Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

Oh FFS, it's not a manly day, but a manky day

I did wonder what you meant by manly!

I think my sugar has been sky high due to the stress (I tested it at 26 on Wednesday, which is not good) and i suspect it has now come crashing down. I am eating etc but it's everything else that's having an effect and I can't really do much about that. Am testing loads anyway but need to stock up on emergency stuff.

Am in friends house on my own just enjoying the solitude. Am watching the match tonight at the pub opposite the hospital - we couldn't all cram in S's room shouting at the telly!

I thoguht my contract was going to go on longer but that has now been shelved and so it's back to Plan A which is finishing on the 25th. Am trying to block that out my mind at the moment - not the grown up approach I know but what the hell!

Oooh yes, forgot to say, my DH has finally got it - this is no longer something to change the subject over or us being all OTT and negative, it's the real shitty deal! He now realised quite how massive this is, as well as how tragic and I think it's hitting him like a tonne of bricks (a delayed ton of bricks)

Yup, he said he was on Facebook last night looking through pictures of S and crying his eyes out. Join the club mate!

I hope you're feeling better after your awful night, C - how horrendous. (It has shut me up alright as I was whingeing on to DH about not sleeping and feeling knackered - until I read your email!) Hope you can take a little bit of time for yourself and keep things on an even keel - this sort of event is by the sound of it very unusual indeed for you and shows how tough things are at the moment.

And so sorry about the job/contract too - great timing. Hmm. Only silver lining might be a few work-free weeks to do things with S? It might be good in one sense to have a bit of space. But I know there's a huge down side too. Hoping you find something else very soon, though, of course. Great news that DH is properly on board - at least he will be supportive over S and no doubt the job thing and you're not on your own with either.

S is obviously being totally amazing - it will be great if he can be at home. When my friend was in a similar situation, the Macmillan nurses were just absolutely amazing and she got a huge amount of support at home - and was very very glad to be there. It made a huge difference and we all found it easier that she was able to be where she wanted to be.

All good with us in general, DH back from work trip to Sweden and trying to have a weekend sorting out our endless clutter a bit and making a start on getting rid of junk (in preparation for (hopefully) a whole new lot of junk to arrive in a few months' time, as my sister observed!). But as you can see I'm procrastinating as only I know how!

Not told DH about the job situation as he was stressing about cash the other day - will leave that little bombshell until I see him.

Can you have all the machines etc with you at home then? It seems so medicalised at the moment that I can't visualise it at his house. I think it would be much nicer for him at home though so glad he has the option of being there surrounded by his friends, family and cats!

I love decluttering! It makes me feel like I have really achieved something. (One thing that drove me bonkers was S's ability to fill a house with masses of crap - I used to chuck out bin bags, yes BAGS, on a regular basis and he never noticed!) I am at a friends house at the moment which is quite big but you still cannot move for children's stuff - my friend said it's not the babies that's the issue, it's once they get bigger and start to make their own mess!

Am logging off this now but can look at emails on and off (but don't feel obligied - you have already been more help than I could have wished for!)

For those who are into it - enjoy the footie! I shall be watching it in the pub opposite the hospital (so we don't get barred en masse from ever entering the hospital again!)

x

I also just noticed instead of 'ofs' I'm somtimes writing 'ifs' - it's the iPod, as o and i are next to eachother!

It's so sad that it's hitting DH now, it's awful that you are all going through this. Maybe, as we speculated, he really wasn't thinking it was as serious as this, and was hoping it would all go away. Different people, different ways of responding/coping, and all that.

No wonder your glc is all over the place (26, cripes) with all the worry and stress. There is no way of typing this without it looking patronising, which I absolutely don't mean to be - I know you totally know how to manage the T1D, but don't forget to look after yourself.

LST, I'm the Queen of Throwing Out Clutter. Say the word and I can be there in (probably) 40 minutes with a bumper pack of bin bags and a bottle of wine....

Xpost with C - I think we may have found another common interest! Right, if the cattery isn't a goer, surely there is money to be made as professional declutterers....hmm... Ditherers Decluttering Service?

My friend didn't have much machinery at home - a fairly simple oxygen thing, and a morphine pump that she carried like a handbag. Just drawers and drawers of drugs. But everyone is different, obviously, and I didn't see her in the last couple of weeks so perhaps it got more heavy duty. They manage it very well, and have great kit though (as it were). Anyway, just realized you won't read this so I'll email you.

