30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

Literally, fucksticks.

I think previously droid has always arrived earlier than expected, or at least braahn bits have. So early testing has been pointless. Droid due on Sunday. Give me extreme violence if I talk about testing again.

GBRP Muse! Who's ya stalker then?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Muse, I ain't giving up hope until Brown Betty sings. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Am feeling more cheerful than yesterday. Thanks for letting me wallow and be silly yesterday, guys. Sometimes we all need it. I heart mah BESHies. Group hug!

jollster is lovely one from the mc thread who is good at giving violence in stoopid early testing situations. We both have shit luck and got to start over again at same time. She has the BESH spirit.

Stupid thing is I was actually starting to feel pregnant. If I oved on day 18 when FFJ appeared, would droid still be due in same time frame or might it be delayed? Am preparing myself for mindfuck.

Muse I TOLD you 'bout themz daft FRs - they are bobbins, and they don't know you are diffed until baybee is born and comes out to personally crayon the red line on the stick. What else have you got in your goody bag?

And, of course you are feeling pregnant - that goes for eveyone on this fred, because our bodies are sent to fuck with us! Grrrr....

Morning all...

scorps how are you feeling this morning, lurve? Other BESH's can put far more eloquently than I how fabulous you are & that you need to tackle things one at a time. Not easy though, eh? All I can offer is a heaving bosom to rest your head & lots of compliments regarding your fabulousness. I heart you!

muse arsebiscuits! You OK too?

Sorry to join the party late re "do I really want a baby?" I think those thoughts for me outweigh the "give me a baby right now" ones. Which really concerns me. All I do know is that I used to love coming home to the peace & order that was my home after spending an afternoon in the chaos of my friend's house with kids. Now my home feels strangely quiet & empty. I think I've spent sooooo many years saying "nah, what do I want kids for?" that I find it hard to admit it may be the way to go. Also the boyf is soooo desperate I think we kind of cancel each other out & meet somewhere in the sensible middle.

As we're struggling its almost become a battle of brain v ovaries, without me actually thinking about a baby. When I do think about it, I just imagine a baby. Then I surprise myself with the fact that the baby will actually grow up. I find it harder to imagine myself with a 7 year old, & a teenager. I'm clearly insane & I should take the hint why Jebus isn't letting me win!

Re money. The boyf & I set up a joint account when we moved in together for all boring household shiz. At that time he was training & I earned more. We still have out own separate accounts. Silly as it sounds when I buy him presents I like to feel they come from ME & not joint money. The boyf is now fully trained & earns far more than I do. I save & save to pay 50/50 for hols etc. The boyf tries to pay bits for me as he earns more, but I just can't do it. So I know that I'm really going to struggle with the money thing if we have kids, as I plan to reduce my working hours to part time. Not something I need to worry my pretty little head about at the moment.

Anyway, talking of work better get back to it

Before anyone worries that their taxes are paying for me to menkal during work hours, I work through lunch & kind of take 5 mins out throughout the day. Thanking you pliz for letting me explain, x)

Implantation occurs between 6 - 10 days post ov, and prior to that, no HCG. I am guessing you are about 6 days post ov, if you ov'ed CD18?

I got a load of watery Ovaltine that I assume was implantation bleed about 6 - 7 days post ov the month I got diffed, though I never had implantation bleeds in my previous diffments. I am of course hoping that this means baybee was burrowing v. deep into my newly MOT'ed wombular region, bypassing the layer of teflon.

by the way, wtf is GBRP? Did I miss a meeting?

Hi Lolcats!

GBRP - Great British Repression...something.

Will someone for the love of little green apples please explain to me why, even though I spot before my period every month, even though I am officially barren, and even though we had sex ONCE at the right time, I still have a tiny lurking little flame of hope that current spotting is implantation. Because the mid-month spotting was different and must have had something to do with pregnancy. And not just a sensitive cervix moment or similar.

KILL ME NOW. Please. I'm begging.

Have just sniggered aloud at *Cho's imaginings of baybee coming out and crayoning a line on a piss snick

I think it's Great British Repression something-beginning-with-p. Cass started it and others followed suit. Burrowing sadness down where it can't hurt and doing something useful like hoovering or cleaning out cupboards. Sounds very sensible and yes, thoroughly British.

Shit sorry Drom. Crossed posts.

I'm absolutely not going to kill you, you daft cow . It's not over til it's over.

Muse fucksticks to the stick. It is wrong obviously. Also, it is too early. I ov'd late, the month I got diffed. Think it was day 17. Droid normally appeared anywhere from day 23 - 26. I didn't get a positive until day 28, which was 11DPO. Put away the sticks til after the weekend!

Fish slaps and tequila for everyone please barmen!

Cho how are you feeling? Menkul? Pukey?

Scorps glad you are feeling more betterer today.

