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Covid

How selfish would this be?

486 replies

Jourdain11 · 24/03/2020 01:15

I just need a sounding board because I don't trust my own judgement any more and don't want to freak out my family and friends, many of whom are already struggling at this difficult time...

So as not to drip-feed: I'm not very health-anxious and have been coping okay with the Covid-19 situation up till now. We had a case at work very early in proceesinfa and got locked down. Husband is a PS teacher and working this week. We have been reasonably sensible and socially isolated, but of course we're all getting exposure through him!

My dilemma is this: for the last about 4 weeks, I've been really wiped out. Really exhausted, achey, weak. I've also been getting lots of nosebleeds (unusual) and people have been commenting that I look really pale and asking if I lost weight. I've actually lost about a stone, but it may be lack of appetite.

Of course, I looked up my symptoms and got worried Confused ... so made an appointment with the GP, telephone (natch) and spoke to a GP who I've never seen before, who said this is classic anxiety, everyone is anxious, to practise breathing techniques and mindfulness, etc. He may well be right, but my issue is... I haven't been feeling that anxious. I'm generally quite a day-by-day person and haven't felt this as hard as many others.

I tried the relaxation.. but basically, I'm just concerned it might be more. And I'm now scared that if I wait till I can get a face-to-face, some time in the long and far distant future (!!!) it might be "too late". Blah blah blah. You get what I'm saying.

My GP surgery are saying absolute no face-to-face and they can refer me for IAPTs but it will be a long wait. If I think I need something quicker, I should go to the local hospital Urgent Treatment. And I'm almost at the point where I will go....... but it seems so bloody selfish to go at a time like this?

I just don't know. So please, any thoughts will help!

Yes - Go. The worst that can happen is I'll waste little bit of NHS time and piss off some overworked staff.

No - Don't go. I'm being selfish and ridiculous to contemplate it!

Thx v much à l'avance.

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Jourdain11 · 24/03/2020 21:03

Will be going home but with strict instructions about self-isolating. Which is going to be a logistia headache.

Need to go back to the hospital tomorrow to have another blood test done (some specifics like Ebstein Barr and hepatitis a d HIV, plus a blood film morphology, or something?) to see if there are weirdly-shaped cells. Hmmm - hopefully there won't be. And an abdominal scan because it seems like my spleen may enlarged, but there was no one available to do it tonight.

The doctor said he would tell my GP to look at the results urgently and refer as appropriate - depending what the further results indicate.

The impression that I got was that it could be something quite benign or something more serious, and obviously I'm hoping for the latter! It's all a bit crazy, happening at the moment... on the plus side, I have to say that I think I actually got zipped through more quickly than is usual. The Urgent Care was deserted!!! It was actually a bit creepy. And the doctor I've seen has been so good about promising to contact the GP to follow up so that nothing goes astray with the system not operating quite as it usually does.

Phew, honestly, what a day! I'm stressing out about self-isolation, the kids, DH at school, all a bit crazy to be honest.

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Etinox · 24/03/2020 21:04

@Jourdain11
Thank you so much for coming back!
🤞 Flowers

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Jourdain11 · 24/03/2020 23:29

You're welcome! It was very kind of you all to take the trouble to reply earlier.
Stay well, stay safe!

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Greenandpleasanter · 24/03/2020 23:33

Well done for going OP and keeping us updated. Even if it's something minor, like iron deficiency, it's better to get it sorted.

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Jourdain11 · 25/03/2020 00:24

@Greenandpleasanter I hope that's all it will be!
I was hoping I'd be so tired that I'd fall to sleep in my newly quarantined state. But my mind is going double speed!

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EileenAlanna · 25/03/2020 03:03

Worst case scenario you could be looking at something like this, so it doesn't seem unreasonable to me that you persevere in getting an actual diagnosis from your GP. blood-cancer.com/symptoms/weight-loss/

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agonyauntie2020 · 25/03/2020 05:39

Good luck OP when you go back, we're all thinking of you and rooting for you. Thank you for updating. Please look after yourself. You did the right thing to go. Rotten to have this now (any time is bad, but now...) but you should feel glad that you are getting it sorted out and not waiting.

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Jourdain11 · 25/03/2020 09:06

Thank you so much! I'm back at 10 today. Feeling a little stressed so a virtual handhold would be very much appreciated!

It is very weird to be going through this "in isolation" so to speak. Normally I'd never go to appointments like this with DH or a friend.... I know I'm being petty and it's hardly important in the grand scheme of things. But it still feels odd.

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kauri25 · 25/03/2020 09:15

Virtual handhold from me. Thinking of you this morning Flowers

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iVampire · 25/03/2020 12:59

I’m also here

Hope it’s going well

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Jourdain11 · 25/03/2020 13:37

All gone okay, thank you! Back home now. My GP (usual GP!) actually called while I was still there to say she'd seen the message and would follow up asap once the other bloods and scan are back. I thought that was really nice of her, since they must be rushed off their feet at the moment and she didn't really have to call.

I don't know what will be the plan until the bloods are back, but at least I have this online system where I will get access to everything as soon as they're back. Not that I can interpret it! But I like to know what's going on.

The scan showed, apparently, that my spleen is very enlarged and some lymph nodes. That explains the full tummy feeling. But this could be caused by a number of things, I understand.

So I'm back to waiting and trying very hard not to be speculating too much! At least it was all very quick and it seems like I won't wait too long. I just feel bad to even tell my friends and wider family (so I haven't) because they all have enough to deal with at the moment, especially the ones in France who are on super-lockdown.....

So I do appreciate the virtual support here!

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iVampire · 25/03/2020 14:45

Do you know what was out of range on your FBC and if it was too high or too low?

