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Original poster

Clashing with husband over coronavirus

182 replies

User24689 · 03/03/2020 22:41

Hi all. My DH is driving me nuts and I need a sounding board. He has read everything there is to read about coronavirus. We have cupboards stocked with enough food for 2 months. He has said he doesn't want to go to his nieces first birthday in 2 weeks as his parents are going and they have just returned from Rome. He's massively anxious about it all.

Whats annoying me now is he doesn't think I should be taking my youngest to playgroups etc and need to stay home with him. I'm a SAHM and groups are the only time I catch up with friends, basically. He's talking about working from home and we have just had a huge argument because he wants me to take our reception age child out of school. She's below compulsory school age so be thinks it's fine. I have explainee she will lose her school place if we just stop sending her and he keeps banging on about how in no time at all the school will be closed anyway. I really really don't want to take her out, she loves it and if I can't even take them anywhere (apparently) out of the home wtf am I meant to do with them both for the next however long he deems it necessary!
When I argue with this, he asks me what has to happen for me to decide it's time not to send her. When I said it's when the school closes he just scoffs at me as by then apparently it will be too late.
Is this normal behaviour?!?! Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with him/ calm him down?

OP posts:
GraceBelly · 04/03/2020 02:35

Im with your husband. Its selfish to just carry on knowing youve come back from italy recently. 2 weeks arent going to kill you. How can you not see that ???

GraceBelly · 04/03/2020 02:36

You are very selfish, its life or death for many people and all you think oh how will i look after my own kids at home 🙄

DropYourSword · 04/03/2020 02:36

I’m with you. The freaking hysteria about coronavirus is getting out of hand.

DropYourSword · 04/03/2020 02:37

Ahem, as a pp seems to be demonstrating Confused

HerRoyalNotness · 04/03/2020 02:38

Read it again, HIS PARENTS have just come back from Rome. They should be avoiding the party

FenellaMaxwell · 04/03/2020 02:39

@GraceBelly the OP hasn’t been to Italy

Topseyt · 04/03/2020 02:41

Your husband is round the twist and has clearly bought into the mass hysteria peddled by the media.

Keep going as you are, just with sensible precautions like good hand washing etc. You can't exist in a bubble.

Life goes on as normal here unless things happen like schools closing.

MerryMarigold · 04/03/2020 02:42

OP, you're posting on an area of MN devoted to this so brace yourself. I fully support you though. Let's not get silly about this, particularly if you and your kids are otherwise healthy. Normal flu kills up to 650,000 per year but we don't get silly about that. Coronavirus is one big drama llama from the media. It's ridiculous! My ds2 who is quite robust is worried about it all now.

Topseyt · 04/03/2020 02:43

GraceBelly, try actually reading the OP and applying proper comprehension skills!?

GraceBelly · 04/03/2020 02:54

This reply has been deleted

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WitchenKitch · 04/03/2020 02:55

Can you try to find a way to compromise with him? Can you agree on a point (eg certain amount of cases in the country/district, first case in your town) where you will keep the kids home?

Get him to talk to the school and confirm what would happen to your daughter's place if she stays home.

If he's feeling a lot of anxiety, he's not being an ass on purpose, he can't help himself.

Have you talked through exactly what outcome he's afraid of? Is it getting sick himself, not being able to care for his family? It might help to draw out his fears and talk about specific plans.

If you're stuck in a tiny flat, I can see that it would be hard to keep the kids home, but I'd prioritise respecting my husband's opinions and wishes over a Mummy group.

Kirkman · 04/03/2020 03:03

I wont respect my husband and wishes when he is being an arase or being ruled by anxiety.

Especially when impacts my kids.

The ops child could end up being off for ages. Theres no defined end date to this. They can not isolate her indefinitely.

Also notice he doesnt actually want to change much. He wont be looking after the child. The child can not be kept in, indefinitely.

Also Rome is a few hundreds of miles away from parts of North Italy, that people should be concerned about. I am in west Yorkshire and closer to 3 cases of corona, still not at risk.

He needs to get some help for his anxiety. Not have the op feed into it.

SpeedofaSloth · 04/03/2020 03:08

I agree with you OP, taking your child out of school just isn't necessary.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 04/03/2020 03:13

From everything I've heard, children and younger adults are less affected by Covid-19 than older people, unless they have underlying health conditions. His parents should definitely be cautious and may be advised to self-isolate - but who knows where we'll be in a couple of weeks.

I think he's being hysterical.

Topseyt · 04/03/2020 03:16

No, GraceBelly, I won't. Nor am I the only one who has pointed out the error.

