Clashing with husband over coronavirus

[User24689]

Hi all. My DH is driving me nuts and I need a sounding board. He has read everything there is to read about coronavirus. We have cupboards stocked with enough food for 2 months. He has said he doesn't want to go to his nieces first birthday in 2 weeks as his parents are going and they have just returned from Rome. He's massively anxious about it all.

Whats annoying me now is he doesn't think I should be taking my youngest to playgroups etc and need to stay home with him. I'm a SAHM and groups are the only time I catch up with friends, basically. He's talking about working from home and we have just had a huge argument because he wants me to take our reception age child out of school. She's below compulsory school age so be thinks it's fine. I have explainee she will lose her school place if we just stop sending her and he keeps banging on about how in no time at all the school will be closed anyway. I really really don't want to take her out, she loves it and if I can't even take them anywhere (apparently) out of the home wtf am I meant to do with them both for the next however long he deems it necessary!
When I argue with this, he asks me what has to happen for me to decide it's time not to send her. When I said it's when the school closes he just scoffs at me as by then apparently it will be too late.
Is this normal behaviour?!?! Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with him/ calm him down?

JudyCoolibar she was moaning about the prospect of staying indoors actually.

And? It doesn't mean she's bored.

So Bibi what is your solution.

Should we all go home, lock put doors and stay there for 6 months.

If course the government knows people will be affected. But what can they do?

It is a minor illness in most people.yes I know from other threads that you have serious valid concerns about your son. But any illness would be serious for him.

We can't wrap ourselves up in cotton Wool.

Take sensible precautions yes. But I think you and I have very different views on what sensible precautions are.

How on earth can anyone think that keeping children indoors is anything other than a bore for all concerned?

Eeyore, that's an interesting way of seeing things. However, I think you've missed the risk analysis of the million and one other illnesses out there, which makes the reaction to this one irrational. IF it had a mortality rate of 50 per cent or something, maybe. But I think it's not that different to normal flu is it? As far as I know the mortality rate is lower and it's harder to transfer! I think we forget flu kills up to 650,000 per year.

If there are more cases out there than we are aware of (and I agree that's entirely possible) that suggests the death rate is actually a fair bit lower than has been reported? On the basis that we are not hearing about a sudden spike in people dying of flu like illnesses who haven't been tested for Corona?

Those that don't seek any treatment are likely to have no or mild symptoms.

I do think we need to be mindful and sensible. Taking proportionate steps to protect yourself is a good idea. Isolating children and healthy adults is not proportionate at this stage in my view. Nor is it possible for the county to continue to function if more than a very small number of people choose to do so.

I agree with Sunshinegirl82, there will be far more cases of the virus affecting people who don't need medical help so the death rate will seem higher than it is.

I can see that this virus is triggering for a lot of people with mental health issues, but the first response on this thread is a classic for that - ignore the actual facts, pick out a piece that matches your beliefs about it and then get stroppy when you can't ignore the fact that you are wrong!

I was talking to my DD about this last night, I said we may get it but we probably won't even know because we'll just think it's a cold/flu that we'd normally get. It has highlighted how deadly the usual winter flu can be though, which might be a good thing in the long term.

So far, I've had emails about the virus from my DD's school (send 'em in ...), a large-scale event running in about 10 days (we're going ahead) and a dental practice (postpone your appointment if you've been to the overseas countries in the current list).

Just to clarify - the dentist only wanted you to postpone appointment if you'd been to those areas and had any symptoms, not just a flat 'postpone if you've been here', that wasn't clear now I've read it back.

I think Jenasaurus posted very sensible precautions. And prepare but not panic is a good motto!

For people saying it is no worse than swine flu, please do some additional reading. If we don't all do our bit to slow the spread the hospitalisation rate becomes extremely concerning. That becomes a death rate in an overwhelmed healthcare system. That situation is unfair for elderly, vulnerable and our frontline health workers when we can all make small (hygiene) medium (avoiding crowds for now) or substantial (whatever necessary for a time) changes to our behaviours. Although be lovely if the extra hygiene continued for good 🤣

Additionally people talking about the currently small numbers please try to understand this is a rapidly evolving situation. If China had acted when their numbers were small, this may have been contained. Their actions since to contain and deal with this effectively and what is happening with measures to contain this in other countries could be incredibly insightful for how we can deal with it in the UK.

I personally very rarely read tabloid articles or newspapers or watch mainstream news. Mumsnet excluded (as am interested in people's opinions and what makes us all tick) but I base my opinion on what the experts are saying (WHO, NHS, virologists, original scientific articles that are currently open access on coronavirus, the actual government plan for this, not what the papers cherry pick from it). As do many other concerned posters.

But we can't ALL make substantial changes in reality can we? How will the country function? Those that make substantial changes (ie isolating themselves) are relying on lots of other people not doing so.