Wow, I need you people. I am a fairly bad clutterer, and a rubbish declutterer as I always find reasons for keeping stuff. But must be ruthless now! I'd be too ashamed to let anyone in at this stage, hp, but I'll let you know if I hit a wall! Sounds very tempting to get someone more strong willed than me involved (and the wine sounds especially tempting - sadly not an option at this point!). We're going to a do tonight so probably won't see the football (luckily DH isn't too bothered) - but everyone else enjoy it!

Am both sorry and glad to hear the news about S, confused, and indeed that reality has finally hit your DH. It's good that S is stable now and will have some time to do things like have his party, but so so crap (and I wish I could think of a more poetic word to use) that he'll have less time than he originally thought. I'm glad, too, to hear that he's got the option of going home. Marie Curie nurses looked after my grandma at home in her last weeks and they were amazing. And as LST says, they have portable bits and pieces of kit so it's not like the person's home gets taken over by the hospital.

A team of professional declutters - awesome! Can I book you after you've sorted out LST's house?! I always have aspirations not to keep stuff, but I'm hopeless when faced with things which might come in handy one day....

I quite like the idea of 'manly' days being when the footie is on! Have to say that it leaves me completely cold though I'll follow it with mild interest until England gets knocked out.

Does this look very cute?

focusfeatures.com/focusfeatures/film/babies/

Or is it a bit puke-inducing? Don't know if I'm just suffering pregnancy-addled brain.

Umm not sure Levi! Just a little overpowering! But yes some are looking very cute x

Im not sure I could watch the full thing, but the two little naked babies whacking the crap out of each other was very funny, as was the look on the babies face while the goat-antelope thing was drinking its bath water.

Does anyone else like the name "Mari"?

Id be green if I didnt feel so shite (sorry for complaining, pregnant ladies, but I am having a small taste of pregnancy with NO baby. Feel hugely bloated, horrible headache, feel sick. God, Im boring myself, will shut up! Roll on dildo-cam....

Hope C is ok and got some sleep last night.

Hi everyone,
I am home now and don't know what to do with myself. I went in to see S and he was moving! Well, I say moving but this means he was stood up and pushing his wheelchair (for support) which is a dramatic improvment from earlier in the week.

I have realised I am hijacking this thread with all this so will keep this S related update very brief (and email instead.)

I did sleep well last night but that was largely due to the alcohol!

Roll on dildo cam...?! Bloody hell! Sorry to hear your feeling that shite, and to make comments like that I presume it's uber shite! Poor you! When is the gynae appt? (Sorry if you've already said, I've not got the mind I normally have at the moment)

Back to the original subject, I am RED. Truly truly RED. I was staying with some friends this week who have a 5 year old and a 18 month old. The 18 month old is bloody hard work - he seems to hone in on whatever you'd least like him to home in on. And he is VERY determined too.

Exhausting!

Still, may have changed my tune completely by next week if previous posts are anything to go by...

Hey confused, so glad to hear that S has made such a significant improvement. Hope you're looking after yourself too after your hypo.

Know what you mean about extended time spent with exhausting toddlers pushing the ditherometer firmly back over in the red. Maybe I should offer to babysit my friend's three year old for a bit to counteract my inconvenient greenness?!

Thanks Quodlibet. He is a lot better, still gravely ill but I reckon he's a good few weeks in him yet. Need to take every day as it comes I think.

Babysitting is indeed the way to combatting inconvenient greeness!

HP sorry forgot to say, I like the name Mari - and, more pressingly, WHY ARE YOU ASKING...?!

Have had the MOST ridiculously busy day at work (am still here, in fact), will try to get back on later...

Don't know what colour I am today. Grey, I think, or possibly black. Horrid day at work, have only just got in after and had a v early start. Am supposed to be going out in 1 min for a tap dance lesson but still desparately trying to down the day's second cup of tea (am normally on 5th at least by now) DH not coming home from work til very late tonight.
Sigh. I still find mat leave very attractive at the mo. But only if it started tomorrow. The main problems will have gone away by the end of this term and then I'll probably enjoy myself when we get back in September. 5.5 weeks to go.

Back but not for long, food then bath for me!

