Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

My theory about other people's toddlers when you baby sit is that, because of the novelty element, you throw yourself into playing with them with far too much energy and enthusiasm - and you don't feel able to wind it down again because the child is demonstratively having so much fun and you are officially the best auntie in the world!

Wheras if you were the todder's parents you'd be doing the opposite, trying to keep the child calm and preferaby far away from you while you clean the oven or fold pants.

I realize I sounded unduly judgemental - what I object to is the being woken up (and that this is day one of THREE WEEKS of wild friends staying, so that this is likely to become a pattern, which wouldn't matter but also means I can't banish DH to spare room!). Probably also sour grapes that I can't do it...

Hope you're doing ok, c xx

I think Amanda is spot on, I couldnt maintain 120% energy and excitement levels to the extent I do when Im around other peoples children.

I dont think you sound judgmental at all LST. I hate being woken up, by any fool, whether that be idiots singing outside or DH coming to bed 1/2 an hour after me

Had a crap nights sleep, I woke up at 3am in a state about the massive experiment Im doing today, and that then triggered another panic moment about babies. It all seems so clear at that time in the morning. I. am. never. doing. it.

Yes, cowboylover, I am making changes just in case - I came off the pill about four months ago (still using protection, of course) to see what my body did. Am I glad I did - there is something a bit wrong at the mo, and Ive been referred to a gynae to see what it is.

If in doubt, dont!

Another night, another massive hypo.

And DH's stress levels are sky high as one of his clients who wanted some toys designing in a day (usually takes 4-5) is now complaining about it and not wanting to pay so he cannot meet his bills this month.

I have not told him about my job situation.

When will this fun ever end...?!

confused Sounds like you are having an awful time but PLEASE take care of yourself. Almost everybody on my Mum's side of the family has maturity onset diabetes (usually kicking in at around 40 so I've got a few years to wait yet) so I know how difficult it can be to deal with, especially when you are stressed.

Well ladies, I've just done something which is either immensely clever or monumentally stupid. Either way, I think it is going to have a big impact on my dithering status.

DH and I recently joined a communal garden club. As I've said, we live in a big city so we have little access to gardens but there is a park just down the road that has a communal garden. Members pay a small yearly fee and are alloted a small plot of land to grow flowers/fruit/veg/whatever on and are expected to help in organising garden themed events for the local community. The next event is in two weeks and it is specifically aimed at teaching children about gardening. For some reason, I have volunteered (yes, that's right - volunteered, of my own free will) to run a sewing and crochet workshop. I'm going to spend 2 whole days surrounded by small children, trying to teach them to crochet flowers. We will also be working on a group project to turn an old sheet into a play mat by decorating it with embroiodered and appliqué flowers. What have I done?

Other than that, status wise, I have gone rapidly from amber with a hint of green to red. Last week my period was late (I take the pill so this never usually happens). For the first day or so, I was actually half hoping that it wouldn't come at all and starting to think about strategies for telling DH then, 2 days later, it finally started and I felt a wave of relief rush over me. WTF is that all about?

"If in doubt, dont"

I would be surprised to hear that everyone who decides to have a baby in 100% confidence that it is the right thing to do.

C - sorry to hear about another hypo, Im getting a bit worried . Im away from my computer the rest of the day but will email later. Hang on in there, its a shitty, shitty time. xx

xpost with Froglover

Argh!

My grandad, who had a tumour removed from his shoulder which turned out to be the size of a fist yesterday has now been rushed off for chest x-rays as he can't breathe.

There doesn't seem to be any more work around either - have put up postcards for cake toppers in desperation and also am getting in touch with a friend of a friend so offer services for childminding during the holidays. (She has a 4 year old and a 5 month old so is likely to know other mums.)

Please keep everything crossed for me that something comes up! I am looking after myself but stress levels are inevitably shooting up which is screwing over my glucose levels too.

On a slightly (very slightly) brighter note, S is moving about a lot more and eating a bit more too. He is determined to make it to his party on the 2nd Sept which seems to be what is spurring him on. He's a fighter that's for sure!

I would agree HP as we are all here as people who currently have the benefit of choice and there are hundreds and thousands of mums out there (mine included) that didnt get to plan, didnt get to dither decide, didnt get to save up and defo didnt get to have any doubts at all and she (in my humble opinion) did a bloody good job of it!!

She said to me when I first started talking about TTC that if I think im ever going to get to having 100% perfect or being 100% prepared or sure she will never get to be a grandmother so dont worry to much x

C; Im glad S is fighting, Human spirit is an amazing and powerful thing never to be underestimated!
My late Dad promiced he would have Christmas day with me and he passed on the 27th which im so thankful and proud of him for x
I hope that comes across ok; I hope it gives a little hope

That does come across okay, cowboylover and is nice to hear.

OMG, Cameron Diaz is One Of Us...

Check this out and I hope this link works!

Is she YTD? LST? Suerock? (If she is Suerock it would explain the occasional absences, likewise for Seagreen...)

