Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

Also meant to say, the maxidress was so not designed for someone my shape! And while I'd love to have a wardrobe full of frocks, I almost never wear anything other than trousers.

I was so shocked by the size of TCOYF I haven't dared open it (I was expecting something the size of a Penguin paperback). But do any of you have thermometer recommendations? I half-heartedly tried some POAS ov sticks off eBay but never got anything sensible, so I don't want to waste hard-earned cash on an inaccurate thermometer!

Mine is really good, it's from Access Diagnostics (online), only a few quid. It is white with a pink end. Buy two in case one packs up and leaves you caught out. I will post a link tomorrow.

Don't be scared by the size of it, some of it is graph paper and glossary. And use Fertility Friend to plot your data, it's much easier and will calculate your coverline for you.

Night x

Eskarina, being fed up with work can really knock the greenness up. Another of my pretty shallow reasons for TTC was cos I was getting a bit fed up with work / getting to a bit of a career crossroads and maternity leave takes me out of that situation for a bit. I am really looking forward to not being at work for a while and having completely different priorities for a while.

HP I'm still sniggering about your encounter in the supermarket. Very , but Suerock is right, she's have seen loads of people's nether regions so it won't be a big deal to her. If you're still feeling mortified, you might want to check out the Mortifying preganancy stories thread, for stories of far more embarrassing situations.

7 days of EWCM does seem alot, but I don't know if its excessive. I did run to 4 days on the month we got the BFP, but that's the most I ever got. It sounds like you might have too much of whatever hormone it is that produces the EWCM (FSH?). Have they done the day 3 and day 22 blood tests to check your hormone levels?

Suerock I got a thermometer from Boots for about a tenner, which was fine. It was specifically for charting temps for fertility purposes, not a general purpose thermometer. I also got a load of cheap ov sticks off ebay, which did work, but I found I needed to do the temping in order to know when was a reasonable time to try poas. Also, you get to produce some great graphs, which is rather satisfying.

Right, way past my bedtime now, so going to log off now. Night all.

One more thought - I can't remember if you have been to see a doctor at any point, but its worth bearing in mind that if you have been NPP for over a year they can start off with some basic blood tests and suchlike, just to see what is happening. Even having an appointment can work wonders, like for YTD

Thanks, guys, for your thoughts. I would like to point out that it isn't being prayed for per se that I object to - I would absolutely see that as a gift (YTD, wise as ever). And of course I'm enormously grateful that they care. If they, the adults, were doing the praying, I would be touched - as I am and always have been that DH's mum has been praying for us. I think it's that it is via the vehicle of their three year daughter that bothers me - the fact that she's praying for this whole list of stuff she doesn't understand is puzzling at best. I can't quite imagine the scene. But I think as you all so wisely suggest I should assume the best (and accept that I don't understand some of this and have no familiar context to put it in - but that doesn't mean it's in any way bad, quite the opposite most likely). I really appreciate your insights, especially in a sense those who believe - it's really helpful (especially as I'm a) a little out of my depth, and b) subject to pregnancy paranoia!).

I know exactly what you mean, Eskarina - I've felt the same, although I think I fear being at home with no excuse for not tackling the garden, kitchen cupboards, box room etc. almost as much - that's me, career as a displacement activity for housework! (I do do a minimal level of housework, DH and I are not going to die in some hygiene related incident or anything, but I think our house will remain forever a bit shabby...). I really hope the work situation resolves a bit, though, so you can feel free to be green (or not) uncluttered by this. Sounds tough.

Good luck with the charting, Suerock! I didn't get on brilliantly with TCOYF, but partly because my whole CM situation has always seemed a bit haywire so I felt a bit like I was failing. I should have done the temping thing, though - probably a very good place to start.

Poor you re. the doctor, hp! It should of course be just like bumping into one's plumber (?! ), but somehow I can imagine it isn't!

OK, better try and sleep again for a bit as it's some ungodly hour.

Sorry, just realized that 'ungodly' might have seemed like some sort of bad joke or deliberate irreverence with all this talk of religion - wasn't meant to be! Just a turn of phrase.

Am at work early so thought I'd get a quick post in before starting.

Poor LST, up at 5 o'clock in the morning. I hope you got back to sleep ok. I totally know what you mean, the three year olds involvement is totally ridiculous, and I can't believe it's a good idea for her to be told stuff like that.

Suerock, my goodness that would be a change! Won't say too much, but I hope it all works out like you hope. So are you stepping things up on the baby front to try for one before, or after?

I haven't had any blood tests yet, just the examination . I'm hoping the gynae at the hospital will do some stuff. It's a shame actually because I could have had them done during this cycle, before the appointment but she didn't request them.

Hi,
this has to be very brief.
Am in London, and S is dying. Saw him yesterday and was very shocked. He is close to skeletal, on oxygen, his middle is VERY swollen and he is morphined up to the eyeballs. I got the call yesterday and came straight to London.
Am typing this sneakily at a friends where I am staying.
Will type more when I can (bloody phone doesn't let me get onto MN)
Cx

Oh, Confused. Absolutely gutted for you (and him). I can imagine some but not all of what you're going through, but it was a bit more gradual for me when my friend died (it was cancer, can't remember if I said). The shock must be huge.