No wonder you feel strange, C, after everything you have been through the last few days. I think you have been really brave and strong, and I'm so glad that you don't have to worry about DHs interpretation of events any more. It's fantastic that S has pulled through the infection to give you all more time to fill with experiences and memories. And please, please don't worry about talking about all this on the thread, like I said, if anyone doesn't like it they can chuff off to the latest 'i've had sex, could I be pregnant at 2dpo?' thread.

I got the name Mari from the link that LST posted, it's the little Japanese girl. Cuuuute. Can I have her?

No gynae appointment yet, I'm waiting to hear from the hospital. It could be as much as 4 months away. I hope not because I'd really like some answers. I'm certainly not going to whinge, given there are actual pregnant people going through a lot worse, but WAHHH, it sucks!!!

I was thinking about the babysitting thing. Maybe it's a massive shock when you go from nothing to a toddler, the parents have had all the steps in between to get used to it. Maybe.

Also, check out the last post on the 'people who decide not to have children' thread (you may have already seen it). The woman describes sobbing her way through pregnancy and early motherhood because she hated it so much. Blimey. That's one to subdue the ovaries....

The name Mari doesn't sound remotely Japanese, I would never have guessed that.

Weird day today. I was at work but incapable of working and all I want to do is go back to London. Had another nasty (but not as nasty) hypo this morning and DH had to squirt Hypostop gel into my mouth. Am tired now but going to stay up a bit longer so I am really tired (woke up last night and couldn't back to sleep for love nor money, and that was after a Nytol too!)

Four months for you appt? I do hope it's not!

Think you may be right about the nothing to toddler theory, I think people have the same reaction to my dog!

The name Mari doesn't sound remotely Japanese, I would never have guessed that.

Weird day today. I was at work but incapable of working and all I want to do is go back to London. Had another nasty (but not as nasty) hypo this morning and DH had to squirt Hypostop gel into my mouth. Am tired now but going to stay up a bit longer so I am really tired (woke up last night and couldn't back to sleep for love nor money, and that was after a Nytol too!)

Four months for you appt? I do hope it's not!

Think you may be right about the nothing to toddler theory, I think people have the same reaction to my dog!

Poor you, hp - sound like horrible symptoms to me, and doubly unfair as it's not even connected to pregnancy (when at least, all being well, there's something at the end of it - albeit something that fills your life with mess and chaos!). I really hope you get an appointment quickly and they get to the bottom of it - must be really draining to have to deal with it. Electronic .

Sorry about that link. It was deeply sappy. But the opening sequence with the Namibian babies biting each other etc. was a bit funny as well.

How are you, confused? Hope very much you're feeling a little bit rested, and not too far away from things. And hope S is continuing to get stronger. I know it's a temporary and relative 'recovery', but it's great to have a bit of reprieve at this point, and as hp says some more time to share together.

Hmm, it's a bit scary that I've basically never done any babysitting, apart from my nephew for very short periods of time, when he was a young baby so his needs were simple. I should really have put myself through a rigorous 'training' course involving experiencing children of all ages to see whether I really thought I was up to this parenting business. Still, perhaps it's now best to stick my head in the sand until January! I'm a little bit green (possibly no longer news, but still a relief to me!) as my friend was talking about her lovely 5 year old daughter who is really into going to museums (?!) and is a mine of information, and asks questions like 'can anything cut through metal?'. But she's not exactly representative, I suspect.

Hope the rest of the week improves a bit, Eskarina - sounds really tough at the moment. Grey does not sound good. Hopefully the rest of term will race by.

Going to get myself to bed before I get sidetracked by you lovely people too much - I actually managed a very gentle run with a friend this evening (albeit with lots of stopping!), so feel relaxed and sleepy in a good way, rather than just knackered and still full of nervous energy. Though DH is out with wild mates so will no doubt wake me up with drunken crashing around at 1am... (He doesn't do this all that much, to be fair, but I saw him in a pub at 7pm and he already looked quite merry so it's going to be a bit of a mad one I think - yes, I know it's a MONDAY!).

Get him to have one for me, LST! Getting merry sounds wonderful to me at the moment!

Have constructivly now decided to make the most of my dithering time and getting myself a little fitter so along with my friend also ttc am swimming twice a week and walking on weekends so I now feel like im making the most of the time im getting and improving my chances of getting there when I am and hopefully wont need to be so scared when I read about the high BMI stuff I read.

Anyway coli is coming out Wednesday so now the choice is to have the pill or not then so we will see...

Anyone else making any changes just incase?