30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

BUNDLE!!!

Oh for PITY's SAKE. So now THREE close friends are pregnant. The most recent two having told me in the last 48 hours. And in fact, those two know each other, and have both sworn me to secrecy from each other

At least when they do tell each other they can go through it together and I won't be required to hash through every gory detail quite so much as I was fearing. They're due within a fortnight of each other

One got pregnant on the very very one and only time they'd tried. Not just the first month, but the only fucking unprotected shag they had in the whole month, too!!

Oh, and they're both size 8. Just to make me feel shitter about my size 16 ness. AND I have a massive bruise on my arm after my day 2 bloods. Which doesn't hurt, it's no biggie, but just a perpetual reminder when I look down, if you know what I mean, when I'm trying hard to be brighter today.

Anyway. Deep breath. Positive thinking. I am go for Operation BMI29 if anyone else is. Had chicken salad, fruit and yoghurt for dinner last night and - gasp - no wine. Upsettingly the scales this morning didn't show the half a stone loss I fully expected after an evening of such virtue but I shall press on in the sure knowledge that I will surely be a size zero by the weekend and updiffed by next week (regardless of time of the month)

OnePot that is shit timing. Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds. It is hard not to be pleased at good news but also it feels like a slap in the face. And I remember exactly how you feel about the bruised arm - I had a terrible one come up from last lot of Day2 bloods and it just made me feel crap - a glaring flashing reminder*. Yay to the positive thinking tho.

*Alright, it didn't actually flash, but it might as well have done.

It's a shitty time to have bloods, isn't it, day 2. Cos you're dealing with the disappointment of being on day 1 again and then before you can draw breath you're down having blood taken and then, yeah, just being reminded by the bruise. Hadn't appreciated that timing before.

My day 21 bloods didn't give me any bruises, typical! And of course was in a happy "well I probably don't need these at all as am surely updiffed just don't know it yet" type of place.

Well, for now at least all my bits are over. Mr Stew has the summer fete-esque Jizzing In A Pot event coming up in a few weeks, but for now at least I'm done.

How are you doing Polpot ? (not that I find you dictatorial, not at all, oops, stop digging woman...)

Sister, best friend, sister's best friend, former colleagues, husband's friends, cousins - all pregnant. Ain't life grand? However the one-shag-in-one-month friend is just an insult, LambTagine.

WHen I have a bruise or scab I gaze at it and it and prod it in an obsessed, morbid, OCD way.

Sorry, last sentence was a bit nonsensical.

I'm glad Mr Stew is getting down to it soon. It took TG about 3 blardy months. [grrrr]

I am good ta, TagLine, although I have 12 wk scan next Monday. Am mostly in de nile or else am part terrified, part excited. I am having dreadful nightmares at mo. Either of aliens baybees with 3 heads and no legs and one giant eye in middle of forehead, or serial killers hunting me down in helicopters and killing everyone around me.

Oh rubbish. Nightmares are horrid things. I had one the other night, where I was made to dance with a bear which then mauled me; I tried to escape but the FBI tracked me down and took me back to it! Interpret that, Joseph.

Hopefully after your scan you'll start to feel a bit more at peace about it all.

Pisces I know it's just part and parcel of being a woman in your 30s, all this, but it doesn't make it any easier, does it.

Dancing mauling bear Tag?! No doubt I will be dreaming about that tonight...

Aries!!!

Everytime I go out with friends now I stare at what they're drinking to try and mentally prepare myself for An Announcement. Nobody seems to be announcing though, thankfully.

Am cursing myself for not telling them about the EP. I didn't feel able to at the time and then by the time I saw anyone it was a bit late and a bit hard to work out how to say it. It's a bit much to drop on someone who just does a simple "so, how are you".

Oh Muse. That's hard. I can totally see at the time it would have been too much to out yourself but then you're left carrying it alone (apart from your partner, and us)... are there one or two people you're closest friends with you could tell?

I feel a little similar about the fact that we're trying; I know it's not the same thing At All but I feel quite strongly that I don't want the pressure of a million people asking me how it's going; whilst at the same time it then limits who you can explain why you're so miserable a few days here and there to! I've told one friend; I feel a bit bad when I lie to other friends if they ask if we're thinking of trying again but I can't deal with this being a public thing.

Morning Everybodypeeps!

Sorry to hear you're on a downer Tags sometimes it seems like an unrelenting wave of diffedness, especially for us 30's BESHes. It's even worse when people start having their SECOND kids whilst you are still trying, or couples who hadn't even MET are getting married and having baybees...Gaah.

InterPol good luck for Monday...everything crossed for you!

Muser ...I know what you mean - sometimes I have already guessed that friends are trying, so just waiting for the inevitable news. I did keep on a bit to my BF about when she was going to start ttc her second (they had doubts due to problems with DC1) , but I couldn't have just handled finding out that she was diffed out of the blue....I needed to be prepared for it so that my happiness for her was not marred by my own problems. I also didn't want to feel that I made her feel uncomfortable about raising it. When she did get pregnant I was completely ready for it and didn't have a wobble at all.

I'm glad I told peopkle about my m/cs, but I am not telling as many people about this pg until I am much further on (if I can help it).

I do have two close friends who know, and all the family does. And a couple of work people know. It's just my oldest friends from uni who I haven't told. One of them knows as I work with her and felt I had to tell her because work would ask her about me.

I just can't work out how to tell people, unless I get pregnant again and do it as history. My friend who has been diagnosed with cervical cancer has been very open and talking about it on Facebook. Wish I'd done that!

