30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

Nooooo! I am here, bored, alone, too ill to work but too well to handle just lying around and neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed chat!

I'm here too, keep telling myself I'm going to do some work soon...

Chalet School.

Must do more work. Laters.

Well Howdy, Dames...hope y'all didn't miss me too much.

I see you have been luring the MN baylon over into the fred with extra long literary titles, Ginsling.

I have tried to catch up, but you have been most loquacious in my absence! Noticed that IgnoranceOfTheLaurIsNoDefence seemed to be headed toward the pit though ...C'mon Laurie be a BRAVE FIGHTER (Copyright: Take a Break magazine)...or alternatively, hve this large Manhattan and a fat cheroot!

Chocho. How are you?

You back to the original name now, Chokehold? Good to see you back, Lover How YOU doin'?

Oh God, yes, Chalet School. SIGH.

Am back. Have no self control.

DanielSan - you're back in your original form. Good! How's it going?

Chalet School - ah yes. The only people I've ever know to have read those are me and my best friend between ages of 11 and 15. We even managed to get the titles which had gone out of print. What a lovely series that was, though her preoccupation with illness was a bit disturbing, in retrospect.

I've been away since Wednesday lunchtime. You have filled the last 5 pages of the previous thread, and TWELVE pages of this one. I got to work at 9.15 and it has taken me until now to catch up with you - if I get sacked I will blame the BESHes.

Crikey but it was hot in That Down South. I loved it, although it was a bit TOO hot for drinking champagne and Pimms in the sun at the wedding (woe is me). The Spar bit of the hol was fab, lots of lazing by the river and running in the counryside. But the droid got me on Thursday . Another short cycle. It's a month since I had my gynae appointment, should I have had a letter about the HSG by now? Should I call her secretary?

Drom, thanks for letting me know about Marian Keyes, I've been worrying about her since Jan. Really hope she is on the mend. Is your IVF info day today?

Sorry...just nipped out for a jelly snake fnaar

Yes, I am back - had a fab time on hollyers and I am doing fine. How's it going RudolphBess(sorry)? Do you have a diffed fred on which you lurk...I am not moving on to the Deli at this point, but was thinking of lurking in one of the MC Paranoid threads for a while...any recommendations welcomed.

Scorps have you been shagged senseless yet, since your op?

DentalCAries hi there...yes, I missed being called DanielSan hope youse well!

CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Hello! Hope the city break was amaze.

Lycra Also hello! But sorry to hear about the droid,

IVF info is Wednesday for me. But extreme should be chatting about it right about now...

Chalet School FTW! They fought the Nazis. When did you ever catch an Enid Blyton heroine fighting the Nazis?

Also (in no particular order) Paula Danziger, Susan Cooper, The Three Investigators, The Hardy Boys...

And the YA novel that made me pretty sure I was heterosexual (after suspecting it because of Bowie in Labyrinth) The Changeover Ignore the crap cover, the story is a thing of beauty.

Oh God, need to do more work. Can't be arsed. Had weekend of doing fun stuff and now need to sleep.

Drom, that ^Changeover book looks shit yet fabulous. Shitulous? I want to read it so much now. Does anyone remember The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tyler? Eeeeh, really girded my nascent feminism, so it did. I was a right proper little swot, reading Jane Eyre at 7 and all that precocious little bastard shiz so I have regressed utterly now as an adult and love reading YA stuff, the cheesier and more 'magickal' the better (as Drom, dreadful pusher that she is, knows full well ).

DANIELSAN, no, I haven't been shagged senseless since the Lap. I haven't been shagged in any other fashion, either. I can't even wear jeans yet cos tum still hurts, so dread the thought of a man leaning on me stitches and moving about (please note: I have declared myself 'too fat' to make sex in a non-lying down style as can't bear the jiggling of my own blubber). Am hoping for an immaculate conception this month. Poor TYF - I will be all 'be quick and lean away from my stomach'. Which is more eroticism than he normally gets.

*Reading Nineteen Eighty Four when you're not even in double figures is a bad idea. I have been a neurotic, misanthropic pessimist ever since

cho I post on the ante natal boards sometimes but mostly just hang around here like some needy saddo.

It's good to see you back.

Scorps what can we do to cheer you up?

