Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

Quick fly-by to say 'hello' as I have access to the Internet for a moment.

Will catch up properly soon, in the meantime hope you are all well. I'm off to post on the ovarian cyst thread as I see no-one has replied to her yet.

Wow! Congratulations *underthetrees8, that's the speediest dither to BFP we've seen on this thread!!

HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!!!!?!!!

I'm here. Still cysty. Still wondering what to do.

But....Hurrah! Halloween faces are back - they are my favourite of all the emoticons, so are my only real reason to post....

[hsmile] [hsmile] [hsmile]

I'm back for the first time in ages too. Been hiding my head in the sand over the whole baby thing for a couple of months now, hence my absence from reading or posting.

Disappointed that I can't have a biscuit with a hat on though..... [hwink]

Hi SueRock, are you ok? How is the charting going?

I will email you today about my visit to the place we have a common connection with It was a good trip, you could definitely tell winter was coming though!

[hsmile]

[watches the tumbleweed] Pretty quiet in here at the moment...

Just a quick update from me. I am now 38 weeks and started maternity leave last Monday. I'm pretty much all bump at the moment. Baby is head down, but not engaged yet, so I expect we'll be going to full term or over.

Maternity leave started with a bit of a plumbing crisis (no loo for two days, had to call out Dyno-rod to clear the drains, nnot the relaxing start to mat leave I was hoping for! As a consequence my blood pressure was a bit high when I went for my check up last week, but midwife isn't worried, so I expect it will all be ok.

Still doesn't feel particularly real that my bump contains an actual baby that will be with us very soon. It's wierd, but my excitement and anticipation about becoming a mummy has dwindled as the pregnancy has progressed. I think it might be related to how much more uncomfortable / how little sleep I've been getting as I get bigger. :( Not that being teh size of a house is a reason in and of itself to avoid procreation, but the latter stages of pregnancy are not the most fun a girl can have!!

Holy sheeeeeet YTD...38 weeks?!?!? I can't believe it, I really can't

At least if you are having mixed feelings or are getting fed up you can come here and vent loudly or discuss to your hearts content. Saying that, it's pretty much just me at the moment, although there are off-board emails zipping around.

So. Big bump and lack of sleep. Sounds tiring. Poor YTD, but it really isn't very long to go, and then some, er, hard work, and then you can have your innards back . In one of my favourite books, the main character is pregnant and nearly due, and the spiritual leader tells her that Mother Nature made the last weeks of pregnancy so uncomfortable to give motivation for labour. Now clearly I know naff all about all this, but you are a total star and will be awesome at everything that's going to happen.

Shame about the rubbish loo start to ML, make sure you put your feet up and get MrYTD to look after you in a big way. And maybe you can keep me company in here.....

YTD - wow, 38 weeks??!! That's very exciting. I can quite imagine/emphathize with the lack of joy at the physical side of late pregnancy though - must be really exhausting and a bit grim in general (especially with horrible loo situation - urgh). Hope it's a bit easier on the house front at least and you can really take it easy from now on. I feel big enough at 27 weeks so can believe (but not really yet imagine) what it must be like at your stage. My sister is due to have her second imminently, and sometimes feels ready to get on with it, and sometimes I think a bit daunted by the birth etc as she's so tired. On the plus side, not long to go, it will be great to have your body back, and a wondrous thing to meet little YTD!! Lots of people have said to me that despite all the kicking etc. it really isn't a reality until you give birth, and then everything is more or less forgotten or becomes completely insignificant in comparison. (Can you tell this is a pep talk for myself too?!)

I'm feeling a bit grim at the moment as have a horrible cold (pining for the forbidden fruits of Lemsip!) and not sleeping a huge amount, but generally pretty lucky with the pregnancy. Not sure I've ever quite bloomed, though - there's always something (if only pretty constant pregnancy rhinitis making me sniffle)!

