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Who IBU here?

61 replies

DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 15:50

I am choosing not to post this on Coronavirus section if that's ok because I feel like there may be a broader section of views here. Just wondering who IBU / if anyone is, in this scenario or what to think really.

Like most people I'm very conscious of Covid19 and have been upping my hand hygiene which I'm always very conscious of anyway. My workplace was temporarily shut down, I am pregnant and I regularly use public transport so I'm taking as many precautions as I can. That said, I'm trying really hard not to worry or get into a panic, because I dont think it will do any good. I'm also unsure if a lot of the media reporting and social media chat is a bit OTT. I recall working in a university when swine flu happened and the same conversations were happening then- although I do appreciate this does seem to be worse. Basically I'm trying to live in a balanced way, being sensible, taking precautions but also listening to the measured advice of experts and knowing that this could not be as bad as some are predicting. I have seen a senior consultant obstetrician as part of my antenatal care and they were very measured about it all and told me not to worry.

On the other hand, my 50yo brother is very worried indeed and I'm not sure what to say to him or whether he's taking things too far. Our mother is in her 80's and lives in a rural coastal area, with our father who is in his 70's and a bit more fit and healthy. Obviously she's on our mind as she's naturally vulnerable, and she is aware and taking precautions. If she got Covid19 it may well be fatal, as is the case with most octogenarians, although this could also apply to other infections. My DB is talking about if the worst happens and we have to go to her village and organise a funeral it could be a nightmare because the government is surely going to stop all public transport and we don't own cars (as we both live in a city). He said all the hire cars will get block booked in advance and we'll be stuck in our city with no way to move anywhere. He also is worried because his 7yo son lives with my DB's ex wife in a neighbouring county and the ex wife is obese. DB thinks she would be at risk because of her poor health and that, again, if the worst happened he would need to take full care of his DS but would be unable to travel to where is son lives and collect him / look after him because if the transport shut downs.
I've heard of transport shutdowns in Wuhan, and I know the government's 'contain' plan potentially involves temporarily stopping large gatherings, but do people think the stopping of all public transport and the subsequent restrictions for people without cars is likely? I feel like my DB is over worrying to an extent. I'm the pregnant one and I feel like I'm less worried than he is! He disagrees and said that he is simply planning ahead. But he did say he's been "very very worried".

What are people thoughts on this? AIBU to think it won't come to that?

OP posts:
DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:15

Thank you @thedogscollar for the rational and kind response

OP posts:
DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:16

I have no idea what #bekind means but whatever it is, AIBU is not the place for it.

Oh right. Is that in the rules here then? We have to be unkind?

OP posts:
crapette · 07/03/2020 17:19

I am sure people have all sorts of reasons for hiding the topic and it was very disingenuous to start a thread with a deliberately misleading title to get people to comment and actually admit that you did it on purpose.

MissBax · 07/03/2020 17:24

The thing is OP, if you really thought your DB was being irrational or unreasonable you wouldn't have written this post at all. But you obviously think his panicking IS justified don't you? You both need to calm down.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2020 17:25

It’s also very unkind to be predicting people you know or love, deaths, due to inaccurate information, people are not more likely to die because they are obese nor do nearly all octogenarians die. Even getting down to planning funerals and child care.

Asking people to be kind when you post horrid mis leading stuff and then hide the subject matter So they read it is not kind.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2020 17:26

I really hope others are reporting this,

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 07/03/2020 17:28

What is the actual point of sitting around ruminating and stressing like this? There's absolutely nothing you can do if all that stuff does happen so why work yourself up into a tizzy over what will probably come to nothing?

My DM and DB are like this, just sit and endlessly worry about the absolute worst thing that could happen. It's like some people just enjoy being maudlin.

BogOffWinter · 07/03/2020 17:28

@Bluntness100 the thread has already been moved

Ginger1982 · 07/03/2020 17:28

"Oh right. Is that in the rules here then? We have to be unkind?"

You've posted in AIBU. What do you expect?

BogOffWinter · 07/03/2020 17:30

Also the OP wasn’t predicting anyone would die, her brother was. But I agree posting about this in AIBU was unreasonable itself.

DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:33

@MissBax as outlined in my OP, I was shocked / surprised at his reaction and came on here to see if this was shared by others, or if the transport theory was in fact widely known and something I'd missed.

OP posts:
DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:36

It’s also very unkind to be predicting people you know or love, deaths, due to inaccurate information, people are not more likely to die because they are obese nor do nearly all octogenarians die. Even getting down to planning funerals and child care.

OMG Bluntness!!! Are you deliberately being obtuse?! I was outlining my brother's concerns and how my own views contradict. How is that unkind?!!!! He is the one who thinks obese people are at risk, not me!! If you're not even going to fully read the post what is the point of you getting on your high horse? You are being deeply unkind. This my family we are talking about. If my brother is worried about the possibility of my mother's funeral that may be misguided of him but it is not unkind!!

For goodness sake. I have already reported your post from before by the way, just for the record.

OP posts:
DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:38

Okay so @Ginger I take it AIBU is basically full of posters ready to jump down one's throat? Anyway I quickly reported my own post to MN.

OP posts:
DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:38

Thanks @BogOffWinter nice to know someone did read what I wrote.

OP posts:
DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:41

Can anyone answer the question about the transport system? As I said, I told my brother this was unrealistic and unnecessary worrying. But has anyone got any further knowledge on this? I wasn't aware that public transport being shut down had even been mentioned within the government's steps.

OP posts:
Palavah · 07/03/2020 17:43

You think your brother is being irrational, he doesn't. There's plenty of measured, empirical material online about what is and isn't a risk. Each individual has to determine how they want to respond based on what level of risk they're prepared to tolerate. If your brother is concerned that all the hire cars will all be booked up then he could book one now for 3 months, or buy a car now, or book a chauffeur.

What are you looking for from this thread? You will not find it difficult to find people who think your brother's fears are ridiculous nor to find people who are thinking like him.

What is pointless is to have a fear and not seek out evidence to disprove or validate it so you know whether it's justified or not. That's just stress, which weakens the immune system. And a waste of energy, which is needed to carry 3 months worth of toilet paper back from the supermarket.

DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 17:47

Yeah I agree @Palavah I guess I'm seeking reassurance, which I think is perfectly natural and valid at a time when so many others are panicking around me.

I think my rationale in posting was in seeking other views- eg if anyone has heard about things like transport shut down or is in the know on this. First I'd heard of it and I was unable to put my brothers fears to rest because I didn't have any concrete facts. Haven't found anything online and I read newspapers everyday.

OP posts:
TheCoolerQueen · 07/03/2020 17:53

For what it's worth I haven't seen anything about complete transport systems shutting down. What I have noticed is that the media tend to use a lot of words like "may" and "might" and "could" so you really do need to take half of what they say with a pinch of salt.

Boireannachlaidir · 07/03/2020 17:58

I hate it when people glibly trot out #bekind when they simply don't like the responses they're getting.

How unkind of you to deliberately post in the wrong section and not bother to give it a proper title so people could avoid readingHmm

TheCoolerQueen · 07/03/2020 18:02

I also think it really unlikely that even if huge transport systems were shut down that there'd be no way of reuniting a 7 year old child with their surviving parent.

Your brother seems to be worrying about a lot of what-ifs. With some people you can reason with them and try to show them a bit of logic, with others you need to just change the subject completely because the discussion itself is feeding their issues.

Reginabambina · 07/03/2020 18:07

He’s being ridiculous. At least one of you must be able to borrow a car from someone. Worst case scenario you can postpone the funeral until things improve (it’s not like many people are likely to come if it gets so bad that transport is shut down) and his son will be dropped to him by police. He needs to calm down.

DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 18:13

Whatever @Boire. You didn't need to invest your energy in a response.

OP posts:
DaffodillsandDaisies · 07/03/2020 18:14

Yep @TheCoolerQueen and @Reginabambina. Thank you, I agree with those comments and it's reassuring to hear it said by others.

OP posts:
Wehttam · 07/03/2020 18:19

Damn all these non believers. Good luck in the coming weeks/ months is all I can say. ⏳

puds11 · 07/03/2020 18:26

Meh, pointless pointing it out to him, he’s still going to worry.

#BeKind is a load of rubbish.

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