Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

Cute. Very cute.

Yep, Quodlibet - Ebay! (Am addicted...)

La Redoute is quite good for cheapish basics too

Like this too. Not a million miles away from the dresses on the Belle and Bunty site (although, alas, not silk.)

As we may have very differet tastes etc I'll stop posting till I get some yay or nay's from you about what I posted so far

That summer dress is so lovely, the pattern is gorgeous. I love the shape of 50s stuff, esp the poofy skirts.

OMG, I love the wartime style one - perfect!!

I am guessing you are quite girlie? More poofy than fitted...?

ps which summer dress? the green one or the last one, the blue printed one?

Cross post!

Bid on the wartime one. Immediately.

I think it's a bit big in the, er, boob department. Alas, I very much doubt I'd fill a 34-36" chest!!

Right. Tomorrow night I will set up an eBay account and have a go at a bid.

You might like this one too then

(the patterned summer dress)

I can tell you work in fashion/weddings, you have a real eye for stuff, and you managed to suss nit only my size and shape, but my taste, in about four posts!!

Arse. 'out' not 'nit'. Stupid iPod spell corrector.

With the right accessories this could look fabulous. The key is to make it quirky rather than frumpy (which is easily done with a lot of vintage)

Okay then - night!

Ohhh, that last one is my favourite. So lovely.

Yes, I'm off to bed now as well, thanks loads for all the fashion tips!

Night. x

The blue silk one? I like that one too (but am too fat...) And it's silk so ought to hang beautifully.

Crying out for a long string of bead(s) and some wedge heels.

Perhaps even a hat of some kind

Anytime! Night! x

Have now stayed up way past my bedtime looking at 1950s style wedding dresses. They are gorgeous!

Wrote the below a few hours ago before all the sartorial posts - you folk have so much style... Anyway, it said:

Aww, you guys...

I promise I will seriously consider the name Honey Petal Sparkle Pants Stubbs-Tears, for either sex, though I fear as hp intimated that I may have to find a way into the public eye (and the pages of Heat/OK/Now) for this to be a legitimate name for my child.

I did mean to post a bit earlier than I did, but we had a rather farcical drive through the countryside on leaving the clinic trying to find a tea room or somewhere to process things away from the poor IVFers at the clinic who probably didn't want beaming people in their faces (managed to nearly get onto the wrong slip road onto the A14 and up country lanes that didn't go anywhere and all sorts of nonsense) and then my computer decided to pack up temporarily when I got home.

There really isn't anything else to tell about the scan - all the nurses very smiley and lovely because I'm (at the moment at least) a success story! Internal dildo-type thing put up me (slightly odder than usual with DH there!), a bit of wiggling, and then an image of the uterus a little floating bean with a yolk sac (looking for all the world like a head - but not so) attached. And a little flickering in the bean - the heart going nineteen to the dozen. They've given me a print-off but it really looks like nothing at all at this stage. But the beating was quite exciting. Right size for its 'age'; womb lining etc. all looking v. good (should be as I'm still using the bloody progesterone suppositories every night...). Was this the kind of detail? Sorry it's basically so dull (and probably TMI)!

Spent the day speaking to A's family (there are quite a few of them). Generally lovely; one cause of annoyance/dismay. Apparently one of his sisters' children had apparently added to her list of nightly prayers for the last few weeks (obviously at her mother or father's instruction as she's THREE) praying for 'DH and LST's baby' [insert appropriate names!]. I think I find this problematic because A) I never even told this sister about the IVF, and B) is it really sensible to tell a child about an - as far as they knew - non-existent baby (and C) it's none of any of their business). Gave me a slightly odd feeling that all the whole huge clan have been talking about this (and praying about it - which I'm afraid in my heathen state I find a bit strange/inappropriate). I don't know - maybe this is actually very kind and lovely?? What do people think? AMIBU, I guess?! (The fact that they also prayed for 'atheist uncle DH' is far more objectionable, perhaps, but is perhaps a separate issue - or is it some kind of joke??). All a bit weird - but perhaps only to me, as a v. secular person, and I should be grateful rather than wary. Any thoughts gratefully received!

Anyway, this is far more tedious than lovely dresses, sorry! All good in general - DH is being really nice, and was genuinely excited about telling his family.

LST That really is great news. I've had a crappy morning with loads of public transport problems but reading your message has put a smaile on my face.

LST lovely news about the scan. How many weeks are you now? I suppose with an early scan there isn't much to see as HPSPST is probably still a bit tadpoley at this stage. What's the scanning schedule for IVF babies? Do you have them more often than the regular routine (i.e. 12 and 20 weeks)? So pleased that your DH is excited. Babies are really a two person job and it will be so much easier with your DH being an enthusiastic participant.

