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Friend cancelled because she's scared of catching coronavirus..aibu to be annoyed?

387 replies

lindseyvvt · 11/03/2020 23:07

Saturday night we are going to a concert in Newcastle (well we were meant to be )
We've paid for train (over £100 each ) and hotel (£150 split) and £80 ticket each.
Tonight she text saying she isn't coming as she is scared incase she catches coronavirus.
So I have nobody to go with and we only reserved hotel so I will have to pay £150 for that.
Aibu to be Annoyed?
I told her to get a grip,and was she planning on not going out till after this has gone.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 12/03/2020 07:16

We are due to travel to Yorkshire for a wedding on Saturday. It will be two nights in a hotel. My husband and I are both high risk and I am terrified. But...the bride is terminally ill. I asked my GP who said we should go if we take every precaution. I’m not asking AIBU because the answer is yes and no. Fingers crossed.

QueenArnica · 12/03/2020 07:18

In my immediate family I live with (dh, 2 teenage dc at school) at the moment I’m taking the view that my kids have to go to school and I have to go to work (teacher). Dh has his own business which has been massively affected with cancellations, and he is mainly wfh.

Anything non essential we have cancelled (gym, planned trip with friends at the weekend, dinner with friends tonight). Was due to take my dm to lunch on Sunday but now going to just visit her at home instead.
We are going to be like Italy in the next couple of weeks, I don’t think your friend is over reacting but she should cover her cancellation costs.

BeBraveAndBeKind · 12/03/2020 07:19

Honestly, AIDS and HIV are much bigger problems but people wouldn't speak about it openly.

True but over a much longer time scale. As someone above already said, it's the influx of cases at the same time that's going overwhelm the NHS.

It's like putting 600 cars out onto a small stretch of road - if you let them go over a week or too, it would be okay but if tried to put them out in the same hour you're going to get gridlock.

In Italy they've run out of ventilators and are having to decide lives and who dies. The percentage of people under 50 in intensive care is high. This isn't a virus that just kills old and sick people.

BeBraveAndBeKind · 12/03/2020 07:20

*two

Cam77 · 12/03/2020 07:23

I just think if it was a danger to people then it would have been cancelled.
Your trust in the government of the UK to act responsibly for the greater good is heartening but misplaced. Btw, Ireland has cancelled all concerts with significant numbers already.

feelingverylazytoday · 12/03/2020 07:28

The UK is moving into the delay phase, that means staying home and avoiding social contact as much as possible. it's just basic common sense really. The emphasis must be on protecting as many people as possible and trying to keep society as stable as possible. Not going to fucking concerts. Yes it does suck to lose that amount of money, but other people will be going through much worse.

AlternativePerspective · 12/03/2020 07:31

There has to be a balance though.

For people saying the government is only interested in money, if anyone actually thinks that the hit to the economy on this is something to be taken lightly they are very naive. We’re talking about hundreds of thousands of job losses, businesses folding, spiralling amounts of debt. The hit to the economy is going to be far worse than the coronavirus and will last for years if not decades.

And conversations about how the virus should kill off this and that one really shows people for what they are. Yesterday a poster posted that the loss of the older generation wouldn’t be a great loss since they voted for the tori’s anyway and it’s no more than they deserve.

We likely do need to move to a more delayed approach on this, but if people are anxious there are measures they can take for themselves to limit their exposure. If you think that concerts and large sporting events are an issue then don’t go to them.

The friend here isn’t unreasonable to want to cancel but she is unreasonable if she thinks that the OP should bear the cost. But then that’s no different to the approach that some are taking to the demands for lockdown. “Oh well I’ll be ok, if businesses fold and people lose their houses then it’s a small price to pay.” But in truth the hit to the economy is going to screw over everyone and there will be deaths as a result of that as well.

It has to be a balance. As harsh as it sounds, the lives of the many do to an extent have to outweigh the lives of the few. And I speak as someone in an at-risk group who likely will not survive this if it comes calling here.

Cam77 · 12/03/2020 07:34

Surely she’s already lost her train ticket money and concert ticket money. There’s no reason she should have to pay for half a hotel room she isn’t going to use because she is erring on the side of caution.

dianebrewster · 12/03/2020 07:35

We cannot stop or contain this, we can, potentially, slow down the spread so as not to overwhelm the health service.

We will all be exposed at some point, that's simply the reality. 4 out of 5 of us will have a mild case, many will be barely symptomatic.