Huuuuuuuumpeliiinnnaaaaaa yes, had fab time in the big apple...how goes it...I see you are desperately trying to arrange a last minute BEShtival before IVF starts...ha ha, why not wait until you have won OMGTwinnnnzzz111111!!!1!11 and the go on a BESHfest and pickle the poor blighters

This week I am mostly reading Lionel Shriver's new book, 'So Much For All That' and tis vey good - she's my fave contemp. writer, sociopath though she is!

Bessie - gimme a baby or at least summat interesting to do and magically remove at least 2 stone from my grotesque body? Make me feel like less of a failure for never having done anything interesting or of worth? Stop me being such a lazy, moaning old caaah?

MEH! Sulk...

1. I bet you don't even look fat

1. You are near the front of the queue for the baby, needles lady said.

1. I wish I could give you a baybee. Have you tried praying to the ickle baby jesus?

1. how is your journalism course going? You were going to focus on it...

Yeah ScrofulousSores, you are s'post to be doing the journo fing, intcha? Nevermind hanging 'round here with your 'I'm a failure' label flapping in the breeze ...Now, where's that list I told you to write...?

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

So, months ago, I woke up in a cold sweat about my BMI being over 30 and phoned Barts to ask about it. They said it wouldn't be a problem, so I didn't go on a diet - because have been trying to work on eating disorder issues with a counsellor and didn't want to undo all of that hard work.

Guess what, people. Today it turns out that it is an issue, and that I can't start treatment until my BMI is under 30, because the NHS won't fund it. Which, if they'd told me, I could have sorted.

I'm out of MSD project for the forseeable. And a bit weepy at work.

Oh Drom - am so sorry, flower, and so on your behalf. Why on earth does it appear to be so complicated and hard to give straight answers and joined up thinking?

Tits, Drombles!

First of all...v. surprised your BMI is over 30...are you absolutely sure - was it your measurement or theirs?

Secondly...what fucking timewasting cunts!!! Do you know how many pounds you need to lose, and in what time frame?

drom have emailed you

Bess Ta for mail.

Cho My measurement - they had managed to forget to check my BMI every time they'd spoken to me, and obv I was in naive world of "I know it's supposed to be under 30, but I've spoken to someone and they say it's ok". Now I have to deal with being barren and with the ED issues being triggered all at the same time. Feel disgustingly sorry for self.

And thanks for saying that you're surprised. Sadly, am pretty sure that I'm made of lard.

Luckily, though, TNB is the most amazing human alive and has made me feel massively better by being remarkably sweet and pragmatic about the whole thing.

Fuck Drom, what a crappy thing to throw at you now. Why couldn't they have told you ages ago? Bastards.

Am feeling mahoosively sorry for self. I feel like such a failure. I KNEW that my BMI was going to cause problems and I ate and sat on the sofa and ignored it because of one conversation and now we have to start the waiting game all over again. I could have spent the last few months eating healthily and sensibly and exercising. But I didn't.

I just want my baby.

FUCKING ARSEBUCKETING BODY-FASCIST CUNTS! Why is there no 'apoplectic with rage' emoticon? Camelina, that is pure shite. And how fucking dare they let you get this far into the process - and be feeling like you're finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel without sorting this out with you before? As you say, if they'd have bothered to fucking tell you, you could've sorted it out, as am sure ED counsellor could've guided you through a suitable regime that achieved the goals of losing weight but not in a way that tips you over into EA.

You would think that something so important might've crossed their stupid fucking minds before now, but it's all just a bastard conveyor belt to too many health peeps. And you can't look overweight because otherwise the BMI issue would surely have occurred to them (you look lovely and slim in the BESHfest pic). I'm sure you can lose the weight and there can't be much to lose, but that's all besides the point; they have heaped disappointment and misery onto already huge disappointment and misery, the thoughtless cunts.

How are you even managing to cope at work? I would be all HULK SMASH! and then crying hysterically all over the desk. If you feel the need to go home, you should make up some bullshit and go. Take care of yourself. I feel such a twat for moaning about my minor and entirely self-afflicted existential ego-woes now

Oh PerfectSkin to the power of 10.

I must confess - I have done similar before now - taken someone's word for something when I have known it can't be true, then had to deal with it later on .

Can you do a thousand calories a day and get down a few pounds over the next couple of weeks, or ia it going to piss this cycle up completely? Can you discuss it with them and explain that you aare on the way, and is there any wriggle room?