I am coping with things very badly

[newwnamme]

Name changed.

I am not a person who talks much about mental health. I am usually of the 'get on with it' school of thought. But we are a few days in to this and I am seriously questioning whether I am coping.

There are times in the days I can't hold back the tears. The platitudes that so many people are throwing around do absolutely nothing to help - whilst I can acknowledge the ways in which things could be going worse for me, the knowledge that someone else is suffering in a way that I am not is not doing anything at all to make me feel better. I have so much I should be doing - supposed to be homeworking from tomorrow, and am in no way prepared. My 2 toddlers are watching TV basically around the clock. My patience with them is at an all time low. The thought of the short term fills me with panic - I do not deal well with even a weekend at home with nothing much to do. The medium term makes me want to curl up and weep. Various non-sensationalist things I've read suggest we could be looking at a second round of this come autumn and the idea of all this but with dark days, cold, rain and a socially distant Christmas just - I truly don't know if I can cope. I feel like the government is being very manipulative with the information they are releasing. They haven't said as much, because they know what the reaction would be, but if you read the advice they have received on which decisions to date have been based, it is coming. Then there is the long term. I will most likely not have a job to go back to when this is over and my industry will be in tatters. I feel like this, on top of Brexit and the 2008 crash has ruined things financially for my generation. Things are never going to properly recover on that front. I will never have the security my parents have, or be able to provide it for my children the way they have for me.

I can see nothing positive, nothing good. I am struggling to be motivated to even do basic chores around the house. I could happily not eat at all but have decided I must force myself as I am still breastfeeding my toddler and none of this is his fault. All this just swirls around in my head all day. Genuinely, I feel like everything I have said here is a proportionate response to the way that life has been ripped away from us and shrunk down to the basic essentials of existing.

Is everyone feeling this way? Is this the default new way to feel? I want to and need to (for the sake of poor DH and children) find a way to summon up some positivity but there is just none to be found. I just need to know if this is the new normal now, or if I should consider seeking out some kind of mental health assistance.

I'm so worried on the impact on my young dc & just don't know how to make it better.

I feel the same op. I wake in the morning and feel ok and then it all comes flooding back. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of anxiety, fear, sadness, insecurity, the lot, as I’m sure we all have/are going through. For me it’s just the feeling of being so scared..constantly, that I can’t control, just want my old life.

I can't do this.

When I was at my worst, I made a plan to take my own life with the least fuss and the greatest chance of success.

I may now need to use it.

Feel free to report to MNHQ so they can send and direct me to the Samaritans, who are no use at all.

Corona will kill people for reasons other than infection.

Is this what anti depressants are for? If i call the gp (assuming they are even taking calls) and explain how I am simply not coping, is that something they will offer me? And would it help?

I'm so sorry to all the posters who feel the same as me. I wish I could offer you some kind of solace.

You could ask your GP, but my understanding is that their guidelines move against prescribing anti-depressants for natural reactions in the immediate aftermath of an event. They might make a different decision, but antidepressants take several weeks to start working so you'd still need ways to take care of yourself during that period. But they might be able to prescribe something else that could help you manage short term.

I don't want to give you false hope though. I couldn't even get anything from my psychiatrist.

@HandBellend I hear you and I hope you will still be here tomorrow.

I feel like this, on top of Brexit and the 2008 crash has ruined things financially for my generation

Agreed. All the more galling that we are sacrificing this all to save another generation

On reflection, I want to link to this resource :

www.selfhelpguides.ntw.nhs.uk/merseycare/leaflets/selfhelp/Post%20traumatic%20Stress.pdf

I don't think all of it will fit exactly with your experiences but from the way you're describing your feelings it seems like there's at least enough overlap that you may find some of the explanations and strategies helpful in coping with how you're feeling.

There's a section on distractions and grounding if you scroll past the bit on flashbacks.

I do have some shorter leaflets that just give info and coping mechanisms to get through the adjustment period, but I can't find links right now.

@HandBellend I hear you too. Your feelings are valid. But your teenagers need you, however shit things are. You are needed, please remember that.

I feel much the same OP. I’ve been feeling really low for the last week or so but watching that statement tonight has really affected me. Everything has changed and most seem so focussed on the short term but the longer term changes to the world and society won’t leave my brain.

We have it better than many in some ways and worse in others. My beautiful twins, both disabled, both needing constant supervision that I struggle to manage even when they go to nursery 3 days per week, but now I’m exhausted and scared that they’re going to really hurt themselves. We’ve fought most of the last year to get education sorted for them and this Corona bill flushes all of that down the toilet for up to two years.