Come on Cameron, your cover has been blown!

Sorry for no posts tonight. Am utterly knackered (but can't switch off) so having hot drink and will try and eventually get to sleep.

Am around tomorrow

Now thats a turn I didnt expect! LOL! Would love to say its me but im har shorted, rounder and more ginger than Miss Diaz!

My dithering update: I have had my coil removed today but have also collected my prescription for the pill. I say collected it as not actually taken any yet

Hi all,

Just a very quick note (in one of my sleepless interludes!) to say I'm away for a few days to my grandmother's funeral in Devon from tomorrow (and the happier duty of seeing DH's sister and her family who are over from Ireland in Cornwall), and suspect I won't have access to the internet (shock horror) for the next few days. Will be thinking of you, confused, and really hope you can preserve a little bit of normality and feel a little bit yourself again amidst all this turmoil and sadness. Wishing S and your grandfather very well indeed for a tolerable few days and a bit of a reprieve from the worst of their respective illnesses. Hope there's some progress on the work front too. Will be thinking of you a great deal. xxx

Hope your experiment went ok in the end, hp - does seem like a particularly stressful time for you at the moment. Hope you're feeling a little better physically as well. Roll on a few answers on that score.

Good luck with the dithering/ contraceptive decision, cowboylover - one benefit of our so-called infertility was that all this seems like a distant memory (didn't bother for years, with no effects!), but I remember how loaded it all was at the time.

Waves to froglover, Amanda, and the other recent posters. And of course the old timers - hope you're ok and feeling good, YTD and lq. Any news, Suerock? And come back to us, Seagreen!!

Not much news my end, other than still being ludicrously shattered and simultaneously sleepless - but still only fleeting sickness (touching every wood in sight) so thanking my lucky stars!

As for Cameron - if I were she, the tabloids would have something to say soon, all being well (watch this space... )

LST I didn't know your grandmother had just died - I am so sorry to hear it! I hope I haven't been too wrapped up in myself and it hasn't registered when you did mention it, if that is the case then I am really sorry. Hope the funeral goes okay and we hear from you soon xxx

(making this brief as at work but back later on)

Evening girls,

Back after a crazy week - not bad-crazy or interesting-crazy, just fairly boring but nonetheless not giving me much time to get online-crazy. But no, I'm not Cameron Diaz either....

Just scanning back through the last week...

Sorry to hear about your grandmother LST - I hope your trip down to the south west went OK, and that you were able to enjoy seeing family. And I hope you soon stop feeling moved to post at 4am because you have discovered how to sleep again!

confused - look after yourself

FrogLover - love the sound of crocheted flowers (though I'd rather do them without the children ) - do you have a pattern? Or are you going to improvise? Sounds amazing!

cowboylover - yeah, I'm trying to get a bit fitter too. Or I will do when I start getting my fat behind out of bed early enough to do some exercise before I go to work! It's all gone to pot (or flab) in the last six months.

HP - hope the experiment co-operated... I too hate the stress of knowing that it's all got to work or else the whole day's been a waste.

Quite like the sound of Mari but wouldn't pick it as a name for my sprog as it's always be getting spelled and pronounced wrong. Remind me - where did this discussion come from?!

From the link that LST posted with the baby-film on it. One of the babies was called Mari, I said I quite liked it, think its Japanese.

I too am sorry about your Nanna, LST, what a sad time at the moment.

Experiment didnt really work (two weeks down the drain) due to stupid auto-fluorescent dead cells. Still, try, try, try again - thats what we do, right?

This is goodbye for a leetle while as I will be out of t'internet communication for the next week or so (nothing sinister, just travels) so hope you will all be well during this time, and I will catch up when I get back.

Take care all, HP-SP xx

It's very quiet over here. I hope everyone's OK. I'm tied to my computer as I'm writing reports (and reading MN) this weekend. Only 4 more to go but of course I've left the most difficult ones til last.
Have had a better couple of days at work (not teaching my own class!) so life is looking less grey now.

On no not the W word! Its band in my house at the moment!
DH is nights tonight and I got a mad day in work planned tomorrow so gutted already.

I can nearly promice that by this time tomorrow I will be begging to be on maternity leave and very green!

Humph. Spoke to my mum today. My cousin has made a family announcement that she and her new DH are starting TTC. Why does it need an announcement?
Now feel two types of green, AND the other sort, and an irrational desire to get on with it right now in order to produce the first grandchild of the generation. Competetive? Us? No, not at all.

Morning all, I think that I've invented a new colour for the babyometer over the weekend. I am completely WHITE. I spent the whole weekend just getting on with things and not thinking for one minute about children and am now indifferent to the whole idea. I think that is probably a sign of some sort, but I'm not sure what it is a sign of...

suerock, I have patterns for several types of flowers but I'm going to simplify them so that the younger kids can follow them, although TBH I have a sinking feeling that I'll be the only one making them as it might still be a little bit complicated... Let me know if you want the patterns...