OP, you are doing fine as you are. School will by now have all the advice from PHE and will keep you advised of things. Ours keeps issuing updates. Don't jeopardise your DD's school place. That would be ridiculous.

Sensible precautions are needed. If the media had their way then we would all now be living in space suits or in large bubbles.

Of course, this sells newspapers, hence the media feeding frenzy.

JillGoodacre · 04/03/2020 03:20

I live in Kuwait where there have been 56 cases diagnosed and they've closed schools as a result. My kids are doing online learning via Google classroom and it's a pain but you have to do what you have to do. I think our cases here are contained as it's mainly all people who have come in from Iran. I can understand the panic to a certain extent but I think people are focusing on the mortality rate. It doesn't mean that if you're going to get it you're going to die.. In many cases a bad dose of proper flu (not the common cold which everyone refers to as flu here as it's not the same at all). Keep your hands clean and prepare accordingly. Some people here are on complete lock down and not going anywhere which I think is a bit excessive. Life is still pretty much going on as normal except people wearing masks (which is totally pointless unless you are sick or seeing someone who is sick)

Kirkman · 04/03/2020 03:21

@GraceBelly you came on here, did read it properly, then insulted the OP and suggested taking care of her child is too much like hard work.

Corona is not currently anyway near Rome (that may change) so it's worth keeping an eye on

But no one has yet been to italy and the ops child isnt going to Italy at all.

Going to Rome doesn't put no one into a higher risk category, as it stands. Yet you decided to insult the OP anyway.

Topseyt · 04/03/2020 03:24

Like Kirkman, I wouldn't respect my husband if he was being a complete arse about something like this.

I'd keep sticking to the common sense approach. If he told me that I had to keep the kids home from school for no good reason (they weren't ill, school not closed etc.) then I would pay it no attention.

Bahhhhhumbug · 04/03/2020 04:00

I'm worried as my DH has well managed asthma and a kidney condition again well managed but still at greater risk if he caught this. Plus we are both just over 60. My main worry though is that we are served by a large hospital that is located in one of the biggest holiday resorts in UK, with a very transient resident community too (we live three miles or so away) The largest majority employer in our town is therefore the hospital and to top it all our son and DIL both work there.
But we are just carrying on as normal and went for a meal and then the pub tonight. It's worrying and where we live it's almost inevitable it will come here but what can we do. Your dh sounds hysterical tbh.

eaglejulesk · 04/03/2020 04:14

No advice on how to deal with your husband, but he is being ridiculous!

attatiti · 04/03/2020 04:15

Rome isn’t even category 2, let alone category 1. There’s no reason for anyone not to go the party.

BelfastNonBlonde · 04/03/2020 04:15

I think I would get my husband sectioned if he started going on like this right now.

My dad sent my sister a text along the same lines yesterday about her engagement party on Saturday. Completely over the top.

Toomanygerbils · 04/03/2020 04:25

OP is your husband under a lot of stress at work? Is this normally the way he responds when something is out of his control? I would say he would benefit from some therapy but I’m guessing he’d never attend due to the fears of contamination. Can you in the short term reassure him with things like antibacterial gel before and after going anywhere with the children?

If he’s normally so irrational you have a major lifestyle choice to make, your children will grow up in fear of everything. If this is a first I’d be worried he’s having some kind of breakdown and seek professional advice

xine15 · 04/03/2020 04:50

Rome is not a worry as pp have said. He should know that if he is looking it all up. And children are less likely to get this and tend to suffer mildly. He is over reacting. I go to baby groups too, one at our local hub which has the library and doctors surgery. I know what you mean about them being a lifeline. There may well be a time when I stop going, especially to the one at the doctors but it is not there yet! We can't stop our lives completely and it will be more detrimental to your kids to be cooped up inside, and for your daughter to lose her school place. Don't dismiss his concerns off hand but try to get him to see he is being premature, you have to weigh the risks of both avenues together!

Nitpickpicnic · 04/03/2020 05:05

You say your DH is reading everything about Covid-19, but how can that be when his reactions are so over-the-top? Is he understanding it properly? Are the sources trustworthy?

Send him back to the internet, armed with a brain. Remind him that kids aren’t at risk of dying from the virus (it’s a bit of a mystery why, but there it is).

The only risk to most families at this point is shortages due to panic buying. And possibly a future unavailability of some medications.

You could try a week ‘his way’ of full quarantine, no one leaves the house, eat only baked beans. That might cure him. His malady is worse than Covid-19. They’ll never find a vaccine for stoopid.