Hope everyone else out there is ok. My DH suggested I put a link to the "Well nobody mentioned THAT!! Things I never thought about pregnancy until I actually got pregnant" thread on the Pregnancy Talk board just in case anyone was dithering and wanted reasons NOT to have children (expect you've seen it, YTD?). But too technically incompetent to work out how to - does this pregnancy thread work? Sobering reading - for some reason I'm not finding it as hilarious as the posters seem to... Horrible indignities clearly lie ahead!

Anyway, enough about me and pregnancy - any genuine ditherers out there? Keep us traitors posted! [hsmile]

Hi everyone... is there room for a new seriously dedicated ditherer in your midsts???

Here's the lowdown on it all (I think putting it in bullet form is best, otherwise the post will ramble like the inside of my stupid indecisive head):

• DH and I have been together for 8 years, married for about 2.5. He's 32, I'm 26.
• We've had the names picked out for all our children for over 6 years, and we talk about them ALL the time, like they're already in existence. (That possibly sounds more crazy than I intend...)
• A year ago I quit my career in law because it wasn't conducive to having kids in the way or timeframe we wanted.
• We've got two lovely cats which are probably in reality baby-subsititues...
• Just moved all the way across the other side of the world, so in a state of flux somewhat about how long we are going to be in this country, job prospects (boo everlasting recession) blah blah blah concerns of the populace. But in reality we have plenty of savings (although I have a student loan) and having a baby would not put us in any financial strife whatsover.

BUT would all that make you think we could actually make a decision about this?? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo......

We've been dithering about this for over TWO YEARS!! Same level of "ummm ahhh I don't know... argh this is really hard and annoying... ummmmm" In fact it's at the stage now where I had two pregnancy scares in the past year and on both occasions we openly thought that it would be lovely if I were pregnant. Quote straight out of DH's mouth "I sometimes wish your pill would just fail so the decision would be taken out of our hands... I would be really happy if you were preganant, but it's too damn hard to make the decision..." Yep.

We are definitely guilty of being excessively Type A-overthought-over-analysed sorts of people about this....

It also doesn't help that both of my parents were (are) real pieces of work - verbally, physically abusive, terrible with money, used to tell me and my brothers having kids would ruin your life (oh and calling me and telling me a week before my wedding - which they didn't attend - that I shouldn't have kids with DH because he "is just your first husband... you'll learn" Honestly!!). I've cut them out of my life (relatively successfully) and haven't seen them for 3 years - in the past year or so I feel like I am finally (properly) escaping the shadow of their nonsense about what my thoughts are on kids, family etc. DH says he reckons it's amazing how much I love and talk about children now!

So there we have it. A Grade A ditherer for your amusement! Sigh... is there any way out of this stupid checkmate-like predicament???

Hi Zara and welcome! Tough call indeed - and one familiar to most of us that have posted on various incarnations of this thread!

I'm still charting albeit eratically (can't be bothered if I know the number will be all over the place as I've opened my mouth/rolled over/woken up +/- 10 minutes from usual). Still no nearer a decision, and have an ominous feeling the menopause will make the decision for me....

Wow - can't believe you are so close to B-day YTD, and LST not too far behind! Hope all goes well in the last stages, and let us know when your sproglet arrives! BTW (and apologies to recent joiners to the thread who will have no idea what I'm taking about) there is a small stripey cardigan nearly ready and waiting for YTD-junior (still awaiting buttons) - drop me a line and let me know where I could send it!

Have a good weekend everyone.

Hello everyone!
I confess, I have not been on the thread for weeks and weeks and had kind of assumed that noone else had either (not sure why, just did.)

Zara - hello! You seem to be in the right place, although your post filled us in on something that seems to be very clear. Sorry if this sounds rude, or just blunt, but if you have put off the career in law in order to have kids then you don't sound as if you are dithering too much! Plus you have cash and, I presume, job security as well as a stable relationship. Those are massive factors to put someone off but luckily you don't need to worry about them.

