Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

eek YTD went through my post and where i said "appreciate the honesty about the good bits and the bad bits so far" I didn't mean 'honesty so far'- 'so far' was supposed to qualify 'good bits and bad bits'!
just a small and hasty clarification

amen to that confused !

Amazing. Just so many congratulations YTD, and thank you for the beautiful and honest telling of the story. I was wobbling by the DH bit, but gone by the 'this is the best thing I've ever done'. Just remember we are here, no matter what the low bits and to celebrate the lovely bits

So many thoughts clattering around in my head...clatter clatter.

Hi to all, new and old (especially certain people who I already told didn't offend anyone and are welcome anywhere )

Wow YTD what a truly awesome story, I feel quite humbled and am very privileged to hear it. It sounds like you've had quite a wild ride these past couple of weeks.

It's good to be back on the thread and thank you very much for the warm welcome back. I have to admit I have no real idea as to whether I am waiting (albeit for an indeterminate date) or dithering... is there a difference?! , here we are on the thread and a bona fide ditherer in our midst is at this moment installed in her home complete with tiny baby! Wow.

I have to second what's already been said about your DH, it was really lovely to hear. And well done to him on his stop smoking effort. Hope my DH is reading and takes note! Love to all three of you x

I'll read in and catch up on everyone's news in time, but before I sign this off, I just wanted to say to Confused I am so so sorry to hear about S. I hope you're ok.

Dear all, but especially YTD

Sorry I haven't been on much of late - just so so busy, and some fun pregnancy-related stuff to deal with (anaemia, UTI, insomnia) - nothing serious, but all making things a bit more of a struggle.

And in particular, very belatedly, huge huge congratulations, YTD - it is amazing to hear about your experiences, and amazing how you've dealt with such tough times. Birth always seems to entail colossal highs and lows, and it's a privilege to hear about yours written about so honestly and eloquently. I imagine you are still beyond exhausted, but I hope that things are starting to settle down a very small bit, and you are recovering and all starting to get to know each other in the new family unit! I'm so glad that your DH has been so involved and hopefully generally as supportive as he possibly can be - it must make a huge difference.

I feel especially lucky to have these insights heading towards my own (what? Waterloo?!) - it is of course super scary, but I would so much rather know. And incidentally, and slightly strangely, I think we're also going to call our daughter Eleanor! (I had talked to hp and confused about this before off the thread (just in case you think I'm making it up/ stealing your idea!)). I think it's a beautiful name. I think we'll probably use Nell day to day, which is a name I've always loved, but definitely short for something and Eleanor is my preferred choice. Hope you don't mind when the time comes!

Anyway, this is NOT about me at all - it's about you, your Eleanor and this amazing story.

OK, will write again soon, but just wanted to say hello and add all my congratulations for the first Ditherer baby and her heroic mum!

ladies, what a nice thread!

top on the list of things cracking me up today though is this, particularly where they analyse Kate M.

Oh god, I neglected to say WELCOME BACK, Seagreen! Sorry. Great to see you, and have Suerock (sporadically) back.

thanks LST! when are you due with your Eleanor (lovely name, both YTD and you- VERY dignified and elegant!)

Hi there - lightning message as it's past my bedtime and I've been sitting hunched over this laptop for hours (NOT what the pregnancy books recommend!). I'm due 21st Jan, Seagreen so about 9 weeks to go - seems terrifyingly few!

Hope everyone is ok - and that you're surviving the first few weeks OK, YTD (if you read the childbirth thread there seems to be a lot of agreement that apart from the gazing at one's beautiful baby they can be fairly horrendous but hope you're having as easy time as is possible, at least - you deserve it after that marathon).

OK, off to bed x

Just bumping it up.

Right back now! It's quiet on this thread, isn't it! Do people post in the likes of Chat, or AIBU, or is everyone just too busy to come on at all?

I'm still posting in the waiting thread, but most on there are moving on to ttc and leaving me behind still not quite ready (not dithering you understand) to join them. I feel like the kid who's too scared to stay over at the brownie sleepover and so misses out on the fun.

Read the October 2010 postnatal thread earlier though and it didn't sound like that much fun at all. Just lots of painful breastfeeding, trying to stop the all night screaming, and endless cleaning! Erm...

Hi Amanda,
I only popped in on the off-chance too. I think the majority have either moved on, are too busy or we are now emailing each other.