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Jourdain11 · 25/03/2020 16:56

All low!
The WCC was 2.1 (the neutrophils were especially low)
The RBC was 2.9
The platelets were 108

Not so sure what any of this means though, except that it is all lower than it should be!

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agonyauntie2020 · 25/03/2020 17:18

@Jourdain11 Thank you for updating. I am really glad you went and your doctor called while you were there and is looking at things promptly - you want to be in your best health with this virus going round so for multiple reasons it's good that you went and got it checked out. As a chronic health worrier, I might advise, if you can, staying away from Dr. Google and trying to distract yourself (sounds like you have plenty to do that with keeping up with everything at home) until you get the results. Hand-holding from afar, and sending lots of positive thoughts. Flowers Daffodil

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Jourdain11 · 25/03/2020 17:36

@agonyauntie2020 thank you so much! I really appreciate everyone's kindness, especially at this very unsettling time... I've banned myself from googling or speculating - I think it is the only way not to go into meltdown and I am trusting that they are on it now, anyway!

Hectic here with lots to think about and organise. Husband has to go to school tomorrow - other staff are sick or isolating, so nobody can step in for him. So we had to figure out what can be done with the kids! Logistical nightmare...... I'm feeling a bit worn out and under the weather, so I'm planning to have a little nap. The kids are overjoyed that daddy is making their meals today: so far they've had chocolate crispy cakes for breakfast, vege burgers and chips for lunch and now they're getting pizza and ice cream for dinner...... Hmm Not a vegetable has sullied their plates all day!

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iVampire · 25/03/2020 18:02

Staying off google is definitely the best thing to do!

How long before you get your next set of results?

Until you know what’s up, you have to take SI very seriously

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Tiredmum100 · 25/03/2020 18:30

Definitely stay off google. I googled once, about 6 years ago and sent my self into a right panic 🙄. It could be anything, you definitely did the right thing by going yesterday and today. Glad things are progressing for you and hopefully you will get some answers soon. Take care.

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Jourdain11 · 25/03/2020 18:52

My GP called up about 6 and said that, based on the results she has (the HIV and Hep etc. all came back neg) she is going to make what she called an "urgent pathway" referral for haematology. Some results aren't back yet (something with antibodies?) but she feels it needs to be looked into quickly. She was also very insistent about the SI which is going to make life tricky, but it is what it needs to be! And I am grateful that they have been so quick and taken so much time and trouble at this moment when everything must be working differently and very stressful.

I am trying not to stress! I just got panicky because I am aching all over my arms and legs and I started to worry, what if it's the corona? Which is stupid, because I've had this aching on and off for weeks. I just need to find some distractions!

(My GP is lovely but quite honest about her reactions. So, "I am going to do this referral straight away because this is really, REALLY worrying!" didn't do loads to allay my worries Wink)

Anyway, thank you for listening... I am still worried to tell my friends and extended family. Because what can they do at this time apart from worrying? And I don't want to stress them, especially when it could still be all for nothing. But I do really appreciate your support here, especially when this is for everyone such a hard time Flowers

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Notanalien · 25/03/2020 19:11

Wishing you all the best OP. We're here for you.

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Drogonssmile · 25/03/2020 19:13

Sending lots of good wishes and positive vibes OP Thanks

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YakkityYakYakYak · 25/03/2020 19:15

So sorry for telling you to wait a week OP! So glad that you followed your instincts and that they are working to get you some answers ASAP.
Don’t feel guilty about telling a friend or family member if it would help you to talk to someone in real life. A close friend won’t resent you asking for moral support with something like this no matter what else they have going on.

Offering a virtual handhold aswell though Flowers

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Hannah021 · 25/03/2020 19:19

Plz dont go, if what u have is anxiety, then going there can give you covid... Its not a safe trip... It is the worst place you need to be at right now. Avoid like the plague

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SorrelBlackbeak · 25/03/2020 19:51

@Hannah21 you might want to read the p's updates. She has an urgent referral to haematology. This isn't something which should be ignored until COVID19 has passed.

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Jourdain11 · 25/03/2020 19:58

It's alright, there are many pages and it went a bit off the original course! Very strange to think that I was only posting this yesterday....and that lockdown on started Monday....and that I was in work on Friday. It feels like it has been at least a month.

Thank you for all the handhelds, again, I really REALLY appreciate it. Might talk to a few of my closest friends tomorrow. I feel bad to leave husband and kids in the lurch like this. And I've got a really bad tummy ache which just came on this evening so I'm feeling sorry for myself! I think that actually is anxiety though Wink or all the ultrasound prodding around...

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iVampire · 25/03/2020 20:12

I’m afraid that they don’t muck around when they strongly suspect a blood cancer, and rapid referral does suggest that

So it’s really important to stay off google, the treatment for many has been revolutionised in recent years (kinder treatments, better outcomes) but there’s still a lot of the older stuff hanging round online and you really don’t want to be reading that at the moment.

They might have a provisional diagnosis already. They will need to do further tests - exactly what will depend on what they think is up, but it’s likely to include a bone marrow aspiration. They are Not Much Fun, but they’ll give you max amounts of local and it’s pretty quick.

All blood cancers put you in the shield/cocoon group for 12 weeks isolation.

As you may get some answers quickly, my suggestion is you put off telling friends/family until you know rather better what is going on. Despite writing about cancer, I’m still hoping it’ll turn out to be a different type of neutropenia.

I put off telling anyone, until I had a definite diagnosis and a treatment plan. It’s much easier to be able to say ‘it’s this, here’s what we’re doing about it’

But who do you have to lean on tonight?

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