So, in short, what on earth's stopping you...?! [hsmile]

Hello, well this is scary first step!!!

Erm......not sure if I should be on here yet but I suppose its a start. Haven't really worked out how to use this site yet, and all the words and codes are confusing. Big learning curve begins

So after a few years of me on and off wanting to begin the journey to parenthood, my husband surprised me last week saying maybe we should start giving it a go. I've been keeping myself 'occupied' with my career whilst waiting for him to be 'ready' and now we are here(ish)its very scary.

Having 2 lovely little nephews has helped us along and we are meant to be moving from our 1-bed to a 3-bed so I suppose that was a sign too. Fingers crossed we exchange soon before we actually go crazy.

So the plan so far: finish these last 2 packets of pill, Christmas parties and day with necessary drinking out the way, then see what happens :-)

Eight weeks till Christmas - AD FUCK OFF!

Dear me!

Back later as need to go out (welcome Willthis)

Seven weeks, six days. [hwink]

Howdy all,

Latest update from the heavily pregnant ditherer. Zara sounds like you are actually ready to go, just don't want to make the decision. I suggest a staged approach. Move off the pill in order to reaquint yourself with your natural cycle (a move that has been done by fellow ditherers - it involves no real committment to TTC). From there you could move onto being a bit slack about alternative methods of contraception. This makes the beginning of NPP, or Not Preventing Pregnancy. This is a state that is intellectually distinct from TTC (i.e. Trying to Conceive). If you are supremely fertile, then NPP may result in pregnancy quite quickly or, if you are like some of us old codgers on here it could take ages, at which point you will become piqued by your inability to conceive, despite not being totally sure if you want to or not, and will then go into full on TTC, complete with temperature charting and full cycle monitoring and possibly further intervention. It's a pattern that works. First ditherer baby is due on Thursday ()!

LST I can't believe you've got to third trimester already - it has gone so quickly. Hope its all going well and your LO is being suitably alert and kicky. I hadn't read the pregnancy thread you refered to. Have now and I did find it really funny. I think I am beyond really caring now. I have a host of pregnancy ailments (latest being high blood pressure and swollen feet, although the blood pressure looks to be behaving itself now) and you do get to a point where you become resigned to each fresh horror as it arrives. There's nothing you can really do to prevent it and it will end (I have a maximum of 17 days to go before baby YTD is here).

Suerock I'd forgotten I won the cardigan!! I'll email you my address. It seems hugely appropriate to have our first dithering baby dressed by a fellow ditherer.

Confused any news on the house sale yet? Are you going to be heading to the grim North any time soon?

AD Christmas? What Christmas? I'm opting out this year and putting DH in charge of present buying. Which probably means we'll be giving all our frinds and family beer!

Well, I'm still pregnant, still huge, still not quite believing that the enormous bump contains an actually baby who will be arriving, either of his/her own volition or via medical 'encouragement', in the next two weeks. Due date is 4th November so if s/he wants to be on time, s/he needs to get a move on. Thereafter I can go up to two weeks over before the medics will drag him out. If my blood pressure goes up again, it might be less than 2 weeks.

It's a funny position to be in. people keep asking me if I'm excited and the honest answeer is no. I've a fairly substantial job to do before baby is going to get here, which kind of takes the edge off the anticipation and, I don't actually know if I'm going to like our new arrival. I'm as ready as I'll ever be, but not at all sure how I'll react. I'm hoping it will all go ok and I'll adore baby as soon as we meet, but I just don't know. As I've got nearer D-day, all the sound practical objections to having kids seem to have reasserted themselves. My life as I know it is about to end and be replaced by something completely different and I can't do anything to alter that! I'm about 60% sure its going to be a change for the better, but it might not be and there's no going back.

Sorry for venting, but this really is the only place where its acceptable to say you're not sure if you are going to like having a baby, three days before its due to arrive!! On the whole I'm more optimistic than not, but there is still a substantial element of not.