Hi confused. Perhaps I better start a new dithering thread and wallow in doubt on my own! How is LST?

I just dropped in too - haven't checked for ages. All the thinking was making me majorly stressed and with all the heath isshos and whatnot, I have been trying to cut back on the MN. On the whole I am less stressed about it all, but I think thats mainly due to the distraction of the pokey nasty tests and operations they want to do on my lady-innards.

So, babies huh? Really crap and rubbish or utterly amazing - who really knows?

LST was grand when last we spoke, growing a bump and looking radiant. Hopefully YTD is surviving the first few months and enjoying the bits that you are meant to enjoy. Also hope everyone else is well and having a fun/relaxing build up to Christmas.

I'm off, its time for my food and hopefully a film afterward.

[fbear]

heath

health.

Heath issues probably involve heather and peat.

She's about 35 weeks now isn't she, I've been on here for far too long I'm starting to rack up graduates! Hope YTD and her little baby are well.

Hello all,

My ears were burning... I'm fine (thanks for the interest), though comically big now (and still 5 or so weeks to go). I went to pregnancy yoga last night for the first time (talk about clutching at straws!) far too late of course (I was always away for the classes until this week) and couldn't do much of it as I was in danger of toppling over! (It was actually still surprisingly relaxing so will persevere as far as possible in the few weeks remaining! Under no illusions that I'm going to waft through the birth with ease on a mixture of lavender oil and visualization techniques, mind you...)

Hope you're all ok - please do drop in, YTD, if you ever have a spare minute (ha ha) and tell us how it's going. Hope it's starting to feel just a little bit (or hopefully a lot) easier.

Hope everyone else is ok - will write an email or two as well but nice to hear from people on here and hope this loveliest of threads doesn't die (though I appreciate the likes of YTD and I are not the answer now!). Have a wonderful Christmas everyone, and will keep you posted on events in January (or poss February?!) - keep your fingers crossed for me. LST xxx

Hey you may as well give yourself as good a chance of wafting as you can! Make sure you have a tape of whale songs at the ready and don't forget to visualise that you are a beautiful flower opening up!

I hope this thread doesn't die as well. I shall have to dither more conscientiously. Autumndays never mind the distraction of your poor nether-regions, I insist that you assist me!

Hello, just thought I'd add my little 2 penneth worth! I am veering from longing desperately for baby number 2 to thinking oh good, soon she be old enough not to need constant watching and attnetion and we can do fun girly things together!! But I know deep down I wouldn't be broody at all if it wasn't what I really wanted although it's still VERY scary!!

Amish that's an interesting observation. It's what I tell myself about wanting DC1, but I have no idea whether it's true! How long have you been contemplating DC2? How old is your DD?

The reason I say it is that after DD I was adamant that I was having no more-to the point where I sold pram/bouncy chair etc as she grew out of them. Not even friends getting pregnant made me want one. So for me to now feel like I do is a huge change. She is 20 months old and I have felt like it since roughly september time. And it won't quit, the broodiness is taking over, and now everyone I know seems to be having one too which is making it worse!

Is that how it happened the first time round? Did you just suddenly go from not wanting one to wanting one almost overnight? And did you act on that straight away or did you dither? Sorry if this is repeating old ground btw.

I'm having a massive dither right now. I wish people could understand how something that seems so simple can be so complicated. I really hate my job and am desperate to get out of it. I know if I have a baby that will be pretty much it and I'll be trapped, but I've been trying to get another job for nearly three years now. Just got the knock back from a job I really wanted after going through four rounds of interviews and now I feel really low. There's no maternity pay in this job and I work really long hours. But time's running out.

I'm a lurker, but just wanted to ask Amanda, what would happen if you became pregnant accidentally? I mean if you imagine it happened and you had no choice how would you work things out ? What's the worst case scenario? Is it the end of the world?

And if you never had children and then you were too old for conception and thinking about not having them, would that be the end of the world?

I was NEVER going to have kids. Was always CERTAIN about it. Then in my early 30s I just changed. Couldn't believe it. Might have been the nature of the relationship I was now in. Don't really know. (That's just a hypothesis to explain the unexplainable change.) When I told a good friend I was pregnant she was shocked.

The cliche about there never being a convenient time to have kids is bloody well true. BUT not everyone needs to have them!

Sorry to butt in! genuinely trying to be helpful