Re the three year old's prayers, I think you are right to be a bit and about it. I'm a God-botherer myself, so wouldn't have any problem with people praying for you in general (I did / do it myself) as, if you do believe in God, then praying for those people you care about and who are in particular need is natural and inevitable. But I think I'd be a bit put out about a 3 year old being told about your IVF - its a bit of a tricky concept for a child that young to grasp. Also, I can understand you being a bit put out about everyone knowing about it, particualarly when you haven't really let people know.

Obviously, I am biased, cos I do believe in God and consequenly I don't think praying is that wierd (although I totally understand that most people do find it a bit odd, so do get why you are uncomfortable with it) so my opinions will be skewed accordingly. I think it's probably better to take the good from the situation, which is that lots of people care about you and your situation. It's kind of like being given a gift that you don't have any real use for - you can shelve the actual gift, but appreciate the motivation of the giver.

But yes, praying is all a bit wierd and I can understand why it would make you feel uneasy. Really its people talking about you on a cosmic scale!

Anyway, don't want to hijack the thread with theology, but just wante to chuck my two penn'orth in.

On a completely unrelated note, last night's sartorial discussion had me heading ebay-wards. I have now put bids on a couple of Isabella Oliver maternity tops and a dress. I may attempt to be elegant as well as bumpy!

Just got in from work, but mega-quick post to say....I'm mortified.

I just popped to the supermarket, and was wandering down the aisles and who did I see but my doctor who just had her hand and miners lamp up my foof!!!!

Our eyes met, slightly widened as we realised who the other was, and I shuffled off, red faced.

back later for more God and shopping....

Oh HP - I can understand your blushes! But she probably sees peoples' nether regions all the time and had quite forgotten yours, if that helps at all....

Anyway, you lot have been posting masses, and I've only been offline a few days this time! LST - great news about the scan, I had a big smile on my face after reading your last post, so thankyou for making my day You might have posted this and I've missed it, but have you told family and close friends yet?

As for the broodiness update, well, I'm not thinking about babies much, I can't see myself pregnant, I don't relish the prospect of a big move with a squalling infant tucked under my arm, and if Plan A doesn't work, I will bugger my career by getting pregnant. But it's kind of now or never, so it all comes back to the old question of how much effort I want to go to to make it happen. So, I have bought a copy of TCOYF (bet DH regetted asking what was in that box from Amazon) and will try (maybe) and be a bit more proactive, even though I don't fancy the short term consequences. I've been a bit vague but don't want to risk too much identifying info out here. But I'll try and write something more specific against a cardigan photo IYSWIM!

Rightio Suerock, gottcha, will await further cardigan-wrapped info. Sounds like big things are underway, and that's just the size of TCOYF! I'd be interested to hear how you get on with charting, if you decide to go for it. I really love it, and it's helping hugely as my cycles have gone squiffy. Plus, the graphs are ace! I will be taking mine with me to the hospital.

I'm still cringing. She totally recognised me. Without saying too much, I tend to stand out down here because of my accent. Urgh.

Loved hearing about the scan, LST. It won't actually be long until the next one, I think? The praying thing is a tricky one. For me, it's not so much that they were praying for you, it's the way they then told you, and the little girls involvement is ridiculous. Why she being told anything about you, MrLST and your baby stuff is utterly beyond me. However, after YSTs analogy of a gift you don't need but appreciate that the giver wants to give it, I think I understand the praying a bit more. So, to summarise, if they have a strong faith and want to send good vibes and prayers in your direction, all well and good, but the comments and discussions are the bit that makes me uncomfortable.

I hope you win your eBay maternity stuff, YTD. You will have a beautifully dressed bump!

Cripes I'm sleepy. I'm on day 13 and feel sick. Also, I've been thinking about YTDs musings that my hormones are on overdrive. Ok. Does anyone think that seven straight days of EWCM is a bit much? Maybe?

YTD what a lovely way to think about prayers for others (the gift on a shelf). Another God-botherer over here and I always end up feeling awkward about praying for friends if they haven't asked for it. I found that a very helpful picture to think of. Thank you.

Current broodiness update - going back after half term has not helped. Instead of getting all career orientated again I've ended up feeling broody just being round my class (they're only 3&4, just babies really). Plus am not enjoying other aspects of work this week and actually commented to DH that if I were on maternity leave/had given up to be SAHM then I wouldn't have to deal with everything that's stressing me out! His wise words were that we would't want a baby to be tarred with the stress I'm currently going through. But still fairly green today at least.