YTD - had to chuckle at the idea of you dithering three days before the infant's due! I'm sure it will all go swimmingly and you'll be instantly besotted, but it's a relief to me as a ditherer that you can still have doubts when it's far too late But seriously, will be thinking of you over the next couple of weeks.

I am ignoring Christmas. As usual. I always swear I'm going to be organised and write lovingly handwritten letters to all my distant friends and relatives, but somehow it gets to mid-December and never happens.

Welcome and good luck Willthis - lots of friendly people on MN so you'll soon get to grips with TTC and EWCM and OPK and all those other terms!

Blimey, dithering 3 days before due date,thats a commitment in itself :-)

Thanks for the welcomes. Its good to know your all out there (little people in my laptop ;-))

YTD bless you and your dithery ways! Talking from someone who's not pregnant (or even TTC) it must be weird for you a few days before The Hatching. Like you say, life as you know it is about to end which is a very big deal indeed. However, this baby lark has caught on quite a lot so there must be something in it! Please, do keep us informed - this may be the last time you get to 'surf' as you like for as long as you like for quite some time....

Actually, I am hoping you are going to come back in ten days or so and tell us about the amazingness of it all and it may kick the rest of us indecisive buggers up the arse!

Well, 2 days till d-day and I'm starting to feel light contractions. Not sure if this is a prelude to the main event or an unrelated warm up act that's going to fizzle out shortly. So far only slight discomfort, which is more than managable, which makes me think it might be a brief floor show that's going to burn out soon.

Had one really quite uncomfortable contraction about half an hour ago and felt strangely elated, just felt like the more it hurt the more it meant that this could be the real thing and I'm going to have a baby soon. It was just exciting, not scary at all. Am getting quite keen to meet the little YTD cub now (as opposed to just wanting shut of the uncomfortable critter that's been hijacking my body for the last few months).

Given how much worrying I used to do about the birth trauma site, I am strangely unconcerned about labour. It will happen, it will hurt, and it will eventually come to an end. The worrying bit is the awesome responsibility you are handed at the end!

Bloody hell! YTD, you are brilliant, and if you say you don't mind it all kicking off to get it done with, then I hope this is the start of your labour.

GO YTD!!!!!!

Bloody hell, I can't believe I missed this post last night!

Pass me a cigar at once! Not for lighting, you understand, but just so I've got one ready for When The Time Comes.

Cripes!

GO YTD INDEED!!!

Oh yes, YTD,re the house (forgot to mention this last night, was too caught up in baby YTD's) we have someone who wants to buy it but is yet to get his finger out and do the survey. He is apparently very keen though still, just very busy too. He is in no chain, which is excellent, so we hope to get things going asap. The stuff on the house we want to buy in the Grim North is going through, so that's something.

Anyway, what's going on with you is faaar more exciting!!

Just a quick update. Still at home, still having contractions, still no where near giving birth apparently. Started with regular contractions last night (Tuesday) at about 6.00pm. Fairly short, 10 minutes apart, disappeared completely for a while overnight, enabling me to get a bit of sleep. Back on again from 4.00am to about 1.30pm today, again slowed up and I was able to get some sleep. Back on again from about 5.00pm this evening (Wed) and have been building in volume and intensity ever since. However, spoke to the hospital at 10.30 and the midwife told me I haven't been in labour that long, cos if it stops it not labour (I did say early labour - I thought that's what you called regular contrations!). It made me seriously disheartened - like all the hard work I've been putting in for the past day doesn't count!!

However, since I sent DH to bed and started updating facebook and MN, the displacement activity seems to be working and I'm getting business-like contractions again. Hoping to string together a series of useful contractions over the next hour or so, then I might be able to consider going into hospital.

Pussssshhhhhh, YTD!!!!

I hope that you are firmly set up in hospital by now, and not still at home reading this. But, we are all with you in spirit, the first one of us to actually produce an actual baby!! I'm so excited!

Sending love and pain-relieving energy,

HP xxxx