It's great that you are there and have managed to see him. It must be very hard now, but you will be glad later. Take good care of yourself.

Thinking of you and sending much love. xxx

Oh no, C, how awful. I have no clue what to say, and typing makes it harder, but you know we are all thinking of you and S. I can only try to imagine how you are feeling, you are being amazing and strong.

No matter what happens we are all here, I know you are surrounded by friends and family but if you need us, we are just here. I have a 'HoneyPetal' email account too, if you ever need to write/feel/rant in a less public place.

HP xxxxx

Confused, so sorry to hear that, how awful.

Glad at least that you have the opportunity to spend some time and share some love with S. My thoughts are with you.
x

Just checking in, confused to say thinking of you. As hp says, anytime and anything you feel like saying, we're here. xx

Confused I know I'm new to this thread, but have read your recent posts about S and just wanted to say am thinking of you all x

So sorry to hear that C - I can't imagine what you're going through but take care of yourself, get other people less close to S to take care of you, and try to remember the good times with him. Thinking of you both xx

Hi all,
Drained so sorry for the briefness.

S is stable but very unwell. Seeing him yesterday was like a punch in the stomach. He had the fluid drained today, a mere 4.5 litres, and his feet are very very swollen. Today was better.

He has an incredible extended family and they (our friends from when we lived with each other) are amazing.

non mn email is secrectmumsnetter.co.uk

Deep breaths...

HP i tried to contact you but no luck x 2

Sorry, my fault, I'm [email protected]. Will check all day in case you want to talk, but don't worry if you don't, just do what you feel you want to.

Iv just woken up but had to check to see if you'd managed to get back online.

I hope you managed to get a bit of sleep. Yesterday must have been so hard. I hope S is more comfortable now.

Better go, I'm not making much sense. Thinking of you, C. xxx

Oh C, just logged on and seen your news. How awful. This is going to be a torrid time for you. But at least you are there. As LST said, this is awful now, but you will be glad that you are there. Be as strong as you can.

I hope S is being kept as comfortable as possible. Look after yourself so that you can look after him. Thinking of you. xxx

Sounds a fraction more positive, Confused (though I know it's relative at this stage) - but really glad he's stable and a bit better at least. Must be absolutely gut-wrenching for you. You may not get this now but if you do, all the very best for today. It's great that you have wonderful people around you - I'm sure they are thinking exactly the same about you. It's also really good that you've all been able to take this time to be with him and each other. xxx

must be brief but am on [email protected]

can't check MN much but can look on phone for emails.

thanks everyone.

off to hospital now x

Confused I'm so sorry. What a terrible blow. Hope you are ok.

Hi all,

He has perked up quite a lot and has been cracking jokes. He has had his medication increased so is on diamorphine every couple of hours, but is now quite with it. It's a tough bugger! Like LST said, its all relative at this stage but it is more positive. He even washed his face and armpits today, an activity that took him the best part of an hour and left him exhausted!

Well done, S. What heroes, both of you.

Hello,
Last night must have been the worst nights sleep I have ever had! I was starting to wish I could be knocked out with diamorphine too! Finally dropped off sometime after 2am only to wake up with the most severe hypo I ever think I've had (apart from another time when me and S had come back from India and I weighed eight and a half stone) - I couldn't move properly and nor could I work out for ages where I was. Thankfully some adrenalin must have kicked in and brought me round a a bit and I remembered I had a flapjack thing in my bag. Scary stuff! The hypo made me sweat buckets so my pajamas were soacked and I changed my top but had no spare bottoms, so I was freezing and lying awake for ages.

There has been a small development re S. He has now been stabilised, which means the insurance company won't pay for him to stay at the hospital / hotel for longer than neccessary. Instead he has two choices - home or hospice. I think he is opting for home where he'll still have 24 nursing and will have to have his room kitted out but he seems to be more keen on that idea than being in a hospice. The consultant said that it is amazing he survived the infection but also added this is certainly his last month at the very most.

We are now going to try and pack as much as possible into that month - the party he is organising will be brought forward in both venue and date to possibly next weekend and we are going to see what else he'd like while he is still with it (he's not really mobile so trips out and about aren't likely.)

Lastly, god knows how I am going to afford it but I'm going to have to. I also was told, in the nicest possible way, that my contract is finishing on the 25th June so I will be jobless from then too. Super.

Bloody hell, C, that must have been scary, especially in the middle of the night. Good job you remembered about the flapjack. Do you have to keep an extra eye on your glucose levels for a few days now?

I'm so glad that S has fought off the infection, but of course it's very sad to hear the prognosis. Bringing the party forward sounds like a great idea. I hope he can stay at home supported by the nursing, if that's what he wants. I'm sure that all the support and care from you, his friends and family means a lot to him.

And sorry to hear that your contract is up, as well. Is there no chance of an extention - I assume not if they haven't mentioned it yet. I know how you feel, the same has happened to me a couple of times in the last few years. Do you have anything in mind, lined up at all?

Hello to everyone else, hope all are well. Bit if a manly day here, and lots if sport on the TV for DH, so a quiet one for us.