He obviously doesn't need to commute into London then. Millions of people still going about their business because they have to, DH included. He gets on a plane once a week, when he isn't doing that he is commuting into London. My DD lives in London with 6 million other people all going about their business.

Is he concerned - slightly, we all are. BUT, you have to get on with life, you have to keep things in perspective. You just have to be a little more careful with hygiene, and try to minimise unnecessary risk.

Will we go to the theater or cinema probably not. Are we still going to school, yes. Will DH try to work more from home, yes, when he can.

BiBiBirdie I think you need to start your day again. You are mis reading posts and going all aggressive based on your error. Cut your losses

@Random18 what can they do? Well considering they're doing next to nothing anything would be a start.
How about shutting the border? The large majority of cases have been after Half Term travel. We would have been home and dry if we had of closed the border. No travel is that important that it can't be cancelled. We are after all in the position of being an island. Close the draw bridge and we are fine. Wait until Easter holidays and there will still be people selfishly going abroad and bringing it back again, hence the PHE saying that is when they predict a huge spike.
Also, it should be made a criminal offence to ignore best practice advice of self isolating and ringing 111 for testing. There have been at least 3 cases of morons presenting at A&E and their GP, sitting in waiting rooms and potentially giving it to more vulnerable people, including in Datchet yesterday. We all now are aware of what PHE and WHO are saying to do, to ignore it is disgusting.
All schools and big events and gatherings should be cancelled. I've cancelled my wedding already, sure I'm disappointed but know it's for the greater good.

Ah that same old trope @damnthatanxiety. Where am I aggressive? Are you running a crystal ball to get to that?

Not aggressive at all. I simply feel sorry for OPs husband and to recoin a MN fave, would suggest he LTB

How about shutting the border?

How would we get the food and medicines we need, how would businesses get the supplies they need to function? That's just for starters.

BiBiBirdie stop digging

Also, it should be made a criminal offence to ignore best practice advice of self isolating and ringing 111 for testing.

How the heck would that be enforced? Are the police going to go house to house every day checking whether people are ill or not? Random temperature checking in Sainsbury's?

Digging what @damnthatanxiety?
You really don't like people sticking up for themselves do you?

@madoldcat no I clearly said for people who present at the GP or A&E against advice. That's how Haslemere is now a hot spot because someone went to the GP.

I simply feel sorry for OPs husband and to recoin a MN fave, would suggest he LTB

Why? Exactly what has the OP done other than have a different assessment of the risk? She hasn't insulted him, she hasn't been rude or aggressive.

You have "told her off" and said that she finds looking after her children a bore (with the added implication that she shouldn't have had them) when what she actually said was I am perfectly happy to look after my children, they are fab. But I don't think he understands that being confined to the house indefinitely (because I can't take her anywhere if I've decided to take her out of school) would be awful for the mental wellbeing of all of us!

There was also the implication that you live your children more than her with your snarky I would see it as a small price to pay to keep my loved ones safe.

Of course, this may not be what you meant. However, it shows how it can be misinterpreted. Just like you have misunderstood.

I thought the person in Haslemere had not travelled to any hotspots? Presumably they just thought they had a run of the mill illness if they had none of the identified risk factors.

Not sure why a poster is going for @kirkman. On this and other threads I’ve seen her on she’s been nothing but reasonable.

You didn't clearly say that BiBi, anyway, I hope all will be OK with you and yours if you are in one of the "hotspots".

However, I think you've missed the risk analysis of the million and one other illnesses out there, which makes the reaction to this one irrational.

It makes his reaction inconsistent, but not necessarily irrational. It is rational to try to isolate yourself from illness and to contain the spread but if you are going to do so, it's rational to do it for many illnesses, not just this one. Of course it's also rational to expose yourself to it and let nature take it's course. Unfortunately sometimes many courses of action can seem logical, not just one alone.

I think what we have to weigh up is the outcome of letting the virus run its course, versus the outcome of us all going into lockdown. Lockdown might stop the virus but is likely to kill more people ultimately because of the way humans act in these situations. Australians are already fighting over loo roll. How do you think a curfew is going to be managed and enforced, without great loss of life?

So take sensible precautions but learn to live with some risk, because I'm afraid that's life. We cannot make things entirely safe, we can only weigh things up and try to take the safer path where possible.

Your DH is being irrational. It is not in your DCs interests to keep them cooped up at home. Not yours! Maybe suggest he gets help for this anxiety?

I also agree with you, OP. My dp is exactly the same. He has been obsessively reading about the coronavirus for about 5 weeks and it is starting to get me down. He has been reading conspiracy sites which state that the virus was deliberately let out to kill old people so that governments don't have to pay them pensions.
He has spent ridiculous amounts of money stockpiling food.

It's tiresome for me. I think some people revel in negative thought patterns and drama.

Obviously this is concerning - I worry about my elderly parents. But there's sensible and then there's hysterical.