Hello GallupPoll

This telling people thing is a quandary isn't it? I am usually very open and trusting about lots of things, apart from a few, and mostly end up regretting confidences. There was a good friend I used to work with who since I left 5 years ago has got married and had two babies, and we were chatting and I admitted we were trying and the she said they took 8 months to conceive their first. She lent me some books and gave me advice and was generally great, but then started asking if I was pregnant yet every time we made contact. I have had to start ignoring her which is rude and horrible of me but I can't be doing with saying no each time and I wish I hadn't told her. The other thing is what my (pregnant) sister said: "Well go to the doctor then." "It hasn't been long enough - they'll tell me to go away." "Lie then." For me it's not that simple - don't ask why, it just isn't. I know I'm not going to tell anyone else at all now because, totting it up, there are now quite a few who know .

And if you've had mc's and ectopics like Muse and ChooChoo, then it's hard to know when to bring it up isn't it? Because one thing is, you don't want to risk being told "Well at least you know you can get pregnant" because you might punch someone.

Oh it's all so tricky! But am glad it's going well for lovely Pol . Your nightmares sound a bit freakish though - I've had those and have not even been pregnant!

And now for something completely different: is it me, or is Andy Murray starting to look quite fit? Probably just me.

Aries I think (hope?) you are on your own there....

Fanks all. Cho do you know what your due date is?

My all-time favourite insensitive comment was 'you just have to relax/not be stressed'. This comment was usually spouted by SIL who got diffed at first time of trying and is now 'world expert' at diffedness. You rarely start out stressed FFS, but after months and months and months of NO then it tends to build. Still want to punch her in the face. We are currently awaiting her Special Announcement of No 2. They have tried for one month and must either be duffed or droided, but she has told me they may wait until the scan to tell people this time. Everything is a fucking competition with her... does my head in.

RieRie - it's just you mate.

Also weeping in the office today - just found out that Dad is being admitted to hospital tomorrow. He's losing huge amounts of weight (3 stone so far) and needs IV antibiotics. He will be in for at least 2 weeks.

Poor mum is really scared, which is not like her, because he's so weak and losing weight at such an alarming rate. She's also dreading having to drive him down to hosp tomorrow (250 miles), and I'm a worse driver than she is so can't help. HO is a teacher so can't get time off work.

We really need to get his care transferred nearer to home at some point, but it never seems to be a good time. Oh it's been such a shit year.

Oh Muse don't wish for FB!!! Can you imagine the number of cheesy religious poems and ickleangelbaybee avatars that would be piling through your news feed every day?

I do however understand the need for people to understand what's been going on, and realise that just because some time has passed (not much, for you ), it doesn't make it hurt less.

I think it would be fine to just call your friends and say 'I couldn't bring myself to talk about it at the time, but I had an EP earlier this year...' your friends will want to know how you coped and you can explain what a long drawn out nightmare it was, and how it became a bit weird having not told them....

Is it because you want people to be more sensitive about announcements, that you wish you had told more people? If so, it can be a bit of a double edged sword...it's excruciating to watch people pussyfooting around you, when you just think 'for fuck's sake, spit it out!'

Oh Lycra that is bollox. Your poor family. Do they know what is causing his weight loss? Must be so scary for you all, my heart goes out to you. Big hugs to you and to Camelina. I hope the tears have subsided now Cam? If not, I hope you can feign illness, go home and curl up on the sofa, under a duvet, with a favourite film. xxxxxx to you both.

Maybe the Murray thing is a result of too much sun.

LovelyLyra I'm so sorry about your poor old Pa. He really has been through the mill hasn't he and your mum must be beside herself. Sending you all lots of positive vibes and hugs.

Oh I didn't necessarily want Facebook announcements, just admire my friend's openness.

I wish my friends knew because it's this big massive thing that happened to me and it feels weird that they don't know, because they're my best and oldest friends. If I'd had any other sort of medical illness they would know, so not telling them makes me feel like it's something to be ashamed of. I know rationally it's not, but the inability to talk openly about it just weirds me out. Does that make sense?

Lyra that's awful. Poor you, your mum and dad. Wishing you all the best, what a nightmare situation.

"RunnyHoney" So sorry about your papa going into hospital again, hopefully they will feed him up well when he gets there. You know the BESHes will be diverting their witchy vibes from ovaries to LyraDad for the next coupla weeks, don't you?

PollyLop I make my due date 31st January, but the doc says 2nd February, although he seemed to be calculating it on a pre-Gregorian disc that just showed the 'ides' of each month, and then little dashes to indicate the other days, So I would be inclind to believe MN calculations, rather than his!

Lyra That is just SHIT. I'm so sorry.

Today is the Thread of Tears (thanks, Europe).

I have been out this lunchtime and bought many, many books. I have also cancelled all my social plans for this week. I intend to spend every night sitting on the sofa with trashy literature. Better than bingeing on chocolate.

Muser Yes, that makes complete sense...everyone I know well knows about it, and I HAD to talk about it...I don't know how people cope if they have no one to talk to! Also the Boyf is a bit rubbish about talking about such things - he is the strong silent type, and he finds my dark humour a bit too much.

Apart from anything else, I want people to know I HAD A BAYBEE..IT WAS MINE AND NOW IT'S LEFT ME...WAAAAH!

Yes Camshaft! Sofa, blanket, books, and some herbal tea so you feel pure and beatific!