I'm in my mid 60's with asthma so part of the vulnerable demographic, I'm following the science, follow good hygiene so as not to spread it if I get it, but being realistic.

VivaLeBeaver · 12/03/2020 07:37

I just don't think we can stop living because of a virus confused

Tell that to Italy.... Or the thousands of people who have died. She's right to cancel but should pay her share.

lindseyvvt · 12/03/2020 07:39

You could catch it from someone unaware they have it in your local shop.
You wouldn't have a clue.

OP posts:
lindseyvvt · 12/03/2020 07:40

Maybe I am uninformed etc but when will it end?
This could go on months
What would happen? Would schools etc close for months?

OP posts:
Motorina · 12/03/2020 07:43

And we don’t actually know that we are three weeks behind Italy, that kind of talk is scaremongering

We're not three weeks behind Italy.

We're 13 or 14 days.

Would I be going to a concert right now? Not in a million years.

www.express.co.uk/news/world/1253111/coronavirus-latest-news-UK-death-symptoms-advice-covid-19-infection-rates-Britain

Cam77 · 12/03/2020 07:43

@dianebrewster
I hope you are wrong but that seems to be the emerging consensus. But why is the British government willing to entertain the prospect of 500,000 British deaths when the Chinese government, in control of a huge, more unwieldy, and poorer country, is looking to limit deaths to fewer than 5,000. What on Earth is going on? To be frank I am finding the “response” (wash hand everybody!!!) of the European countries to be disturbing.

PolloDePrimavera · 12/03/2020 07:45

Might you be able to get money back for hotel due to current situation? But she should pay you back for her share if not, can't think how she might think she shouldn't!!

adaline · 12/03/2020 07:45

@linseyvvt yes - if we were put on lockdown schools and workplaces would close.

It's already happened in Italy - the only places allowed to open are pharmacies and supermarkets, plus one or two other essential services.

We're not far behind.

Cam77 · 12/03/2020 07:45

@dianebrewster
I hope you are wrong but that seems to be the emerging consensus. But why is the British government willing to entertain the prospect of 500,000 British deaths when the Chinese government, in control of a huge, more unwieldy, and poorer country, is looking to limit deaths to fewer than 5,000. What on Earth is going on? To be frank I am finding the “response” (wash hand everybody!!!) of the European countries to be disturbing.

Hmmmm88 · 12/03/2020 07:45

YABVU she may have elderly or vulnerable parents or other family members in her life that she wants to protect so is not going to take unnecessary risks like going to a concert

bamboo0 · 12/03/2020 07:48

Your friend still needs to pay all her costs as she's pulled out. I'm with you on this op, I could get the virus going to the shop so I won't be cancelling any social occasions. Obviously if I had an underlying health issue I would be cautious but as I don't I will continue to behave as normal until these events etc are shut down.

ChickLitLover · 12/03/2020 07:48

You could catch it from someone unaware they have it in your local shop
You wouldn't have a clue.

Of course, but obviously the more people you come into contact with the higher the chances of catching it. And the quicker it will spread. We need to slow the rate that people are catching it so that the NHS can cope.

What would happen? Would schools etc close for months?

Possibly. If it saves lives, it’ll be worth the disruption I would say. Wink

notreallybotheredaboutausernam · 12/03/2020 07:49

DFTF but, go on your own. Going to gigs alone is great fun and no big deal.

lanbro · 12/03/2020 07:51

I'm resigned to the fact I wont be going to south east Asia in 6 weeks, a high birthday treat but even if i got there, I'm self employed and couldn't take the risk of not being able to work afterwards if i self isolate. I'm hoping my flight will be cancelled so I'll get refunded but if not I'm happy to lose the money.

dianebrewster · 12/03/2020 07:52

@Cam77 The lockdown response is, I think, mainly a political decision - governments wanting to be seen to do something. At the start of the epidemic it would have been very effective in China, but we've missed that boat, it's everywhere now.

According to this UK expert we really don't know which responses will be more effective, but it really only will slow down once we have a level of herd immunity and it's harder to transmit.

GrannyBags · 12/03/2020 07:52

I wouldn’t go personally, but I would pay my share. Your friend has the right to make her own choice but shouldn’t leave you out of pocket.

dianebrewster · 12/03/2020 07:54

Oh and he says lockdowns would only really work if they could be maintained for 12-18 months ...

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