This could go on for a few months at least. He should be helping around the house and with DS when he is home, but could you afford for him to lose his job? Is he actually that thrilled about having to go outside to work everyday? I'm sure he would be happier if they closed?

LittleLittleLittle · 25/03/2020 06:59

Nope. Unfortunately lots of people haven't got it. Your husband will get it when one of his colleagues or a famous person he is really into get sick so is hospitalised.

In regards to him going to work unfortunately lots of people have bloody stupid employers.

I'm in the vulnerable group so have to stay at home for 12 weeks. My DP is a key worker. He is also a carer for a vulnerable adult who is considered less vulnerable than me. We also have an 18 month old. All my neighbours have one person who is vulnerable or extremely vulnerable.

Original poster
Elephantonascooter · 25/03/2020 07:02

As per the current rules, his work are allowed to stay open as they arnt high street or a shop.
He's happy to carry on as normal and litterally doesn't care. When I briefly bought it up he said "what do you want me to do?" and walked off reminding me not to spend any money on things for DS to do, instead to 'be inventive'.
He wouldn't loose his job by taking unpaid leave in these circumstances.

OP posts:
Marieo · 25/03/2020 07:06

If you can handle months and months potentially of him not being paid then say that to him.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 25/03/2020 07:11

I'm feeling similar, my dh works from home and life hasn't changed for him. I work in a supermarket and finished my last shift sobbing in the toilets it's getting to me so much. I've had a couple of run ins online with a FB friend who seems clueless about what's happening out there. Hopefully they will all catch on eventually. This is sorting out the good guys from the bad, I've seen so many people step up to help with the fight whilst others are still just selfishly thinking of themselves. Time's have changed.

Achooo · 25/03/2020 07:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

foreversville · 25/03/2020 07:23

I just couldn't with this loser, 'be inventive?'

What the fuck? It will hit him like a ton of bricks at some point.

I'm sure you're doing everything possible. You deserve help and respect.

YangShanPo · 25/03/2020 07:23

Your dh sounds very stupid and uncaring to act this way. Don't let him bully you with this talk of keeping things tidy. Tell him you are working from home and looking after DS, that's two jobs to his one and you expect more support.
What are your employers like OP? Would they be understanding that you are struggling to WFH and look after DS? They might be able to reduce your hours or something.

SunshineCake · 25/03/2020 07:27

He could literally kill your son if he catches it while going out.

Fucking idiot isn't strong enough.

Stop tidying the damn house too.

Original poster
Elephantonascooter · 25/03/2020 07:31

My employers are OK but not so flexible they'll allow me to temporarily reduce my hours and I only increased them in November. Also, I want to be able to do my job. I enjoy it and its usually my time to myself to feel I'm not mum all the time.
Work know I have DS home but have been known to sack people who wfh instead of arranging childcare in the past, however have been slightly more understanding in these circs but I'm still expected to do the bulk away from DS.
Dh tells me to do it all in the evenings but if I did that I wouldn't have any down time. I'd either be entertaining DS or working constantly. But he doesn't seem bothered by that.

OP posts:
Itsnotthatcomplicated · 25/03/2020 07:35

Can you afford for him to go off work?

Because unless you can, not sure what you expect him to do.

Unfortunately, some employers arent being accommodating. They arent allowing reduced hours. People are being told they will be discipline if they dont go in because work is open.

If he isnt taking it seriously, then he is a dick. But lots of people are having to go into work, because of their finances.

The fact he is saying dont spend money, suggests he is worried about that.

Actionhasmagic · 25/03/2020 07:37

People out there are dying.

Original poster
Elephantonascooter · 25/03/2020 07:40

@actionhasmagic
Yep, well aware of that. Hense having the issue... Not quite sure what you wanted from your statement

OP posts:
Yester · 25/03/2020 07:40

Your DH is being a selfish twat. But you shouldn't visit friends who have self isolated as the virus can last 24 days before starting and also people are claiming to self isolated but have just been shopping once/been to the GP etc

maa1992 · 25/03/2020 07:41

If he's not on the key worker then surely he shouldn't be working at all? He shouldn't even be leaving the house unless he absolutely has to

MsTSwift · 25/03/2020 07:51

How have you not buried him under the patio?

userxx · 25/03/2020 07:54

Nobody would notcie if he went missing, they would think he is self isolating.

Bloody hell, what are you suggesting 😱

Original poster
Elephantonascooter · 25/03/2020 07:54

If he's not on the key worker then surely he shouldn't be working at all?
The gov haven't ordered closure of all non essential businesses and you can still travel to work if you can't work from home

OP posts:
User286400 · 25/03/2020 07:55

I think some jobs aren't immediately obvious as essential especially in manufacturing. Somebody has to manufacture all of those milk cartons for example.

humblesims · 25/03/2020 07:58

He's happy to carry on as normal and litterally doesn't care
What an absolute twat. I think I would have to have an almighty row about this and then tell him to fuck off. The stress you must be under right now you need support, not the added stress of seething resentment. I think this time will really test marriages and partnerships. I dont know what to advise you but I couldnt put up with it.

dottiedodah · 25/03/2020 07:59

It seems like hes in some state of denial! Telling you he wants a tidy home ATM ,when you are rushed off your feet is unfeeling and unkind .You need to tell him straight! As for going to work some offices are still open (no idea why)!

DivGirl · 25/03/2020 08:03

Yeah, I'm with whoever suggested hiding him under the patio. He sounds hard work.