It all feels so bleak and hopeless and so surreal.

Sorry I can’t make you feel better but you definitely are not alone

Thank you for the resources shared. Lots of great ideas - I am struggling to see where I am going to have time for mindfulness, yoga etc etc in the midst of working whilst simultaneously caring for 2 under 3s and also running a house in a pandemic where buying basic necessities is like another full time job. Dh is a key worker and snowed under, although he does as much as possible to help.

At the end of the day, you have to want to change your feelings and believe it's possible for techniques such as the above to work, no? And I'm not sure I really do. Like I said above, the way I feel feels proportionate to me. I dont want to feel better unless the situation becomes better - which seems a really long way off. How do I get out of that spiral of thinking?

I’m so sorry - it’s so difficult, and completely understandable why you feel this way. And all the usual recommendations for when people feel this way - seeing a GP, meeting with a trusted friend - are out the window. All I can say is that I truly believe that life will return to normal, and sooner than we worry it will. Eventually, this is going to be a memory. But in the meantime it is ok for you to feel your feelings and accept the monumental misery of this situation

Although it was expected, the realist of lockdown has really hit me.
I live alone and have a non essential job so won’t be going to work.
It’s highly highly likely I’m about to go 3 weeks without any human contact. That really scares me. It also my birthday next week which I will obviously be spending alone.
A lot of people at least have a partner or children to interact with during the day. I have no one.

Here is an article from the BBC that connects to my point about lacking exit strategy. It's naive to think life is going to return to normal - if it's ever 'normal' again, it will be nothing that we can describe as 'soon'.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-51963486

I’ve a longstanding mental health issue and find focusing on the basics helps. Sleep, food, (gentle!) exercise, basic tasks. If that’s not possible, basic hygiene and basic parenting (feeding/clothing the DC!).

as an aside though @LochJessMonster, unless you are in the vulnerable category, you are still allowed to go to work whether or not your job is essential. You should work from home if you are able to - if not, you can travel to attend work. Obviously you can choose not to do so if that's your preference. Hopefully this is helpful?

Oh, and one day at a time.

Oh, and one day at a time.

How does that help though? Because it's not one day! It's days and days, months and months and possibly years. If each day was going to be unpredictable, that might be good advice. But a large chunk of the problem is that every day is going to be extremely similar, and difficult in all the same ways, as the ones before and afterwards. Getting through one day is not the problem.

You can only live life one second at a time. Your mind is trying to live today, tomorrow and a whole pile of other days it has created shitty forecasts for.
It's like trying to have tomorrow's poo today...to save yourself the trouble tomorrow. Can't happen.
Just have one shit at a time. Have today's poo today, that's ALL you can do in one day.
Stop trying to do all your shits for the next 3 months in one day.

Oh @SinkGirl, posts like yours make me feel like the most selfish person alive for complaining in the first place. Your situations sounds so tough, even without corona virus.

@newwnamme, I’m officially working from home but due to the situation there is no work for me to do. Luckily I will still be in full pay but no contact with colleagues or customers, and then nobody at home either is really isolating.

I know it’s necessary but I’m just having a bit of a panicky moment thinking about the next 3 weeks (minimum) by myself.

I keep telling myself "you're tougher than this. You're tougher than this" and repeating it over and over. It's become my mantra. I am I suppose, drawing out my inner competitiveness, to tell myself that this current shit situation will not beat me, no matter what.

Also, one little thing I found that helps me is to make a list before bed of three things I plan to do the next day. And then I make myself do them. It gives a sense of accomplishment. Tasks have included sorting out the towels in the linen cupboard (not the whole linen cupboard, although if I keep going that's great), returning all my emails, ordering vitamins online, cooking a soup and sweeping around the front door. I know it sounds trivial, but I get a very small thrill from ticking things off my list and I think it's the very small thrills that count at the moment....

I am so sorry to hear that some of you are struggling and I am sorry if my post sounds Pollyanna-ish. I am not meaning to. I think we should keep posting on MN and supporting each other to beat the fucking shithead that is Coronavirus.

An early happy birthday to you @LochJessMonster . I hope you can Skype with friends/family?

YouNeedToCalmDown I like the idea of the list, I need to wash my windows tomorrow, and it’s suppose to be a nice day so I could do a bit of weeding in the garden too. I like gardening and I think that that is going to be my saviour during this time.

The list is a good idea. I think I need to let go of the notion that I cannot get anything done with 2 toddler dc under my feet. Those small accomplishments are important.