Where the bloody hell is Gin?

Drom are you trying to take crown of menkul from Scorps? She will not like it.

We will not kill you ya daft mare, but could knock you out with Gin's comedy hammer if only she'd come back... Or you could drink gin until you pass out? Always worked for me.

Great British Repression PLAN. Last night I cleaned the bathroom , dusted the whole house, watered all my plants, planted some sweet peas, and had a barbecue. You get a lot done on the GBRP.

Drom - I have 3 days of brown bits before the droid every month, and every month tell myself it is late implantation bleeding. I can lend you my Mallet's mallet?

Cams, once is enough, and remember you get millions of swimmers from just one shot, and even people with male factor problems will often still produce a good serving of viables, so it's fine to be menkul.

AND, I am now embarrasingly the very person that people talk about when trying to cheer barrens up, ie. "the person they knew who had been trying for decades, then got diffed just before IVF" (I have always fucking HATED that little anecdote), so how do you like them apples, Humps?

Polly, I'm fine, not too sick, not too menkul (head in sand emoticon). It's the anniversary of my last m/c today so thank fuck I am up the duff, otherwise I would be feeling truly hopeless now.

Sweet peas Lyra? In June? Shouldn't they have been planted like a month ago? Of course, if it was just GBRP, that's fair enough.

My heart is galloping nineteen to the dozen today. I am so panicking and stressed about money. I can't possibly have a baby. We're about to drown in debt. Waaaaaaaaah. MrA is one of those annoying optimistic types who thinks is will all be alright and something will turn up. I can feel my heart banging in my throat. Or do you think I'm actually having a cardiac arrest?

Sorry about the anniversary Cho but glad you have a little something to celebrate this year. Glad you are feeling ok.

Aries take that . Calm down dear, of course you can have a baby AND debt. Most people do! Deep breaths now and have a gert big swig of this pint of snakebite. There you go now, feeling better?

I have banged my head against the desk a couple of times, bitched about stoopid colleagues and now feel better.

Aries Women have different kinds of heart attacks, apparently, so as long as your arm isn't painful you should be fine. You might want to breathe into a paper bag for a bit...

Is it business debt that's scaring you? Because it's going to be a lovely summer and you will make all the money in the world and be FINE.

Aries - what Drom said. Plus everyone will be holidaying in the UK this summer, so I predict your revenues will double .

I knew some fucker would notice my poorly timed sweet peas - are you my mother-in-law???

How does anyone know when sweet peas should be planted??

Well, the GBRP is going swimmingly (but I guess I would say that, wouldn't I, even if it wasn't, on account of being so fetchingly repressed ) - the house is clean and tidy, I have 2 sacks for charidee, 3 sacks for the dump, am feeling all lithe due to lots of yoga (as long as I don't look in the mirror) and am even 2 pounds lighter! And feeling much happier, too, so I'm going to keep repressing meself for a bit longer.

In a brief gusset news update, am awash with you-know-what. And it's only day 12, wouldn't normally get that till about 16/17. Took agnus castus and the B one this month, perhaps they have brought things forward, we'll see. No dice from the o-stick just now.

What-ho! Such fun!

I hope you're going to get shagging tagineycasseroleyone

Sounds like I need to sign up to the GBRP, the house is a tip and my study's even worse so I'm spending half my life looking for bits of paper I know are there somewhere. And forgetting to try and find a cheaper car insurance deal before it renewed automatically - duh.

I have no idea when sweet peas should be planted. TH is loving having a garden and hence veg patch - the first thing he does when he gets in from work is check there are no slugs on his lettuces. I'm just looking forward to eating the stuff.

Aries, what everyone else has said. And Camel it would be abnormal to not be menkulling, at least round here. So you can comfort yourself that you're in good company.

Ockywocky do people really look forward to eating lettuce??

You are v welcome on the GBRP. Team Repression, yay! (oops, bit 'merican then, soz) Erm, Hurrah!

Pisces how's the cardiac coming along over there? I get like that too about money, tis horrible.

Musee you betcha, plus tis surely a perfect opportunity to shout "tally ho!" at the crucial moment and scare the crap out of Mr Stew

Dromdromdedrom I don't know what to say other than that I would, am usually am, exactly the same. Being like me is not exactly comforting, I'm sure, but at least you're not alone.

Chocho for you. But glad you iz winning in time to temper the sadness a bit.

What shall I do next, BESHlets?

Elizabeth Mitchell Armstrong, professor of sociology at Princeton University, will argue that maternal emotions are being "medicalised": "To the list of pregnancy prescriptions and proscriptions comes another mandate: be happy, be calm. Pregnant women are exhorted to avoid stress and to moderate their emotions in order to produce a healthy baby. Yet the evidence behind this recommendation is exceedingly weak"